40+ Ways to Deal With Someone Who Hurt You Emotionally

Dealing with someone who has hurt you emotionally is never easy. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or partner, their actions can leave you feeling hurt and unsure of how to move forward.

Should you confront them? Distance yourself? Or try to forgive and move on? These are tough choices that can leave you feeling stuck and unsure of how to heal.

It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions—anger, sadness, confusion—but the important thing is figuring out how to handle these feelings in a healthy way. But you don’t have to navigate this alone.

In this article, I’ll walk you through simple, practical steps to help you cope and heal. What’s the best way to protect your heart while still keeping relationships that matter? Let’s dive in and find out.

Recognize the Offense for What It Is

It’s important to identify the specific action or words that caused the pain. Maybe someone broke a promise, said something hurtful, or dismissed your feelings.

Next, be honest with yourself about the impact. It’s easy to downplay what happened—telling yourself it wasn’t a big deal or that you’re just being sensitive. But doing this won’t help you heal.

For example, if a close friend made a joke that felt more like an insult, don’t brush it off. Acknowledge that it hurts because it matters to you. You’re allowed to feel pain, even if others might not see the situation the same way.

It also helps you decide your next steps. Do you need to talk to the person about it, or is it better to step back for a while? Knowing what hurt you allows you to set boundaries and make decisions that protect your well-being.

Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

It’s completely normal to feel a range of emotions after being hurt. Sadness, anger, frustration, confusion—they’re all valid.

Give yourself the space to experience these feelings fully. Think of it like letting the emotions out instead of bottling them up. If you feel like crying, that’s okay. If you’re angry, let yourself feel that too. Pushing these emotions away can only make them stronger over time.

Allowing yourself to feel is part of healing. When you let yourself feel, you begin to understand your emotions better and can start to let them go. Consider simple actions like writing in a journal, talking to a friend, or even just sitting quietly and acknowledging your feelings.

Take Time for Self-Reflection

Self-reflection helps you understand not only the situation but also your own feelings and reactions.

Ask yourself questions like:

“Why did this hurt me so much?”
“What part of this situation is troubling me the most?”
“What can I learn from this experience?”

You might find that some emotions are stronger than others or that certain aspects of the situation continue to bother you. This practice can provide clarity and allow you to see the situation from different angles, which is crucial for healing.

Remember, self-reflection is a process. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers right away. The goal is to understand yourself better and figure out what you need moving forward.

Communicate Your Feelings Clearly

Once you’ve recognized the hurt and allowed yourself to feel the emotions that come with it, it’s time to talk about it. Sharing your feelings can help clear the air and give the other person a chance to understand your perspective.

Choose the right moment. A heated argument is not the ideal time for deep emotional revelations. Find a quiet time when both of you are calm and there’s a better chance of being heard.

Use “I” statements to express how you feel. This helps keep the focus on your emotions rather than accusing the other person. For example, say, “I felt hurt when…” instead of “You hurt me by….” This makes the conversation less confrontational and more about expressing.

Remember, effective communication also involves listening. Be open to hearing the other person’s side of the story—they might not even realize they hurt you, or there might be a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up.

Take a Step Back From the Situation

When you’re emotionally hurt, it’s easy to get caught up in the intensity of your feelings. Taking a step back from the situation can give you the space you need to gain perspective and clarity.

This doesn’t mean ignoring what happened or pretending it didn’t affect you. Instead, give yourself some distance to process your emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

Consider taking a walk, spending time on a hobby, or simply giving yourself a few days to reflect before deciding your next steps. This pause can provide the mental and emotional space you need to approach the situation with a clearer mind and a calmer heart.

"Questions to ask yourself include the following:

Who is this person? Is this your father? Your partner? A co-worker? A random person at the bar? Depending on how close this person is to your inner circle will affect how you deal with the situation.

Is this worth your time and energy? Based on who this person is, it might not be worth your time and energy to do anything about it. 

Take, for instance, the barista at your local coffee shop who was disrespectful and rude. You may say a short piece about how they were rude and disrespectful and leave it at that.

If it was your best friend, it's a different story because you might want to keep them in your life. If you do, you'll need to put more time and energy into dealing with this issue.

