In this article, you’ll discover how to be likeable, surround yourself with people that inspire you and make you happier.
Probably you don’t remember the time when you were a baby, and people liked you when you smiled. However, you learned from an early age that people like you not just because you exist, but because you’re doing something that elicits a strong positive emotion.
These days we know that emotional intelligence is more important than being the smartest person in the room. Knowing how to be likeable improves your EI and helps you become the best version of yourself.
Related: 23 Best Books to Improve Emotional Intelligence
Being liked is not something you are born with, but learn along the way.
Here you have ten ways to make people like you more:
1. Stay positive
Negativity is contagious, but positivity is contagious as well. People love being in your presence when you infect them with joy, zest for life, laughter and show them (leading by example) ways to overcome limitations and obstacles.
However, don’t be positive just for the sake of being liked; be positive for yourself as well:
- Attract loving and attentive individuals in your life;
- See the good part of things and people;
- Cheer for your (and others) successes and achievements;
- Wake up and smile, believing that today is another beautiful day to be alive;
- Search and notice what you like about yourself and give yourself, even more, power and incentives to improve;
- When times are tough, remind yourself that challenges are part of life only to prove how wonderful you can be;
- If others make mistakes, treat them with compassion.
Staying positive, sometimes, is not an easy task because life enjoys challenging you with all sorts of obstacles and surprises. Thus, to maintain your positivity needs a bit of self-discipline and mental training. However, once you make it a habit, it comes naturally and effortlessly.
Most of us incline to be pessimists first, and optimists second. That is reflected in the quality of our thoughts, behaviors, expectations, and vocabulary.
How to stay positive and be even more likeable?
Change your:
- Thoughts – the meaning you give to everything that happens to you is as important as is the subject of your thoughts;
- Behaviors – your actions speak volumes about what kind of person you are and how you see the world (pink or muddy);
- Expectations – pessimism and negativity can make you expect nothing good from others and that lack of positive expectations, in turn, it’s altering your behaviors;
- And vocabulary – the words you’re using affect not only your (self) image, self-esteem, mood, and confidence, but also how likeable you are.
2. Improve your listening skills
It doesn’t come naturally to us to listen because our thought speed is much higher than anyone can talk. That causes us to get bored and distracted. Most times we drift into searching for a reply before the other person finished talking.
Everybody knows that listening is a hard thing to do. Therefore, they will appreciate and like you for it. Don’t you like more those who listen to you?
Listening is your base for two important interpersonal skills: communication and influence.
Most people know how vital is to know how to communicate effectively. Unfortunately, not too many of us pay any attention or make any effort to improve our influence skills.
See the value in being skilled at listening and influencing others and earn the appreciation of those around you.
How to be likeable? Listen, listen, listen, and then, use the information you gathered to influence (positively) your life and the lives of those around you. Don’t you just love contributing to a better society?
3. Stay calm and collected no matter the situation
You can be angry and respond with calm. You can be sad and smile. You can envy and admire.
Being calm and collected doesn’t mean to stop living your emotions, but showing them in a way that doesn’t make the other person feel uncomfortable.
Men, in particular, run away from emotions (they think emotions can be avoided). Yet, you can’t avoid feeling and emoting. Even if you could, that would be such a hard, hard life (you’re using your emotions even for choosing what T-shirt to buy). Plus, flash news – all humans have hormones! Not just women on period.
[Let’s laugh a bit – Google’s definition for the period “A flow of blood and other material […]”
I guess that “other material” must be the frustration and annoyance women feel when they are called “hormonal”.]
Leaving jokes aside, we all tend to get “hormonal” sometimes. Being grumpy, furious, impatient, intolerant, hateful, jealous, these are all “hormonal” states and all of us can suffer from them. The question is not if you can avoid emotions, but how can you avoid that your emotions to be uncomfortable those around you?
Improve your communication skills so that you can deliver your message in a way that makes you more likable and understood correctly.
Remember that no matter what emotion you display, elicits a similar emotion for the person in front of you (we are a mirror of each other).
4. Be patient
It’s never been harder to be patient than in these times we are living now.
There is no empty space around you no matter where you go; there are phones, social media, mass media, and so on…and on…and on…no empty space.
You’re, constantly bombarded with information, which can be quite entertaining. Therefore, how can you pay attention to things that don’t interest you too much (or have to wait to happen)? How else other than making an effort?
I guess you have countless examples of things you lost in life out of lack of patience. Don’t you?
One of those things can be losing the chance to be liked by someone you admired and wanted in your life.
