How to Be True to Yourself (21 Ways + Expert Insights)

Being true to yourself sounds simple, but it’s often harder than it seems. Every day, we face choices. Some are big, like choosing a career, and some are small, like deciding what to wear. Yet, each decision tells a bit about who we are.

How do you stay true to who you are in a world full of so many different voices and opinions?

To live a life that genuinely reflects your values and desires, you must know yourself and have the courage to follow that knowledge wherever it may lead. This means listening to your heart and being honest with yourself. It’s knowing your likes and dislikes and understanding your deep motivations.

Identify Your Core Values

Your core values are like your personal rulebook. They shape your decisions and actions, basically shaping your life based on what matters most to you.

First, take a minute to think about the things that get you excited or tick you off. Those big feelings are clues to what matters most in your life. It might be things like being honest, caring for others, being creative, or keeping things stable.

Once you know your core values, it’s now time to incorporate them into your daily life. If creativity is your jam, try swapping some TV time for drawing, writing, or another hobby. Your heart will feel full when your actions match your values.

But remember, values aren’t set in stone. As you grow and change (and trust me, you will), your values might do a little dance and shift, too. And that’s totally fine! It’s part of the adventure called “being human.”

Keep checking in with yourself, stay flexible, and adjust your course when needed. Your values are your roots, but they can also grow and branch out in new directions.

Celebrate Your Unique Traits

We’ve all got something that makes us one-of-a-kind. Maybe you’re the friend who can always find a reason to laugh, or perhaps you have a weird knack for remembering every single ’90s hit song.

Think about the qualities that have always been part of you, even those that others might not have fully appreciated. These things add spice to who you are—it’s time to own them!

When you rock your quirks, you’re telling the world, “This is me, take it or leave it.” And honestly, the world will often smile back and say, “I’ll take it!” Don’t be afraid to be yourself; it’s the best outfit you’ve got.

Listen to Your Inner Voice

There’s a little buddy inside your head that’s got some pretty solid advice. It’s your inner voice, and it’s worth a listen when you’re figuring out how to be your true self.

Life gets loud and busy, and that can drown out the quiet wisdom you hold inside. So, take a break now and then. A few deep breaths, a moment to just sit and be still—that’s when your inner voice can finally get a word in.

This inner voice might suggest turning down that job offer that doesn’t excite you or taking a leap into something you’ve always wanted to do. The more you listen, the easier it gets to understand its guidance.

Using your inner voice can help you avoid choices that don’t really suit you and feel more sure about those that do. It’s pretty cool how it points you right where you need to be.

Respect Your Feelings

Your feelings are a big part of who you are, so it’s important to listen to them. When something doesn’t feel right, or when you’re really happy about something, take it as a cue. These feelings are your gut’s way of talking to you.

Sometimes, you might feel pressured to push aside your real feelings to keep peace or because you worry about what others might think. Try to avoid this.

Respecting your feelings means acknowledging them as valid, even if you choose not to act on them right away. This can help you understand yourself better and make decisions that truly reflect your needs and desires.

Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. There’s no need to judge yourself harshly. When you respect your own feelings, you’re more likely to make choices that align with your true self.

Appreciate the Person in the Mirror

When was the last time you stopped, took a good look in the mirror, and genuinely smiled at the person staring back? That person, with all their perfect imperfections, is you—and they deserve some serious kudos.

It’s easy to be your own worst critic, to see only what you wish to change. But being true to yourself starts with appreciating who you see in the mirror. It could be your smile, the way you handled a difficult situation, or just your ability to get out of bed when the alarm rings.

Give yourself the credit you deserve.

"I remember hearing Lisa Nichols speak, and she said something that changed how I looked at affirmation from other people. In essence, we should already love and accept ourselves for who we are. When someone else does, that’s just a bonus.

But it doesn’t add to or take away from how I already feel about myself. I don’t need to search for it. I’m not out looking for it. I’m not heartbroken if it doesn’t come. My tank of self-acceptance and self-love is already full from how I feel about myself."

— Allyson A. Robinson | Transformational Speaker and Communication Cultivator

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

It’s really easy to look at someone else’s life and feel like they’ve got it all sorted out. But here’s the thing—each of us has different paths, different challenges, and different victories.

If you’re always measuring your life against someone else’s, you’re playing a losing game.

Instead, focus on your own progress. Remember how far you’ve come and all the hurdles you’ve crossed. Your journey is unique, with its own set of twists and turns, and that’s what makes it exciting. Celebrate your own wins, no matter how small they might seem.

