Ever look at someone and wonder, “Is this really love?” Figuring out your true feelings can be confusing, especially when you’re caught up in the excitement of a new relationship or dealing with the ups and downs of a long-term one.
Love is a powerful emotion, but it can also be a bit of a mystery. How do you know if those butterflies in your stomach are the real deal or just a fleeting crush? How can you tell if your relationship has that special spark that will last a lifetime?
So, how do you know if you truly love someone? Let’s explore some key signs that will help you understand your feelings and the depth of your connection.
Table of Contents
- You Can Be Yourself Around Them
- You Respect Them as an Individual
- You Trust Them Completely
- You Can Talk About Everything
- Their Happiness Is Your Happiness
- You Feel a Deep Connection with Them
- You Embrace All Parts of Them
- You Choose to Stay During the Hard Times
- Truly Loving Someone Goes Beyond the Physical
- You See a Future With Them
- You Support Their Goals and Dreams
- You’re Willing to Commit to Them and Put in Effort
- You Want to Become a Better Version of Yourself
- You Want to Take Care of Them
- They Complement You Rather Than “Complete” You
- Their Pain Hurts You
- Life Feels More Exciting with Them in It
- You Want to Spend a Lot of Time Together
- You’re Thinking of Introducing Them to the People You Love
- Your Relationship Feels Easy
- They Occupy a Huge Space in Your Mind
- You Consider Them Your Person
- You Want to Know Everything About Them
- They Become a Priority
- You Don’t Hold Grudges
- Their Opinion Matters
- Almost Everything Reminds You of Them
- There Are No More Games or Sense of “Chase”
- You Morph into One with Them
- Excerpt From the Expert
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Final Thoughts
You Can Be Yourself Around Them
When you truly love someone, you don’t feel the need to put on a façade or pretend to be someone you’re not. This is the person with whom you can laugh until you snort, share your goofy thoughts, or lounge around in your comfiest, least glamorous mismatched PJs without a second thought.
You can be vulnerable, show your true colors, and know that they’ll still accept you with open arms (and maybe a playful eye roll or two). This level of comfort and acceptance is a beautiful thing because it allows your relationship to grow authentically.
If you catch yourself being effortlessly you and feeling accepted and loved, chances are, it’s the real deal. Love should feel like coming home, a place where you are cherished just as you are.
You Respect Them as an Individual
In a relationship, this means seeing your partner as their own person with their own paths, choices, and yes, even their own mistakes. It’s about giving them space to be themselves while loving them for who they are, not who you might want them to be.
It’s also about listening—really listening—to their opinions and valuing them, even when they differ from yours. You might not always agree with things, but you listen, understand, and discuss things like two adults who have an equal say in the matter.
Lastly, it’s about encouragement. For instance, say your partner wants to quit their job and start a pottery business. Even if it sounds uncertain, you weigh the pros and cons together. You might be scared, but you know their happiness is key. And that right there? That’s respect.
You Trust Them Completely
When you truly love someone, trust comes naturally. You have this unwavering belief in their character, their intentions, and their decisions. It’s not about blind faith but rather a sense of security and confidence in the bond you share.
You can share your deepest secrets, fears, and dreams with them without a second thought. You know they’ll be there to support you, offer guidance, and keep your confidence safe.
Trust also means giving each other space and freedom. There’s no need to constantly check in or feel jealous because you know your partner has your best interests at heart. This level of trust allows your relationship to blossom and creates a solid foundation for a lifetime of love and happiness.
You Can Talk About Everything
Isn’t it great when you can chat about anything and everything with someone?
Whether it’s the serious stuff like life goals and the fears that keep you up at night or the lighter fare like your favorite guilty pleasure TV shows or the plot of the last book you devoured—it all just flows.
And when those serious topics come up, it doesn’t feel like a high-stress meeting, but rather, it feels more like you’re solving a puzzle together. You give a bit, they give a bit, and somehow, you meet in the middle with understanding or, even better, a solution.
And let’s not forget, it’s not just about being heard, but also about the joy of listening to them. Their stories captivate you, their jokes crack you up, and even their rants about a bad day pull at your heartstrings. That’s when you know the connection is real.
Their Happiness Is Your Happiness
Their joy brightens up your day, and honestly, you wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s like if they come home buzzing because they nailed a presentation at work, you’re grinning, too, as if you both just won the lottery.
But it goes beyond just enjoying their highs. It’s about wanting to contribute to their happiness in whatever way you can. Maybe it’s picking up their favorite ice cream on the way home or sending a cute meme to cheer them up during a hectic day.
And yes, their happiness matters so much that sometimes, you might find yourself making small compromises. Choosing the movie they’ve been excited about over the one you were keen to watch? Sure, because their smile when the credits roll down is totally worth it.
You Feel a Deep Connection with Them
True love goes beyond surface-level attraction or shared interests. It’s about feeling a deep, soulful connection with your partner. You just get each other on a fundamental level —your values align, you share similar outlooks on life, and you have this unspoken understanding that transcends words.
Disagreements might bubble up now and then (as they do in all human relationships), but at the end of the day, you know deep in your bones that you two are in this together.
You Embrace All Parts of Them
We all have our little quirks, flaws, and maybe even some not-so-great habits. But loving someone truly is accepting that they’re not just sunny mornings but also occasional stormy afternoons.
It’s not about overlooking their flaws or pretending they don’t exist. It’s about accepting them as a whole package, appreciating their strengths while acknowledging their weaknesses. You see beyond the surface and recognize the beautiful soul that lies beneath.
Remember, love is about finding someone perfect… for you. And when you can embrace everything about your partner—the good, the bad, and the slightly weird—you’re on the right track to a love that lasts.
"If you don't think that your partner has flaws, you're probably just in love with the idea of them. Only after you truly knew the imperfections of that person and you still chose to stay with them can you truly gauge how much affection you have for them."
— Celia Schweyer | Dating Expert, Dating Scout
You Choose to Stay During the Hard Times
Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. We all go through tough times—challenges, setbacks, and moments of doubt. But if you truly love someone, you won’t bail at the first sign of trouble.
Choosing to love during the rough times means being their cheerleader when they forget how to cheer for themselves. It’s helping them find their light again, not because you have to, but because you can’t imagine not being there.
That’s not to say it’s always easy. There will be times when you feel frustrated, exhausted, or even tempted to give up. But your love for your partner and your commitment to the relationship will see you through.
"It is so easy to talk about love when everything is going great. However, you know "you truly love someone if you choose to love them even if you don't want to. Try to love even when you are pissed, angry, or feeling negative emotions—it isn't so easy, is it?
Couples fight but if you choose to reach an agreement instead of “winning,” that's when you know. It is being in each other's team. It is listening, compromising, apologizing, and forgiving despite those being the hardest things to do."
— Celia Schweyer | Dating Expert, Dating Scout
Truly Loving Someone Goes Beyond the Physical
Physical attraction might spark the fire, but what keeps it burning is that connection that goes deep emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
It’s about those conversations at 3 AM that shift smoothly from your favorite childhood memories to what you believe is the meaning of life. It’s the comfort in knowing that the attraction is bundled with admiration for their mind and spirit.
So, if you find yourself just as drawn to their quirky mind and generous heart as you are to their good looks, charming smiles, or that twinkle in their eye, then you’re in deep.
You See a Future With Them
When you start to see your significant other in your thoughts of future life milestones, it’s a big sign that your present feelings are grounded in something real and lasting.
This might show up in big and small ways. Maybe you catch yourself assuming they’ll be your plus-one at a friend’s wedding next summer, or you’re crafting holiday plans with them in mind.
When planning your future feels not just right but exciting because it includes them, you’re likely standing on the solid ground of deep affection and commitment.
You Support Their Goals and Dreams
When you really love someone, their dreams kind of become your dreams, too. Whether they aspire to climb the corporate ladder, write a novel, or save up for a dreamy vacation, you’re right there cheering them on.
You might find yourself doing little things like forwarding them job ads you think they’d be interested in or giving them quiet space to work on their passion projects.
Supporting your partner also means being there when things don’t go as planned. Maybe they didn’t get that promotion, or their business idea didn’t take off. Your encouragement may be the boost they need to dust themselves off and try again.
And when they succeed, you celebrate like it’s your own victory. Because, in many ways, it is. Your support helped pave the way for their achievements, and there’s a shared joy in seeing someone you love flourish.
You’re Willing to Commit to Them and Put in Effort
Commitment isn’t just saying “I love you”—it’s about showing it through actions, even when it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. True commitment is sticking around and putting in the effort to work through challenges together.
It looks like doing the dishes even when it’s not your turn or waking up a little earlier to make them breakfast because you know they’ve got a tough day ahead. You find yourselves discussing next year’s vacation plans, saving for a house, or maybe even talking about family expansion.
When you’re truly in love, you go that extra mile without even thinking of it as extra. And honestly, when you’re really into someone, putting in the effort doesn’t feel like a chore—it feels absolutely right.
You Want to Become a Better Version of Yourself
Love has a funny way of inspiring us to become the best versions of ourselves. It’s like suddenly, you’re inspired to handle your life with more wisdom, compassion, and resilience.
Maybe you start taking better care of your health, or you’re more motivated at work, or perhaps you’re simply a kinder, more thoughtful person. Often, you feel compelled to rise up because you see how much they believe in you, how they cheer for you, and how they stand by you.
You Want to Take Care of Them
You genuinely care about their happiness, health, and overall well-being. You want to take care of them, support them, and make sure they feel loved and appreciated.
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It could be as simple as bringing them soup when they’re sick, making sure they don’t forget their umbrella on a stormy day, or just listening to them vent after a hard day’s work.
Ultimately, when you truly care for someone, their comfort, happiness, and well-being become intertwined with your own. It’s not out of obligation but rather from a deep-seated desire to make their days a little brighter and their burdens a little lighter.
They Complement You Rather Than “Complete” You
It’s a common saying in romantic films: “You complete me.” But a healthy kind of love is not about filling a void but complementing each other’s lives. When they complement you, they bring strengths that balance out your challenges, and together, you co-create a richer, fuller life.
Being with them makes you see life through a more colorful lens. They might introduce you to new music or perhaps encourage you to pick up an old hobby, and you feel more ‘you’ than ever before. It’s fascinating how they spark parts of you that you didn’t even know needed igniting.
Their Pain Hurts You
Seeing them hurt, whether it’s physical or emotional, affects you deeply. You feel their sadness, their struggles, and their pains, sometimes even before they can fully articulate them.
Honestly, the instinct to protect and soothe them stems from a place of deep empathy and connection. And while it’s hard to see them hurt, your willingness to be there for them, to share in their pain and help carry the load, just reinforces the depth of your bond.
Life Feels More Exciting with Them in It
True love has a way of making life feel like a grand adventure. Everything seems a bit brighter and a bit more interesting. Life with them feels like an adventure, even when you’re doing the most mundane tasks.
They bring a sense of joy, laughter, and excitement into your life. You explore new things together, create lasting memories, and face whatever comes your way as a team.
Even simple things like grocery shopping or taking a walk in the park become more enjoyable when you’re with them. They have a way of making you see the world through fresh eyes and appreciating the beauty in everyday moments.
You Want to Spend a Lot of Time Together
It’s a pretty good sign you’re smitten when all you want is to be around them as much as possible.
Whether it’s cuddling on the couch, going on adventures, or just chatting over coffee, you cherish those moments of connection. You prioritize spending time with them, even if it means adjusting your schedule or going out of your way to make it happen.
This eagerness to share your time—a resource we all have in limited amounts—speaks volumes about your feelings. When spending time together is your default, not just an option, you’re likely in deep.
You’re Thinking of Introducing Them to the People You Love
Thinking about bringing them into your inner circle is no small consideration. It shows you’re serious enough that you want them to blend into other important parts of your life. This step usually means a few things:
- You see this relationship as stable and significant.
- You’re proud to have them alongside you.
- You’re ready to bridge your personal and social worlds.
