Arrogance vs Confidence – What Are the Key Differences?

Confidence:

• Confidence often appears as straight posture, eye contact, can make decisions easily, short in speech, friendly, open, inviting and intimidating, commands the room through inner presence.
• The person has a humility about them – they are not trying to be better than someone else or look like they are right at the expense of someone.
• Requires vulnerability.
• The person is self-aware, they know themselves – their strengths, their potential weaknesses, their triggers, their automatic perceptions.
• This person is comfortable with themselves and is not afraid to be incorrect or perceived as not being right or being wrong.
• This person wants to learn from others.
• This person is self-assured while knowing someone else might have a better idea, they leave room for those other voices to be heard.
• This behavior leaves space for diverse voices to be heard, for creativity and innovation to emerge.
• This voice listens more than talks.
• Confidence is inwardly focused and behavior-driven.

Related: Why is Self Confidence Important?

Arrogance:

• Arrogance often appears as straight posture, eye contact (to intimidate), big personality, loud, overbearing, cutting down others, making fun of others.
• Exaggerated or inflated sense of ability, i.e. knowing better than anyone else or know it all.
• This person’s behavior shuts down the conversation, diverse voices, creativity, and innovation.
• In reality, this behavior often masks the actual lack of confident feeling or fearful feeling.
• This overpowering, often big behavior is often covering the intense discomfort someone has with themselves or their abilities.
• The fear of an arrogant behaving person is that someone will find out they are a fraud.
• Often treating others poorly to make themselves look better
• Focus is on their voice, versus others. This person talks a lot and doesn’t do much listening.
• Arrogance is outwardly focused and behavior-driven.

Confidence can appear or exhibit like Arrogance when:

• Confident behaviors are pushed too far (similar to overusing a strength can become a weakness).
• When one is under stress the above can happen more easily – one loses the ability to control reaction under stress and resorts to more automatic behavior.
• At any time, even on a good day to anyone whose self-confidence might be low confidence behaviors can be perceived as arrogance.

In a confident leader, Arrogance can sometimes be referred to Confidence on a bad day – especially when under pressure or stress. In a stressful situation, a confident leader may be tempted to want to overly control the situation, focus intently on the outcome only, and can resort to telling versus asking behaviors.

If you are a confident leader in a stressful situation to keep your confidence in check do:

• Take 1-2 minutes to slow, deep breathing. This will allow you to distribute the flood of chemicals such as cortisol into your system so you can control your response/words/actions.
• Acknowledge your thoughts and perceptions. What are you assuming right now?
• Bring yourself back into reality. Use your 5 senses to identify what really happened or is happening.
• Involve others on your team.
• After the first 4 steps, determine the best short-term action step.

Confident people live in the real world while arrogant people live in fantasy

It all comes down to resilience. The confident person goes into a new or unfamiliar situation knowing that no matter how things turn out, they’ll be okay. Because they’ve had experiences of being supported and loved even when they fail, they have a solid core of resilience and can bounce back from most things without a problem.

Essentially, they’ll remain a whole person who is worth even if they don’t always succeed at everything they do.

The arrogant person, on the other hand, likely has never had the experience of failing—not because they haven’t been bad at something, but because they’ve never interpreted it that way. Instead, they have a tendency to blame everyone and everything but themselves.

Because of this, arrogant people go into unfamiliar situations expecting to succeed and to shine, even if they may not have the skills necessary for this.

They convince themselves they’re impervious to failure, and if they stumble, it’s inevitably because someone else placed an obstacle directly in their path, rather than because they weren’t looking where they were going.

Confident people also know when to accept validation from others for their accomplishments, which builds even more healthy confidence. Arrogant people, on the other hand, demand this validation without necessarily having the corresponding accomplishments.

Arrogance is embedded in the human personality. One of the primary functions of the personality structure is as a coping and protection mechanism.

It served an important role in our early years as we unconsciously developed defenses which seemingly could prevent us from experiencing the inevitable pain that comes with being a sensitive little one who picked up the spoken and unspoken, the seen and unseen elements of our environments.

Going through the stages of development as youth and adults, that protective shield became the basis for our identity—for how we know ourselves.

Arrogance stems from a false form of self-worth

Regardless of one’s specific personality ‘type,’ arrogance is built into self-image, even if it’s quite subtle. For example, a person whose identity is centered around being helpful will have an inner story based on being ‘more helpful’ than others. For another person whose identity is based on being strong and powerful, there’s an inherent sense of being more strong and powerful than others.

