Have you ever wondered if narcissists truly enjoy kissing or any form of intimacy? Do they kiss with the same passion and intensity that most people do? Or, do they engage in all of these things just because they have to?
To help us better understand this subject, we asked experts to share their insights.
Founder and President, Control and Power Strategy LLC | Child Protective Investigator
Narcissists kiss because it’s part of what they have to do to keep their significant other in their lives
Narcissists just aren’t into kissing. Narcissists only think of themselves and their needs. They lack empathy, and they need others to recognize and admire them. So, when they kiss, it’s because they’re filling a need that they get and because kissing is part of what they have to do to keep the significant other in their lives.
The narcissist will do a lot of things because being together with the partner probably gives them status, money, or some other self-satisfying need. But, they don’t really feel or get any pleasure from kissing, as most people do.
You and I would feel a feeling for even things like holding hands or any form of touch, let alone kissing or any form of intimacy. Meanwhile, narcissists view the world like a game, where each person is like a tool that they use to help achieve whatever their specific goals are.
Then there’s the issue of love bombing.
This might seem strange that narcissists are often the ones who shower their partner or spouse with a lot of gifts, attention, promises, and constantly painting a great picture of how the future will be since they are the ones that really don’t care about anyone else but themselves. And yet, they are focused on others.
Related: 35+ Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist
The issue with this is not what you see is what you get. The issue is to understand that, like an iceberg, the underlying conditions are often more important. It’s what drives a person to do what they do. And in this case, the narcissists are driven to do whatever they have to, including saying and doing things that would seem counterintuitive.
So, they’ll be extravagant and pour on thick words, acts, or anything else just so they can have their self-fulling needs met.
Also, along these lines, they may (likely) additionally give lavish gifts, promise a better future, and even give lots of attention to the partner or spouse’s family and friends. It could go one step even further with these acts and words for the partner’s work colleagues, the neighborhood where they live, and more.
All of this is because they will pour a lot into whoever or whatever they need because they must get a return on that investment. Even something as simple as just a kiss.
They don’t particularly enjoy the act of kissing like how a loving empathic person does
To kiss a narcissist is a careful dance of emotion, but it’s not what you think. For them, anyway.
Nothing a narcissist does is void of intention. At the beginning of a courtship, when they are idealizing and love-bombing, kissing them can feel like something you have been craving. The narcissist has been laying a foundation of pretending to be your perfect person while acting like they may not be good enough for you.
They have carefully thought out this kiss; they are both deeply insecure as to whether you’ll be hooked by this display of emotion while simultaneously putting in a concerted effort to make this the best kiss you have ever experienced.
As long as you are being idealized, they will kiss you with intention both publicly and privately. Narcissists love the power this gives them while proving to you and to the world that they are experts at intimacy—until they are bored.
When the narcissist feels satisfied with their position in your life, they will begin devaluing you.
What does this look like in a kiss, specifically? You can feel their passion fade. The kiss will feel aloof or like a chore. They will accuse you of not kissing them the “same way you used to” in an attempt to gaslight you. Again, this kiss holds intention and control.
Still deeply insecure, they will displace all of the blame for the changes in the act of kissing onto you; they may even accuse you of cheating on them as a reason that your affect has changed.
So, in short, do narcissists enjoy kissing? They don’t particularly enjoy the act of kissing how a loving, empathic person does. They do enjoy the power it gives them.
Pareen Sehat MC, RCC
Registered Clinical Counselor, Well Beings Counselling
Narcissists are people that have an inflated sense of self-importance and an ego that requires consistent admiration and attention. Considering that fact, kissing may just be a means to an end. They will get something out of kissing as they need unconventional things in a relationship.
We want love, companionship, and loyalty, while they just want to stroke their ego.
They will manipulate and pave the way for the relationship as signs of affection are just a part of their seductive process. They can show that they are enjoying kissing to solidify their partners’ interest in them. They are bound to make shallow, unmeaningful relationships, so showing any interest in kissing is fake and meaningless.
They like to be in control, and every action they take is measured and monitored, regardless of how small.
So, their sexual intimacy is just a product of their inflated sense of self. They can show intensity in kissing and show that they enjoy it, but they just view it as an achievement. So be wary. Narcissists will not allow their feelings to overwhelm them.
Certified Life Transformation Coach, OnlineDivorce
Narcissists do not love the process itself but they love the effect this kiss will have on you
The relationship with narcissists is like a roller coaster. This raises many questions from the partner, one of which is, “Do narcissists enjoy kissing?” There is no definite answer to this question since narcissists do not love the process itself but the effect that a kiss has on a partner or others.
Narcissists lack empathy. This is a consequence of the experiences and psychological trauma they gained as children. Without understanding their own feelings, they will never be able to understand their partner’s feelings.
They are also masters of manipulation. All this makes narcissists a hell of a cocktail.
