Personal Transformation

How to Be a Nicer Person

Let’s be honest; we all have those moments when we could probably be a little nicer, kinder, and more helpful to other people.

As the saying goes, “It is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice.”

But how does one become a genuinely nicer person, anyway? Let’s find out.

Table of Contents

Dr. Margaret Paul

Margaret Paul

Psychologist | Author | Relationship Expert | Co-creator, Inner Bonding

People often treat others the way they treat themselves, so if they are harsh and judgmental toward themselves, they will likely treat others this way as well. People tend to project on to others how they feel about themselves, so if they think they are not good enough, they may be unkind to others as well.

The key to becoming a naturally nicer person is to practice being nicer to yourself

The more you become aware of judging yourself, and you learn to take responsibility for your feelings by learning what they are telling you, rather than avoiding them with various addictions, the nicer you will be to yourself and therefore to others.

A lack of kindness with yourself and others indicates that your intention is to control your own feelings, as well as control others and outcomes. When kindness has a higher priority for you than controlling yourself and others, you will find it easy to be nicer. You also need to get enough sleep and exercise and eat well. It’s hard to be nice when you are tired and not feeling well.

Related: How to Make Yourself Happy

Dr. Winfried Sedhoff

Winfried Sedhoff

Family Physician and Therapist | Author, The Friendship Key

It was a mass act of kindness that saved a man’s leg – and his life. On August 6th, 2014, at Stirling Train Station, northwest of Perth, Western Australia, a man tripped and fell between a stationary train and the platform. Almost instantly, someone notified the train driver, and the engine brought to a stop. Then, after barely any prompting, scores of passengers – strangers – pushed on the massive carriage and tilted it sideways just enough. The man soon freed had barely a scratch!

In a world of trolling, rampant prejudice, hate crimes, and just plain intolerance, it can be easy to forget our inner, nicer, kinder nature. We live among disconnected competing strangers afraid of each other, unsure who will attack or backstab each other next. It’s sometimes easier to be horrible. After all, they don’t give two dots about us.

But like a ball on an elastic string, what we throw out comes back. Wouldn’t we prefer niceness to fly our way rather than horribleness?

Besides, it isn’t like niceness is foreign to us; random acts of kindness happen every day. Look them up on social media. A random stranger pays the bill of a crying mother who can’t afford food at a checkout. The man out of nowhere helping get luggage into another’s car after the bag’s owner has strained their back. Only one vehicle stops to help when ours gave up the ghost miles back.

So, why not be a nicer person and increase our chance of some niceness coming in our direction? Better still, be nice without expectation; it’s almost guaranteed to gives us a lovely feel-good rush. And heaven knows, with every act of niceness, we could just be making the world a better place. Wouldn’t that be nice?

How can we be a nicer person and reap its rewards? It’s easy when we think of being nice in terms of being a good friend.

To be a nicer person, ask: what would a good, kind, and loving friend do?

It’s easier still when we break down friendship into simple components to meet for each other. For example, wouldn’t it feel nice for someone to make time for us no matter how busy their life is? It’s terrific to feel special.

How lovely would it be if someone made room for us in the long line, gave up a seat on the bus or train, or smiled a genuine smile of warmth our way? We all feel energized when treated with respect.

And how about when people listen? When they get to know, understand, and validate our tough day at the office, or home looking after the kids? Feeling heard and approved for who we are is better than a sugar hit.

Then, to top it off, how amazing is it when strangers help us, coming out of nowhere? Like the many at a station platform kindly assisting a guy who tripped at the wrong time and place.

We are social beings; friendship is in our makeup. To bind that friendship and help us feel safe, secure, and loved, we all seek to feel valued, respected, heard, validated and cared for – meet each other’s friendship needs.

To be a good friend is undoubtedly the epitome of being nice.

Our lives do not have to be surrounded by nasty horribleness. When life’s toxicity strikes, what better time to ask, how might a good friend react? Next thing you know, we might see the situation differently and respond with an act of niceness we never knew we had in us, yet we suppressed.

