How to Deal With Someone Who Doesn't Respect Boundaries

Have you ever felt your space invaded by someone who just can’t seem to understand “personal boundaries”? Whether it’s unsolicited advice or an invasion of your physical space, it can really put you on edge. It’s not just you—many of us struggle with this.

If you’re hoping to manage these situations with more confidence and less conflict, you’re in the right spot. I’m here to share a few strategies that will empower you to say no more often and mean it!

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are the invisible lines we draw around ourselves to protect our physical space, emotions, and mental well-being. Think of them as guidelines or rules that help us communicate what we are comfortable with and how we expect to be treated by others.

They can be about anything — how much personal information we share, how people can speak to us, or how often we lend our time and resources.

Without them, we might feel overwhelmed or taken advantage of, which can lead to stress and unhappiness.

Recognizing if Your Boundaries Are Being Violated

Recognizing when someone isn’t respecting your boundaries is the first step toward addressing the issue. Sometimes these signs can be obvious, but other times they can be quite subtle, too.

Here are a few common indicators that your boundaries might be getting crossed:

Persistent discomfort: If you often feel uneasy or uncomfortable around someone, it might be a sign that they’re intruding your boundaries. Listen to your gut feelings.
Frequent overstepping: Does this person frequently ask for more than you’re willing to give, whether it’s your time, energy, or resources? Overstepping can appear generous but often leaves you feeling drained.
Ignoring your “no”: A clear indicator of boundary violations is when your ‘no’ is not accepted as an answer, leading to feelings of being pressured or coerced.
Invasion of privacy: Whether it’s going through your personal belongings, your phone, or showing up uninvited, these are blatant disrespect for your personal space.

Now that we understand what boundaries are and how to recognize when they’re being violated, let’s explore effective strategies on how to deal with someone who doesn’t respect these boundaries.

Clearly Define Your Boundaries

Before you can expect others to respect your boundaries, you need to know what they are. Take some time to reflect on what makes you feel comfortable and what doesn’t. Think about aspects such as personal space, emotional availability, your time, and your energy levels. Once you’re clear on these, you’ll find it easier to communicate them to others.

For example, if you’re not comfortable with last-minute plans, your boundary could be requiring a day’s notice for social engagements. Clearly knowing this about yourself allows you to communicate this preference to others confidently.

Communicate Your Boundaries Assertively

Being assertive is key when it comes to communicating your boundaries. This doesn’t mean being aggressive; rather, it’s about being clear and firm. Start your statements with confidence and clarify your limits without apology.

Remember, it’s completely okay to assert your needs.

What you can do: If someone asks too much of your time, a response could be, “I value our friendship, but I need to make sure I have enough time for my other commitments. Let’s schedule our meetings ahead of time.”

"Clear, open communication is the foundation of healthy boundary-setting. Limits can be expressed in a variety of ways to maintain our self-power.

Here are five steps to establishing and communicating the power of boundaries:

1. Verbalize clearly with words what your boundaries are.
2. Visualize your boundaries as your personal property line.
3. Graciously refuse the request: “I’m sorry, but that is not going to work for me.”
4. Identify those who continually try to break through your boundaries and put distance between you and those individuals when possible.
5. Stand firm knowing that boundaries are parameters that help to enhance trust and respect."

— Gail Rudolph | Cialdini Method Certified Trainer | Author, "Power Up, Power Down: How to Reclaim Control and Make Every Situation a Win/Win"

Use “I” Statements When Discussing Boundaries

Using “I” statements can help make the conversation about boundaries feel less confrontational. This approach focuses on your feelings rather than blaming the other person, which can help keep the discussion positive and clear.

Here are some examples to show this method in different contexts:

Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try “I feel unheard when we talk about this topic.”
Instead of complaining, “You’re always on your phone,” say “I feel ignored when you use your phone during our meals.”
Instead of accusing, “You don’t respect my time,” use “I feel frustrated when our plans start later than agreed.”

By reframing these statements from a personal perspective, you’re more likely to have a constructive conversation and less likely to trigger defensive responses.

Practice Saying No Without Guilt

Saying no can be tough, especially when you worry about hurting someone’s feelings or fear their response. However, remembering that saying no is crucial for maintaining your mental peace and respecting your own limits can help alleviate any guilt.