“Good things come to those who wait,” says a proverb and that’s true. Yet, you must be mentally strong to be able to be patient. Is it not?
How to be likeable? Be patient.
Being patient gives you an aura of calm, peace and serenity. Because for most of us it’s hard to be patient, and your emotional state transfers to those around you, others not just like you, but love you for it.
5. Be open-minded
Accept people as they are; learn how to be open-minded and gain from others what they have to offer. Enrich your knowledge and understanding from their experience and expertise.
When others see you willing to take into account their ideas, views and perspective, can’t help it: they like you!
Plus, being open-minded has the gift to surprise you in splendid ways. Haven’t it happens to you to have a bit of a prejudice against someone only to discover that the person could become one of your best friends? I guess it happens to all of us and those who keep their mind open, win in the end.
6. Keep on smiling
Smiling is the first sign of friendliness and acceptance. It makes people open up to you, feel good about themselves and you.
Smiling is one of those things that make us feel happy every day (for free). So, use it as much as possible and make yourself liked!
7. Temperate your vanity and sense of entitlement
In a conversation or interaction, it doesn’t matter who’s right because it matters more how people feel, what they learn, how they validate each other’s values, worth, and beliefs.
Vanities and entitlement are most often the main reasons why some relationships don’t work too well. Build strong family and work relationships by temperating your vanity and sense of entitlement. Both can make you seem arrogant and patronizing.
Most people like modesty and see it as a virtue.
Yes, cooling down your vanity and sense of entitlement is a balancing act that requires self-esteem and confidence. However, your effort will be paid off with so many delicious fruits.
8. Be kind
Whatever you give to others, comes back to you.
Being kind to others has so many lessons for everybody involved.
It teaches you:
- How to be kind to yourself (as well),
- Offer yourself compassion,
- Be more tolerant when you’re making mistakes so that you have more energy to correct them,
- To let go of the past and move on,
- Embrace your uniqueness.
Being kind is teaching others:
- That you are a good person,
- How to treat you,
- What means to be considerate to others,
- And many other things.
Kindness comes from tolerance, understanding, and compassion, all of which make your life pleasant and enjoyable no matter the side you are on, receiving or giving.
How to be likeable? Be kind. Your kindness, inspire others how to treat you and themselves with respect.
9. Make others feel important
People desire (more than almost anything else) to feel important; not to entertain their vanity, but to know they are useful, appreciated, valued, and loved.
A few ways to make people feel important:
- Validate their opinion and views (you don’t have to agree, just acknowledge what they say and let them know you heard them);
- Offer them your full attention when they speak to you;
- Accept their help!!!
- Show interest and curiosity about their life, job, hobbies, interest;
- Tell them how important they are to you and why (give reasons).
Build your personal support system by making others feel important to you. You know how it goes: “I don’t (really) like important people. I like those in whose eyes, I feel important.”
10. Offer sincere compliments
You, probably, don’t like everything about anyone. However, you (most likely) like something about every person you ever meet.
Make compliments about the things you like and leave out the things you don’t. Most people don’t expect from you a deep analysis of their behaviors or who they are.
They just want to feel good enough:
- liked enough,
- appreciated enough,
- desired enough,
- to believe you see them,
- and that you consider them to be a good person.
Yes, it’s true; some people lie to you when complimenting you, and that can be infuriating, or make you cautious around them: “I bet this person has some dubious intentions.”
We fear so much that people might see our compliments as lies (empty flattery), that we stopped complimenting each other.
That is such a shame! Offering your sincere compliments make people like you more and (they) feel good about themselves.
If your life is empty of compliments, reintroduce them! Give the tone by offering your sincere compliments to those you love and stranger. Let them all know you’re open to receiving some in return.
My husband’s birthday is the next day from mine. So, it’s easy for my friends to mix up the dates and fail to call. I don’t get mad, I call them: “I just want to give you the opportunity to tell me a happy birthday!” Yes, I do That. (You can smile now).
And something else I do (not always well received) when I see on the street something I like, I say so: “you have a lovely hair, nice jacket, cool push scooter…”. I’m not doing it to be liked (most probably I won’t see those people ever again).
I’m doing it because I know that, for at least one brief moment, that person feel excellent. Plus, I really believe that a small gesture like that, if we all start practicing, can make a huge difference in our society (less guns and more flowers).
How to be likeable? Remember, what you display others mirror and that mirroring determines the most how liked you are by others.
It’s not selfishness or vanity if you desire to be liked even more because: