How to Be True to Yourself

Many people are on the quest for self-discovery. External influences will always dictate who you are and what your identity should or should not be.

It is not simple to be genuine to yourself and others around you. Each of us has unique characteristics, interests, and talents that contribute to who we are.

If you’re feeling disoriented in your life or unsure which direction to take next, don’t despair; there is still time to make a change!

According to experts, the following are some methods for being true and honest to yourself:

Be comfortable with spending time alone

Spend time alone so that you can allow yourself to be open and honest with yourself, without external influences from family and friends, society, and especially social media.

The moment you begin to start discovering who you truly are, you are laying down the foundation of a life that is aligned for you.

If you allow yourself to be in constant company, you may never really have the opportunity to stop and ask yourself, “is this something I really want?” You will be better at making decisions, especially saying no, because it isn’t “true for you.”

Observe yourself both alone and in the company of friends

One of the best ways I have done this is observing yourself when shopping with friends and when shopping alone.

For some, they may be impulsive either way (hello sale psychology) but if you’re like me, I’m way more intentional and way less likely to buy things without the influence of friends – even after visiting the same amount of stores!

Check in with yourself

Another way you can do this is to “date yourself” by taking yourself out for lunch or coffee. You could bring a book as a warm-up, however, I encourage a journal or blank paper and a pen to jot down any thoughts you have and allow room for reflection.

The more comfortable you can be in those activities the more likely you will be craving time alone to check in with yourself and ask if you are still staying aligned and true to who you are. You can check in any time, all you have to do is get quiet and listen.

Note your bodily reactions to when someone feels true to you and when something does not feel right for you. Follow your instinct, trust your gut, your heart, and most importantly your soul. Being true to yourself will reward you with unlimited self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth and it’s a beautiful journey.

Related: The 32 Best Books on Confidence and Self-Esteem

Take the time to acknowledge who you really are

While you might have been taught that you need to work hard to find your true self, recover it, or discover it— this isn’t true. Your true self isn’t something that can be lost, broken, or vacant… it’s the part of you that’s always there, patiently waiting to be acknowledged.

It’s who you are in your resting state when you’re not ‘thinking‘ or ‘doing‘ or ‘trying hard‘ to be a certain way.

Put an end to betraying your true self

Don’t ask for someone else’s opinion or seek their validation when you already know what you want or need to do. Don’t edit or filter yourself to ‘fit in‘ or be liked by other people, and don’t compromise on things that really matter to you.

Related: How to Not Care What People Think

Over time, these actions create space for more of the real ‘you‘ to show up and shine through.

When something unexpected happens that interrupts your day or week, what’s the first thing you usually sacrifice to accommodate this unexpected intrusion? For most, it’s the time we had planned for ourselves.

Regardless if that was self-care time or time set aside for a special project, the time we created, whether in our minds or actually on our calendar, is usually the first thing to go when an inevitable wrench gets thrown into our plans.

What may seem like no big deal at the moment – simply because you didn’t have to cancel on anyone other than yourself – is actually a huge disruption to your overall success.

These unexpected interruptions are inevitable, but how you handle them can make all of the difference.

Being intentional with your time can help you remain true to yourself

To be intentional with your time means you’re making your minutes count. Time is the most valuable resource we have – we can not get, or make, more of it. By being intentional with the time we have, we can accomplish more than we ever thought possible.

How do we become intentional with our time? Here’s a simple 5-step process:

Step 1: Create a clear vision of success

If you don’t have a very clear vision of what you want to achieve in your life, both personally and professionally, it’s going to be nearly impossible to measure your success. The first step to creating intention is to get crystal clear on what you want.

Step 2: Create measurable goals based on your vision

Understanding now what success really looks like to you, break your vision down into achievable goals. What are the baby steps you need to take to achieve your goals? How long will it take you?

I recommend using the SMART goals method to set goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound.

Step 3: Understand where your time is currently going so you can make room for more important things

Now that you have a clear understanding of your goals and the time you’ll need to achieve them, evaluate where your time is currently going so you can determine how to make time for working towards your goals.

• Review your calendar – how much time are you spending in meetings or attending events? Is that time being well spent, or can you start declining invitations or shortening the amount of time you spend in these areas?
• Review your to-do list – what is taking up the most of your time currently? Is there a way to automate these tasks or delegate them to someone else on your team?
• Review your screen time – how much time do you spend staring at your phone?