Imagine a friend asks you for a favor when you’re already overwhelmed. It’s perfectly okay to say, “I really wish I could help, but I’m not able to commit to anything else right now.”

Start with small, low-stakes situations to practice saying no. As you get more comfortable, it will become easier.

Set Consequences for Boundary Violations

When boundaries are crossed, it’s important to have consequences ready to reinforce the seriousness of your limits. This doesn’t mean you need to respond harshly, but it’s crucial to let the other person know that their actions have repercussions.

For instance, if someone consistently stays too late at your home against your wishes, next time you might say, “I enjoy our visits, but I need to stick to our agreed time. If this continues, we’ll need to shorten our visits.”

Clearly communicate the consequences in advance. This way, the person isn’t surprised when you enforce them, and they understand the importance of respecting your boundaries.

"Some people will intentionally cross boundaries to get their personal needs or agendas met. If the person continues to cross your boundaries after you’ve made your boundary needs very clear, you have several options—and they are not mutually exclusive. 

The fix: 
- Restate your boundary firmly.
- Let the person know very clearly what will happen if the boundary is violated again. For example, you might say, “If you cross my boundaries again, I will discontinue our relationship.” 
- Follow through on that consequence if the boundary is crossed."

— Dr. Carla Marie Manly | Clinical Psychologist | Author, “Joy from Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend“

Reinforce Your Boundaries Consistently

Consistency is key in making sure your boundaries are not just heard but respected. Let’s say you’ve asked your colleagues not to call you on your day off. Stick to this by not answering work-related calls, even if it’s tempting to just “sort it quickly.”

When people see that you’re consistent with what you’ve communicated, they start to adjust their behavior accordingly.

Practical tip: Every time you reinforce a boundary, you make it stronger. It might feel tough at first, but stay true to what you need—you’re teaching others how to treat you by example!

"You can do this in a kind but firm way using a skill called “Broken Record Technique.” To use this, you acknowledge and reflect what the other person is saying and then repeat your boundaries each time they attempt to cross your line... With an adult, this may sound like, “I understand that you’d like for me to stay after work, but I won’t be able to do that. No, I can’t work late tonight. I know how helpful it would be, but I need to be home on time.”

The key here is that, like a broken record, you do not move or give in to the other person’s boundary crossings."

— Meagan Turner, MA | Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Emerge Counseling

Respond Differently Than You May Have in the Past

If you’ve always let things slide or exploded after reaching your limit, try a new approach.

For example, if you previously ignored when someone interrupted you, next time, calmly say, “I wasn’t finished speaking.“ This shift not only surprises the other person but also empowers you to stand up for your boundaries in a healthy way.

Change begins with one different response at a time. Whether it’s speaking up sooner than you usually would, or expressing your discomfort in the moment, these changes can reset expectations and improve your interactions.

Be Mindful; Not Reactive

Reacting immediately to boundary violations can sometimes escalate conflicts or communicate your emotions ineffectively. Instead, take a breath and collect your thoughts. Being mindful about your response allows you to address boundary issues calmly and clearly, which is more likely to be received well.

What this looks like: If a coworker interrupts you during a meeting, instead of reacting with annoyance, take a moment. Later, you might approach them and say, “I value our collaborative environment, and I believe each of us needs time to express our thoughts fully without interruption.”

Get to Know Yourself Better with Our FREE Quizzes! (no email sign-up necessary):

Explore our quiz categories: Business Quizzes, Career Quizzes, Personality Quizzes, Relationship Quizzes, Well-Being Quizzes

Assess if This Person Understands What Boundaries Are

Not everyone has the same understanding of boundaries, which can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. It might be helpful to have a conversation about what boundaries mean to you and why they are important. This can clarify many issues and help the other person see your perspective.

What you can do: During a calm moment, explain the concept of boundaries with examples, like personal space or emotional limits. Ask them about their boundaries too; this can turn the discussion into a mutual exchange rather than a one-sided lecture.

"As a marriage and family therapist trainee and mindset coach, I sit with many wonderful people who simply have never known boundaries to be a part of their lives. They didn't grow up in an environment where boundaries were modeled, enforced, and respected.

