How to Ask a Guy Out? (22 “Not To Miss” Tips

Making the first move can be scary. What if he says no? What if he laughs in your face? What if he thinks you’re too forward? But here’s the thing—you’ll never know unless you try.

Think about it. When you take charge of your love life, you’re showing the world (and yourself) that you’re a confident, self-assured woman who isn’t afraid to go after what she wants. And that’s sexy as hell!

So, how do you go about it? Do you play it cool and casual, or lay all your cards on the table? Should you slide into his DMs or ask him out face-to-face? And what if he says no?

Keep reading for my top tips on how to ask a guy out—without losing your cool!

Be Upfront and Confident

Listen up, ladies! Gone are the days when we had to sit around waiting for a guy to make the first move. We’re living in the 21st century, and that means it’s totally okay for us to take the initiative and ask a guy out ourselves.

In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s downright empowering!

Being upfront and confident when asking a guy out shows that you know what you want and you’re not afraid to go after it. It means you’re comfortable in your own skin, and you’re not going to let outdated gender roles hold you back.

And let’s be real—confidence is sexy. When you approach a guy with your head held high and a smile on your face, you’re sending a clear message that you’re a catch and he’d be lucky to go out with you.

Be Direct and Straightforward

Listen up because here’s the deal: waiting around for someone else to decide your fate? That’s old news. If you’re interested in a guy, just tell him.

Being direct saves you both a lot of time. You ask, he answers, and you’re either setting up a date or moving on—no biggie.

And guess what? Most guys dig that kind of honesty. It’s a compliment to them—you’re out there saying, “Hey, you caught my attention.” That’s pretty cool.

So, don’t hold back. If you want to go on a date with him, just ask. If he’s the right kind of guy for you, he’ll respect you for it.

Gauge His Interest with Light Flirting

And while we’re all for being direct and confident, sometimes you want to test the waters a bit first, and that’s perfectly okay too.

Before you take the plunge and ask him out directly, it’s a good idea to test the waters with some light flirting. Plus, it’s fun and can help you build a connection before you make your move.

If he responds positively to your flirting, it’s a good sign that he might be interested. If he seems disinterested or pulls away, it might be best to back off and reconsider asking him out.

"Guys are fairly transparent when they like someone, even if they are shy about doing the asking. Your odds are much better if there has been some subtle flirting already on display." 

— J. Hope Suis | Founder, Hope Boulevard

Pick a Relaxed Moment to Ask

So, you’ve been flirting up a storm, and you’re feeling pretty confident that your crush is into you. Now it’s time to take the plunge and actually ask him out. But when’s the best time to do it?

You don’t want to spring it on him when he’s stressed out or distracted or when there are a bunch of other people around. Instead, look for a time when you’re alone together, and the conversation is flowing easily.

• If he says yes, great! You can start making plans and looking forward to your date.
• If he says no or seems unsure, don’t take it personally. Just smile and say something like, “No worries, I just thought I’d ask. Thanks for being honest with me.” Then move on to other topics and keep the conversation flowing.

Remember, you’re a catch, and you have plenty to offer. If he’s not interested, that’s his loss—and there are plenty of other guys out there who would jump at the chance to go out with you.

Write a Note If You’re Too Shy

But hey, not everyone finds it easy to ask someone out face-to-face, and that’s totally fine. If that sounds like you, why not go old school and write a note? 

It’s cute, personal, and gives the whole asking-out thing a certain charm. “Hey, I think you’re great and would love to go out sometime. Here’s my number. Text me?” Slip it to him when you’re leaving class or work, or even just place it somewhere for him to find.

Ask Him Out Through a Friendly Text

Sometimes, it’s easier to say things over text, right? You don’t have to worry about blushing or anything.

If you’ve got his number, slide into his messages with a friendly invitation. Make sure to keep the same vibe you would if you were talking face-to-face. Start with a simple “Hey” or “What’s up?” and see if he replies.

If he responds positively, great! You can start making more concrete plans. If he doesn’t respond or seems uninterested, don’t take it personally and move on.

Keep It Low Pressure with a Coffee Invite

If you’re feeling nervous about asking a guy out on a full-blown date, why not start with something more low-key, like grabbing a coffee?

When suggesting a coffee date, you could say something like, “I’ve been loving the lattes at this new café downtown. Would you want to meet up there sometime and try them out together?”

The great thing about a coffee date is that it can be as short or as long as you want it to be. If you’re hitting it off and having a great conversation, you can always suggest extending the date and grabbing a bite to eat or taking a walk in a nearby park.

