How to Deal With Mean People (18 Effective Ways)

Life throws us curveballs, and sometimes, those come in the form of mean people. Whether at work, in public, or even at home, dealing with them can be tough and draining.

The good news? There are practical strategies to handle these difficult situations without losing our cool or self-respect.

So, what’s the secret to staying calm and positive when someone is being mean? Let’s explore how to handle these challenging encounters gracefully.

Stay Calm and Composed

Dealing with mean comments can make you want to respond immediately, but losing your temper only makes things worse. Staying collected helps you think clearly and respond in a way that defuses the situation.

Here’s what you can do:

Count to ten in your mind before answering.
Remind yourself to relax your shoulders; this helps release tension.
Smile, even if it’s just on the inside. It’s a little reminder that you’re in control.

Staying calm doesn’t mean you’re okay with being mistreated. It’s about managing your emotions to handle the situation effectively.

"When confronted with someone being mean, remind yourself to take some deep breaths. This will lower your heart rate and blood pressure and calm your central nervous system, making you less likely to be reactive."

— Melissa Bennett-Heinz, LCSW, LICSW | Psychotherapist and Owner, Gestalt Therapy PLLC

Set Boundaries

Letting others know what behavior you accept and what you don’t is crucial. It’s like saying, “I deserve respect.“

Consider a scenario where a friend keeps making hurtful jokes. You can say, “I don’t appreciate those comments. Can we change the subject?” It may feel awkward, but it’s powerful in protecting your mental health.

Boundaries are not walls. They are guidelines to ensure you are treated with respect. Setting clear boundaries helps you avoid draining interactions and foster healthier relationships.

"Setting boundaries can be critical if the reason for this behavior sits firmly with the other person—the first thing to remember when setting boundaries is that we have the right to do so... When setting a boundary, be clear. This is not the time for vagueness and a lack of clarity. Also, we do not need to apologize for setting a boundary. We all have the right to do so."

— Ian Stockbridge | Founder and Lead Counsellor, Hope Therapy & Counselling Services

Be Self-Aware

Being self-aware helps you understand your emotions and reactions. Knowing your triggers can prevent you from reacting impulsively when confronted by mean people.

To be more self-aware, try these steps:

Keep track of what makes you happy or upset.
Ask yourself why you feel this way about certain things.
Look for patterns in your reactions and thoughts.

By being aware of your feelings, you can manage your reactions. It’s not always about the other person; sometimes, it’s about how we deal with things inside us. The better you understand your own buttons, the less likely they’ll be pushed by someone else.

Don’t Take It Personally

Dealing with mean people is tough, but it is important not to take it personally. Often, their behavior says more about them than you. Remind yourself that their negativity doesn’t reflect your worth.

Say someone rudely comments on your project. Instead of letting it get to you, take a step back. Remind yourself that you’re not the problem; they might be dealing with their own struggles. This mindset can help you stay grounded and keep their words from affecting your self-esteem.

"It can feel very personal when someone is mean and comments on things that you may feel insecure about. That does not mean that what they say are facts. It is them making an interpretation about you and saying it out loud. If there is the feedback that is useful to you, of course, take the feedback. If there is nothing useful, it is perfectly acceptable to dismiss it."

— Alison Gomez, LMFT | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Communicate Clearly and Assertively

When someone is mean to you, it’s important to speak up for yourself. You’ll want to share your thoughts in a strong way without being aggressive. Firmly but kindly say what’s on your mind.

Here are some tips to communicate effectively:

Plan what you want to say before things get heated.
Use “I” statements, like “I feel” or “I think,” to own your words.
Stand up straight, look them in the eye, and use a steady voice.
Keep your message short and to the point.

Assertiveness is about standing up for yourself while also respecting others. It’s a balanced way to handle conflicts and ensure your voice is heard.

Develop Strong Self-Esteem

Having strong self-esteem can be your shield against mean behavior. When you believe in your own worth, it’s easier to brush off negative comments.

Start with recognizing your strengths and accomplishments. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Building self-esteem is a gradual process, but every step counts.

When your self-esteem is high, it’s like having an inner cheerleader. So when mean comments come, they don’t hit as hard. You know who you are, and a mean person’s words can’t change that.

Find a Healthy Way to Express Your Feelings

Expressing your feelings in a healthy way is essential when dealing with mean people. Bottling up emotions can lead to frustration while lashing out can escalate tensions. Finding a balance is key.

Try saying something like, “I feel hurt when you speak to me that way. Can we talk about this calmly?” This approach clearly communicates your feelings without aggression and opens the door for a more constructive conversation.

You can also write down your feelings if talking face-to-face feels too challenging. Journaling or even sending a thoughtful message can help release those bottled-up emotions.

"Anger, sadness, guilt—feel them and then find a healthy way to express them. This can be done through journaling, going into your car and hashing it out (alone, but directed at the hurter), going for a run, to name a few. You don't need to live in the feeling, but by acknowledging it, we dilute the power it has over us."