How much time do you currently spend working on your goals? Do you think it should be more or less?

By gaining a clear understanding of where your time is going, it’s going to help you create space for the things that truly matter. When you have a clear vision of success, the steps it will take to get there, and know how much time you can dedicate to getting there, you can more easily say no to things that don’t align with your vision.

Step 4: Create an Intentional Calendar Map

“If it isn’t on the calendar, it doesn’t get done.” Have you ever said those words?

Do you live and die by your calendar?

Chances are, you’re already using your digital calendar to keep track of your important meetings and events. Things that require you to “show up.” Why wouldn’t you treat your own goals with the same level of priority?

By creating an intentional calendar map, you’re making time for the things that matter to you and for everything else that needs to get done – including making time for the unexpected, or “reactive” tasks that are the things that usually pull your attention away from the appointments you set with yourself.

Once you’ve created your intentional calendar map by blocking out time on your calendar, you’ll likely see that you still have plenty of white space-time you can use however you choose while still getting everything that matters accomplished.

Step 5: Review & Revise

Just like everything else in life, remaining true to yourself through being intentional with your time is a practice inconsistency. Make sure you review your calendar map regularly (weekly is recommended) and adjust where necessary.

Every week might not look the same, but the intention behind it is what matters. Evaluate where your time is going and determine if it’s in alignment with your vision of success. If not, say no when you can and reprioritize when necessary.

Accept and love who you are

Being true to yourself first begins with accepting and loving yourself for who you are. We live in a world that’s always trying to tell us who we should be and what we should look like, so it can be difficult to buck against the systems in place and accept that who we are and how we were created is more than enough, no matter what anyone else thinks.

We look in the mirror and don’t see our favorite influencer reflected back at us. We don’t see the body of a well-known celebrity. We see us. But for some reason, seeing us has stopped being good enough.

Loving and accepting our real bodies, beautiful faces, and show-stopping smiles without the “likes” or approval of the world has become harder and harder.

We’ve stopped looking on the inside of acceptance and have turned outward, placing our self-worth and value in the thumb of strangers, “friends,” and people we don’t even care about. But for some reason, that “like” has turned into our validation that we are good enough. We are beautiful enough that we are simply… enough.

But we were enough before we took the picture. Our value didn’t flinch or change because of “likes” or a lack thereof.

I remember hearing Lisa Nichols speak, and she said something that changed how I looked at affirmation from other people. In essence, we should already love and accept ourselves for who we are. When someone else does, that’s just a bonus.

But it doesn’t add to or take away from how I already feel about myself. I don’t need to search for it. I’m not out looking for it. I’m not heartbroken if it doesn’t come. My tank of self-acceptance and self-love is already full from how I feel about myself.

End comparison

Another part of being true to yourself is to stop comparing yourself. We all know the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” But there’s so much more that comparison steals from us.

Originality, confidence, peace, stability, and the ability to be true to ourselves are just a few of the things that comparison steals from us. When we compare ourselves, we automatically come in second place. Why? Because we can never be that person. We can never live their life.

We can never share the same experiences they share. We can never have their body. But we were never born to be them. We were born to be us. So when we compare ourselves, we are already setting ourselves lower than we are, when in reality, if we stopped comparing ourselves to others, we would always come in first place.

The beauty in not being them is that they could never be us. We are the only one. That makes us rare. That makes us one-of-a-kind. Why give up that rarity and compare it to another?

How can you be true to yourself if you constantly value and see someone else’s life and being over your own?

You can’t. You have to take the necessary steps to appreciate others for who they are, without wishing and hoping that one day you’ll be them. Because the reality is, you’ll never be them. You’ll only be you, and that is a blessing, whether you want to admit it or not.

Be willing to fight for you

Being true to yourself comes with battles externally and internally.

Internally, you’re fighting old mindsets, habits, and lies told to you by friends, family, and even yourself. You have to remember that when you make the decision to be true to who you are, you’re resetting your mind about how you’ve viewed yourself and how you’ve been taught to view yourself consciously and subconsciously for years.

It was much easier for you to change who you were for the benefit and the acceptance of other people. It was simply when you were able to put on masks to fit in with different crowds.

But now you’re making the decision to take the mask off and be unapologetically you in every area of your life. This will be a challenge, but one where you have no choice but to come out on top.

