How do you know if a man is emotionally mature? Is there a specific age bracket?
What are the qualities that show you whether or not a man can act his age?
We asked experts to share their insights.
Table of Contents
- Emotional maturity has no relationship with age
- Men start maturing around 43
- Some research indicates that men don’t mature emotionally until they are in their early forties
- Unfortunately, some men never fully emotionally mature which is best observed in our modern society’s toxic masculinity
- A man’s maturity happens on very different levels
- As far as I can tell it’s a process that never ends
- Frequently Asked Questions
Clinical Professor Emeritus of Medicine, Indiana University School of Medicine | Author, “Snake Oil is Alive and Well: The Clash between Myths and Reality,” and “Health Tips, Myths, and Tricks: A Physician’s Advice“
Emotional maturity has no relationship with age
Some of the most important components are noted below:
- Realism about oneself in relationship to others and society in general.
- Ability to empathize and understand the feelings (and failures) of others.
- Ability to objectively analyze and place facts into proper perspective, especially avoiding recent fads and trends in favor of the entire picture (seeing the forest rather than the trees).
- Preventing anger and emotion from overcoming proper responses to others and problem situations.
Clinical Psychologist | Inspirational Speaker | Author, “But It’s Your Family: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath“
Men start maturing around 43
According to telegraph.co.uk, men start maturing around 43 years of age, which is 11 years later than same-aged women.
This mate growth can frustrate women as they struggle with the emotional immaturity of men who are still belching and acting like a teenager. This late maturity can also account for their lack of being able to think about anyone but themselves.
Same-aged women want men to be more emotionally available and more sensitive than they are which creates conflict and tension.
Some research indicates that men don’t mature emotionally until they are in their early forties
However, the emotional aspects of maturity come from experience and not necessarily age. People that are emotionally mature act on their values rather than feelings, meaning they make responsible decisions, rather than impulsive choices.
Also, they know how to communicate with other people effectively. It may be true that neurologically women have a leg up, but the difference in maturity is more nurture than nature.
Adina Mahalli (MCT)
Certified Mental Health Consultant writing on behalf of Maple Holistics
Unfortunately, some men never fully emotionally mature which is best observed in our modern society’s toxic masculinity
By toxic masculinity, I by no means am saying that all masculine traits are toxic since there are many ‘masculine’ traits that are desirable.
However, toxic masculinity does not provide men the avenue to mature emotionally, because many emotions are perceived as weak and not ‘masculine’ to express in a healthy mature manner.
Emotionally immature men bottle up their emotions and explode at inappropriate times, this is seen as a more masculine approach to dealing with emotions.
College years are the peak of negative toxic masculine behavior. Drinking heavily instead of dealing with stress, having any negative emotions other than anger negatively received by their peers, and the simple act of crying is stigmatized.
Most men will have to take time following college years to unlearn these bad emotional habits.
After taking this time and with proper guidance some men do achieve emotional maturity where they can identify their negative emotions, embrace them, and display their emotions maturely. Some men can achieve emotional maturity by their late twenties or early thirties.
The societal pressures will remain, but with full emotional maturity, the weight these societal pressures once carried no longer hold the same weight.
A man’s maturity happens on very different levels
As a father to a 14, 17, 20 and 28 years old, a man’s maturity happens on very different levels. First, men emotionally mature in their ’20s. In fact, I think it varies differently between individuals.
For instance, if one experiences loss and or adversity more than another they will mature faster. For example, take a male that has everything handed to them unearned versus a male that had to work for it. Above all, the male who had more adversity had to grow up faster.
As far as I can tell it’s a process that never ends
I teach this stuff and I continue to have breakthroughs in my 50s that have up-leveled my emotional maturity over who I was in my 40s. And every man is different.
His maturity level will be a reflection of how he was raised, his role models, and whether life’s adversities have forced him to grow up quickly… or left him with emotional wounds that have been hard to heal.
I’ve known men who are likely to live their lives without much emotional intelligence (EQ), and I’ve known teens who were wise beyond their years and were functionally The Adult In The Room most of the time. So I wouldn’t put a number on it.
Frequently Asked Questions
How Do You Know if a Guy Is Mature Enough?
Maturity is not about age but about a person’s ability to handle life’s challenges and responsibilities in a responsible and respectful manner. If you notice these qualities in a guy, it’s a good indication that he’s mature enough to handle a relationship.
• Emotional Intelligence: He has the ability to recognize, understand, and manage his own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. He is able to communicate effectively and handle conflicts in a constructive way.
• Responsibility: He takes ownership of his actions and is accountable for his mistakes. He also prioritizes his responsibilities and commitments and follows through on his promises.
• Independence: He can make decisions and solve problems on his own without relying on others. He has a strong sense of self and doesn’t feel the need to constantly seek validation from others.
• Respect: He treats others with kindness and respect, regardless of gender, race, or social status. He is non-judgmental and understands the value of diversity.
• Empathy: He can put himself in someone else’s shoes and understand their perspectives. He is compassionate and supportive toward others.
• Growth mindset: He is always looking for ways to improve himself and his relationships. He is open to feedback and takes the initiative to work on his weaknesses.
• Financial Stability: He has a solid understanding of finances and can manage his money responsibly. He is able to plan for the future and prioritize his savings.
Who Matures Quicker Mentally, Men or Women?
Maturity is a complex concept that encompasses various aspects of personal development, including emotional stability, decision-making abilities, and life experience. It is widely believed that men and women mature differently, but it is important to note that maturity is not determined by gender alone.
Research has shown that men tend to mature more slowly than women regarding emotional intelligence. Women are often socialized to be more nurturing and emotionally expressive, which can lead to a greater level of emotional intelligence. This can result in women being more in touch with their emotions and more attuned to the emotions of others.
However, when it comes to cognitive abilities, such as reasoning and problem-solving, studies have found little difference between the genders. Maturity, in this sense, is largely determined by individual factors, such as life experience, education, and personal motivation. It is also worth mentioning that maturity levels can vary greatly within each gender and are influenced by a variety of factors such as upbringing, cultural values, and personal experiences.
How Can I Help My Partner Develop Their Emotional Maturity?
Emotional maturity is a critical aspect of healthy relationships. Here are some ways to help your partner develop their emotional maturity:
• Encourage open communication – Encourage your partner to express their thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. Create a safe space where they can talk about their emotions without fear of judgment or criticism.
• Be supportive – Listen to your partner with empathy and understanding. Validate their feelings and help them find ways to cope with negative emotions.
• Lead by example – Model healthy emotional expression and regulation of yourself. This will encourage your partner to adopt similar habits.
• Encourage self-reflection – Help your partner understand the root causes of their emotions. Encourage them to take the time to reflect on their feelings and thoughts.
• Encourage personal growth – Encourage your partner to pursue their interests and passions. Help them find activities that bring them joy and fulfillment.
• Help them develop coping mechanisms – Teach your partner healthy ways to cope with stress, anxiety, and negative emotions. This could include practices such as mindfulness, meditation, or exercise.
It’s essential to remember that emotional maturity is a journey, and it takes time and effort to develop. Be patient and understanding with your partner, and always show them love and support.