Asking out a guy is nothing new especially in today’s generation. Nowadays, girls don’t just sit around while waiting for guys to ask them out.
However, it can still be nerve-wracking sometimes. After all, we’re so used to guys asking out girls, so when the table is turned upside down, we’re not sure what to do.
That’s why we asked experts to share some valuable tips on how to do it right.
Let’s have a look:
Confidence is key because it is sexy
The trick to asking a guy out is just to do it. Confidence is key because it is sexy, compelling and begs them to want more. You need to own that you desire to date this person, get excited about it and just do it.
It helps to also not make a huge deal of asking. If you are really leading up to something huge or have some big unveiling plans the other person often understandings something is going on. This changes the dynamics and the expectation of the whole question.
Keep it cool, keep it straight forward and keep it to the point.
“Want to get dinner and a movie with me next week?” Is clearer than a round-a-bout “So I’ve been thinking and came to the conclusion that I really like you. You are just so sweet to me. I would love to take this to the next level and see you more. Care to go on a date in the future?”
The last point to consider is your reaction. Try to hold your emotions in a bit when asking a guy out. Of course, you are allowed to be excited for disappointed but the big dramatic explosion of emotion might not be taken the right way.
Try to share your feelings but not throw it in their face despite their decision.
Olyvia DuSold
Founder, AlignMii
Ask him out the way you want to be asked out
I love asking men out. There is something so taboo about it that it gets your heart going.
I tend to go for guys with a bit of humor so I tend to ask them out as a punch line to a joke. For example, this last guy that I asked out I met on a boat. When we got to where we were going for the day we split up, he went to the bar to get drinks and a snack and I went to the beach for a swim.
When I went to the bar he was sending some fried back to the kitchen and I asked if I could have them. After that, we just kept joking around about how people kept coming up to ask if I wanted a drink and I would answer “no, but I’ll take some fries.”
Later that night we had a miscommunication over a fuse ball game and I ended up eating all the food we had ordered, per usual, but this guy didn’t know that.
Skip forward a few days and I went out again. When I saw the same guy out at the bar (I was in the Bahamas and there are only so many places to go out on an island) I walked up to him and asked if he wanted to buy me some food and I promised I would share.
He said yes, but instead, there was another mix-up and I ended up buying the food and eating it all because, well, I bought the food and I was hungry. Later that night we ended up sitting next to each other and talking. I got to know him more and we realized that there was really a spark.
Then I finally got up the nerve to ask him if he really wanted to go out to dinner and that if he said yes, I promised not to take any of his food.
In short, I feel like asking a guy out is the same as what I want when I get asked out.
I want to know that there is a connection and not just a physical attraction, I want to feel special, and I want there to be some humor. For what it is worth, that guy and I are now dating and happily moving to Costa Rica in April.
Downplay it
If you are truly terrified of rejection, you can get the guy to warm up by asking him on a group date. Well, he won’t know that’s what it is because you can simply ask if he wants to hang out with you and some friends.
This way, if he says no, it’s not a no to you personally but to the whole group. But, if he says yes then it’s a great opportunity for him to see a spark between the two of you, so turn on the charm.
You can also ask them to coffee, this way if they say no, you can say “it’s just coffee.” This will make them second guess their original “no” and maybe ask you out for coffee sometime soon. If they say yes, then it’s a great way to have a date without any of the pressure of dressing up or spending a lot of money.
The Relationship Doctor | Psychologist | Author, “Facebook Dating: from 1st Date to Soulmate”
Be friendly and direct
If you like a guy, there’s no reason you shouldn’t ask him out. Surveys show most men are flattered when a woman expresses interest or asks them out. You can just smile and say, “I’d love to go out with you sometime to get to know each other better.”
“Would you like to get a drink, have dinner or go see a movie sometime?” It’s great to be friendly and direct.
J. Hope Suis
Founder, Hope Boulevard
Offer for something simple
In my opinion, asking a guy out is handled differently depending on whether you are doing it online or with someone you have met/know in ‘real‘ life.