Externally, you’re fighting against the mindsets of others who have been used to seeing you in a certain light and have grown comfortable. Some have grown comfortable because when you weren’t true to yourself, they could manipulate you.

Others were comfortable because you were in the same boat as they were, miserable internally because you weren’t living as your true self, but fine with compromising together to be someone you’re not. People will want an explanation.

They will try their best to “put you back in your place” because when you’re true to yourself, it makes them uncomfortable. You may lose friends. You may grow distant from family.

When all of these things occur, there will be a small voice telling you to go back to the way things were. That life was easier and less complicated in your relationships with friends and family.

Do not listen to that voice

Understand that being true to yourself is not a path that many take because it requires moments of walking alone. However, when you are true to yourself, there will be people along the way who have chosen to do the same. You will find a tribe of people who are unashamedly walking in their truth.

You will share stories of what you had to overcome to get to this point in time. You will also turn around and see some people behind you, trying to defeat what you’ve overcome.

Because you know the route to take and how to make it through that previous challenge, you will turn around and offer them a hand, helping them to accomplish in a shorter period of time what may have taken you longer.

But you won’t care, simply because you know the freedom of being true to yourself and desire that others follow that same path.

The most important requirement to find one’s true nature is self-awareness

Learning to be true to oneself is a journey, an evolution of the “inner voice.” The root of not being true to oneself is low self-esteem that begins in childhood.

Children that are constantly criticized, ridiculed, ignored, or being expected to be “perfect” can become angry and turn into bullies, turn inward and become depressed, develop short attention spans, and do badly in school, or develop unhealthy perfectionism to please others.

Children who are given encouragement, are listened to, and receive attention and affection grow confidence, thrive in school, and establish trusting relationships.

The brain has a way of recording these childhood experiences, to be played back as we grow into adulthood.

People with low self-esteem will receive messages from their inner voice criticizing, punishing, shaming, and belittling their actions. The inner voice of those with healthy self-esteem will send positive and reassuring messages.

The most important requirement to find one’s true nature is self-awareness. We grew up being influenced by what family members, teachers, friends, and religious figures told us who we should be, and what we should and should not do. We bought into their stories.

By asking ourselves, “who am I?” “how do I feel?” “what do I desire?” and “what is my purpose in life?” we bring awareness to our inner voice. The more we hone it, the better it will guide us, and the more we will trust it to do so.

Only then will we be able to break away from other people’s stories, stop living to please others, and get rid of what is no longer working for us. Slowly, our true self will emerge, and our inner voice will provide us with the knowingness of what is best for us, and we become authors of our own story.

Be happy on your own terms with your own self

I actually believe that every human being in this world has a mission and purpose, but they’re different things. Purpose is the same for everybody.

It’s basically just learning how to be at peace and in acceptance with yourself and to have experience and to enjoy these experiences, whatever they may be.

Mission is what you come to this world to contribute. That’s going to be different for every single person out there. It’s what I have learned, what my soul has been through, that I can contribute to all these other souls. That’s what we call mission.

Peel back all those layers of identity

All this requires that in this life, you kind of peel back all these layers of identity of what people have told you that you are or what people have told you that you shouldn’t be.

Then, as you go through life through your relationships in your job or business or whatever health problems or whatever you face in your life. You start peeling back all these things that make you not you. They make you what somebody else made you.

Then, through this process, you start finding what you really are, what you really learn, you start connecting with your passions, you start being more true to yourself.

That’s just what everybody else wants me to be right, so I found that the more true you are to yourself, the more inflow you get with the universe. The energy that wants you to grow and express and prosper and contribute.

The truer you are to yourself, the sooner you find these parts of you that are not congruent with that energy that tells you that you should be doing this, or you shouldn’t be doing that because somebody else expects it from you or whatever.

The sooner you find out what these pieces of you are, and you solve them in unconditional love, you transcend these things so that you can be you.

Evaluate your goals

Do they excite you and light your soul on fire, or are they ho-hum? If it’s the latter, you might be doing what others expect of you or following in somebody else’s footsteps.

This is your life. You are living it for you, not for other people. Fire the goals that don’t light you up and allow yourself to dream bigger.

Listen to the little voice inside that keeps telling you, ‘go here, do this‘ even when it sounds far-fetched. Always follow the true desires of the heart.