How do you feel about the experience? Put a name to the emotions you are feeling. You can be red hot or frustrated, or sad. You can feel a million different emotions, and that is okay. Every emotion you feel is normal and natural.

Finally, move forward. After you've taken a step back, processed the experience and your emotions, and had a conversation with the person who hurt you, it's time to move forward.

It takes time to process emotions. It may take time to move forward."

— Chris Rabanera, LMFT | Licensed Online Therapist | Founder, The Base EQ

Set Healthy Boundaries with the Other Person

After an emotional hurt, it’s essential to define what behaviors you can and cannot tolerate. This might mean asking the other person to respect your feelings, space, or even your need for less communication.

Setting healthy boundaries is essential when someone has hurt you emotionally. Boundaries are about protecting your emotional well-being and ensuring you feel safe in your relationships. They aren’t about punishing the other person but about clearly communicating your needs and limits.

Here are some steps to help you set boundaries:

Identify what needs to change: Think about the specific actions or behaviors that hurt you and what you need to feel safe and respected.
Communicate your boundaries clearly: Let the other person know what you expect going forward. Be direct but kind in your communication.
Be consistent: Once you set a boundary, stick to it. Consistency shows that you’re serious about your needs and helps others understand your limits.

If someone continually crosses your boundaries, it might be a sign that you need to reassess the relationship. Healthy boundaries are key to maintaining respect and understanding in any relationship, especially after emotional hurt.

"The thing about firm boundaries is you have to be ready to enforce them.

An example might be: "Jill, yesterday at lunch, you made fun of something I said in front of our friends. I have told you this hurts my feelings. Next time you do this, I will take a break from this friendship and will not be going to lunch with you."

This gives this person a chance to change their behavior but also sets a clear expectation for this person of what will happen if change does not happen. This is where it is very important for you to uphold this boundary."

— Bethany Webb, LCSW-C | Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Grounded Roots Therapy and Consulting, LLC

Limit Contact if Necessary

Sometimes, the best way to heal is to take a real break from the person who hurt you. Limiting contact gives you the space to heal without constant reminders of the hurt. This might mean taking a break from seeing them in person, stopping phone calls, or even muting them on social media. It’s okay to put your well-being first.

Consider limiting contact if:

You feel overwhelmed or anxious after interactions with them.
The person continues to disrespect your boundaries.
You need time to focus on your healing without their influence.

Decide how much contact is too much based on how you feel after interactions. It’s important to listen to your emotional responses and adjust your contact level accordingly.

Limiting contact can be a temporary measure or a more permanent one, depending on how things evolve.

Take Responsibility for Your Emotional Well-Being

Taking responsibility for your emotional health doesn’t mean you caused the emotional hurt—it means you’re taking charge of your recovery. It’s about recognizing that only you can manage your feelings and responses moving forward. Here’s how you can start:

Acknowledge your feelings: Accept that your emotions are valid, and give yourself permission to feel them fully.
Avoid blaming others: While it’s important to recognize who or what caused your pain, dwelling on blame can prevent you from moving forward.
Focus on what you can control: You can’t change other people’s actions, but you can control how you react to them and how you take care of yourself afterward.

This proactive approach empowers you to control your healing process and not wait for someone else to make the first move. It’s about taking small, daily actions that accumulate to big changes in how you feel and react.

Focus on Your Healing Process

It’s important not to rush this process or let others dictate when you should be “over it.” Healing is personal, and everyone’s timeline is different. This might mean setting aside time each day to reflect, relax, or indulge in self-care that helps you feel centered and at peace.

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Part of healing might involve setting specific goals, like achieving a better understanding of your emotional triggers or learning how to communicate more effectively about your feelings. It might also mean revisiting painful emotions occasionally to process them fully.

Remember, healing is not linear. There will be good days and bad days, and that’s completely normal. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and be patient with yourself as you navigate through this process.

Engage in Self-Care Practices

Self-care can take many forms—physical, emotional, and mental health. It’s necessary for maintaining your well-being, especially after experiencing pain or trauma.

