Marriage is not always bliss. With problems and misunderstandings, how can one keep the love burning?
Whether you are happily-married or planning to get hitched, check out this list!
We’ve gathered the best marriage books for couples to read in 2020 as recommended by 11 experts.
See them below.
Here are the most recommended books for couples:
Jason B. Whiting, PhD, LMFT
No one has done better research or spent more time in the lab with couples than John Gottman.
For over 40 years he has studied what predicts marriage breakdown and success, and these are his practical and time-tested descriptions of what keeps couples on track.
Warner is a philosopher, but packs his book with stories that are both familiar and startling. His work invites readers to think deeply about their own commitments to being their best self, and to each other.
This book contains the what I think are the very best research and stories to show how easy it is to shift out of honesty and become deceptive in marriage.
It discusses anger, rationalization, blame, and gives suggestions on how to step back, see more clearly, and choose honesty and be authentic together.
Study after study has found that a strong relationship will keep you healthier and living longer.
A recent study of 309,000 people found that a lack of strong relationships increased the risk of premature death from all causes by 50%. That’s the same risk as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and more than obesity and physical inactivity!
The best thing you can do to avoid illness, have healthier habits and live longer is to have a strong partnership.
The quality of relationships matters. Troubled relationships tend to cause stress and weaken the immunity.
My favourite book on marriage is ‘The Seven Principles of Making a Relationship Work by Dr John Gottman’.
I love the work of the Gottmans. They carried out 40 hours of scientific research on relationships to see what does and doesn’t work.
In fact Dr Gottman can predict with 90% accuracy which marriages will work and which marriages won’t.
This book provides everything a couple needs to have the best marriage. With around 50% of first marriages failing it is a great investment.
Although it sometimes refers to ‘old-school’ stereotypes, this book offers a little insight into your partner’s wants and needs that they may not want to tell you about.
While you may think you know all there is to know about your partner, this book could be a helping hand.
This book offers an insight into what a same-sex wedding would be like. A simple, clear guide that utilises the author’s anecdotes and her experiences negotiating the world of lesbian wedding planning, all while offering a humorous tone.
She’s included advice that covers everything, from the wording of the wedding invites to the way you manage the analytical side of things.
The way in which this book tackles the correlation between children and marriage offers an easy read created by snippets you can read between your busy schedule.
Read related article: Best Parenting Books
It’s great for both expecting couples and parents due to the advice from the author’s experiences (they have children).
In addition to this, they don’t pretend to be perfect and have the answers to everything.
Kim Leatherdale, LPC, ATR-BC, DCC, NCC
This book shows couples the ways their partner expresses and needs to be given love.
What most people don’t understand is not everyone recognizes the same acts of love or needs the same ones; this one teaches couples how to ‘fill each other’s love tank.’
I have to say I love recommending a book which has robust longitudinal research to back it up!
Gottman looks at the attitudes and activities that either make or break a relationship in a clear, easy to understand, yet meaningful way.
Perel hits the nail on the head around the struggle in a marriage between domestic stability and passionate desire.
A book that gives hope that long term relationships can maintain ore even increase desire as well as provide grounding.
This is my most commonly referred to book for couples in counseling.
It is based on decades of scientific research and gives real life couple examples along with behavioral exercises that a couple can use.
I have yet to find a couple who feel like they cannot gain some new skill or perspective from this book.
This is a helpful guide for couples who may feel disconnected or not very loving toward one another.
Especially to strengthen some of the Gottman notions of a 5:1 ratio of positives and negatives. This helps couples tailor their positives to their partners desires love language.
For example giving a massage to a person who likes physical touch, saying “you look great” to a person who likes words of affirmation or picking up the kids to a person who likes acts of service.
As you are more aware for your language and your partners you can generate more expressions of your love that are less likely to be lost in translation.
This is an excellent resource for helping couples understand the relationship needs and patterns they developed in the families they grew up in and how they put these unmet needs on their partner and set them selves up for disappointment and frustration.
14 Days of Foreplay Helps couples to improve physical and emotional intimacy with sweet not raunchy conversation starters and exercises to reintroduce playfulness and flirtation into a marriage.
The top recommendation would be The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
It’s a classic for a reason. If you can show love in a way your partner can most readily receive it, marriage will be a lot easier and more fulfilling.
A close second is The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin.
This book helps readers understand how he or she meets expectations.
If you know your partner is an Obliger and needs accountability, you can help provide that.
But if he or she’s a Questioner, you’ll know they need data and research before they’ll be convinced of something. Two very different approaches, but knowing the right one is like unlocking a magic box.
This book helped me realize how to give and receive love according to the five love languages! It helped me find hope and purpose in my marriage.
It helped me realize that I was not just butting my head up against a brick wall. There is a process involved.
Even though this book is not specifically related to marriage it has a deep message about mindset and how to use it to improve every area of your life!
Mr. Kiyosaki says, “To improve your marriage, it is better to improve yourself” and, “Don’t work on the other person, work on your thoughts about the other person.”
It helped me realize you need the RIGHT mindset to release thoughts not serving you and you must change old programs.
Kerri-Anne Brown, LMHC
This book is helpful for all types of relationships, not just for couples.
It provides some good insights into how successful relationships work as well as tools to improve the quality of your relationships.
Dr. Johnson, who is widely known for her development of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, teaches in this book that the key to a lasting relationship is being open, attuned and responsive to our partners.
This book talks about eliminating the negativity from daily interactions between couples. If you want to improve your understanding of intimate relationships, add this to your collection.
Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
This is a book written by Sue Johnson, who created Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy, one of the most evidence-based and successful forms of couples counseling developed.
She helps couples understand the patterns that are being repeated in their marriage and teaches how to come together to fight against them, rather than each other.
This is a really great book for understanding how your attachment needs play out in your relationship and learning how to get around problems that seem to keep coming up in your marriage.
“Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” sparked a whole series of books that help men and women understand the differing ways they perceive and react to the world.
This installment specifically addresses the challenge of sustaining a long-term relationship, and offers helpful advice about how men and women will approach that differently.
The Mars-and-Venus perspective can be eye-opening to anyone who feels like they just can’t understand their spouse!
I am recommending my own book , LOVING PROMISES: The Master Class For Creating Magnificent Relationship, because it is a truly great one. It has won two prestigious book awards in the category of Relationships, Communication and Marriage — The Silver NAUTILUS BOOK AWARD, and the Silver LIVING NOW BOOK AWARD.
This unique book is a thoughtful inquiry into the deepest incarnation of love, a love story and a description of the behaviors the reader can actually do to create a great relationship.
The author has looked back at his 34 year blissful marriage as a living laboratory to research the elements that compromise a truly loving partnership and discovered 39 behaviors called Loving Promises, that are the actual behavioral components of deep, abiding love.
These are vows a person makes to him or herself — not to their partner — as to how they will behave in the relationship. These Promises are a profound path to transform a good relationship into a magnificent one.
Nature and Travel Photographer
When you are in a relationship and thinking of marriage, you are going to make one of the biggest decisions of your life and there is a huge possibility of choosing marriage on a whim or a bad reason rather than a genuine reason.
This book tells common relationship question and concerns from real life stories of people who might have been in the same position that you are now.
Every question comes up with Barbara’s answer helping you to understand your own situation and react to it in proper way.
Questions are also so useful to assay your relationship and partner.
Strong relationship and love is the source to give meaning to our life.
Love might seem easy and part of human nature, but sharing life with some one else is not that easy.
The rules of love help you make strong, stable and permanent relationship, not only with your spouse but also with family and friends.