The world is for us to make. How much better would it be if more of us decided to be a nicer person? How much better would our life be among genuinely nice friends?

Related: How to Change the World

Kate Hanley

Kate Hanley

Author | Writer | Coach | Podcast Host, How to Be a Better Person

Look people in the eye

Something simple but powerful you can do every single day is to make it a point to look people in the eye. Making eye contact is a tiny little thing that has a huge impact. It reminds you and the person you’re looking at that we are all in this together. It helps you feel the connection we all share with each other that’s easy to ignore or forget about when you’re in your own little world.

You won’t always have time to volunteer or money to give, but you always have your attention and you can offer that to others.

Admit your missteps

Everyone makes mistakes. Even you. It’s what you do after the mistake that is an opportunity to be a better person. Our first reaction is typically to hide something we did wrong, but owning up to a mistake is freeing because you no longer have to expend energy on trying to ignore it, or justifying your actions. On top of that, you’re going to create an opportunity for connection with the people affected by your mistake.

How do you do it? Say something simple, like, “You know how I did or said that thing? I messed up. I’m sorry. I wish I would have handled that differently.”

I can’t promise it will lead to a big heart-to-heart. You might only get a nod or a shrug. It still matters. You’re still modeling the behavior you’d like to receive. And that’s what being a better person is all about—being the change you wish to see.

Related: Why Do We Blame Others for Our Failures, Mistakes, and Problems?

Give more positive reviews

In today’s world of social media, it’s easier than it’s ever been to act on the impulse to complain about something, whether it’s a product you bought or service you’ve received. Having a phone in your hand makes it so enticing to really let ‘er rip when you’re angry.

Another reason it’s so tempting to fire off a negative review is that our brains are hard-wired to look for problems. It’s called the negativity bias, and it’s what helped us remember well which berries made us sick when we were living on the savannas. But now it makes us remember negative things more than positive ones.

If you want to be kinder, you have to push back against the negativity bias

One way to do that is to challenge yourself to leave more positive reviews—and that includes giving more positive feedback to your loved ones and colleagues. It will help you remember to look for the experiences that go well and to thank people for doing good. And what we focus on grows.

Donna Cameron

Donna Cameron

Author, A Year of Living Kindly: Choices That Will Change Your Life and the World Around You

One of the biggest secrets to becoming a nicer person is simply paying attention

Rather than being caught up in our smartphones and other devices, or our own internal drama, being aware of what’s happening around us is important. That means noticing the person whose hands are full for whom we could open the door, or the car trying to change lanes in front of us or the child who is craving some attention.

Learning to pause is another strategy for becoming nicer

Instead of a knee-jerk response to someone’s unkind or insensitive remark, take a moment to pause and see if you can offer them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps the comment came out differently from how they intended it. Perhaps they are dealing with stresses or problems that you know nothing about that could excuse their lapse.

In addition, when we respond in-kind to bad behavior, bad behavior wins. Use that pause as an opportunity to ask whether someone else being a jerk means we have to be one, too. Instead, ask who you want to be and what values you want to model.

I’d suggest that if someone really wants to make a serious effort to be nicer or kinder, take it gradually.

Don’t declare that from this day forth you will always be kind, compassionate, and Mother Teresa-like. That just sets you up for failure.

Instead, say you will aim to be 5 or 10 percent nicer and look for opportunities throughout your day. Remember that kindnesses aren’t generally grand gestures, but the day-to-day courtesies we choose (or don’t choose) to extend to one another: a friendly greeting, a smile, allowing a car to merge in front of us; a sincere compliment.

After you’ve worked at being 5-10 percent kinder for a week or two, add another 5 or 10 percent. Pretty soon, you’ve become a nicer person and the world is a nicer place.

Charlene Walters, MBA, Ph.D.

Charlene Walters

Writer and Speaker | Business & Branding Mentor | Author, Own Your Other

Being a nicer person is about having the right mindset. There are a few things you can do to ensure that you approach each day through a lens of kindness.

Be objective

Try to look at situations from other people’s perspectives instead of just your own. This will enable you to develop empathy for others and to learn not to take things personally. You will respond to people with much more kindness if you do.