— Andrea Blindt, RN | Holistic Health Practitioner | Empowerment Coach | Author, "Sacred Redesign"

Maintain a Positive Attitude

It can be challenging to stay upbeat when faced with negativity, but positivity is like a shield. It can help deflect the mean vibes.

Here’s how to keep your chin up:

Focus on the good things in your life, like family, friends, or hobbies.
Give yourself a pep talk. Remind yourself of your strengths.
Help someone else out. Kindness is a two-way street, and it feels great!

A positive attitude keeps the gray clouds at bay. It doesn’t mean ignoring the bad stuff; it means not letting it have all the power. Lift your head high, and the sun will find its way to you.

"You are the only one that determines how you react—so if someone is trying to be nasty to you, taking a positive approach takes away all of their power, which means that you ultimately win and have a positive day."

— Dr. Suzanna Wong, DC | Chiropractor and Co-Founder, Twin Waves Wellness Center

Choose Your Battles Wisely

It’s important to know which battles are worth fighting. Not every negative comment or mean behavior deserves a reaction. Sometimes, letting it go is the best choice.

Ask yourself, “Is this really worth my energy?” If the answer is no, it’s okay to move on. Save your energy for situations that genuinely matter and require your attention. Choosing your battles doesn’t mean avoiding all confrontations. It means you are strategic about when and how to engage.

"Don't engage. Sometimes, the best response is no response. If the person is defensive, it's best to de-escalate the situation by ignoring them and following up when they have calmed down."

— Kamilah Thomas, MSW, LCSW-S | CEO and Clinical Director, KBT Counseling and Consulting

Offer Empathy and Understanding

Offering empathy and understanding can sometimes soften a mean person’s behavior. Try to consider what might be causing their negativity.

Here’s how empathy can make a difference:

It separates the person from their actions. Remember, everyone has their battles.
It helps you keep your peace. Anger can take a lot out of you, but understanding conserves your energy.
It could turn the tide. The person being mean might soften if they feel understood.

Being empathetic doesn’t mean accepting mean behavior. It’s about trying to see the human behind the actions, which can sometimes make the encounter a bit easier to handle.

"Have empathy for the person acting mean. Remind yourself that underneath the acting out behavior is a wounded, hurting spirit, which is likely doing the best they can with what they know. We have all been hurt and wounded at some point in a relationship, and if you're able to connect to the other person by employing empathy, even if the connection is only internal, you will be less reactive."

— Melissa Bennett-Heinz, LCSW, LICSW | Psychotherapist and Owner, Gestalt Therapy PLLC

Seek Support from Others

Dealing with mean people can be draining, so seeking support from friends, family, or even colleagues is important. Talking to someone you trust about your experiences can provide comfort and perspective.

Imagine facing constant negativity at work. Chatting with a friend who’s a good listener can help you feel lighter. They might offer new insights or simply lend a compassionate ear, which can be relieving.

You don’t have to go through it alone. Knowing that others have your back can boost your confidence and resilience when dealing with mean individuals.

Reflect on the Situation

Taking a moment to reflect on the situation can provide valuable perspective. Ask yourself why the person might be acting mean, and consider your own reactions. This reflection can help you respond more thoughtfully.

Consider the following:

What happened that led to this situation?
Did I respond the way I wanted to?
What can I learn from this to handle it better next time?

Reflecting like this gives you insights that can help in the future. It’s about understanding the dynamics at play and improving your responses over time.

Stand Up for Yourself

There’s a time to be understanding and a time to be firm. Being firm and clear about your boundaries doesn’t mean being confrontational; it simply sends a clear message that you won’t tolerate disrespectful behavior.

If someone makes a mean comment, you might calmly say, “I don’t appreciate that remark. Please speak to me respectfully.” This shows that you respect yourself and expect the same from others.

Standing up for yourself can be challenging, but it’s necessary for maintaining your self-respect and dignity. Over time, it can help reduce the frequency of mean encounters, as people will learn to treat you with the respect you deserve.

"The best choice you have in dealing with mean people is to stay away from them. But we don't always have that luxury, especially if we work or live with them. In this case, you can't avoid them, and you will need to stand up for yourself in a smart way. If mean people know they can get away with bullying you, they will. So you have to stand strong from the beginning, if possible."

— Christy Piper | Coach and Speaker | Author, “Girl, You Deserve More“

Focus on Solutions, Not Issues

It’s easy to get stuck on the hurtful things mean people say or do. Instead, channel your energy into figuring out how to make the situation better. Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to improve this?”

Here are a few steps to focus on solutions:

Identify what you can change and take action on that.
Ask a friend or family member for their ideas if you need to.
Set small, achievable goals to improve the situation.

For example, if a coworker is being rude, think about ways to improve the communication between you two. Maybe suggesting a meeting to clear up any misunderstandings could help. Looking for solutions enables you to stay proactive and positive. It turns those speed bumps into stepping stones.