They consequently grew into adults who never considered boundaries and perhaps don't even know they exist... This is important to understand because there are potential opportunities for you and this person to grow together. If a person finds boundaries foreign or even unsafe but are curious or willing to grow in their understanding, it's possible to walk with them through this.

— Nicole Smolinski | Life and Mindset Coach | Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee

Avoid Spending Time with the Person

Sometimes, the best way to maintain your boundaries is to reduce the amount of time you spend with someone who consistently disrespects them. This doesn’t mean you need to end the relationship entirely, but creating some distance can give you the space you need to reassess and manage your interactions more effectively.

Practical tip: Start by politely declining invitations that you feel might lead to uncomfortable situations or where your boundaries are likely to be ignored. It’s not about avoidance, but about choosing environments that respect your wellbeing.

Limit Your Engagement with Them

When cutting down time isn’t enough, or not entirely possible, try limiting the depth of your engagement with the person. This means being polite and cordial but not going deeper into emotionally charged conversations or situations where your boundaries might get pushed.

What you can do: Keep interactions brief and focused. If a conversation starts to go in a direction that you’re not comfortable with, it’s okay to steer it back or excuse yourself from the situation.

"Sometimes people are determined to behave in a way that doesn't contribute to your overall wellness. While you cannot ultimately control other people's behaviors, you can choose whether you engage with them or not.

Granted, there are certain situations where the total disconnect is possible (employer, in-laws/other family members), but at the very least, limit your engagement with people who cannot respect the boundaries you have set for yourself."

— Keischa Pruden, LCMHCS, LCAS, CCS, SAE | Therapist and Owner, Pruden Counseling Concepts

Use Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries are especially important and can be very effective in safeguarding your personal space. This could mean choosing where you sit, managing how you greet people, or even using body language to express your comfort levels.

Choose your seating carefully: At work or in social settings, choose a seat that feels comfortable for you, possibly where you can control your space more effectively.
Greet appropriately: If you’re uncomfortable with close physical greetings like hugs, offer a handshake or a wave instead.
Express with body language: Sometimes, simply stepping back or angling your body differently can communicate your need for more space.

"...If there is a table in the space, use it to create a barrier. Sit on one side and gesture for the other person to sit on the opposite side. If it is a long table with many chairs and there is a chance the boundary-challenged person will sit next to you, wait for them to choose their seat, and then choose to sit across from them or further away."

— Alison Henderson | Movement Pattern Analyst and Body Language Expert, Moving Image Consulting LLC

Create Boundaries with Your Gestures

As I mentioned earlier, your body language can be a powerful tool for setting and maintaining boundaries without saying a word.

Gestures such as stepping back or holding up a hand can signal to others that they are encroaching on your personal space. These non-verbal cues are often enough to make someone reconsider their actions.

What this looks like: If someone gets too close during a conversation, taking a subtle step back and angling your body away gives a clear signal that you need more physical space. This natural movement respects both parties and communicates your needs in a pretty obvious way.

"Use a "stop" gesture with the palm up and pushing away from you. Slicing, focused gestures are also good boundary signals. Avoid anything soft or too fluid, which may be perceived as an "opening" for the other person to go too far or ask you something inappropriate.

Crossing the arms may work temporarily, but many people ignore this signal because it is a pose, and the brain responds more to movement."

— Alison Henderson | Movement Pattern Analyst and Body Language Expert, Moving Image Consulting LLC

Set a Time Limit When You Plan to Interact with This Person

Managing how long you spend with someone can help keep interactions within your comfort zone. Setting a clear time limit beforehand can prevent you from feeling overwhelmed and ensure that you have control over the situation.

What you can do: When planning a meeting or a catch-up, be upfront about your available time. You might say, “I’d love to meet for coffee, but I’ll need to leave by 3 PM.” This sets expectations clearly and respectfully.

Seek Support From Friends or a Professional

Sometimes, dealing with boundary violations can be too much to handle alone. Seeking support from friends or a professional can provide you with additional perspectives, emotional support, and practical advice.

Talk to friends: Just sharing your experiences can make you feel understood and less isolated. A friend might also offer insights into handling the situation that you hadn’t considered.
Consult a professional: If the situation persists or significantly impacts your well-being, talking to a counselor or a therapist can be incredibly beneficial. They can offer professional advice tailored to your specific circumstances.

