How do you know if a man is emotionally mature? Is there a specific age bracket?
What are the qualities that show you whether or not a man can act his age?
We asked experts to share their insights.
Table of Contents
- Emotional maturity has no relationship with age
- Men start maturing around 43
- Some research indicates that men don’t mature emotionally until they are in their early forties
- Unfortunately, some men never fully emotionally mature which is best observed in our modern society’s toxic masculinity
- A man’s maturity happens on very different levels
- As far as I can tell it’s a process that never ends
Clinical Professor Emeritus of Medicine, Indiana University School of Medicine | Author, “Snake Oil is Alive and Well: The Clash between Myths and Reality,” and “Health Tips, Myths, and Tricks: A Physician’s Advice“
Emotional maturity has no relationship with age
Some of the most important components are noted below:
- Realism about oneself in relationship to others and society in general.
- Ability to empathize and understand the feelings (and failures) of others.
- Ability to objectively analyze and place facts into proper perspective, especially avoiding recent fads and trends in favor of the entire picture (seeing the forest rather than the trees).
- Preventing anger and emotion from overcoming proper responses to others and problem situations.
Clinical Psychologist | Inspirational Speaker | Author, “But It’s Your Family: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath“
Men start maturing around 43
According to telegraph.co.uk, men start maturing around 43 years of age, which is 11 years later than same-aged women.
This mate growth can frustrate women as they struggle with the emotional immaturity of men who are still belching and acting like a teenager. This late maturity can also account for their lack of being able to think about anyone but themselves.
Same-aged women want men to be more emotionally available and more sensitive than they are which creates conflict and tension.
Dr. Sal Raichbach, Psy.D.
Director of Clinical Development, Ambrosia Treatment Center
Some research indicates that men don’t mature emotionally until they are in their early forties
However, the emotional aspects of maturity come from experience and not necessarily age. People that are emotionally mature act on their values rather than feelings, meaning they make responsible decisions, rather than impulsive choices.
Also, they know how to communicate with other people effectively. It may be true that neurologically women have a leg up, but the difference in maturity is more nurture than nature.
Adina Mahalli (MCT)
Certified Mental Health Consultant writing on behalf of Maple Holistics
Unfortunately, some men never fully emotionally mature which is best observed in our modern society’s toxic masculinity
By toxic masculinity, I by no means am saying that all masculine traits are toxic since there are many ‘masculine’ traits that are desirable.
However, toxic masculinity does not provide men the avenue to mature emotionally, because many emotions are perceived as weak and not ‘masculine’ to express in a healthy mature manner.
Emotionally immature men bottle up their emotions and explode at inappropriate times, this is seen as a more masculine approach to dealing with emotions.
College years are the peak of negative toxic masculine behavior. Drinking heavily instead of dealing with stress, having any negative emotions other than anger negatively received by their peers, and the simple act of crying is stigmatized.
Most men will have to take time following college years to unlearn these bad emotional habits.
After taking this time and with proper guidance some men do achieve emotional maturity where they can identify their negative emotions, embrace them, and display their emotions maturely. Some men can achieve emotional maturity by their late twenties or early thirties.
The societal pressures will remain, but with full emotional maturity, the weight these societal pressures once carried no longer hold the same weight.
Founder of PinnacleQuote Life Insurance Specialists
A man’s maturity happens on very different levels
As a father to a 14, 17, 20 and 28 years old, a man’s maturity happens on very different levels. First, men emotionally mature in their ’20s. In fact, I think it varies differently between individuals.
For instance, if one experiences loss and or adversity more than another they will mature faster. For example, take a male that has everything handed to them unearned versus a male that had to work for it. Above all, the male who had more adversity had to grow up faster.
Intimacy, Sex, and Relationship Expert
As far as I can tell it’s a process that never ends
I teach this stuff and I continue to have breakthroughs in my 50s that have up-leveled my emotional maturity over who I was in my 40s. And every man is different.
His maturity level will be a reflection of how he was raised, his role models, and whether life’s adversities have forced him to grow up quickly… or left him with emotional wounds that have been hard to heal.
I’ve known men who are likely to live their lives without much emotional intelligence (EQ), and I’ve known teens who were wise beyond their years and were functionally The Adult In The Room most of the time. So I wouldn’t put a number on it.