How to Deal With a Condescending Coworker (20 Ways + Tips)

Have you ever had a coworker who just makes you feel small and undervalued? It’s frustrating—it can make a regular workday feel like an uphill battle and knock your confidence.

But guess what? You don’t have to just put up with it. There are ways to handle it to help you stay calm and keep your peace of mind. Whether it’s through calm communication or strategic silence, you’re about to discover how to turn the tables on condescension.

Ready to make your work environment more respectful and positive? Let’s explore how.

Common Signs of Condescending Behavior in Coworkers

But before we get into the strategies, it’s important to identify the specific behaviors that indicate someone is being condescending. These actions often show up in subtle ways, and by recognizing these habits, you can better understand and address the issue. Here are some common examples:

Dismissive Comments

A condescending coworker might frequently dismiss others’ ideas or contributions. Phrases like “That’s not really important” or “I think you’re misunderstanding” can make you feel undervalued and belittled.

Patronizing Tone

Watch for a tone that feels overly simplified or exaggeratedly polite, as if the speaker is speaking to a child or someone who can’t understand basic concepts. This can often be more insulting than what is actually being said.

Interrupting and Talking Over Others

Interrupting someone while they’re speaking or consistently talking over them is a way to assert dominance and show a lack of respect for what others have to say.

Over-Explaining or “Mansplaining”

This happens when someone explains something in an unnecessarily detailed manner, often about topics you’re already familiar with, implying that you lack the basic understanding.

Sarcastic Remarks

Making sarcastic comments disguised as jokes can be a way to undermine someone’s confidence while hiding behind humor. For example, saying, “Oh, you finally figured that out?” after completing a task.

Frequent Correction

Constantly correcting or “fixing” what you say or do, often in public, can make you feel incompetent and disrespected.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior

This includes making subtle insults, backhanded compliments, or giving you silent treatment, all of which can create an uncomfortable and toxic work environment.

Now that we’ve identified some common examples of condescending behavior, let’s explore effective ways to help you manage and improve these difficult interactions:

Stay Calm and Composed

When a condescending coworker throws a jab your way, keep your cool. It shows you’re in control and helps keep the situation from getting worse.

Let’s say someone makes a snide comment during a team meeting. Instead of reacting right away, relax and stay calm. It’s okay to feel annoyed; just don’t let it show too much. So take a deep breath and let it out slowly. A calm reaction can speak volumes.

Don’t Take It Personally

It’s tough to hear someone put you down or belittle your efforts. But here’s the thing: whatever they’re saying says more about them than it does about you.

Keep your headspace clear of their negativity with these steps:

Think back on something you’ve done well at work recently; let that boost your confidence.
Remind yourself that the comment reflects on them, not you.
Offer a smile, even if it’s just on the inside, and keep moving forward.

Remember your strengths and what you bring to the table. Knowing this helps you brush off their remarks.

"If your colleague's negativity touches on any of your insecurities, you might find yourself taking it personally and feeling bad about yourself. But realize that the problem lies with your co-worker, not with you. If they didn't like people who wear the color green, would you take it personally? Probably not. Their condescension may hit closer to home for you than the color green, but it's still their issue."

— Jennine Heller | Executive Coach for Leaders in Tech | Trainer | Speaker

Maintain a Professional Attitude

When dealing with a condescending coworker, it’s crucial to keep your professional reputation intact. How you respond and behave can make all the difference. Stay true to yourself and your work standards, even if others don’t.

Maintaining professionalism is about choosing constructive responses. It also puts you in a better position if you need to involve HR later.

For example, you get a snarky email. Instead of replying with something harsh, take a moment and write a polite response. Stick to the facts and avoid getting defensive. This helps you stay in control and might even surprise them with your calmness.

Focus on Your Work and Goals

Getting wrapped up in a coworker’s condescension can distract you from what really matters: your work. Remember, your goals are your priority. Refocus your energy on what you need to achieve.

This way, you can:

Stay goal-oriented, keeping your eyes on your personal and work-related targets.
Keep a checklist of daily tasks to maintain focus despite distractions.
Recognize your achievements, no matter how small, to boost morale.
Keep pushing forward and let your work speak for itself.