Develop a positive mindset

Look for the good in every situation and person. You will be less likely to get angry and will be much nicer to those you interact with.

Volunteer

When we give, we receive. Learn to give back to others and you’ll be surprised at what you get in return.

Smile

When you smile, you are putting positive energy out there into the world and will get it back in return.

Learn to pause

If you feel like you might say something that is unkind or that you might regret, pause for a moment and think about your words. Those extra seconds will afford you the opportunity to formulate a nicer response.

Maintain work-life balance

Focus on self-care too. When we are well-rested and balanced, we are happier and interact in a more positive way. Take care of yourself.

Related: How to Live a Balanced Life?

Work on your resilience

The more resilient you are, the better you will become at re-framing the negative and bouncing back from trying situations. Resilient people are happier and approach setbacks with a positive attitude and kindness. Develop resilience by practicing positive self-talk and looking at setbacks objectively.

Yocheved Golani

Yocheved Golani

Editor, eCounseling

Nice people make space in their schedules, thoughts, efforts, and lives, for other people

Someone else is allowed to have the last word in a conversation and to speak of their own interests and opinions, not just yours. They can even “go first” in conversations, in lines, and in your priorities.

Pleasant and agreeable without being naive and easy to manipulate, nice people are considerate of the people around them

They accommodate people who are unhappy, uncertain, or in need of assistance. A “You matter, too” attitude is part of a nice person’s mindset.

But what if you’re already nice and want to be nicer? What if you need to become a nice person? Then what? The answer is to practice pleasant behaviors until they become your second nature. Actors do something like that all the time: they pretend that they have specific personality traits until they can easily behave as if that is their true personality.

Someone who wants to become a nicer person can perform nice acts and think considerate ways until being nice is their auto-pilot, so to speak.

As Mr. Rogers taught, “The three most important things in life are to be kind, to be kind, and to be kind.” Keep looking for ways to demonstrate kindness and you’ll become a nicer person.

Paying attention to details is one way of being nice

Show up on time when people have indicated their expectations for your arrival or input. Bother to focus on someone else’s priorities, and cooperate with those details as a mutual goal. If your friend, spouse, colleague or other person values a certain occasion, sport, color, food, holiday, hobby or somesuch, make respectful and supportive remarks about their interest(s).

You can even participate in those outlets to some extent. One example is to set fresh flowers at someone’s desk when they celebrate an occasion or victory. Congratulatory cards, handshakes, hugs, or kisses might be in order. If someone close to you enjoys a specific food, share some with them or present them with a gift of that food. Join them in an activity to which they’ve invited you or initiate that very activity to include them in it.

Think creatively about how to show your joy at someone else’s happiness

Spend more time with someone who wants to interact with you. Put your digital devices away and focus on real-time, real relationships, and genuine social skills, too. The overuse of social media (it’s quite an oxymoron) and digital devices harm relationships.

When you feel annoyed with someone, you can be nicer about the nuisance than you have been in the past

Keep your lips still when you want to make sarcastic or otherwise derogatory remarks. Practice forgiveness, too, instead of holding a grudge. Forgiveness is an act, not an emotion or caving into someone.

You simply choose not to use the incident or controversy as a weapon against the person. You let the troubling thoughts go. Let the universe deal with the issue. You go on your merry way, being classy, calm, and pleasantly behaved.

Enjoy the fun of shared memories when all of you reminisce about the time that you said or did something nice

Praise yourself for not causing people to regret having crossed your path or mood. When you think of “How to be a nicer person,” look at life from the perspective of people who value you or want your approval.

Give your nobler self more time to make itself known to them. You’re likely to value yourself more and more over time, just as the people around you do, too.

Christine Scott-Hudson, MA, MFT, ATR

Christine Scott-Hudson

Licensed Psychotherapist, Create Your Life Studio | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist |
Author, Author of I LOVE MYSELF; Affirmations For A Happy Life

In order to be a nicer person, you must first become a nicer person to yourself

You must remember that most people are doing their best. Practice giving yourself a break and reaching for thoughts that are more compassionate, even if your first thought is judgmental or unkind. Assume the best in other people and in yourself.