Lastly, whenever you catch yourself falling into the comparison trap, remind yourself that the only person you need to be better than is who you were yesterday. By doing this, you give yourself the freedom to follow your own path at your own pace.

"When we compare ourselves, we automatically come in second place. Why? Because we can never be that person. We can never live their life.

We can never share the same experiences they share. We can never have their body. But we were never born to be them. We were born to be us. So when we compare ourselves, we are already setting ourselves lower than we are, when in reality, if we stopped comparing ourselves to others, we would always come in first place."

— Allyson A. Robinson | Transformational Speaker and Communication Cultivator

Speak Your Truth

Telling people what you really think can sometimes be tough—but it’s important. You’ve got your own thoughts and opinions, and they’re worth hearing.

Start by being clear about what you believe in. If you’re passionate about something, share it. When you’re honest about your thoughts and feelings, you show the real you to the world.

If you’re not used to being upfront, begin with small, low-risk situations. For example, instead of nodding along to a plan you don’t like, suggest an alternative. This practice builds your confidence in expressing more significant feelings and thoughts in more critical scenarios.

No need to be pushy or rude. Just be honest and kind at the same time. If you disagree with someone, you can still be respectful. It’s not about convincing everyone to think like you. It’s about not being afraid to be yourself.

Do What Is Best for You

Doing what’s best for you might sound simple, but it often requires really knowing yourself and sometimes making tough choices. This means thinking about what really matters to you: your health, your goals, and your happiness.

Here’s how you can start:

Think about decisions in terms of your well-being.
Trust that you know what’s best for you.
Remember, it’s not selfish to take care of yourself.

When you start doing what’s best for you, it’s like you’re steering your life in the direction you want to go. Sure, not everyone will understand your choices, but that’s okay. You’ve got this!

Check In With Yourself

Checking in with yourself is like giving your mind and heart a moment to breathe and regroup. It can help you stay centered and make choices that are true to you.

Here’s how you can do it:

Set aside some quiet time: Even if it’s just five minutes a day, find a quiet spot to be alone with your thoughts.
Ask yourself key questions: How am I feeling today? What’s making me happy or unhappy? Do I need something I’m not getting right now?
Write it down: Keeping a journal can help you track your thoughts and feelings over time, which is useful for reflecting on your personal growth.

This daily self-check is a simple but powerful way to stay on top of things. It’s also a time when you might realize you need a break, some fun, or maybe just a good night’s sleep. By checking in with yourself, you’re looking after your well-being and making sure you’re staying true to what you need and want in life.

Make Time for Reflection

Every now and then, it’s a good idea to hit pause and think about where you’re at in life. It’s like checking your map to make sure you’re still on the path you want to be on. Make it a part of your routine.

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Start by setting aside at least 10 minutes each day. Choose a time that suits you best, maybe in the evening when things have quieted down, and keep it consistent. Treat this as your mini-appointment with yourself.

In your reflection time, focus on three specific areas:

Actions: What did you do today? Maybe you helped a friend in need or tackled a tough project at work.
Reactions: How did you respond to challenges? Were you patient in the long line at the store, or did you let frustration get the best of you?
Intentions: Did you live today the way you wanted to? Perhaps you intended to eat healthy but ended up having fast food for lunch.

This simple exercise does wonders for keeping you in line with your core values and goals. It’s not about beating yourself up for the things that didn’t go well. Instead, the aim is to recognize what you can learn from each day.

"The most important requirement to find one's true nature is self-awareness. We grew up being influenced by what family members, teachers, friends, and religious figures told us who we should be, and what we should and should not do. We bought into their stories.

By asking ourselves, "Who am I?" "How do I feel?" "What do I desire?" and "What is my purpose in life?" we bring awareness to our inner voice. The more we hone it, the better it will guide us...

Only then will we be able to break away from other people's stories, stop living to please others, and get rid of what is no longer working for us. Slowly, our true self will emerge, and our inner voice will provide us with the knowingness of what is best for us, and we become authors of our own story."

— Sophia Demas, M.Ed.| Mental Health Therapist | Author, "The Divine Language of Coincidence"

Be Comfortable With Spending Time Alone

It’s good for everyone to learn how to be alone and actually enjoy it. When you’re by yourself, you get the space to think clearly and be with your thoughts without anyone else influencing you.