On the other hand, if you’re not feeling a connection, you can easily wrap things up after finishing your drinks.

Slip It Into a Conversation Naturally

This can take some finesse and a bit of patience, but when done right, it can feel like a seamless and effortless transition.

Let’s say you’re chatting with a guy about your shared love of hiking. You could casually mention a new trail you’ve been wanting to check out and then gauge his reaction. If he seems interested, you could follow up with something like, “I was thinking of heading out there this weekend. Would you want to join me?”

Remember, the goal is to make the invitation feel like a natural extension of your conversation. By slipping it in smoothly and gauging his reaction, you can avoid any awkward or abrupt transitions.

Use a Compliment to Segue Into Asking

Compliments are a great way to show someone that you appreciate them and make them feel good about themselves.

For example, let’s say you’re chatting with a guy about a project he’s been working on. You could say something like, “Wow, I’m really impressed by your dedication to this project. It’s clear that you’re passionate about what you do.”

Then, follow it up with an invitation: “I’d love to hear more about it over coffee sometime if you’re up for it.”

Just remember, the compliment should be sincere and not just a means to an end. If you’re not genuinely impressed or attracted to the person, it’s better to skip the compliment altogether and find another way to ask them out.

Suggest a Specific Place and Time

When you want to ask a guy out, being specific can really work wonders. Vague invitations can be easily brushed off or forgotten. Instead, suggest a specific place and time for your date.

So go ahead and throw out an idea. Be a little bold and say, “There’s this cool outdoor cinema this Thursday. How about we catch the 7 PM show of your favorite director’s film? I’ve heard it’s a great experience.”

Being specific also helps to avoid any confusion or miscommunication. It gives him a clear idea of what you have in mind and allows him to make an informed decision about whether or not he’s available and interested.

Propose an Outing with Friends

Group hangouts can be a great, comfy backdrop to ask a guy out, especially if you share the same bunch of friends.

You might be chatting in a group when an idea for an outing pops up—jump on this chance. “Hey, we should all hit the bowling alley this weekend. It’ll be a blast!” It’s informal, and with the group as a safety net, it takes the pressure off one-on-one plans.

Now, if during the group fun, it really feels like you’re both clicking, you can always get a bit bolder. Casually suggest to him, maybe as the night is winding down, “I had such a great time hanging out with you tonight! What do you think about grabbing lunch together next week, just the two of us?”

It’s a smooth transition from a group outing to a potential date, and it feels like the natural next step.

Show Interest in His Hobbies and Propose a Related Date

One of the best ways to show a guy that you’re interested in him is to take an interest in the things he’s passionate about.

When proposing the date, make sure to express your own interest and enthusiasm as well. You could say something like, “I know you’re really into rock climbing, and I’ve always wanted to try it out. Would you be up for giving me a lesson some time?”

Tailoring the date to his interests gives you a chance to learn more about his passions and to see him in his element. And even if things don’t work out romantically, you’ll still have the chance to explore a new activity and spend time with someone whose company you enjoy.

Ask for His Opinion on a Date Idea

People love feeling like their opinion matters, so why not apply that when asking a guy out?

Start by suggesting an idea you think he might like. “I was thinking about checking out the new sushi place downtown. What do you think?” If he seems excited about the idea or offers a suggestion of his own, take that as a green light.

"You can flip the convo and ask the question “So when are you taking me out?” Make him then take the initiative of asking you out without it seeming like you really came up with the idea."

— Caitlyn Paltsios | Relationship Expert at Grapevine Gossip 

Invite Him to an Event as Your “Plus One”

Got an upcoming event that you need a date for? Why not invite the guy you’ve been crushing on to be your “plus one”? This is your in.

It’s straightforward: “I’ve got this event, and I’d love for you to rock it with me. Are you up for it?”

When you’re inviting him, make sure to give him all the important details about the event. What’s the dress code? Will there be food? Is it a seated thing or more of a mingling situation? The more he knows, the more comfortable he’ll feel saying yes.

And if he can’t make it, no worries! You can always find another opportunity to hang out. Or not, but don’t worry about it! There are plenty more date opportunities out there!

Offer Him an “Extra Ticket”

Got a ticket to spare? It’s the perfect chance to invite him out without putting too much pressure on the situation.

You can bring it up like this: “Hey, I just realized I have an extra ticket to the basketball game on Friday. Would you want to go with me? It should be a good one!”

If he says yes, great! You’ll have a chance to bond over your shared love of the game (or whatever event it is). And if he can’t make it, no big deal. You can always find someone else to go with or just enjoy the experience on your own.