Practice saying daily affirmations that are compassionate and loving towards yourself and others.

“I love myself” is an excellent affirmation to start with. Say this phrase to yourself every single morning when you wake up, and then again, every single evening before bed. Say “I love myself” before going into anxiety-producing situations. Say “I love myself” when you feel sad, mad, upset, or judgmental towards yourself or others.

Remind yourself that you love yourself and that you are worthy of love. Soon, this sense of love will begin to extend outwardly towards the people around you.

You may choose to practice Metta meditation.

Metta meditation is the practice of loving-kindness towards yourself and others.. You can find Metta meditation practice videos on YouTube. Another wonderful meditation practice is the Hawaiian practice of H’oponopono. H’oponopono has four parts to the practice:

  • Admitting responsibility, “I’m sorry”
  • Asking for forgiveness, “Please forgive me.”
  • Expressing gratitude, “Thank you.”
  • Giving love, “I love you.”

If you grew up in an invalidating or abusive environment, you may not have developed the neuronal structure inside of your brain for deep empathy. You must surround yourself with kind and validating people now, to practice feeling understood, validated, and being shown compassion.

Psychotherapy is a marvelous way to begin a healthy, authentic, and safe relationship where you can begin to experience validation and compassion with someone other than just yourself.

People who are unkind have a war going on inside of themselves. End the war inside of yourself, and it will become second nature to end the war with others, as well.

Jim Tanner, LPCC

Jim Tanner

Pastor | Founder, The Next Right Choice Counseling Center

To start being a nicer person is very much like starting to eat better. You need to start small and change a few items. Once the few are changed, you can start changing some harder areas. I am going to five ways you can start being a nicer person today.

  • Smile. Smiling not only affects your attitude but it can also change the attitude of those around you.
  • Look others in the eye. Looking someone in the eye shows they have value, and you see them as a person. Next time you interact with someone, look them in the eye and smile, most likely they will smile back, and you will come across as a nice person without even saying a word.
  • Stop talking about yourself. People seem to be nicer if they are interested in the other person. When talking to others, stop making the conversation about you, instead ask a question about them and their family.
  • Say hello. Greeting others as you walk down the hallway at work is a great way to show others you see them and respect them as a person.
  • Say, thank you. When interacting with others, simply saying thank you shows respect for them as a person and that you value them.

Jo Hawkins

Jo Hawkins

Transformation & Business Coach | International Speaker

First up, we often get grumpy when life has been zero fun. Self-care can improve our care of others. After all, you cannot give what you do not have. Create an environment that nurtures the inner person and other people will benefit!

Here are 10 Unexpected Tips that will help you become more attractive to be with:

Learn to chillax

Get out more have some time in the Sun, Vitamin D3 has a positive effect on our dopamine levels, when our dopamine levels are up we are more relaxed, have more happy hormones and are generally healthier and nicer to be with.

Have a duvet day from time to time

Take a gentle day doing… well nothing in particular, snuggle up in bed and catch-up with the world. Let the smell of coffee or hot chocolate draw you in and nurture your spirit as you take time just to be.

Learn to journal

Make it part of your routine, it opens up resourceful parts of our frontal lobe and we feel more peace. Journaling on gratitude is particularly effective, so start your journaling session with 5 things you are grateful for – the sunshine, people, air…

They don’t have to be big, but just the fact that you notice them will increase your joy and open your RAS Reticular Activating System, to notice other things that are pleasing. This sets up a chain response and the floodgates of happy hormones are released.

Cuddling

Cuddling is highly beneficial for us, reducing cortisol levels produced by stress, lowering blood pressure and the frontal cortex of the brain. Finding the right person to cuddle is the fun part. Once you have them, treasure them and cuddle often, why not- it’s good for you!

Forgiveness starts with forgiving ourselves

Often the toughest thing to do is to forgive our own wrongs. People who are Tough on others are often harder on themselves. As we hold on to hurts we are ourselves held in bondage, like a monkey caught with his hand in a jar of peanuts. Monkeys refuse to let go of the nuts to get their hand out of a small-mouthed the jar and so this was often used as a trap to catch the little creatures.