Practice Assertive Communication

Being assertive in your communication can make a big difference when dealing with condescending coworkers. This means expressing yourself clearly and respectfully. It’s not about being aggressive but about standing up for yourself in a firm but polite way.

Next time your coworker makes a dismissive comment, respond calmly but assertively. You might say, “I appreciate your input, but I think we can also consider this approach.” This shows you’re confident in your abilities and won’t let their condescension slide.

Assertive communication shows that you expect respect and that you’re not just going to quietly accept rude behavior.

"You should be careful in choosing your words and avoid speaking things that are defensive or provoking since that can validate the snobby coworker and spoil the chances of resolving the matter. You can usually turn defensive remarks into more constructive ones."

— Zhen Tang | Chief Operating Officer, AiLaw

Set Boundaries Politely

Boundaries are essential in any professional relationship, especially when someone is overstepping. Doing this politely but firmly can help create a more respectful interaction.

Try these approaches:

Explain what behavior you find unacceptable without attacking the person.
Suggest alternative ways to communicate that would be more appropriate or professional.
Be consistent with your boundaries. If you don’t tolerate an action, don’t make exceptions.

Setting boundaries is not about confrontation; it’s about clarifying how you expect to be treated at work. It’s a sign of self-respect and professionalism.

Confront the Behavior Directly and Privately

Sometimes, the best way to deal with a condescending coworker is to confront them directly, but make sure it’s done privately. This way, they won’t feel embarrassed in front of others, which can make them more defensive.

Find a moment to talk to your coworker one-on-one. You might say, “I’ve noticed some of your comments during meetings seem dismissive. It’s been bothering me, and I wanted to let you know.” This opens up a conversation without pointing fingers or getting into a blame game.

The goal is to make them aware of their behavior and how it affects you because sometimes, people don’t realize they’re being condescending. By addressing it directly, you give them a chance to correct their behavior while showing that you won’t tolerate disrespect.

"Ask to speak to them in private (only if reasonable/appropriate). If you are in a position that you are comfortable enough to address the person, you may do so. It is important to be professional and enter the conversation with the goal of establishing a healthy relationship."

— Sharaf Sultan, LLB | Principal, Sultan Lawyers

Document Specific Incidents

Writing down details about run-ins with a condescending colleague can be handy. Think of it like keeping a diary but for work. Be factual and specific about what happened, and keep these records secure.

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Remember to:

Note the date, time, and location of the incident.
Stick to what was said or done, no fluff or emotions.
Keep these notes to yourself, maybe in a locked file or a private notebook.

Having this sort of record gives you a clear view of the situation and a leg to stand on if things escalate, especially when you need to identify patterns or discuss the behavior with HR.

Seek Support From Trusted Colleagues

Dealing with condescension can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. Talk to coworkers you trust. Having someone to share your experiences with can provide emotional support and practical advice.

Start a candid chat with a colleague you trust. Share what’s been going on and how it’s affecting you. You might find they’ve noticed it, too, or even had similar experiences.

Having the support of a trusted colleague can give you new insights and make you feel less alone—they might have some good tips for handling the situation.

Ask for Clarification

Sometimes, it’s not entirely clear why a coworker might come off as condescending. Instead of assuming the worst, try asking for clarification.

This can help in a few ways:

It shows you’re active in communication and engaged in understanding.
It can reveal if there was a misunderstanding or if their intention was indeed to be patronizing.
It allows the coworker to explain, which might diffuse the tension.

Asking questions can shine a light on what’s really being said.

"If you don't want to be that direct, an alternative approach is by asking clarifying questions; they may have stated the obvious in a condescending way, so you can let them know you understood that part and you want to know if they have other things to say to explain the situation better."

— Dr. Patricia Celan | Psychiatry Resident, Dalhousie University

Evaluate Their Comments for Helpful Feedback

While it’s easy to get defensive when someone is being condescending, it’s worth taking a moment to evaluate if there’s any helpful feedback in their comments. This is not about justifying their behavior but finding useful nuggets you can use for your growth.

If a coworker criticizes your work, try to assess whether there’s some truth to what they’re saying. Even if their tone is harsh or dismissive, there might be something you can improve on. This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it does turn a negative situation into a learning opportunity.