Some simple self-care practices include:

Physical care: Exercise, eat nutritious foods, and get enough sleep. Physical health impacts emotional well-being, so taking care of your body is essential.
Emotional care: Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, like reading a book, listening to music, or practicing mindfulness and meditation.
Social care: Spend time with people who uplift and support you. Positive social interactions can help you feel connected and valued.

Remember, self-care is personal—what works for one person might not work for another. Explore different self-care activities and stick to those that help you feel balanced and rejuvenated.

Establish New Routines to Distract and Heal

New routines provide a sense of stability and normalcy, which can be comforting during challenging times. They can also help you shift your focus away from negative thoughts and onto more positive, productive activities.

Morning routines: Start your day with something positive, like a short meditation, a healthy breakfast, or a quick workout. Setting a positive tone for the day can improve your mood and mindset.
Daily habits: Incorporate activities into your daily routine that make you feel good, such as reading, gardening, or cooking. Consistent, enjoyable activities can help fill your days with a sense of purpose and joy.
Evening routines: Wind down with calming activities before bed, like stretching, journaling, or listening to soothing music. A peaceful evening routine can help you sleep better and feel more rested.

Over time, these new habits can reinforce a sense of control and personal growth, which are both critical in overcoming emotional distress.

Journal Your Thoughts and Feelings

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you understand them better and identify patterns in your reactions. It’s a private space where you can be completely honest without fear of judgment.

Tips for effective journaling:

Write regularly: Set aside time each day or week to journal. Consistency can help you track your emotional progress and reflect on your growth.
Be honest: Don’t worry about spelling or grammar—focus on expressing yourself freely and openly. The goal is to get your thoughts and emotions out on paper.
Reflect on your entries: Occasionally, look back at what you’ve written. This can help you see how far you’ve come and identify areas where you might still need healing.

Journaling can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions and understand your experiences more deeply. It’s a simple yet effective practice that supports emotional healing and self-discovery.

Practice Mindfulness and Stay Present

Mindfulness involves being fully aware of your current thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment. It helps you avoid getting stuck in negative emotions by bringing your focus back to the here and now.

Mindfulness also means accepting your emotions as they come, observing them without trying to immediately change or dismiss them. This acceptance can lead to a deeper understanding of why certain things hurt you and what triggers your emotional responses.

You don’t have to meditate for hours to reap the benefits. Even a few minutes a day can significantly improve your emotional resilience and outlook. The key is consistency and allowing yourself to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine gradually.

Reconnect with Your Support System

Don’t hesitate to reach out and share your feelings with those you trust. Sometimes, just knowing that you’re not alone in your experiences can bring immense relief.

Ways to reconnect with your support system:

Reach out: Don’t hesitate to call, text, or visit friends and family members. Even a simple chat can make a big difference in how you feel.
Join group activities: Participate in social activities, like a group dinner or a book club. Being around others can help distract you from negative thoughts and bring some joy back into your life.
Share your feelings: Be open about what you’re experiencing. Your support system can’t help if they don’t know what you’re going through. Sometimes, just sharing your story can be incredibly healing.

Leaning on your support system can provide emotional relief and remind you of the positive relationships in your life, which is important for healing.

Seek Support From a Therapist

Sometimes, emotional hurt is too much to bear on one’s own, and that’s okay. Seeking support is a proactive step toward taking care of your emotional well-being and finding a path to healing that works best for you.

A therapist provides a safe and confidential space where you can express your feelings freely, explore your emotions deeply, and gain professional guidance on how to manage and move past the pain.

Therapy can help you uncover underlying issues that may be contributing to your emotional pain, such as past traumas or unresolved conflicts. With their expertise, therapists can guide you through various coping mechanisms and therapeutic techniques tailored to your needs.

"Marriage and family therapists are a great resource for assistance. Urgent family therapists are trained in systemic communication and the dynamics behind faulty communication patterns.

Help, however, is not limited to marriage and family therapists.

Psychologists, social workers, and mental health counselors can help individuals develop self-care plans, improve communication, and learn how to meet their emotional needs."

— Dr. Jay Serle, LMFT, Ph.D | Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist | Clinical Director, The Ohana Luxury Alcohol Rehab

Avoid Retaliation or Holding Grudges

When someone hurts you, it’s natural to feel anger or resentment. However, holding onto these feelings or seeking revenge can often do more harm than good.