Being a nicer person starts with being nicer to ourselves. Say kind things in your internal dialogue, encourage yourself, have some fun. Happiness is an inside job.

Enjoy music

Upbeat music is fabulous for changing our vibe, have a dance while you are there and feel the beat in your bones. Find a playlist that becomes your go-to when you need a lift. Chocolate works too but can wind-up on your hips, so music is a winner as there are no nasty side-effects!

Control your emotional state

Learn to control your emotional state so that others do not have the power to push you around, or set-off those hot-buttons because you disarmed them ahead of time. This is Personal Power none can mess with.

Quick ways to do this include 3 little things:

  • What we do with our body, our posture – holding your head high and keeping a dignified pose, smiling – increases happy hormones, do it all the time – it keeps people guessing what’s going on!
  • The things we think, including our self-talk, keep it upbeat and positive, be your own ideal coach, and watch your life change!
  • What we say, positivity is key to a great mentality.

Our Personality equals our Personal Reality so create a magical character that attracts all hearts to you. Personal development and motivation help keep us on track.

Get out more into nature

Feel the gentleness seep into your heart as you are refreshed by the wonder of the earth. Feeling peace opens our hearts to compassion and tolerance of others.

Meditating, or just being mindful of nature changes our brain waves and we are better to be around because our mood improves! There is way too much stress in daily living, so remember to unplug and unwind. It’s great for mental health.

Find your purpose and align with it

This gives a magnificent sense of meaning to life. Find your Heart-Song and tune in to it! What makes you come alive and gives you real “Drive”… this is your super-juice for the journey of life.

Lean in and go with the flow. Your Desires are a sign of a higher calling and you should find ways to respond. Purpose leads to fulfillment and contribution. It’s so freeing as you truly find yourself and learn to live from that place of flow where grace is tangible.

Find ways to focus on others, on giving back and contributing

Do this in ways that give you joy as well as others. It must be a win-win or your heart will wilt. Have fun while you do this! Contribution at it’s highest always seeks to leave a legacy by making a change for the greater good, leaving a mark that bears our secret signature.

Because we had a heart to uplift other Lives are changed, the world gets richer in meaning because we made a difference. There is a ripple effect and before we know it, a domino of kindness has been set-off, impacting others beyond our reach.

Arlene B. Englander, LCSW, MBA

Arlene B. Englander

Licensed Psychotherapist |
Author, Let Go of Emotional Overeating and Love Your Food: A Five-Point Plan for Success

Never be shy to give compliments to others

I’m always trying to be a nice person as I can be. Throughout the day, I always make an effort to compliment others, even total strangers, on their actions or appearance.

When I compliment others on what they’re wearing, for example, rather than saying “What a lovely dress!”, I will say “How lovely that dress looks on you!” This praises not only the recipient’s taste but their appearance.

Give thanks

One phrase I find myself using a lot, and in fact whenever I travel I make sure I know how to say it well in the language of the country I’m visiting, is “Thanks for all you do.”

People in the service industry, standing behind counters, waiting on tables and the like, go through a lot in dealing with the general public. Often they’re mistreated. And often people do not show that they are truly seen as unique individuals. It’s great to see the big smile I so often get when I say this – a gift that comes back to make me feel good, as well.

The karma we create by being nice is it’s own reward, whether there’s a positive response or not, though. It’s a great way to live, lower our stress, and feel better about our world and ourselves.

Nicole Black

Nicole Black

Owner and Creator, Coffee and Carpool: Raising Kind Kids

It’s easy to be kind when others are kind to us. It’s harder to be kind when we don’t feel like it or when we’re lost in our own thoughts or when someone has been unkind to us. Here’s one way to help us remember to be a kinder person:

As adults, we can be mindful of other people around us by physically looking up and being more thoughtful and considerate

We can infuse kindness into our every day lives with very little effort or hardship on our part. These mindful acts make someone else’s day just a little bit easier and we don’t really know how big of an impact that can have on someone else’s day.