By focusing on potential constructive feedback, you also show that you’re open to growth and improvement. This can sometimes shift the dynamics and make even the condescending person change their approach.

"You should approach them in a respectful way and with the intention of reaching a resolution, not with the desire to win an argument. Your coworker might also have constructive criticism for you, and it's important that you are willing to accept your own shortcomings in order to move forward."

— Monica Eaton-Cardone | COO, Chargebacks911

Be Kind and Empathic

Dealing with a condescending coworker is tough, but imagine what’s going on to make them act that way. Being kind doesn’t mean you accept the behavior or you’re a pushover—it means you’re choosing to rise above their negativity.

Here’s a way to sprinkle in some kindness:

Smile and keep your responses polite, even when their comments are off-base.
If they’re stressed or frustrated, a simple “Is everything okay?” can go a long way.
Remember, everyone has off days. This doesn’t excuse rudeness, but it can help you understand it.

Sometimes, a little empathy can turn around even the tensest work relationships. Be the bigger person, and who knows? They might just start returning the favor.

Mentally Prepare Yourself for Future Encounters

A condescending coworker can take a toll on you, so it’s important to mentally prepare yourself for future encounters. Taking some time to get ready for what might come helps you stay calm and in control.

Before you head into a meeting or a situation where you know you’ll see this coworker, take a few deep breaths. Remind yourself of your strengths and that you can handle this. Simple things like a quick walk or a quiet moment can help clear your mind.

"Practice ahead of time what you need to communicate to them by writing it down in a clear and succinct way—this will help bring your stress and anxiety levels down. Mentally rehearse being assertive without being aggressive or defensive, and clearly state what you would like or need to communicate in a calm voice, and talk to yourself internally in a kind and soothing way."

— Risa Williams, LMFT | Therapist and Life Coach

Limit Interactions When Possible

If you’ve tried everything else and the coworker’s behavior hasn’t changed, it might be time to reduce how much you interact with them.

Here’s how to approach this:

Focus on communicating through email or messages when face-to-face isn’t necessary.
Get involved in different projects or tasks if you can.
Take breaks at different times or spend less time in shared spaces.

By limiting contact, you protect your well-being and give yourself more peace of mind at work. Sometimes, space is the best solution.

Aim for Solutions, Not Arguments

Getting into a back-and-forth with a condescending coworker can be draining and often isn’t worth the effort. Instead, turn your energy towards finding a solution. The goal is to improve the work environment, not to prove who’s right.

Next time you’re in a tense conversation, guide it toward a solution. For example, if they make dismissive comments about your work, steer the conversation by saying, “I hear your concerns. How can we work together to improve this?”

This shows you’re interested in finding common ground and moving forward. It’s about creating a more respectful and constructive interaction that benefits everyone involved.

Know When to Let It Go

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, things won’t change. When you’re faced with this reality, knowing when to step back is crucial. Accepting that you’ve done all you can is part of the process.

Keep these in mind:

Recognize when you’re facing a dead-end and redirect your efforts elsewhere.
Don’t waste energy on situations that are out of your control.
Allow yourself to move on, putting your well-being first.

Letting go can be freeing and opens up your energy for more positive and productive pursuits.

"The best way to deal with a condescending colleague is to know when to let it go because it either wasn't an intentional attack on your intelligence or because it's just not worth giving this person the satisfaction of a response."

— Dr. Patricia Celan | Psychiatry Resident, Dalhousie University

Prepare for Resistance

When you decide to confront a condescending coworker or set boundaries, be prepared for some pushback. Not everyone reacts positively to being called out or asked to change their behavior. Anticipate this resistance so it doesn’t catch you off guard.

If you address their behavior and they get defensive or dismissive, stay calm and stick to your points. You might say, “I understand this is uncomfortable to discuss, but it’s important for our work environment.”

Preparing for resistance also means having a backup plan if the direct conversation fails. This could involve seeking support from a supervisor or HR.

Mention What You Appreciate About Them

It might seem counterintuitive, but acknowledging something positive about your coworker can sometimes diffuse tension, soften their approach, and potentially improve your working relationship.

Try to:

Give credit where it’s due when they do good work or have a good idea.
Point out the strengths in their work or character that genuinely benefit the team.
Share your positive remarks in team meetings where it’s relevant.

