How Social Media Affects Relationships (According to 7 Experts)

In this modern digital age, technology can positively and negatively affect our lives.

So, how does it affect our relationship with other people?

Social media can have positive effects on relationships.

It allows relationships to be established and continued from a distance. Countless people create real friendships or start romantic relationships through social media.

Whether people meet via online groups where individuals share commonalities, dating apps, group learning sites, or somewhere else, people can create a sense of connection and belonging through these outlets. This social support has plenty of mental health benefits.

Social media can also negatively affect all types of relationships

On the other hand, social media can also negatively affect all types of relationships, whether it be intimate relationships, friendships, work connections, or even the relationship we have with ourselves.

People spend a lot of time online. This affects how they view their own life and personal self-worth or value. The more time an individual spends online, the more susceptible they are to anxiety, depression, loneliness, the feeling of missing out on life, and diminished self-esteem.

Related: The 30 Best Books on Confidence and Self-Esteem

People often only share joyful, positive highlights online, creating a facade of having the “perfect life” while things are actually falling apart in their life.

It can appear to someone that others are always having a great time, cultivating positive relationships, going on fabulous adventures, buying the best/most popular items, and living a dream life. When a person compares their “real” life to this false reality portrayed by others online, it can have negative effects when their life doesn’t match up.

The truth is if more people would show the not so pleasant aspects of life – the weaknesses, insecurities, trials, and tribulations – the more helpful this would be at improving lives.

When people witness others sharing adversities or how they triumphed over them, people start to feel more normal and possibly learn how to get past their own hardships or where to turn for help.

We could turn a negative effect social media is having into a positive one.

When it comes to dating, relationships can start and end almost entirely over the internet. With so many ways to meet new people, the options for potential new partners are unlimited via the web. People are having more “superficial” relationships, but calling those “real” relationships.

These superficial relationships lack a quality, deep connection where two individuals truly learn about the other through shared activities, talks about life/goals/dream, or discovering each other’s flaws and how to come to love that person because these flaws make them unique and special.

People jump ship at the first obstacle or speedbump in a relationship to move onto the next instead of working on the current relationship to see what potential it has.

There are so many distractions that relationships often become more about, “Who messaged you? Why didn’t you post a picture with me? Why are these thirsty people liking, loving, and commenting on your posts?”

Relationships are becoming so watered down, cookie cutter, and shallow. This is making it easy for people to be replaced in one another’s lives.

Social media can complicate relationships

It was over 15 years ago when I sensed how social media would complicate relationships. A sensitive young housewife came into a session feeling miserable because she had seen on Facebook that two other friends had gotten together for lunch and excluded her.

This heightened visibility of who’s “in” and “out” is one aspect of today’s technology that can cause pain. Not long afterward, a client came to a session complaining that it was painful to see that her ex-husband‘s new wife looked so beautiful in a bathing suit, as she had seen online, and disparaged her own appearance by comparison.

Clients report that dates are cut short – dates that wouldn’t have happened at all if the two hadn’t met online because they suspect that the other has accessed a social opportunity elsewhere via their phone, and sees no need to further explore an evening that isn’t progressing perfectly.

Texting can also be highly problematic, in that it robs the communication of all the non-verbal elements, so intended humor can come off as cruelty, and many messages can be misinterpreted in unintended ways.

I always suggest that clients phone in anything important, so that misunderstandings happen less and the emotional aspect of what’s being said isn’t lost. Ending a relationship via email or text is awful. No matter how painful it feels to face our soon-to-be-former lover or friend, finding the courage to do it in person is imperative.

If we’re the recipient of that behavior we need to remind ourselves that we deserve someone more mature in our lives, and move on to find someone more worthy of our respect.

Yes, social media exposes us and the lives and motivations of others in a way that was previously unheard of, so it’s doubly important that we care for ourselves and support ourselves even more than ever before.

Remind yourself of the personal qualities about yourself that you cherish, whether your date is fully attentive, or you don’t receive as many “likes” as you’d hoped on a post.

Remember that what’s important isn’t the number of people who show you approval, but how you feel about yourself, and your realization that you’re always trying to be the best – most genuine, true to yourself, loving, caring – person you can be.

It expanded our ability to communicate

Social media has greatly expanded humanity’s ability to communicate and added many different layers to the relationship-building process. It’s actually really interesting. While our worldview is greatly shaped by our geography, income, etc., now we have to really consider how social media really affects our relationships, both on and offline.