  • We can look behind us to see if someone is there before letting go of the door.
  • We can help a mama with a stroller and a toddler in tow get through the door.
  • We can tuck our legs as someone is trying to pass.
  • We can move our bags off our chair so someone else can sit down.
  • We can give up our seat to someone who needs it more than us.
  • We can bus our table at a restaurant and throw our trash away at a movie theater.
  • We can smile at people and thank people when they help us.

Speak with kindness towards our kids

As an adult, it’s super easy to use our position of power to talk down to our kids. To speak to them with unkindness, because we can. There’s no one telling us we can’t. But we can’t.

If we want our kids to speak with kindness and treat us with respect, we also have to speak to our kids with kindness and treat them with respect. To do that, we have to keep our emotions in check. We have to stay calm when they misbehave or break our family rules or speak unkindly to us.

It’s not always easy, but we have to be kind to our kids. Because we can. And because we’re the only adult in the relationship and we need to model kindness for them.

Related: How to Discipline a Toddler

Angy Tsafos

Angy Tsafos

Life and Mindset Coach, The Net Life

Think of this analogy. You are holding a cup of coffee and someone bumps into you making you spill your coffee everywhere. Had it been water, you would have spilled that everywhere. When you pushed, you spill whatever is in your cup. So what is in your cup today?

Anger, bitterness, harsh words? So if someone pushes you, this is what will come oozing out. It might feel good to let it all out on the spot but then later you will then regret it.

Choose what you fill your cup with

Fill it with joy, acceptance, forgiveness and open heart and let this spill out and overflow when you are prodded or when life gets tough. You can always choose how to react and what to fill your cup with.

Choose positivity, understanding, and love and when prodded or pushed, let that ooze out and spill everywhere. Imagine how much impact you will have when you meet the pushy commuter with a smile or the screaming, frustrated child with a beautiful hug.

The old adage of “Don’t say anything if you don’t have anything good to say” is one to remember

If you are feeling the urge to gossip or say something negative, take a deep breath and remember this. Whatever you choose to focus on grows.

Nobody is perfect and everyone is on their own journey. If someone is not for you, let them go, accept that they are not for you and don’t waste time or energy thinking about them or talking about them. Just gently let them go with love.

Similarly, when someone is having a go, remind yourself that this is not about you

It’s important to remember that whatever that person did to you is not a reflection of who you are but rather where they are at in their journey. Maybe they had an awful day or, heck, a series of awful days and they are so caught up in their lives that they cannot see how they are causing you grief.

And you always have a choice. Ask yourself what good are you getting out of thinking about someone that you don’t value? What is the payoff? If there is none, maybe it’s time to gently forget about them.

Adina Mahalli

Adina Mahalli

Certified Mental Health Consultant, Enlightened Reality | Relationship Expert, Maple Holistics

Give acknowledgment

One way to be a nicer person is to take the time to acknowledge people. Their presence, value, experiences, and contributions are all things that you can pick up on and use as tools to help you cultivate the ‘nice’ act of validation.

The power of validation

Acknowledging someone isn’t just a verbal act. When your meeting someone in person, it’s important to make eye contact and listen to what they’re saying. People generally notice and remember kind gestures, especially when there is no expectation of reciprocity.

Holding a door open for someone, a nod of empathy or words of encouragement are a few places to start. Practice on a few people at first and you’ll notice how people thrive from the validity you give them.

The good news is that it gets easier the more you do it and it actually feels pretty good. Soon it just becomes who you are.

Mary Potter Kenyon

Mary Potter Kenyon
Program Coordinator, Shalom Spirituality Center |
Author, Refined By Fire: A Journey of Grief and Grace

Realize that we are all fighting our own private battles

When I remind myself of that truth, it’s easy to be nice to the strangers I meet or the people I deal with in my daily life.

The grouchy cashier? Her husband hit her the night before. The waitress with the permanent scowl? A widow whose dreams died with her husband’s death. The young mom in the grocery store ignoring her wild toddler? Her husband was diagnosed with cancer the week before and she is still in shock. The teen with the foul mouth? A foster child who has been shuffled around the system his entire childhood.