From the perspective of the Enneagram, there are nine prominent variations of self-identity, each which gets played out in the interpersonal space, at least until the individual becomes conscious of this ‘arrogance’ dynamic and begins the process of releasing it.

Even then, because arrogance comes from a deeply ingrained form of egoic protection that insists that one is ‘better than’ or ‘more entitled’ than someone else, healing it requires considerable and ongoing inner work. Arrogance, then, stems from a false form of self-worth.

Confidence can also be part of one’s ego-based identity, although many who put on a face of confidence, when feeling safe, may admit privately that self-doubt and fear lurk not far from the surface.

Not everyone naturally feels confident, yet showing confidence is a high priority espoused in Western society, especially in certain social and business sectors. Thus, a plethora of books and trainings are aimed at teaching people confidence-building skills.

Such phrases as ‘look the part,’ and ‘just act confident even if you don’t feel it,’ are part of the lexicon with the intent of making the ego or the personality look better. In some quarters, it is the basis for acceptance.

Confidence is rooted in inner experience of the authentic self

But there’s another dimension to confidence. It is rooted in inner experience of the authentic self. Those who experience this quality of confidence generally have developed a vital relationship to the inherent forms of intelligence that have become recognized over the last couple of decades. These include the belly center and the heart center, both of which have been found by neuro-scientists to have their own brain matter.

Having direct contact with one’s body intelligence and heart intelligence supports the quieting of the otherwise ever- busy mind. This more essential quality of confidence is distinctive from the ego-created version. You can feel it. This form of confidence has nothing to prove.

Arrogance and confidence are both related to a person’s perception of their own self-worth but there’s an important distinction

An arrogant person believes that their worthiness can only be measured in comparison to someone else and they only have worth if they are “better than” or superior to someone else. A confident person recognizes that their worthiness is innate regardless of how good someone else is.

A confident person approaches every situation with the expectation of a positive outcome. They believe that the pie can be expanded when everyone shows up fully.

In contrast, an arrogant person believes in a zero-sum game meaning that for them to win someone else needs to lose. For them to be worthy, someone else needs to be deemed unworthy or less than worthy.

In reality, an arrogant person is more insecure than what they project whereas a confident person knows that their self-worth is consistent regardless of anyone else around them.

Arrogance and confidence are not the same things although some may think that they are. There is a definite distinction.

Confidence is believing in yourself and your abilities, but arrogance is believing that you are better than everyone else

Confidence (unlike arrogance) is great- it means that you are able to put yourself out there and go for new opportunities because you believe in your skills and talents. When you are arrogant, on the other hand, you may be overly confident and believe that you can do things that are beyond your ability or expertise (to the detriment of others).

Everyone should strive to become confident, while, at the same time, guard against becoming arrogant. Even though you may be well accomplished and educated, you should never let that fact go to your head.

There is always more to uncover- you can learn from everyone- no one person has all the answers or is good at everything.

We live in a diverse world where multiple ideas and opinions should be embraced. Be confident but open and you will have the right level of self-esteem to be successful.

Confidence is based on what we factually can do while arrogance is prideful boasting about what we want to do

There are two questions to ask if you are not sure if you are being confident or arrogant:

Can you do what you are saying you can do?

If you can, then you are on your way to being confident. This fits within reality. Michael Phelps – the Olympic swimmer and arguably the best athlete to date – is not being arrogant when he says he can swim well. That fits with reality and what he can factually do.

Someone who barely swims is being arrogant to claim they swim well. Saying they can swim well doesn’t fit reality.

Are you humble about what you are talking about?

If so, you are probably confident and not arrogant. When we know we can do something, there is nothing to prove. We don’t need to show off or broadcast what we do, we just do it. And that is confidence.

If we have to keep telling others or showing off, we are trying to prove how good we are. This is probably because we know we aren’t that good. And acting like we are is arrogance.

Additionally, confidence is earned by consistently doing new, challenging, or difficult things until we can do them well. When we can to well at something that was new, challenging, or difficult and are humble about it, we can answer both questions 1 and 2 above “yes”.

There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence, which leads many to misunderstand how they are different from one another. The subtle difference between arrogance and confidence is motivation, intention, and consequence.