Quit being a people pleaser

Set firm boundaries and be prepared to enforce them. That includes being able to say no without the need to have to give a mile-long explanation. No is a complete sentence.

Related: How to Deal With Someone Who Doesn’t Respect Boundaries

Explore what do you really want without letting what others say or think about you get in the way of your vision.

Because it’s none of your business, you will never be able to control what others say or think about the way you choose to live your life.

Take a stand for your possibilities

Make your decisions from what is possible for you, not from what your current reality reflects back to you. The question to ask is: “Will this bring me one step closer to my vision?” If it’s a yes, go for it.

The Universe’s job is to take care of the how. Instead of obsessing about the how, trust that the path is going to unfold. Your job is to decide that you are all in.

Never settle for less than you really want

Eliminate your tolerations and raise your standards. Always ask for what you really want and never settle for anything less. That goes for all areas of your life.

Believe in yourself

You are the first sale, always. Believe in your innate ability to achieve anything that you put your mind to and then act upon that belief.

This is how you stay true to yourself.

Authenticity is the key to enjoying an extraordinary life. We play roles, and some of those roles require compromise. The problem arises when we lose track of where we compromised and where we stopped being true to ourselves.

Here are some pointers on how to stay true to yourself in any situation, both professional and personal.

Look behind your beautiful façade

When was the last time you sat down and were honest – really honest – with yourself about who you are and what you want out of life? The first step towards becoming more authentic is gathering the courage to look deep within yourself to the parts that you may be tempted to hide, deny or forget.

It is only once you look behind your beautiful façade and face those aspects of yourself that you’ll have a better understanding of who you truly are.

Always strive to be your true self

Once you’ve discovered your true identity, try to remain your authentic self at all times – especially if you are in a leadership position. That’s because it’s not possible to function at an optimal level if you are wasting lots of time and energy trying to be something you’re not.

Your strength lies in your authenticity, which means you’re at your strongest when you fully embrace who you are. Being your true self can really benefit your professional life since you will need strength to be a great leader.

Related: Top 7 Leading Traits of Good Leaders

Create your own unique life script

Finally, the best way to live an authentic life, personally and in the boardroom, is to write your own life script. After all, if you’re not careful, you can easily sleepwalk through life and mindlessly follow your country’s cultural norms without actually thinking about what you want.

Many people, especially women, sacrifice their personal desires and careers for the sake of their families because they believe they don’t have a choice.

However, that’s not the case! One of the few benefits of the COVID-19 pandemic is that it transformed the way we combine both our personal and professional lives.

Authenticity is a binary phenomenon

You’re either fully authentic, or you’re not—there’s no in-between. And it is not a choice. It’s an internal process that allows you to step into your power, embrace who you are, and, more importantly – have an intimate relationship with yourself.

When you are honest with yourself, create your own life script, and are unapologetically yourself regardless of the circumstances, you’ve unlocked the secret to creating a life that you love.

When we are surrounded by so many people with different quirks, likes and dislikes, and worldviews, it can be difficult to remain true to ourselves. However, there are some top tips that I give my clients to avoid being a blind follower in social situations:

Decide who you are on your own

You don’t necessarily have to be single to do this, but if you aren’t, try to reflect on a time that you were single. Remember what your passions were, what your everyday life looked like, and what you aspired to.

This will help you to remember who you were before other people got involved, and you can return to this person if you believe it’s who you are deep down.

Voice your opinion

When you agree with people to keep the peace, you aren’t being true to yourself as you’re withholding your true feelings and beliefs. Instead, practice gently stating your opinions even if everyone else in the room disagrees.

Of course, it isn’t always necessary to speak up every time you disagree with someone, but it is important if the topic is close to your heart.

Surround yourself with people who share your core beliefs

This point is slightly complicated as it comes with a disclaimer that it’s a good idea to get to know a wide range of people. However, I’d advocate for your close support network to be made up of people who share your core beliefs, as this means you will feel more comfortable being yourself.