This desire to introduce them stems from a deep sense of connection and a belief that they’ll fit seamlessly into your life. You value their presence and want them to be a part of all aspects of your world.
Your Relationship Feels Easy
Now, don’t get it twisted—no relationship is without its challenges, but isn’t it wonderful when being together feels natural and uncomplicated?
When things just click, you’re not constantly stressing over conflicts or misunderstandings. Communication flows, you solve problems together seamlessly, and you find that your values and life goals align nicely.
- Disagreements? You talk them through respectfully.
- Decisions? You find common ground.
- Support? Always there when you need it.
It’s like you’ve both got the rhythm of the dance just right. Even if the music changes, you can adjust your steps together without missing a beat.
They Occupy a Huge Space in Your Mind
Ever find yourself in the middle of something important and—whoops—there’s that thought of them again? When someone takes up a big space in your mind, it’s pretty clear they’re important in your life.
You might find yourself:
- Picking up little things at the store that you know they’d like.
- Suggesting movies or books you know would interest them.
- Sharing random bits of your day with them through texts or calls.
This isn’t about obsession—it’s a healthy, happy mental space where they naturally reside. It means your lives are becoming intricately woven together, with thoughts of them enhancing your everyday experiences and bringing smiles more often than not.
You Consider Them Your Person
This person isn’t just someone you hang out with—you consider them your confidant, your best friend, your partner in crime, and your biggest supporter. They’re the one you turn to for advice, comfort, and a listening ear.
They’re the first person you want to share good news with and the one you seek solace from during challenging times. They’re your safe haven, your home base, and your partner in life.
You Want to Know Everything About Them
Isn’t it fascinating how much you can care about someone else’s everything? Like, not just the big life events, but the little everyday things—what they had for lunch, how they tie their shoes, what songs they belt out in the shower.
It’s a mix of admiration and genuine interest that drives you to learn more about what makes them tick. From their childhood memories to their hopes for the future, every detail seems important.
This need—or rather, this joy—in discovering all facets of their being is a testament to how much you value them. This comes from a place of love, respect, and a genuine interest in their life.
They Become a Priority
When someone means the world to you, naturally, they climb up your priority list—sometimes, without you even noticing.
This doesn’t mean neglecting your own needs or becoming a doormat. It’s about finding a healthy balance where you support each other’s goals, make time for each other, and show up for each other when it matters most.
Prioritizing your partner might mean making adjustments to your schedule, going the extra mile to help them out, or simply being there for them when they need you. It’s about demonstrating through your actions that they hold a special place in your heart and in your life.
You Don’t Hold Grudges
In relationships, disagreements are inevitable, but when you truly love someone, you notice that holding onto grudges just doesn’t fit into the equation anymore. Forgiving and moving forward becomes more important than stewing in past arguments.
Even after a heated argument, your instinct is to resolve the issue, not win it. You find yourself more willing to discuss, apologize, and seek understanding rather than let resentment build.
Furthermore, this willingness to let go of grudges reflects a maturity in your love, showing that you both are in this for the long run, ready to navigate the ups and downs without letting them define your relationship.
"...when you care more about the relationship winning than you win. In times of conflict, do you work towards the greater good of the relationship rather than simply your own agenda?
A willingness to compromise, apologize and admit when you are wrong are good indicators that you are truly in love."
— Michelle Fraley, MA, WPCC | Certified Life Coach | Relationship Expert | Professional Matchmaker | Founder and Owner, Spark Matchmaking & Relationship Coaching, LLC
Their Opinion Matters
When you truly value someone, their thoughts and opinions naturally hold significant weight in your decision-making process. It’s genuinely wanting to know what they think because you respect their judgment and perspective.
- Deciding what movie to watch or what meal to cook for dinner.
- Seeking their advice on a professional matter or personal dilemma.
- Adjusting your plans or behaviors based on their suggestions or comfort levels.
Whether it’s a major life decision or simply choosing where to go for dinner, you want to hear what they have to say. Their input matters to you, and you appreciate their insights and wisdom.
