Relationships

How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out

Learn ways on how to get a guy to ask you out, according to psychologists, life and relationship coaches, and other experts.

Derek Hart

Derek Hart

Life Coach | Founder, Understand Each Other

Let him know casually, “If you ask me out, I would probably say yes.”

In this modern age of relationships, a couple of very unfortunate things have occurred. Men have been emasculated and feminized. And while women have been greatly validated since the beginning of feminism, unfortunately, we’ve all lost the beautiful possibilities of a man being deeply in his nature, and a woman coming from her deepest nature.

Before our thinking brains got in the way, a man just knew that it was up to him to ask a woman out. He may have been too direct, or too aggressive, or too awkward, but at least he made the move.

In today’s dating world, he doesn’t even make the move. I wish I had $175 for every woman that comes to me asking for help on how to get a man to ask her out. Unfortunately, I do have the $175. As much as I coach men to do the asking, I can’t control who my female clients are meeting.

Here’s an oversimplified list of words and/or behaviors women can do to get a man to ask you out.

  • If you’re unsure how to be feminine, try to create the possibility of bringing him to his masculine, just listen to him with eye contact.
  • Let him know casually, “If you ask me out, I would probably say yes.”
  • Drop a credit card or something of value as you walk out of a store, right near him. I did not think this would work until I had about a 90% success rate. If men have a chance to be the hero with no effort, they will pick up your item and deliver it to you. (I wish I could say that he would get the hint, but steps #1 and #2 are still necessary sometimes.)
  • Shy guys might be good guys. Scared guys might be good guys. Women need to give them direct guidance. “I’m doing a survey on what men say to ask women out. What’s a line that’s worked for you?” If you’re not both going through the awkwardness and then coming out smiling, it wasn’t meant to be.
  • Humor. “I just read an article on how to get men to ask women out. There was no good information in it. What would you suggest to me?”

Justin Brown

Justin Brown

Co-founder and CEO, Ideapod

Create a life that leads to love

Rather than sit around and wait for Prince Charming to break down the door and rescue you from your sullen lifestyle, get out there and create a life any guy would want to be a part of!

Getting a guy to ask you out isn’t about learning a certain trick or way to “get” him, it’s about living the kind of life that attracts him to you.

It is great to show interest in a guy and send him signs that you’re available, but don’t be too eager. Let him come to you by making it clear that you have your own life and your own priorities that aren’t dependent on his validation or interest.

Learn the power of the P-word

Becoming very involved in activities, clubs and places that share your interests massively increases the chances of meeting the right guy for you in the first place.

This is called propinquity, which is the likelihood of interacting with someone. Maximize your chances of the guy you want asking you out by being in situations and locales where he is likely to be and where you’re likely to interact with him.

Self-love comes first

Even if this guy asks you out and you feel a giant rush of happiness, it’s only going to last if you have deep inner peace. Self-love always comes first.

Related: How to Love and Accept Yourself as You Are

Our work with the renowned Brazilian shaman Rudá Iandê focuses on how loving ourselves and being fully present to our own needs is a key step in finding the love and intimacy we deserve.

Stephan Jacob

Stephan Jacob

Founder and Editor, BestForAndroid

Coming from a guy like me, I knew if a girl is showing interest in me the way she acts. I have here are some tips that will make a guy (like me) ask a girl out I like. Take note that not all guys don’t have the same perspective as me, but may have some common in some ways.

Don’t flirt

A girl may look nice if she doesn’t flirt. Showing some signs of interest is okay but flirting is different. Flirting may lead to disappointment and the guy might ignore you. Act normal and just be natural.

Always wear a smile

A guy always likes a girl who always smiles. For them a smile is contagious, so if you smile a guy will smile in return. This starts a beautiful and cute getting-to-know relationship.

Don’t let the guy know that you have a huge crush on him

Sometimes a guy feels like he is too proud of himself knowing that someone has a huge crush on him. Making him feel like you are interested in him is enough.

Related: 7 Physiological Signs of a Crush

Steve Groom

Steve Groom

Certified Realty Investor | CEO, Maryland Home Buyers

Dropping hints

As a male, I have experienced this situation many times in the past. The key for me was to have the confidence to ask. What made me confident enough to ask was if I was “pretty sure” she would say “Yes”.

If I was not confident that I would get a positive response, then I would not risk the possibility of rejection. Rejection is hard, but confidence in the result makes you more willing to take the risk.

So how do I become more confident? Her body language and her communication with me would provide enough information to know if she is interested or not. For me, dropping hints was a big indicator that made me confident enough to ask. Hints from her such as:

“They are such a nice couple. Maybe we should all go out on a double-date some time.”

“If we were to go on a date, where would you want to go?”

“If you and I were dating, I would like to go see that movie.”