I choose to believe when faced with a less than pleasant personality, that something in their life caused them to be like that. One word of kindness, a simple gesture of goodwill, might be all that it takes to turn their day around.

Related: What to Say When Someone Is Having a Bad Day?

Janie Jurkovich

Janie Jurkovich

Speaker | Author, Live the Life You Have Imagined

To be a nicer person, we need to think outside ourselves

We need to see life from another person’s perspective. This may sound simple, but most people only look at life as if they were the center of everything.

Once you assume someone else’s perspective, you will grow to understand that things on the ‘outside’ are not necessarily how it is on the ‘inside’. People have troubles, worries, and doubts just like you do. We tend to forget that when we judge them from our perspective. This is why is it so very important to look at someone else’s life from their point of view.

Once you do so, you will see how a non-judgmental attitude will go a long way! You see how your kind words, supportive comments, or understanding mindset all contribute to the kindness to others. Being kind is one way to ‘be nice’ to others.

Some examples of being nice to others are: lending a gentle ear when they need one, performing some small act of kindness just for the joy of it, and being their friend in times of woe.

Being nicer to others in thought, words, and actions are what we should all strive to do, but it does require getting outside your own head to actually do so.

Aleasa Word, CLC, CEIC

Aleasa Word

Empowerment Speaker

  • Ask yourself what being unkind does for you and why you need that behavior.
  • Think of the kindness bestowed upon you throughout your life by someone, anyone and how it made you feel.
  • Listen to people without responding to get a view of who they really are and what makes them tick. This will help you build an arsenal of nice things you can do that are unique to that person.
  • Take a pay it forward stance. Use that change from your last transaction to pay for the coffee of the person behind you and because you are fortunate enough to do so.
  • Go volunteer just for a few hours at a shelter and observe the people. Their studies will help you see them as real and make you want to be kinder to those whose stories you simply don’t know.
  • Schedule a kindness hour once a week. Use your social influence to tweet, post and refer people to service businesses you’ve visited.

Arielle Sterling

Arielle Sterling

Holistic Life Coach | Reiki Master Teacher

Look for what we have in common with others, rather than look towards our differences

Finding common ground helps with someone always helps me to be able to empathize with them more, even if it’s someone that I have fundamental difficulties with. At the end of the day, we are all human, and we are all hurting in some way.

Being able to see that we all struggle with similar life experiences, helps in understanding where someone else is coming from, and not holding them hostage to their previous life experiences that they may be projecting outwardly.

Diana Venckunaite

Diana Venckunaite

Keynote Speaker | Business Consultant | Certified Life and Relationship Coach

Realize that other people are also going through tough times, even if they don’t show it or talk about it

Being a nicer person doesn’t mean that you have to go out of your way and fix everyone’s problems; it can mean that you start to treat everyone with respect and compassion.

Whether it’s someone you know or a stranger on the street, you may not know when someone is grieving, having family issues, have lost a job, or had something devastating happen to then but are too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.

A kind word goes a long way, and sometimes that’s all someone that’s “down in the dumps” needs to brighten their day.

Brooke Nally

Brooke Nally

Yoga Instructor & Health and Wellness Coach, The Edge Yoga

Speak less, listen more

This is absolutely key to being a nicer person. When someone is speaking to you, the kindest thing you can do for that person is holding space for them through listening. This allows them to feel safe, understood, and can even let them move through whatever they are expressing.

Maybe you don’t necessarily even agree with what they are saying — rather than rebutting, arguing, or disagreeing, the simple act of listening is such a beautiful act of kindness.

Listening doesn’t have to mean you agree — listening means you are agreeing to hear them out.

Related: How to Stop Yourself from Talking Too Much

Smile

This is the purest act of kindness. You don’t have to agree to be able to smile. You don’t have to like someone to smile. You don’t have to go out of your way to smile. A smile is one of the easiest and simplest acts of kindness and can make a significant difference in not only the person your smiling at, but in your life as well.