Being comfortable alone means doing things by yourself that you might usually do with others. Go to a movie, visit a museum, or dine at a restaurant solo. It might feel a bit strange at first, but many people find these solo adventures refreshing and empowering. It’s a way of telling yourself that you can have fun on your own.

This alone time can be a powerful way to reconnect with what you love and desire without outside opinions weighing in. It helps you develop a stronger sense of independence and confidence in your choices—key components of living true to yourself.

Be Intentional With Your Time

To live a life true to yourself, it’s important to use your time wisely. That means making choices about how you spend each day, ensuring that what you do aligns with your personal values and aspirations. Here’s a straightforward approach:

Prioritize tasks: Start by identifying what’s most important for your personal and professional goals. Anything that doesn’t support these might not deserve your time right now.
Set limits: Decide how much time you will dedicate to each activity. This will prevent overcommitting and help maintain balance.
Say no: Part of being intentional is being okay with saying no to things that don’t fit your priorities. It’s tough, but it frees you up to say yes to what really matters.

Being intentional doesn’t mean filling every moment with activity. Sometimes, being intentional means recognizing when you need a break. This not only prevents burnout but also keeps you mentally sharp and aligned with your journey towards staying true to yourself.

Pursue What You Love

When you’re chasing after the things you love, life just feels more colorful, doesn’t it? Maybe you love painting, hiking, or coding—whatever it is, make time for it. Even busy schedules can usually spare a few hours a week for something that makes your heart sing.

One practical step is to set specific goals related to your passion. For example, if you love writing, you might aim to write a page a day or submit a story to a magazine once a month. These small steps keep you connected to what you love and can significantly enhance your sense of self.

Pursuing your passions is like giving yourself a gift. It reminds you of what makes you tick outside of your roles and responsibilities. Plus, it’s a great way to meet like-minded people who share your enthusiasm.

Prioritize Self-Care

Look after yourself the way you’d look after a dear friend. Self-care ensures you operate at your best, both mentally and physically. It’s more than just spa days or treating yourself; it’s about making regular, healthy choices that support your well-being.

Here’s how to weave self-care into the fabric of your daily life:

Get enough Z’s – sleep is a game-changer.
Find time to move – dance, jog, or just stretch. Your body will thank you.
Don’t skip meals – your brain needs fuel to conquer the day.

Remember, when you’re well-cared for, you’re better at just about everything else. You show up as a stronger, happier version of yourself.

Observe Yourself Both Alone and in the Company of Friends

Watching how you behave alone and around others can tell you a lot about what you value and feel. When you’re alone, notice what activities you choose without outside influence. Do you reach for a book, sketch, or maybe play music? These choices reflect your natural interests.

When you’re with friends, pay attention to how you might change. Do you hold back opinions or go along with group decisions even when you disagree? This can help you identify areas where you might not be completely true to yourself or times when peer pressure influences you.

The goal here isn’t to judge yourself but to become more aware. Awareness is the first step toward making choices that align more closely with your personal values and desires.

Never Settle for Less Than You Really Want

It can be easy to accept less than what you want, especially if it seems like it’s alright for the time being. However, settling can lead to dissatisfaction and regret down the road. To live a life true to yourself, it’s important to aim for what genuinely makes you happy and fulfilled.

First, take some time to figure out what you really want in different areas of your life, such as your career, personal relationships, or hobbies. What does the ideal situation look like for you? Write these thoughts down to make them clearer and to have something to refer back to.

Once you know what you want, make a plan to get there. This might include setting specific goals, learning new skills, or changing your environment. The key is to take consistent actions that move you toward your ideal outcomes.

Sticking to your desires might mean making difficult choices sometimes, like leaving a comfortable job or ending a stable relationship that doesn’t fulfill you. Remember, every step toward what you truly want is a step toward a more authentic life. Don’t be afraid to take those steps.

Learn How to Say ‘No’

Saying ‘no’ can be a tricky dance, especially when you don’t want to let someone down. But it’s your time and your life, so you get to call the shots. When you say ‘yes’ to stuff you don’t really want to do, you’re actually saying ‘no’ to things that might be more important to you.

Here’s how to get better at it:

Think before you respond. You don’t have to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ right away.
Be clear but kind in your refusal. No need for elaborate excuses.
Remember, every ‘no’ is making room for a ‘yes’ to something that matters more to you.

The more you practice, the easier it’ll get, and soon, you’ll notice you have more time for the things you truly want to do. Plus, people will start to respect your time more when they see that you do, too.