It’s about being fair and balanced, even when it’s challenging. Even the toughest nut might crack a smile when they’re appreciated.

Maintain Neutral Body Language

Your body language speaks volumes, especially in tense situations. Maintaining neutral body language can help keep the conversation calm and prevent escalation. Stay aware of your posture, gestures, and facial expressions.

When your coworker is speaking, keep your arms uncrossed and maintain eye contact. Nod occasionally to show you’re listening. Avoid rolling your eyes, sighing heavily, or looking away, as these actions can be seen as dismissive or confrontational.

Showing open and neutral body language helps set a positive tone for the interaction. It signals that you’re willing to engage in a respectful and productive conversation, even if the topic is difficult.

"Always try to maintain neutral body language. Any sign that you're annoyed gives them the pleasure of knowing they have succeeded in annoying you, remember to hold your ground both physically and mentally."

— Isaac Hammelburger | Founder, Search Pros

Report to HR if Needed

If all else fails and you’re hitting a brick wall trying to resolve things with this coworker, it’s time to involve HR. This isn’t running away from the problem—it’s proactively resolving it properly.

Before doing so:

Collect your documentation of specific incidents.
Be clear about the impact of your coworker’s behavior on your work and well-being.
Keep the conversation with HR factual and objective.

HR is there to help ensure that your workplace is a professional environment. Sometimes, their involvement is the turning point needed to change the situation for the (much) better.

More Expert Insights

“A mindset of “assume positive intent” will help here. That is, assume the person had a positive intention when saying or doing what (s)he did. Although it felt condescending to you, the person may have meant to be helpful. People are not always self-aware and may not realize that their tone or actions would be perceived as condescending.”

— Laurie Richards | International Speaker | Communication Strategist

“One approach is to provide peer feedback, directly, in private to the individual. Candor, communicated via respectful comments, is critical for the process to work well. Think through the following before providing feedback. What is most important for you to focus on? What behaviors really make a difference to the success of the team/the company?”

— Holly G. Green | Award-winning Speaker | Best-selling Author | Global Management Consultant, The Human Factor, Inc.

“A saying, image, or action that reconnects you with your self-assurance can keep you centered during your interactions with your coworker. For example, you can clasp your wrist like you’re putting on a bracelet while repeating “I am awesome and I am valuable.” Or you can picture yourself wearing a coat of armor that deflects their words as they come at you and renders you impervious to any disrespect thrown your way.”

— Jennine Heller | Executive Coach for Leaders in Tech | Trainer | Speaker

“It’s helpful to remember that what other people think of you is none of your business, and you’ll never be able to control that anyway. Limit the amount of energy that you’re using to try to figure out why someone acts the way they do and focus on the goal at hand. Most of the time their behavior actually has nothing to do with you personally.”

— Terry B. McDougall, PCC, MBA | Executive & Career Coach, Terry B. McDougall Coaching | Author, “Winning the Game of Work”

Frequently Asked Questions

Can condescending behavior be considered workplace harassment?

It can be, especially if it’s part of a pattern that creates a hostile work environment. If it’s severe or pervasive enough, it may fall under the category of workplace harassment. Consult your HR department or workplace policy for guidance.

Is there any benefit to giving the coworker the benefit of the doubt about their intentions?

Sometimes, people are unaware of how their behavior comes across. Giving them the benefit of the doubt allows for the possibility that the behavior isn’t intentional and opens the door for constructive dialogue.

Can a condescending coworker ever change their ways?

Yes, it’s possible for people to change their behavior, especially if they’re given specific, respectful feedback about how their actions affect others. However, remember that change often takes time and consistent reinforcement.

How can I support a colleague who is being treated condescendingly?

Offer your support and listen to their experiences. Encourage them to address the behavior directly if they feel comfortable. You can also support them by being a witness if they decide to report the behavior to HR.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with a condescending coworker isn’t easy, but you can manage it with the right approach. Stay calm, communicate assertively, and set boundaries to protect your peace of mind.

Always remember your worth and the value you bring to your team. Don’t hesitate to seek help if you need it. Remember, you have the right to a respectful and positive workplace.

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