Online – Nowadays, online messaging and dating is typically 50/50 with gals doing the asking first just as much as guys. I am in favor a few written messages and at least one phone call before agreeing to meet, but if the connection seems spot on and you want to go for it, my suggestion is a meet and greet in a public setting.
I’m a fan of this for the obvious time limit. Regardless of how well you get along online until you are sitting across from someone you have no way to know if there is true chemistry. Many things are hidden in online profiles, and you do not want to lock yourself into a full-fledged date until that first meeting is under your belt.
There is nothing taboo at all about mentioning that you would like to meet for coffee or something similar either right after work or early afternoon on a Sunday for example. There is little pressure and if any true interest exists, he will take you up on your offer.
If you are wanting to ask out a guy you know through friends, the neighborhood, church, etc., my first piece of advice would be to ask yourself if you have seen any signs of interest from him. Guys are fairly transparent when they like someone, even if they are shy about doing the asking. Your odds are much better if there has been some subtle flirting already on display.
Again, though, I would make the offer for something simple. Walk in the park. Movie. Early dinner. I would still make it a public place even if you know them. It is also my personal opinion that if a girl asks a guy out, she should be prepared to pay her way. Most guys (the really good ones) will not accept it, but it is fair and shows you have put thought into it.
These are my tips for asking a guy out. There are many different scenarios and almost impossible to address each one. The key is to keep it low profile and in public for the first date. And if a guy says no one time, do not keep going back to ask.
If he is uncomfortable with you asking, he will come around and ask you at a later time. But if he truly isn’t interested, it doesn’t matter how you word it and it just puts you in a bad light.
Caitlyn Paltsios
Relationship Expert at Grapevine Gossip
Asking a guy out can be intimidating. Many women wonder how to ask a guy out, or if they even should. There are many different approaches you can take to asking a guy out.
Take the initiative
You can take the initiative and just go for it. Don’t hesitate, go with your gut and see what happens.
Flip the switch
You can flip the convo and ask the question “so when are you taking me out?” Make him then take the initiative of asking you out, without it seeming like you really came up with the idea.
Make it cute
Plan a way to ask the guy whom you like out. Even though there are supposedly unwritten rules about asking a guy out, rules are only made to be broken. Do not follow the crowd, go get what you want.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I approach asking a guy out without feeling nervous?
It’s natural to be nervous when asking someone out, but there are ways to help manage your anxiety. First, remember that rejection is a normal part of life and does not reflect your worth.
You can also use deep breathing exercises or visualization techniques to calm your nerves. Focus on the possible positive outcomes of the conversation, such as getting to know the person better or spending quality time together. Finally, remind yourself that you’re taking a brave step by putting yourself out there, which is commendable.
What should I consider when choosing a location or activity for the date?
When planning the date, remember the person’s interests and preferences and the level of intimacy you want to establish. Decide on a location or activity that will allow you to talk and get to know each other better.
It’s also helpful to choose a place where you feel comfortable and familiar with both of you. You can consider casual places like cafes or parks or opt for something unique like an art gallery or cooking class. Most importantly, you create a relaxed and comfortable atmosphere that encourages connection.
How do you gauge a guy’s interest before asking him out?
Paying attention to his body language and behavior can give hints about his interest level. Signs that he may be interested in you include maintaining eye contact, leaning forward during conversations, and light physical touches, such as a gentle touch on the arm.
Also, pay attention to whether he initiates a conversation or makes an effort to spend time with you. While these signs are not definitive, they may indicate that he’s open to going out together. Keep in mind that every person is different, and the best way to know for sure is to ask him directly.
How can I start a conversation with a guy I’m interested in but don’t know very well?
It can be challenging to start a conversation with someone you don’t know well, but some strategies can make it easier. Start by looking for common ground, such as shared interests, experiences, or mutual friends. This will give you a natural conversation topic and allow you to connect.
You can also ask open-ended questions encouraging the person to share more about themselves. Be genuinely curious and actively listen to their responses.
Show empathy and understanding; don’t be afraid to share a little about yourself. A warm, friendly demeanor and a sense of humor can also help make the conversation more enjoyable for both of you.