If one of these hints were dropped, I would immediately say, “Let’s do it” or “I would like to see this movie, what do you think?”

Her hints would indicate to me that she was interested in going on a date, and would make it very easy for me to follow up with “Let’s go.” The fear of rejection has been lifted.

If the guy still doesn’t ask her out on a date or confirm her suggestion, then he will never ask her out, and it’s time to move on.

Yurii Brown

Yurii Brown

Founder, CoffeeGeekLab.com

Ask a friend to help you out

Ask a trusted friend to join your conversation and say something “you two make a cute couple”. A friend that will call you both a couple is a helpful way that will linger in the mind of a guy.

Ask his weekend plans

Ask the guy what his plans are over the weekend. And tell him that you like doing that too. This works if both of you share some common interests.

Drive you nearby

Try to bump into him and ask him if he can drive you nearby to help you out. Then, ask him out for a coffee, saying it’s the least you can do helping you out.

Let him know you’re looking for a relationship

Once you have warmed him up with those strategies, he should know that you are available for him. In that case he may plan to eventually work his courage to ask you out.

These are helpful ways to build a relationship and intimacy for both of you. But remember to constantly create correct sexual tension so either of you won’t end in the friend zone.

Israel Gaudette

Israel Gaudette

Founder, Link Tracker Pro

Just ask for it

Dropping him hints will not let you go any further. Most men are not so good in a guessing game and you shouldn’t bet on that. Your best shot is to have the courage to speak up and ask him directly.

Why wait for him to ask you out if you can do it yourself? With it, you’ll definitely find out whether he’s into you or not into you – for real.

Based on my own experiences, I seldom stumble on a girl who directly asks me if I want to have a date with her. And I really find it very attractive and flattering if someone asks me out. And I’m pretty sure most guys out there will agree with me.

You need to understand that as much as you do, men love being asked out too.

The key here is to be direct when asking. Ask him directly like “I would love to watch a movie with you” or simply say “I’d like you to take me on a date”. And surely he’ll say “I’d love to!”.

The bottom line, there are millions of ways to get a guy to ask you out. But certainly, there’s only one way to find out if a guy would love a date with you – asking him out directly.

With it, the only worst thing he’ll say is no. But that’s not gonna happen if you already made your way into him.

Robin Sutherns

Robin Sutherns

Relationship and Style Editor, Galtelligence

When you have a crush, it can get a bit frustrating. You know why? Because you’d want him to ask you out! But, when you’re not doing anything about it, it’s hard to expect anything.

That’s why it’s important to know some ways how you can get your crush to ask you out. You don’t have to be the flirtiest woman in the room to succeed.

Here are four ways on how to get a guy to ask you out:

Care for yourself in a way that you can make yourself look confident

Yes, men care about looks! But not in the way that most of us may be thinking. They don’t need you to look like a supermodel.

What’s important about the way we look isn’t perfection. It’s confidence. Care for yourself in a way that you can make yourself look confident and have a lot of self-esteem. Men want confident women. That’s what beauty is really about.

Related: Why is Self Confidence Important?

Make sure that your body language is more open than closed off

Men can think that you’re attractive but also intimidating. Your body language may have something to do with it. Make sure that your body language is more open than closed off.

Don’t be tense, Relax your body. Don’t cross your arms when talking to people.

Give him a challenge

Guys like it when women give them a challenge. They love the chase.. They don’t see it as a challenge when you seem available all the time. So, give him a challenge.

Show him that you’re a busy person. Show him that you’re not available all the time, but also show him that you’re interested.

If all else fails, don’t be afraid to make the first move

If your moves seem to go unrecognized, don’t be afraid to make the first move. Some guys can just be plain oblivious. You never know! Guys actually appreciate it when women do the first move and ask them out.

There are many things you can do to get a guy to ask you out. Some ways may work better for you, while others won’t. It’s important to go for those that you’re comfortable with.

Rainie Howard

Rainie Howard

Relationship and Lifestyle Strategist, Real Love Exist

Reflect fun and happiness in your life

When you are enjoying your life and having fun, you attract others who are enjoying life as well. As great as it is to have a guy ask you out, ultimately you want the right guy. One who is compatible with you.

It’s great to go out with one who shares a connection with you. Therefore, if your desire is to attract fun and happy person you should reflect fun and happiness in your life.

Related: How to Make Yourself Happy

Practice self-care

The relationship with have with yourself will impact every relationship. We teach others how to care for us by the way we care for ourselves. Practicing self-care is a great way to attract a like-minded guy who desires to date you.

Act as if it already happened

Don’t be desperate, needy or anxious to get asked out by a guy. Enjoy yourself and smile. Men enjoying a woman that challenges him to pursue her.

Be friendly and approachable

Welcome to attention, enjoy the moment and be kind. Most importantly be authentically yourself and this will make the process of being asked out natural.