All actions of the narcissist are aimed at obtaining their own benefit. And they even enter into a relationship not out of sincere feelings but out of their own selfish motives.
They will skillfully manipulate you, get you hooked, and make emotional swings to achieve what they want. Kisses are also a type of manipulation from narcissists. Usually, it’s something on the verge of drama. You will definitely remember such a kiss.
So, do narcissists like kissing? Remember about their lack of empathy. Therefore, the answer is “rather no.” But they definitely love the effect this kiss will have on you.
Simply put, when kissing, narcissists do not experience the same emotional responses that other people do. Moreover, some narcissists may, on the contrary, have an aversion to kissing due to their lack of empathy and the ability to genuinely feel.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do Narcissists Struggle With Intimacy?
Yes, it is common for narcissists to struggle with intimacy. Intimacy involves vulnerability and a willingness to share one’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences with another person.
Narcissists, who often view themselves as superior to others and have a strong need for control, may find it difficult to let go of their defenses and reveal their true selves. As a result, they may keep their partners at arm’s length, avoid deep emotional connections, and engage in superficial relationships that lack real intimacy.
In some cases, a narcissist may temporarily engage in intense, romantic relationships as a means of obtaining admiration and validation from others. However, these relationships are often short-lived and characterized by conflicts, breakups, and emotional abuse
Why Do Narcissists Struggle With Intimacy?
• Lack of Empathy: Narcissists have a limited capacity for empathy, which is an essential aspect of forming deep and meaningful connections with others. They may struggle to understand the feelings and perspectives of others, making it difficult for them to form intimate relationships.
• Self-Absorption: Narcissists tend to be self-absorbed and focused on their own needs and desires. They may have trouble considering the needs and feelings of their partners, which can make it difficult to maintain intimacy.
• Difficulty with Vulnerability: Intimacy often requires vulnerability and sharing personal information, thoughts, and feelings. However, narcissists have a deep-seated fear of being seen as imperfect or flawed, making it difficult for them to open up and be vulnerable.
• Fear of Rejection: Narcissists have fragile egos and are highly sensitive to criticism or rejection. They may struggle with intimacy because they are afraid of being rejected or hurt by their partners.
• Manipulative Behavior: Narcissists may use manipulation to get their way in relationships, making it difficult for them to establish genuine intimacy. They may use flattery, charm, or other tactics to control their partners, which can create a power dynamic that is not conducive to intimacy.
• Difficulty with Trust: Due to their lack of empathy and tendency to manipulate others, narcissists may struggle to trust others, including their partners. This lack of trust can prevent them from forming deep and meaningful connections.
How Do Narcissists Act in Romantic Relationships?
Narcissists often have difficulty forming healthy relationships, and their behavior in romantic relationships can be particularly problematic.
In romantic relationships, narcissists tend to exhibit the following behaviors:
• Love bombing: Narcissists often start relationships with a period of intense affection, attention, and flattery, known as “love bombing.” This can be very seductive and can quickly create a strong emotional bond between the narcissist and their partner.
• Idealization and devaluation: Narcissists often idealize their partners initially, putting them on a pedestal and showering them with praise and adoration. However, as the relationship progresses, they may begin to devalue their partners, criticizing and belittling them. This can create a cycle of abuse and manipulation, where the partner is made to feel constantly unsure of the relationship and the narcissist’s feelings towards them.
• Lack of empathy: Narcissists are often described as being emotionally cold and lacking empathy for others. They may not respond to their partner’s feelings, concerns, or needs and may even blame their partner for their own emotional difficulties.
• Self-centeredness: Narcissists are self-absorbed and focused primarily on their own needs, desires, and goals. They may neglect their partner’s needs, interests, and well-being and may even use their partner for their own purposes.
• Controlling behavior: Narcissists often exhibit controlling behavior, including monitoring their partner’s behavior, checking their phone and email, and making decisions for their partner. They may also become jealous and possessive and seek to isolate their partner from friends and family.
It’s important to understand that not all narcissists act the same way in romantic relationships and that some may exhibit some of these behaviors while others may not. However, it’s generally safe to say that narcissistic behavior in romantic relationships can be harmful, damaging, and toxic and lead to a cycle of abuse and manipulation.
If you suspect that you may be in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to seek help from a mental health professional.
Can a Narcissist Truly Love Another Person?
The concept of love and its manifestation can be complex and multi-faceted, even more so in the case of narcissists. These individuals may struggle with truly loving another person.
This is because they are primarily focused on themselves and their own needs and desires, and they may struggle to see others as individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and needs. In some cases, they may use others as props to help support their own sense of self-importance and to help them gain admiration and validation from others.
However, it is important to note that not all narcissists engage in these behaviors and that some may be capable of forming deep and meaningful connections with others. This is because everyone is unique, and the manifestation and severity of narcissism can vary significantly from person to person.
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