People with difficulty communicating in-person may flourish in online communities, and their circle may consist of people living all over the globe.

That is not to say that people who communicate well in-person should be discounted as active social media users; they may use social media to create a brand or to market themselves to potential friends or partners with the same interests that they have.

It’s kind of like peacocking, except it’s all on a screen. In that same vein, it also causes tension in relationships, because social media allows people to discreetly converse and interact in ways that were typically unavailable before, even in plain sight.

For example, likes on an Instagram post can translate to “I like you a lot” or “I would like to get to know you better.” Now everyone in your offline life can see those interactions, and depending on what they are, you could face real-world consequences for it.

There’s a downside to social media

Social media was just a hobby until I did the Digital Mums course. Then I went from being on my phone to take family pictures and uploading my disastrous attempts at cooking to being surgically attached to it trying to find all the trending hashtags and latest ways to repost on Instagram.

Suddenly it wasn’t me telling my children to get off their phones, it was them telling me. “Must you look at your phone at the dinner table?” Both funny and upsetting in equal measure when it’s your 8yr old asking you the question whilst looking disapprovingly between the device in your hand and your pathetic face as you realize that once again, social media has got in the way of quality, family time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love social media. I love working with clients and helping them grow their businesses. I love the fact I’m able to provide for my family because of it.

But there’s a downside. It takes over my life. It interrupts dinner time and steals my weekends. It turns me from a responsible adult into a ticked-off teenager.

It also, and this I’m very ashamed to admit has happened on more than one occasion, has kept my attention whilst sitting through many a music recital or drama performance. In my defense, I think you would turn to it too if you had to sit through 19 children all playing the same tune on the recorder!

I now have a pact with my children. When we go out bowling or to the cinema or even just walking the dog, the phone stays in my pocket. Not to be touched unless it’s an emergency. Time is too short and too precious to be ticked off all the time, especially when you’re 44!

There is both a net positive and a negative impact

The truth about social media when it comes to relationships is that there is both a net positive and a negative impact on us depending on how we use the platforms.

The pro’s to social media is that it is extremely easy to find like-minded individuals who express interest in similar subjects. For example, growing up I was labeled a geek and a nerd. I played dorky games like Dungeons and Dragons.

My small group of other dorky friends where all I knew and we didn’t think there was many of us out there.

Fast forward to today, Dungeons and Dragons is extremely popular. There is a whole community of people who watch a group of nerdy ass voice actors play Dungeons and Dragons live on Twitch.tv/criticalrole, it’s become the most subscribed Twitch channel. There you can find thousands of other like-minded individuals and join a community.

The con’s of social media comes from the macro level. Social media gives everyone a voice and enhances that voice with a megaphone. What ends up becoming apparent is that only the most extreme are showcased on the platform as it generates the most engagement.

For those same people who are seeking a community that supports them, they can also find the haters and trolls of the internet.

The other con of social media is its addictive nature. Instagram consultant Emelina Spinelli says “People become addicted to ‘chasing the likes’ and our self worth is tied up in external metrics. How many likes we get on a photo doesn’t determine if we are a good person or not, it only determines how well we are playing the Instagram game.“

Overall, social media is a tool and nothing more. How we use that tool determines it affects our relationships. I’ve made some of my best friends in the world through social media, I’ve been able to achieve great success and meet amazing people.

I’ve also personally had to deal with the worst people on the internet because of it. It’s your choice how you let it affect you.

Social media can affect not only existing relationships but new ones

Too many people and influencers put out content online that is unrealistic and often what I see is that it’s simply for self-validation. Yes, it attracts likes and attention but it’s a one-sided conversation. It starts off new relationships on the wrong foot Social media should be exactly that, social.

Your posts should educate, entertain, encourage, provide solutions and be the door to opening actual social relationships.

It can make your partner feel insecure

As a fitness influencer with a following of 11K+ between my Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, I’ve personally experienced how social media can affect your relationship.

I’ve found that when you have a large following, it can make your partner feel insecure.

On Instagram, anyone can send me a message and strike up a conversation. While I’ve always been completely faithful and loyal in my relationships and have never given a partner a reason to question me, social media can make people falsely believe you are talking to someone else.

It’s the ease of access to people interested in you and your content that can make your partner feel insecure. That can also contribute to your partner feeling angry or annoyed when they see you on your phone. They may make comments about it, which could lead to a larger fight between the two of you.