Julia McCurley

Julia McCurley

Professional Matchmaker | Relationship Coach | CEO, Something More

Catch his attention

Take the earbuds out and quit looking at your phone. Eye contact is critical when you want a guy to ask you out. Start out with a sideways glance, kind of like you are checking him, but don’t smile to create a little mystery and make him wonder why you were staring at him.

Then a few minutes later, look at him again and smile, for at least 5 seconds. A genuine smile softens the face and makes you look more inviting and approachable.

Act like you already know him

A very easy way to start a conversation with a guy you’d like to have a date with is to simply go up to him and say, “Haven’t we met before”? He likely will say, “No, I don’t think so.”

Then you follow up with well you’ve got a doppelganger somewhere because I swear we’ve met at such and such. Then say maybe we should go there sometime, to make it official that we met there!

Ask for advice

Guys love to feel like they are knowledgeable and helpful. It could something simple like a home improvement project you want to do, or it could be that your mom’s coming to visit, what’s the best Mexican restaurant in town?

Then you could say “Maybe you and I could meet for a margarita there sometime”. What guy could resist that? Anything that makes him feel smart is guaranteed that he will ask you out.

Alexis Wolfe

Alexis Wolfe

Founder, NYC Date Nite

Keep your texts short and sweet

It’s important to chat a bit before a date – but no need to go into paragraphs about your childhood. He should get the idea that you are a busy and important person who doesn’t have all day to chat with a guy you have never met.

Your responses should be nice and friendly – but remain somewhat short.

No long complicated answers to questions and multiple texts in a row. He needs to have more to learn on the date and want to know them enough to actually ask you on it

Give him an easy segue

Some guys need an opening. For example – organically get into the topic of favorite foods/ drinks, maybe even your favorite restaurant in the city that you both live in.

That gives him an easy and smooth transition to saying something like “Well, if you love tacos, I know a great spot for our first date.”

Remain slightly mysterious

Keeping an air of mystery is important for those beginning steps in the relationship, but it is vital to get him to ask you out. He should feel as though locking in a date with you is a big win.

For instance, if you are chatting and he asks what you are doing that night, you can just say “I have dinner plans, what about you?”

You don’t need to include who your plans are with or where they are- it’s just not necessary. He should be wondering if another guy is taking you out!

You can be aggressive if it comes to it

So you are being sweet/ friendly while remaining mysterious and giving the segues, but he still isn’t asking you out? Well – don’t waste your time on a penpal. It’s clear is he interested but maybe he’s nervous, clueless, or worse, never planning on actually taking you out.

Take matters into your own hands.

You can say something like cute like “So, should we meet for drinks sometime or nah.” As long as he is intrigued in the first place, he will like the confidence and take the not-so-very subtle hint ASAP.

Dr. Cecily Sakai

Cecily Sakai

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Redirect the focus to you

In terms of getting a guy to ask you out, it’s important to redirect the focus to you. One might think this process is about pleasing him or attending to his needs in order to get a date. However, somewhat of the contrary is true.

It is important to do things that are pleasing to your internal self and values.

Be authentically you. Knowing yourself and acting according to your values exudes confidence. Aligning with yourself and showing up as you are provides information to the guy about your true self and intentions.

You want him to be asking you out, not asking out the person you are pretending to be in order to get him to ask you out.

Engage in your own interests. Pursue your passions. When a woman is kind, humble, and yet unapologetically herself, she is attractive. One may define sexy as a woman who is self-aware, knows her boundaries, stays true to herself in a relationship, while still caring for the relationship and partner.

It is attractive to be independent as well as present and open to love in a relationship, even if it’s a more casual one.

It makes sense to demonstrate your interest in the guy but don’t forget to continue to live your life as you see fit. If he’s interested in you and senses your interest, he will ask you out.

Mphatso Magumbwa

Mphatso Magumbwa

Writer, WhatToGetMy.com

Getting a guy to ask you out may seem like such an impossible thing to do especially when you are not sure if he feels for you the way you do for him because it is relatively easy to nudge someone who is already soft for you to do things for and with you, as opposed to when they feel indifferent about you.

Make him notice you

The first thing you need to do is to make him notice you. In a room full of equally or more (physically) attractive people, you need to stand out and make him notice you and come to you. You can do this very subtly so he thinks he is in control by placing yourself in his visual peripheral.

For example, if you are in a coffee shop, take a sit that is directly opposite him, that way he will have to look at you every time he looks up – and voila, he has noticed you!

Have him approach you

After he has noticed you, it is now time to make him talk to you. You may approach him and say hello and strike up a conversation. Or if you are more old-fashioned, you can wait for him to strike up a conversation with you.