Almost Everything Reminds You of Them
A song, a place, even a particular food—every little thing can trigger a memory or a thought of them. It’s like your senses are finely tuned to pick up anything that might somehow relate to them.
Seeing a coffee shop you once visited together or hearing a song they hummed once can bring an instant smile to your face. It’s sweet how random connections to everyday things keep them present in your thoughts.
These constant reminders are a testament to how deeply that person is embedded in your heart and mind.
There Are No More Games or Sense of “Chase”
In the early stages of dating, there’s often a sense of excitement and mystery, a bit of a “chase” as you get to know each other. But when you truly love someone, those games fade away, and a sense of security and authenticity takes their place.
You’re no longer trying to impress them or play hard to get. You can be yourself, flaws and all, knowing that they love and accept you for who you are.
There’s no need for manipulation, mind games, or hidden agendas. Your relationship is built on trust, honesty, and open communication. You’re both on the same team, working together to build a strong and lasting partnership.
You Morph into One with Them
In the deepest loving relationships, it often feels like you and your person are in sync to a point where you begin to think and act as one.
This doesn’t mean losing your individuality; rather, it’s about your lives becoming so intertwined that your thoughts, habits, and futures seem naturally aligned.
- Finishing each other’s sentences.
- Anticipating each other’s needs or reactions.
- Sharing similar goals and working together to achieve them.
You start to think in terms of “we” instead of “me.” You make decisions together, support each other’s dreams, and face challenges as a united front.
Excerpt From the Expert
A few weeks ago, I eloped to city hall in Manchester, NH with the love of my life… and our official wedding photo (taken on my phone) is of the two of us laughing.
Years before this nuptial giggle-fit, I nearly married a man whom I thought I truly loved. I believe that he thought that he truly loved me too.
We were both wrong. Looking back on it,… my life could have gone down a very different road, where I would never have experienced contentment and love in the way that I am living it.
To experience love—truly—you need to start from a place of self-respect. Because we first learn love from our families, for some people, learning love means unlearning toxic patterns. This is a process that we may not realize that we have to go through.
As someone who started therapy later in life, let me tell you, it’s a rough road. Looking inward, and exploring things that should be unlearned is also the most valuable thing I’ve done.
Because it is so difficult (…not always relevant) to translate feelings. Here is what love is to me: love is constant; love includes brutal, sleep-on-the-couch honesty and fighting; love is built on self-respect and respect for the other person.
Love is not intensity; it does not seek to control. Love asks; love listens; love accepts, and love builds together.
— Alexandra McDougall | Preconstruction Administrator, Phelan Construction LLC
Frequently Asked Questions
Can love change over time?
Yes, love can change over time. As people grow and their life circumstances evolve, their feelings can also shift and transform. Love might become deeper and more intimate, or it might face challenges that lessen its intensity.
Can love last forever?
While the feelings associated with being “in love” might change or fluctuate over time, a deep, compassionate form of love can last a lifetime. It requires effort from both partners to nourish and sustain a long-lasting relationship.
Is it normal to doubt your feelings of love?
Yes, it is normal to occasionally doubt your feelings, especially during challenging times or significant changes in the relationship. Communication and honesty with your partner, as well as self-reflection, can help address these doubts.
How can I differentiate between love and infatuation?
Infatuation often involves intense feelings that may feel like love but usually are surface-level and short-lived. True love, on the other hand, is deeper and develops over time. It involves a strong emotional and intellectual connection and includes acceptance, mutual respect, and ongoing commitment.
What if my partner doesn’t love me back?
That can be really tough. It’s important to be honest with yourself about your feelings and to communicate openly with your partner. Sometimes, love isn’t always mutual, and it’s okay to move on and find someone who reciprocates your feelings.
Final Thoughts
If you recognize many of these signs in your relationship, congratulations! You’ve found something truly special. Keep nurturing your love, cherish the moments you share, and never take each other for granted.
But remember, love is different for everyone, so don’t worry if you don’t check every single box. The important thing is that you and your partner are happy and feel connected.
And if you’re still figuring things out, that’s okay, too. Love takes time to blossom and grow. Be patient, be open, and most importantly, be true to yourself and your feelings.