Quit Being a People Pleaser

Quitting the habit of pleasing everyone is a huge step toward being more authentic. Recognize that it’s impossible to satisfy everyone without losing bits of yourself along the way.

If you’re always bending over backward to make everyone else happy, you might forget what it’s like to stand up straight for yourself. So, take a moment and think—are you saying ‘yes’ to things because you really want to or just because you want to avoid rocking the boat?

Start small by checking in with yourself before you automatically agree to something. If your gut says, “Eh, I’m not really feeling this,” listen to it! It’s okay to put your own preferences front and center sometimes. Plus, your honesty might be just what’s needed, and people will get to know the real you.

When you do that, you’ll feel a weight lift off your shoulders, and hey, you might even have more fun because you’re doing things that genuinely make you smile.

Set Boundaries with Others

Clear boundaries tell others how you expect to be treated and what’s acceptable behavior. It’s about loving yourself enough to say, “Hey, this is where I draw the line.”

Here’s how to start:

Be clear about your limits: Know what you are comfortable with and communicate that to others. For instance, if you don’t like being contacted about work during weekends, let your colleagues know.
Communicate openly and kindly: When setting boundaries, be honest but kind. A simple statement like “I value our time together, but I need some time for myself on weekends to recharge” helps set expectations without offense.
Stick to your boundaries: It’s one thing to set boundaries; it’s another to enforce them. Don’t hesitate to remind people when they’re crossing the line. Consistency here is key to making others respect your limits.

Setting boundaries is about planting a nice little fence to keep the good stuff in and the stress out. People worth having around will respect your fences and probably appreciate you for setting them.

Stay Away from Negative Influence

Let’s face it: Some folks can be real downers. You know who they are—the ones who always see the glass half empty or are quick to shoot down your ideas. Hanging out with them can be draining, and it’s tough to be true to yourself if you’re always caught in a storm cloud of negativity.

So, give yourself permission to step back. You don’t have to cut people out of your life completely, but you can choose how much influence they have over you. Spend more time with folks who uplift you and less with those who drag you down.

Learn to Walk Away From Things That No Longer Serve You

Life’s too short to stick with things that don’t make you happy or help you grow. Maybe it’s a job that’s going nowhere or a hobby that you don’t enjoy like you used to.

To start, think about what brings you down or eats up your time without giving much back. If something is more draining than rewarding, it’s a sign it might be time to let go. Maybe start by cutting down on these activities instead of quitting cold turkey.

Deciding to leave something behind can be difficult, especially if it’s been a part of your life for a long time. However, remember that it’s perfectly okay to put your own well-being first. Stepping away from things that no longer benefit you is about making space for better things that resonate more with who you are now.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do I struggle to be my true self?

Struggling to be your true self can happen for many reasons. Maybe you’re worried about what others will think, or you’ve gotten into the habit of putting other people’s needs before your own. It could also be that you’re not quite sure who your true self is yet, which is totally normal. It takes time and a bit of soul-searching to figure it out. The important thing is to keep trying and to start small with choices and actions that feel right to you.

How do I know if I’m being true to myself?

When you’re aligned with your true self, you’ll feel content and at peace, even if life isn’t perfect. If you’re doing things that resonate with your values, and you don’t feel the need to pretend or hide aspects of yourself, those are good signs you’re on track.

What if being true to myself upsets people I care about?

It’s natural to worry about this, but remember that being genuine is key to healthy relationships. It’s better for people to know and love the real you. Often, you’ll find that the people who really care about you will support you for who you are.

Can I be true to myself and still change for the better?

Absolutely. Being true to yourself doesn’t mean you can’t grow or improve. It means that your changes and growth are in line with your inner values and desires, not imposed by outer influences.

How do I deal with the fear of being judged for being myself?

Understand that everyone gets judged, no matter what. The key is not to let the fear of judgment stop you from being your authentic self. Most people are too busy with their own lives to focus on your choices. And those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.

Final Thoughts

Staying true to yourself is a daily commitment. Each day offers new challenges and choices that test our honesty and courage. The path isn’t always easy, but embracing who you truly are is worth every step. Remember, every time you choose authenticity, you make yourself a priority.

As we wrap up, think about the small steps you can take daily to be more genuine in your actions and choices. Listen to your heart, trust your intuition, and stand firm in being who you are. The more you practice this, the more natural it becomes.

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