Take Time for Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is also essential for understanding and asserting your boundaries effectively. It’s about taking a step back to evaluate your experiences with boundaries — what’s working, what isn’t, and how you’re feeling about the interactions you have with others.

What this looks like: Set aside some quiet time each week to reflect on your interactions. Ask yourself questions like, “How did I feel after speaking with this person?” or “Did I feel my boundaries were respected?” This can help you identify patterns and decide on any needed adjustments.

"...So the next time you run into a situation of how someone is not respecting your boundaries, take a step back and ask yourself:

"Okay, how am I not respecting my boundaries?"
"Where am I not clear on what my boundaries are?"
"What are the consequences associated with that boundary?"

Look inward, get that clarity and confidence, and then you will know how to show up to that relationship because you're going to feel way better about yourself."

— Stacy Raske | Leadership Mentor | Executive Coach | Podcast Host

Reevaluate the Relationship if Necessary

If boundary violations are a consistent issue, it might be necessary to reevaluate the relationship. This doesn’t always mean ending it, but it could involve changing how you interact with this person. Reflect on whether the relationship is mutually respectful and fulfilling.

Practical tip: Consider the pros and cons of continuing the relationship in its current form. It might be helpful to write these down to visually assess whether the positives outweigh the negatives or vice versa.

"...If you’ve been working on setting boundaries for some time now and they are not respected as you wish, it may be time to analyze the relationship and explore the values you hold around the company you keep."

— Natalie Capano, MHC-LP | Mental Health Counselor, Cobb Psychotherapy NYC

Walk Away (Literally)

Sometimes, the best and only option left to protect your wellbeing is to walk away from a relationship or situation where your boundaries are continually disrespected. This is often a difficult choice, but it’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional health.

When to walk away: If you’ve repeatedly communicated your boundaries and they are still not being respected, or if the relationship causes more harm than good, it might be time to consider walking away.

How to do it: Ending such relationships should be done respectfully and calmly. You can express that this decision is for your own wellbeing and that you need to step away from a situation that no longer serves you positively.

"When people don't respect your boundaries, one of the only things you can do is leave.

If you say you will meet people at x time, and they are late, leave. If you tell the kids you are leaving for church at x time, and they are late, leave. If you have been clear about the bounds of communication with family and they are not respecting you or your boundary, leave. If meeting agendas aren't being respected, leave...

We have to honor ourselves before we expect others to honor our boundaries... When you love and respect yourself, people will love and respect you too, and that will show up in your boundaries."

— Leslie Gunterson | Master-Certified Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming

More Insights from the Experts

“…Let’s say you’re leaving work Friday at 5pm when a coworker tries to dump her work on you so she can go out to town for the weekend.

Here’s what to do:

Ask yourself: How does this make you feel? Maybe you feel guilty not taking on work others ask you to do. Will you say yes outwardly but be internally resentful?
Examine the symptom: Are you saying yes to something you want to say no to?
Identify the root cause: What in your past or childhood taught you to relinquish your boundaries? Were other people (family, friends) asking you to help them out of binds they’d gotten themselves into and, if you didn’t, they threatened to withdraw their affections?
Identify the need: Fear of abandonment? Guilt? What is causing you to allow this person to step all over your boundaries and give your power away?
Respond, don’t react: Take a deep breath to “collect yourself.” Then respond with something like, “Meg, it sounds like you had a tough week with that unexpected client problem. I understand you are in a tight spot, but I won’t be able to help you on such short notice. I’d be happy to help next time if you ask at least two workdays in advance.”

— Gail Rudolph | Cialdini Method Certified Trainer | Author, “Power Up, Power Down: How to Reclaim Control and Make Every Situation a Win/Win“

“Lack of clear boundary-setting: People sometimes disrespect our boundaries because they are unclear on our needs; this often occurs when we haven’t openly voiced our boundaries.

The fix: The best way to avoid having this happen is to know your boundaries and state them very openly and clearly. For example, if a friend is in the habit of using your phone without permission and feels disrespectful, you might say, “Please use my cell phone without my specific okay. My phone is my safe space.”