Choose to live a happy and fulfilling life

You may feel influenced by those around you or perhaps uncomfortable with the parts of yourself that make you unique. My top tips for being true to yourself are:

1. Be honest with yourself. This includes being honest about things you like and don’t like, your goals for the future, your current mindset, etc. Being truthful with yourself can be difficult, but the more you practice it, the easier it becomes.
2. Find your group. When you stop trying to please others and find people similar to yourself, you will begin to let go of the expectations you hold for yourself. When we feel comfortable with people around us, we begin to enjoy ourselves and live free from constraints.
3. Become your own best friend. Listening to your inner thoughts and intuition can help you become aware of your surroundings. By treating yourself as your own best friend, you will begin to understand more about yourself and your interests. This will also help you to put yourself first.
4. Let go. Letting go of what no longer serves you, whether this is a situation or a person, can help you live your most authentic life. To be true to yourself, you must curate the life you want to live and the life that will make you happy. Don’t be afraid to say no and uphold your boundaries. They are put in place for a reason.

Achieving self-authenticity is a goal, but maintaining it is the real challenge

Daily occurrences and life conflicts place us as individuals in predicaments that force us to either face ourselves or run away. This is similar to the fight or flight response.

When situations arrive, we have moments to determine whether we live in ourselves or in others. The mission to be true to ourselves or to be our true self is to consider the thoughts and concerns of others while sticking with the thoughts in self.

Actions of thoughts from outside of an individual are just that, but the thoughts and actions from the individual are from the true self. Some will even say that you are not living your life when you live for others, disregarding the ‘me’.

Instead, when you observe that you are thinking and acting without permission from others, what is taking place is you being your true self.

I started in music as only a songwriter, and I would not have gotten far with the thoughts and words of others. They insisted that I stick with writing, and gigs would come.

Instead, I decided to get acquainted with the other aspects of music creation and prepare for growth. I learned that I have always been eager to learn, even as a kid, so that would be the same natural approach in music.

Be truthful and transparent with yourself

Being true to myself or being my authentic self has allowed me to experience more growth and adaptation in the music industry that has also brought success into the picture.

I have been consistent in the messages that I want to have expressed publicly while representing the model me in truth and transparency. Even in adversity, the best part about our resilience is the true self that can be spotlighted and represented.

There is little fear, regret, resentment, or digression when we identify ourselves alongside the problem-solving part of the equations. In fact, the best moves are often made with a little hesitation, but when doubt is present, our true self hides.

I challenge every reader and listener to be true to themselves more often. Success is ours, and our true selves help create it.

Don’t go through your day on autopilot

Ask yourself if you are going through the motions in your day or are really looking forward to it? Do you look forward to Friday as soon as it’s Monday morning? If so, then you aren’t really living your life and not being true to yourself.

Be mindful and grateful for what you are experiencing at the moment

Are you always in a hurry? So much so that you can’t tell what your food tasted like when you ate it in a hurry. Besides making regular stops to smell those roses, you should take the time to be mindful and grateful for what you are experiencing at the moment. If not, then you are not being true to yourself.

Appreciate the person in the mirror

You are unique. In the whole world, there is no one like you. You have gone through so much in life to be where you are and become what you have. If you haven’t patted the back of the person that you see in the mirror, then you are not being true to yourself.

Strip away the mask that you created for the world

When we start to ask ourselves how we can be true to ourselves, we are often in a place where we feel out of alignment with who we are. Maybe we are making choices or acting in ways to please others or fit into society.

There often comes a moment where the energy it takes to keep up the façade is simply more than we want to continue spending. The pivot to being more true to ourselves stems from this realization that we have created a mask that we are wearing for the world, and we want to strip that away.

In answering these questions, you start to get to know what your true values are, what is important to you, and gain clarity on how you want to contribute to your community.

Understanding who you are is the foundation for you to go out and be true to yourself with strength and deep conviction.

Three simple steps to be more true to yourself:

1. Contemplate who you want to be. Ask the question “Who am I?” and “Who do I want to be?” Understand the delta between these two answers. I recommend journaling daily or weekly as the answers to these questions evolve as you gain comfort in your own self-expression.
2. Take one aspect of that answer and bring it to life. Pick something that is reasonable for your current life, don’t feel like you need to make sweeping changes out of the gate. Show yourself that you are strong enough to share a part of your most authentic self to the world.
3. Check in with yourself. Did making that change help you feel more aligned with your true self? Sure, sharing that part of yourself may have been uncomfortable, but don’t confuse discomfort with misalignment. Give the change time to settle in while continually checking in on the alignment of your actions with your identity.

Have a strong backbone to stand firm for your beliefs

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