How long should I wait after meeting a guy before asking him out?
There is no definitive timeline for when you should ask someone out, as this largely depends on your unique situation and the level of rapport you have established. The key is ensuring enough interaction to build a genuine connection and mutual interest.
Depending on the circumstances, this can happen after a few conversations or over a longer period. Trust your instincts and pay attention to the other person’s cues. When you feel comfortable and confident that the connection is strong, don’t hesitate to express your interest and ask the person out.
Can I ask a guy out via text message or social media, or should I do it in person?
While there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, the method you choose to ask someone out should depend on the nature of your relationship and your personal communication style.
In-person communication allows for a more personal and genuine connection, enabling you to convey your feelings through body language and tone of voice.
However, if you feel more comfortable or confident expressing your emotions through text or social media, this can also be an effective way to communicate your intentions. The most crucial aspect is expressing yourself clearly, directly, and sincerely, regardless of your chosen medium.
How can I ask out the guy I’m interested in if he is a close friend without jeopardizing our friendship?
When asking a close friend out, approaching the situation with sensitivity and thought is crucial. Begin by honestly evaluating your feelings and considering the possible consequences for your friendship.
If you decide to move forward, choose a private and comfortable setting to have the conversation. Be open about your feelings and express your desire to maintain the friendship, regardless of the outcome.
Make it clear that you value your connection and are willing to work through any changes in the relationship together. Being open, honest, and respectful can minimize any potential negative impact on your friendship.
How can I tell if a guy is genuinely interested in me or just being polite when he accepts a date?
It can be difficult to tell a man’s true intentions, but there are some clues to look for when figuring out whether a guy is interested or just being polite.
Observe his behavior and engagement during the date. If he actively participates in conversations, asks thoughtful questions, and shows enthusiasm, he’s likely genuinely interested.
Also, it’s a strong indication that he wants to get to know you better if he suggests future activities or makes plans to meet again. Trust your instincts and give the relationship time to develop because a person’s true intentions often become clearer.
How can I handle the situation when the guy out is unsure about his feelings or needs time to think?
If a guy is unsure about his feelings or needs time to consider your invitation, it’s essential to be patient and understanding. Express your appreciation for his honesty and let him know you respect his need for time and reflection.
Avoid pressuring him to decide, as this could cause discomfort and strain the relationship. Instead, give him space and continue to have positive interactions to maintain the connection.
By showing empathy and patience, you demonstrate that you respect his feelings and create a supportive environment where he can make an informed decision.
How do I handle cultural differences when asking a guy out?
Dealing with cultural differences can be particularly challenging when asking someone out, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and understanding.
Start by learning about the other person’s cultural background and norms, and be open to learning more about their perspectives and experiences. Be mindful of potential cultural differences in communication styles, dating practices, and social expectations.
When asking the guy out, approach the situation sensitively and with respect for his cultural background. Encourage open dialog and be willing to listen and adapt as needed. You can foster a deeper connection and mutual understanding by being open-minded and empathetic.
What can I do to keep the conversation flowing naturally during the date after asking a guy out?
Making sure the conversation flows smoothly during your date can lead to a more enjoyable and exciting experience for both of you. Start by asking open-ended questions encouraging your date to share more about himself, his interests, and his experiences.
Listen actively and attentively to his answers and show genuine interest in what he has to say. Be willing to share your own stories and insights, as this can promote a balanced and dynamic conversation.
Don’t be afraid to bring up light-hearted or humorous topics to create a relaxed atmosphere. Remember that moments of silence are also okay, as they can provide an opportunity to reflect and connect.
How can I manage my expectations when asking a guy out to avoid possible disappointment or heartbreak?
When asking someone out, you need to manage your expectations to maintain a healthy mindset and avoid possible disappointment. Realize that not every person you ask out will be a perfect match for you, and that’s okay.
Focus on the process of getting to know each other and on shared experiences rather than fixating on a specific outcome. Remind yourself that rejections are a normal part of dating and have nothing to do with your value.
Maintaining a balanced perspective and being open to different possibilities can give you a more positive and fulfilling dating experience.