Misunderstanding of boundary needs: In some cases, we may have made our boundaries known, but others may misunderstand the boundaries and cross them without intending to do so.

The fix: Misinterpretations of boundaries needs are common. If someone disrespects a boundary you felt was clear, simply restate your boundary in a highly clear, direct way in order to remove any ambiguity. For example, if a person you are dating seems to disrespect your personal space, it may be that more specificity is needed.

For example, you might say, “I had asked that you not stop by my place without calling first. Let me be a bit clearer. Please don’t stop by even after you call or text unless you’ve reached me and I give you a “Yes!” response.”

— Dr. Carla Marie Manly | Clinical Psychologist | Author, “Joy from Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend“

“Walk away or avoid spending time with the person. Limit your interactions with the boundary-violator as much as possible. And when you cannot, politely remove yourself from the conversation as soon as you are able.

— Anna Jetton, Psy. D. | Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Growth Peak Counseling

“If you’re a parent, you have experience with setting limits with your children. It may sound like this:

“You can talk to me like this (example of kind words in a respectful tone). But not that (example of hurtful words in a disrespectful tone).”
“When I am talking to someone, put your hand on my arm, so I know you need me. It’s not ok to interrupt. You can wait patiently until I am finished.”
“You can ride your bike to the end of the street and back, but not onto the next street.”
“Please knock on the bedroom door when it’s closed and wait for me to respond before opening it.”
“At bedtime, you may sleep in your bed or read in your bed, but you may not get out of your bed to play.”

— Kate Fraiser, M.Ed | Parent Coach, Connect Point Moms | Director of Early Childhood Ministries, Grace Point Church

“This can require practice as it probably won’t come naturally, especially during a moment of feeling pressured. Yet, if you value kindness, for example, you can enforce boundaries with kindness. Truly, it’s doable….

For example: “I can appreciate that you want that. And, I can understand that it feels upsetting that I won’t agree to that.”

Replace any “but” conjunctions with “and.” A person who doesn’t respect boundaries will likely seek a hole in your “but” (That’s crudely stated to help you remember it).

Choose the word “won’t” instead of “can’t.” “I can’t” tends to engage a “Why not?” or “Prove it” type of response. “Can’t” happens to someone; whereas saying “I won’t” conveys solidity. It’s an empowered choice that’s direct and often necessary when clarifying a boundary.”

— Alli Spotts-De Lazzer | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Therapy Helps | Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor | Author, “MeaningFULL: 23 Life-Changing Stories of Conquering Dieting, Weight, & Body Image Issues“

“Healthy boundaries bring change — starting with yourself first:

Being non-judgmental (Show yourself compassion and support first)
Recognize and acknowledge your own needs (Write them down, be curious about them)
Identify the role you or others maintain in your boundaries being violated (e.g., enabler, rescuer)
Speak up (e.g., Ensure your safety and well-being first, verbalize needs, or write a letter)
Be accountable (Seek professional support or a trusted friend to reinforce your action and skills)
Continue this practice”

— Keisha Henry, MSW, LCSW | Adjunct Instructor | Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Choosing Therapy

“…There are many factors to pay attention to when involved with someone who violates boundaries. Some of these include how long this behavior has occurred, if there has been physical violence, who is violating boundaries, and if you are setting clear boundaries?

When someone violates boundaries, it’s important to determine if you are able to set clear, consistent boundaries. Know what treatment you are willing to accept and what treatment does not work for you.

Notice the ways you respond and if there are negative patterns you are engaging in. The best way to break these patterns is by responding differently than you may have in the past.”

— Hannah Tishman, LCSW | Psychotherapist, Cobb Psychotherapy NYC

Final Thoughts

Navigating through boundary issues is no walk in the park, but remember, your comfort and mental peace are worth standing up for. I hope the strategies we’ve discussed help you feel more prepared and confident in maintaining your personal boundaries.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out for support — whether it’s talking to friends or seeking help from a professional. You’re not alone in this. Remember, it’s completely okay to demand the respect you deserve. Keep pushing forward, and let’s keep those boundaries strong and clear!

Share this article

Copy Facebook Pinterest X Flipboard LinkedIn Print Email