Know When to Walk Away

Sometimes, the best way to deal with mean people is to simply walk away. If a situation is too toxic and nothing seems to work, removing yourself from it is a healthy choice. This doesn’t mean you’ve lost; it means you’re choosing your well-being over pointless drama.

For instance, you’re in a heated argument that’s going nowhere. Calmly saying, “Let’s take a break and talk later,” allows you to step away and avoid further conflict, prioritizing your peace.

Knowing when to walk away is a sign of strength. It shows you value yourself enough not to remain in a harmful situation.

"Don't entertain them for long and find an excuse to leave. Sometimes, despite trying your best, you can't deter mean people from their little mission of being "offensive." Your confrontation could not yield any result. In such a scenario: (1) Don't stick around for too long to entertain their toxicity (2) Come up with a good excuse to take off."

— William Rivers | Founder and Chief Editor, Seniorstrong

Prioritize Self-Care

Dealing with mean people can take a toll on your mental and physical health, so prioritizing self-care is essential. Taking time to care for yourself helps you recharge and stay resilient in the face of negativity.

Here’s how prioritizing self-care helps:

It keeps you strong, physically and emotionally.
It can improve your mood and make it easier to deal with stress.
It gives you a break from negative vibes.

So, when the world is throwing lemons, self-care helps you whip up some stellar lemonade. It’s your moment to step back, rejuvenate, and keep your well-being front and center.

Focus on Being Kind

It might sound counterintuitive, but focusing on being kind can sometimes neutralize mean behavior. Your kindness can act as a buffer, making it harder for their negativity to bring you down.

Kindness can be very powerful. It can change the tone of an interaction and even influence the mean person’s attitude. At the very least, it helps you maintain your own sense of peace and positivity.

Plus, kindness can be contagious. Your positive attitude might just encourage the mean person to soften their approach.

Consider Professional Help When Needed

Sometimes, dealing with mean people can be too much, especially if it’s affecting your well-being. If it feels overwhelming, it’s okay to seek professional help.

Here’s why:

A professional can give you tailored strategies to handle your situation.
They provide a supportive space to talk it out.
They can help you build resilience for the future.

Think of it like calling in a coach for some extra training. Sometimes, getting help is about equipping yourself with the right tools for your mental health toolkit.

More Expert Insights

“It doesn’t matter who we are in life. Not everyone will like us or treat us well. This goes from the best-paid movie or pop star to the most successful entrepreneur. They will all encounter people who are unnecessarily mean to them at times. So it is worth stopping and questioning how important this is to your life. Sometimes, it just simply isn’t worth trying too hard to build bridges.”

— Ian Stockbridge | Founder and Lead Counsellor, Hope Therapy & Counselling Services

“Act according to your values. Do not match their energy. Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be and act accordingly. This can often mean standing up for yourself assertively and respectfully. Avoid a lot of “you” statements, and be concise and clear about what you need.”

— Megan Tarmann, MS, LMFT | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Rooted Wisdom Counseling

“Complement them (only when they deserve it), then try pointing out their mistake. Mean people don’t like people seeing their flaws; that’s why they shift their attention to other people. Thus, it will be great if you compliment them, they will be aware of their strengths and even see that they have weaknesses.”

— Michelle Devani | Founder, Love Devani

“People love to feel superior to others. If you give this person a feeling of superiority over you and you don’t do anything stupid to make the situation worse, they will feel inclined to repay you. The best way to give people this feeling of superiority is (1) let them do most of the talking (2) genuinely listen to everything they have to say.”

— Evan Cruz | Founder, Join the Island

Frequently Asked Questions

What are some common traits of mean people?

Mean people often display behaviors such as being rude, condescending, or insulting. They might enjoy making others feel bad to boost their own self-esteem. They can lack empathy and may be manipulative, using others’ vulnerabilities to their advantage.

Common traits also include being overly critical, having a short temper, and often projecting their own insecurities onto others.

How can I handle mean comments online or on social media?

Don’t engage with trolls or negative comments. Report or block users if necessary and focus on interacting with positive, supportive people instead.

How can I prevent myself from becoming a mean person?

Cultivate empathy: Try to understand other people’s experiences and feelings.

Watch your language: Be mindful of your words and their impact on others.

Reflect on your behavior: Regular self-reflection can help you understand and improve your interactions.

Manage stress: Find healthy ways to cope with your own stress, which can otherwise lead to meanness.

Practice kindness: Treat others with respect and courtesy.

Apologize when necessary: If you hurt someone, say you’re sorry and learn from the experience.

Are there long-term effects of dealing with mean people?

Continual exposure to meanness can affect your mental health. It’s important to find strategies to protect yourself and seek professional help if you struggle to cope.

Final Thoughts

Dealing with mean people is not easy, but with the right approach, we can manage it with confidence and kindness.

Remember, you have the power to control how you react. By staying calm, setting boundaries, and understanding why people act as they do, we can protect our peace. Keep these strategies in mind, and you’ll be better equipped to deal with negativity while maintaining your own happiness. Stay positive!

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