As humans, our brain likes to mirror people. So, when you smile at someone, 9/10 times they will smile back — it’s science. This invokes a feeling of compassion and kindness between two people, and the act of smiling in itself boosts feel-good endorphins such as serotonin and dopamine.

Bracha Goetz

Bracha Goetz

Author, Searching for God in the Garbage

Nourish your soul with inner happiness

If you dig down even deeper than the emotional pain, you will find patiently waiting for you, your pure and infinite soul. And if you provide your soul with as much deep pleasure as possible, your days will be so full of joy that the blockages from the emotional pain can melt away. That’s how to get your soul shining again even if you have experienced trauma. And there is a great abundance of ways to bring in that joy.

There is no scarcity of sources of pleasure in this world. We can always nourish our souls by reaching out to those lonelier, stretching or dancing to music we love, breathing in some nature, practicing gratitude, being creative – whatever fills your soul works. And when our souls are full, our radiance shines onto others.

Bonnie Winston

Bonnie Winston

Celebrity Matchmaker | Relationship Expert

If you are annoyed with someone else, try to put yourself in their place

Try to get in their heads to see where they are coming from and have some empathy. Chances are, you will see the situation in a different light. There are three sides to every story…Yours, theirs and the truth!

Do one nice thing a day

Whether it’s opening the door for someone, letting them pull in front of you while driving, giving a big smile to the bank clerk, grocery store checkout person or barista when they’re looking hassled… just doing simple “nice” things makes you a nicer person.

Abby Marks

Abby Marks

Master of Psychology | Mom Blogger, Sincerely Marks

Practice mindful listening

Many times when we talk with others, while they are speaking we are already crafting our response that we will say next. This interrupts our ability to fully listen to what they have to say and your response will likely portray that.

By practicing mindful listening, you should try to absorb everything the other person is saying and only then determine what you will say next. Instead of relating this to something you have done, continue to dig deeper into what they are sharing. Ask questions and try to gain an understanding of the topic of discussion.

This type of conversing will not only make you come off as a much nicer person but it will make you become a nicer person as you will learn and understand more about the people you speak to.

Taylor Martin

Taylor Martin

Inspired Living Coach, Living Wanderfull | Yoga Instructor

Consistency is key

To become “er” of something, strong-er, healthy-er, and in this case, nicer, it really only requires taking the smallest amount of effort consistently. For all intents and purposes, you’re starting at zero which means becoming nicer will take almost no effort at all.

To become a, “nicer,” person you would first have to define what being nice is.

To me, being nice means exhibiting acts of kindness without any expectation for something in return. Perhaps, you’re someone who opens the door for other people and does so with the expectation of receiving a, “Thank you.”

If you do not receive the response you’re looking for you will probably feel resentful towards the person you used energy to help because you thought you were doing something, “nice.” The reality is, you weren’t doing anything nice. You were acting in order to get praise, like a dog sitting for a bone.

To become nicer, try doing an act without expectation for anything.

Even if you do something, like holding the door, and you catch yourself having the expectation, acknowledging that you have the expectation and should lose it is actually a small step and so ultimately making you a nicer person. Catch yourself regularly and you will continue to grow in your nice-er-ness.

Leslie Nifoussi

Leslie Nifoussi

Host | Model, Bunhead Media | Actor | Author

I’m a {recovering} people pleaser which means I’ve spent most of my life being nice to people so they’d like me. Much of that was ‘fake’ nice and here’s what I’ve learned. I needed to take that energy that I spent on being overly ingratiating to those around me and put it into being nice to myself. I was as horrid to myself as I was sweet-as-pie to the person next to me.

Changing how you treat yourself for the better will make you a truly nicer person to those around you because you’ll actually be addressing your own insecurities.

When you’re more encouraging to yourself, you feel better about who you are and that will translate into how you interact with others.

How do you go about being nicer to yourself? You first notice that negative voice that’s constantly droning on inside your head. Once you actually start hearing her for what she is, you can begin to shut her out. This takes practice, yes, but you are worth it.

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