Use a Special Occasion as a Leverage

Birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions can be the perfect opportunity to ask a guy out. I mean, who doesn’t love a little extra celebration, right? And if you play your cards right, you might just end up with a date and a fun way to mark the occasion.

The key is to keep it casual and make it seem like a fun way to celebrate rather than a high-pressure date. And if he’s not up for it, no worries. You can always celebrate with friends or on your own. The important thing is that you put yourself out there and give it a shot!

Hang Out Casually

Sometimes, the best way to ask a guy out is to not really ask him out at all.

What do I mean by that? Well, instead of formally asking him on a date, you could just suggest hanging out casually and see where things go.

The idea is to keep things low-key and informal, so there’s no pressure on either of you. You’re just two people hanging out and getting to know each other better. Maybe that casual hang-out will turn into something more down the line.

Tell Him You Are Hungry

Feeling famish? That can be the perfect setup to ask a guy out simply because everyone needs to eat, right? 

You could say something like, “Man, I’m starving. I skipped lunch today and now I’m seriously craving some pizza. Do you want to grab a bite with me?”

You’re not asking him on a formal date or confessing your undying love—you’re just two hungry people looking to grab some food together. And if he says yes, you’ll have a chance to chat, laugh, and get to know each other better over a shared meal.

Who knows? It could be the start of something delicious.

Ask If He’d Like to Join You for a Workout

We all know that exercise can be more fun with a buddy. And if you and your crush are both fitness enthusiasts, you might have just found the best way to ask him… out.

When you’re asking him to join you, try to keep it casual and low-pressure. You could say something like, “I’m planning to hit the gym tomorrow morning for a quick workout. Would you be interested in joining me?” If he’s up for it, great!

Post-workout, you’re both on that endorphin high, feeling good, and it’s so simple to say, “I’m starved after that session. How about we grab a smoothie?” It flows smoothly from exercise to a casual post-workout hangout.

Ask for His Help with Something

Everybody needs a hand sometimes, and asking for help is a practical way to spend time with someone.

For example, let’s say you know he’s great with computers. You could say something like, “Hey, I’ve been having some trouble with my laptop lately. I know you’re pretty tech-savvy—do you think you could take a look at it for me sometime?”

Pro-tip? Suggest grabbing coffee or lunch as a thank-you!

Ask Him to Teach You Something He’s Good At

Everyone’s got their own talents, and it’s really cool to learn from each other. If you know he’s passionate about something — be it cooking, skateboarding, or even coding — why not ask him to teach you a thing or two?

As he shows you the ropes, you’re learning something new, and he gets to shine in his element—it’s a nice ego boost.

Once the lesson wraps up, whether you’ve rolled out the perfect pasta or taken a spill on the skateboard, it’s so natural to express your gratitude and stay connected. “This was awesome—thank you! I’d love to return the favor. Ever tried rock climbing? Let’s go sometime!”

Leave Room for a ‘No’

When you’re asking a guy out, it’s important to remember that he has the right to say no. And while it can be tough to hear, it’s important to respect his decision and not take it too personally.

One way to make the whole process feel less daunting is to go into it with the mindset that a ‘no’ is always a possibility. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be confident or optimistic—it just means being realistic and prepared for any outcome.

When you’re planning your ask, try to choose your words carefully. Instead of putting him on the spot with a direct question like “Will you go out with me?”, you could say something more open-ended like “I was thinking about checking out that new sushi place this weekend. Would you be interested in joining me?”

This kind of phrasing leaves room for him to say no without feeling like he’s rejecting you outright. It also shows that you respect his autonomy and you’re not trying to pressure him into anything.

If he does say no, try to take it in stride. Smile and say something like, “No worries, I understand. Thanks for being honest with me.” Then, change the subject and keep the conversation moving.

Remember, a no doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or that you did something wrong. It just means that he’s not interested in going out with you, and that’s okay. There are plenty of other guys out there who would be lucky to have the chance.

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Final Thoughts

Let’s get one thing straight: if men have the right to choose who they want to date, then so do we. Long gone are the days when women had to sit around waiting for a guy to make the first move.

And if he says no? That’s oka, too. We all have the right to make our own choices when it comes to romance.

Don’t take it personally. Just brush yourself off and remember that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. If one guy isn’t interested, don’t waste your time pining after him—move on to someone who appreciates how amazing you are.

Just be sure to respect his decision and don’t cross the line into aggressive behavior because there’s no pretty in being pushy! At the end of the day, dating should be a fun, positive experience—not a source of stress or anxiety for both of you.

So take a deep breath, trust your gut, and go get ’em, tiger!