Arrogance is motivated by the desire to be seen

The desire to be the center of attention fulfills arrogance. To be seen digs into the superficial. Focusing on what others will think of you based on how you present to the world is a page of the arrogance handbook. This is also why most people often describe arrogance as insecurity.

The intention of arrogance is to be elevated above and beyond everyone else

When arrogance enters the room, it speaks to say, “Everything I do and represent is elevated above others”. This upper crust approach often leads to the consequence of arrogance which makes others feel less than.

Although all of these attributes build on one another creating a depth to arrogance, all three are not required to meet the criteria of being arrogant. I may add that being arrogant isn’t inherently ‘bad’, it can be a mood that is influenced by stress.

Confidence is motivated by the desire to be heard

To be heard focuses on the quality of what you have to offer. When we want to feel more confident, we provide ourselves an opportunity to clarify our message and intention, so that others can understand us.

The intention of confidence is to feel comfortable in your own skin

We want to feel good about ourselves and release the self-doubt that says ” I must care what people think before I act”. The consequence of confidence is being an inspiration. When others compliment you for ‘being brave’, instead of being offended, truly take that as a compliment, what it truly means is, your confidence inspired me.

There is a certain level of awareness that comes along with recognizing the difference between arrogance and confidence, so if someone says to you, ‘that’s a bit arrogant’ or ‘I admire your confidence’, reflect back and consider what is your motivation, intention and consequence to your statement or action.

• Confidence is believing you’re as good as anyone. Arrogance is believing your better than anyone and that no one can ever be better than you.
• Confident people tend to project it internally. For example when people say about someone they are a great leader it comes from within. Whereas arrogant people tend to externalize and tell you how great they are. In other words: confidence is quiet while arrogance is loud.
• Confidence is positive while arrogance is negative.
• Confident people do not belittle those who disagree. Arrogant people do.
• True confidence can come from a sense of optimism. Arrogance is for those who seek power and authority to dominate others.
• Confident people believe that they are right and are unafraid of those who may see things differently. Arrogant people not only believe they are right but also feel superior to those who do not share their point of view.

Both arrogance and confidence affect the people that surround you. Whether it is the people that surround you in the workplace, people you live with, people you meet up with once a week for book club, etc.

Everyone in different social circles gets impacted by a person who is confident or arrogant. The only difference is that arrogance negatively impacts those that surround you while confidence does not.

Arrogant people exaggerate their abilities or knowledge to make those around them feel below them

They point out flaws or correct with the intent of making the other person feel beneath them. They are not humble in correcting and also lack empathy, as they seek to gain a sense of superiority.

Confidence on the other hand is typically gained through experience and trial and error. They have done a certain task numerous times or have enough experience in one area that they have built up the skills to successfully accomplish a task or take on a challenge.

Because confidence is gained through experience, they are able to empathize with others who are undergoing similar experiences and even offer to help or guide. They are not seeking to feel superior and therefore do not make those around them feel beneath them.

People tend to gravitate to confident people for this reason, whereas arrogance tends to turn people away.

Confidence is something that is earned, typically through a combination of self exploration, self acceptance, and failure

A confident person can move mountains with positive thinking and assertiveness. A confident person believes in themself but knows continued learning adds value every day.

Arrogance is the act of entitlement

The thought that what’s mine is mine because of how great I am, and what’s yours will be mine because I deserve it. An arrogant person believes they are confident but with nothing to learn.

The line between the two is very thin and usually blurred. I’ve been arrogant and confident. Believing you are the right person for a job because you have the skills, ethics, and experience to deliver is confidence. Arrogance is the expectation of getting an offer because of the Ivy League diploma, nepotism, and abiding by the rules.

To put it simply: Arrogance is external, “I am better than you.” Confidence is internal, “I am betting on me.”

Arrogance is a vice and confidence a virtue

While confidence has to do with a self-aware understanding of our abilities, arrogance is characterized by a naive sense of self.

Confidence exists in the knowledge not only of what we can do but also of what we can’t. This is because a confident person knows what it takes to accomplish difficult tasks.

A person may gain confidence by mastering one particular skill and through that process learn to understand the amount of time and effort that must go into the mastery of other skills.

In this way, the confident person’s self-awareness and personal sense-of-self stand on a solid foundation whereas the arrogant person is constantly balancing on unstable grounds.