Retaliation might bring temporary satisfaction, but it often prolongs the pain and can escalate conflicts. Instead, focusing on healing and moving forward can free you from the cycle of negativity. Holding grudges, similarly, keeps you tethered to the past and to the pain. It can be a heavy emotional burden, one that only you feel.

Letting go of the need for retaliation or a grudge doesn’t mean excusing the other person’s behavior. It simply means choosing to focus on your peace and well-being instead.

Forgive for Your Peace, Not Theirs

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean letting someone off the hook—it means you’re choosing to release the hold it has on your emotions. This act is more about freeing yourself from the lingering anger and resentment than it is about absolving the other person.

Think of forgiveness as a gift to yourself—a way to find peace and closure, regardless of the other person’s actions or reactions. It allows you to move forward without the heavy weight of unresolved emotions.

Sometimes, writing a letter that you never send or simply speaking your forgiveness out loud can help solidify this decision, making it a definitive part of your healing process. Remember, forgiveness is a personal journey and doesn’t require you to reconcile with the person who hurt you.

Decide if the Relationship Is Worth Saving

Deciding whether to save a relationship after being hurt is a personal decision. This decision depends on several factors, including the nature of the offense, the person’s response, and your own feelings about the relationship.

Was the offense a one-time mistake or a recurring issue? If it’s a pattern of behavior, it might be harder to rebuild trust.
Has the person shown genuine remorse? Apologies are important, but actions showing change and understanding are more meaningful.
Does the relationship bring more positive than negative into your life? Weigh the pros and cons of maintaining the relationship versus letting it go.

If you decide that the relationship is worth another chance, set clear expectations and boundaries moving forward to help prevent future conflicts. If, however, you conclude that it’s healthier to let go, do so with the understanding that ending the relationship is a step toward your well-being.

Either way, this decision is about what’s best for you, and it should be made with your happiness and peace of mind as priorities.

Reflect on What You Can Learn From the Experience

Every painful experience, including emotional hurt, can offer valuable lessons if you take the time to reflect on it. While it’s natural to want to forget a painful event, looking back with the intention of learning can help you grow and make better decisions in the future.

Things to reflect on:

What did this experience teach you about yourself? Maybe you learned about your own boundaries or realized something important about your needs in relationships.
How can you protect yourself better in the future? Reflecting on what happened can help you recognize red flags and set clearer boundaries next time.
What positive changes can you make moving forward? Use the experience as a catalyst for personal growth, whether that means practicing more self-care, improving communication, or choosing healthier relationships.

This kind of self-awareness is invaluable and can lead to more fulfilling and healthy interactions in all areas of your life.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I know if I should confront the person who hurt me?

Confronting the person can be helpful if you believe it will lead to a constructive conversation and healing. If the person is open to listening and resolving the issue, it might be worth discussing.

However, if they are likely to dismiss your feelings or escalate the situation, you may want to reconsider or approach the conversation with caution.

What if the person doesn’t apologize or acknowledge the hurt they caused?

It’s important to focus on your own healing. You can still set boundaries and take care of your emotional well-being without their validation. Remember, you don’t need their apology to begin healing and moving forward.

How long does it take to heal from emotional hurt?

Healing from emotional hurt varies for everyone. It can take days, weeks, or even longer, depending on the depth of the hurt and your personal coping mechanisms. Be patient with yourself and allow the healing process to unfold at its own pace.

Can I forgive someone without rebuilding the relationship?

Yes, you can forgive someone without rebuilding the relationship. Forgiveness is about letting go of resentment and finding peace within yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to continue the relationship, especially if it’s not healthy for you.

Final Thoughts

As you apply the steps we’ve discussed, remember that healing is a journey, not a quick fix. Be kind to yourself—it takes time, self-care, and sometimes, reaching out for help.

Above all, keep in mind that you deserve to feel happy and respected in your relationships. Taking action to heal and protect your emotional well-being is a powerful step towards a healthier, more fulfilling life. Remember, each small step you take is a part of crafting a stronger you.

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