Again, with the coffee shop scenario, if you are a regular and notice that he reads a specific book, you can get a similar book or a book by the same author – this establishes common ground and he may feel safe and confident to approach you because he has an opening.

Texting and the talking stage

After he has spoken to you, the next step would be to exchange phone numbers. You want your first date to happen as soon as possible – aim for (within) a week after you start talking, that way you don’t waste too much of your time if he isn’t what you are looking for.

Here’s how to get a guy to ask you out

  • You must flirt with him through text, that way he will want to talk to you more, and what better way to do that than to invite you out on a date?
  • You may also choose to be straightforward with him and let him know that you would like him to take you out on a date. However, don’t specify when – let him come up with the venue, time, and activity as this will make him feel like he is in control.
  • You can get him to ask you out on a date by dropping hints about your plans and weekly schedule. Also, ask him about his weekly plans so you know if he is free on the same days you are, this way you know to suggest a day for the date.

Always remember to have fun when dating. Do not make him the center of your world and give him all of your attention because it may be perceived negatively and push him further away. The talking stage can be as fun as dating, just don’t let it go on for too long.

Sandra Henderson

Sandra Henderson

Licensed Professional Counselor | Founder, LifeHacks

This is usually the problem women encounter when they like a guy. So, how do you get a guy to ask you out? Check these helpful ways:

Ask a trusted friend to tease him

Whenever there are conversations ask your friend to butt in and tease him like he obviously likes and when he’s gonna ask you out. This is kinda awkward and seems like a joke but your friend poses serious questions.

Invite him to join you

This is an effective way to let him know you are interested in him. Tell him your plans and it will be fun to hang out together.

More time together

To have more time together, let him know your routine. If he likes you, he will eventually bump you always when he knows your regular routine especially if he is living nearby.

Playing a damsel in distress

Playing a damsel in distress is a trick that always works. Asking him for help is another effective way to get the guy. Ask him to fix your windows or anything you can think of. If he’s done fixing, try to have a coffee as a reward or invite him for lunch.

Andrea Javor

Andrea Javor

Certified Divorce Coach, Happily Better After

Ask him out

Assume you’ll start as friends and see where it goes. Ask him to coffee or a walk, something time-bound without pressure or expectations to spend hours preparing.

Many women are scared to ask a man out because they think he will find it too forward or that you’re getting too serious too fast.

When you set your own mentality and expectations to realize that all healthy relationships start as solid friendships, you’ll be confident to ask him out as a friend.

Harriet Chan

Harriet Chan

Marketing Director, CocoFinder

Get acquainted

If you want him to know you’re interested in going out on a date, then you have to show that you’re interested in him as a person.

Ask a few questions about his interest. It’s non-invasive, and guys like talking about what they love. Find out if he’s coming off a relationship or if there’s anything that might be keeping him from moving forward.

Compliment his looks

Flirting is a playful way of expressing your desires without any strings attached. It is a great way to make a guy feel that you’re attracted to him.

You can be a subtle flirt and drop hints that you want to go on a date without coming on too strongly. Compliment his looks, be enticing by showing off your sexy legs and tease him with playful questions and charming answers.

Use your body language to your advantage

Guys are drawn to our body movement, so you need to keep strong eye contact, but not all the time; it can be intimidating. Get his attention and send a strong message by looking him straight in the eye for a few straight seconds, then just look away and casually smile.

Play with your hair from time to time. Make it look sexy and like you like him, not like you’re fidgeting.

Your delightful personality and open body language say that you’re secure with yourself and interested in letting new people enter your life. If you’re sitting, cross your legs in his direction with your free foot facing toward him that says come over.

Alina Clark

Alina Clark

Marketing Director and Co-Founder, CocoDoc

Be subtle about it. Don’t push it too far. Neither should you shove you down his throat. You can show your interest by flirting, talking about your common interests, and using third parties to do it for you.

Let’s break down the tips, shall we?

Flirt with him

Flirting is hard. I know that too. It’s a delicate balancing act between being modest, and being sexy and interesting. Talk of walking the wires. The doors might just shut on your face before you get the courage to flirt.

What should you do then? First, use compliments to break the ice. It will make them smile. The easiest way to use flirty compliments is to focus on something they have. Compliment their smile or their looks.

While doing this, be a little suggestive. Glance at his lips, and glance away. These will work wonders for you. You should also use eye contact to your advantage. If you’re up for it, test the space between you with a little teasing touch too.

Use your common interests

Guys love it when you show knowledge or interest in something they love too. If you’re sporty, talk about a sport you share. If you’re musical, you can also talk about the music. Sometimes, you can also get a little nerdy with the details in such interests. It might shock them, but it will get them really thinking about you.

Use your friends

There’s no better way to get a guy to ask you out than to get your friends to gently push him. A large number of relationships were formed by the “Aawww… Here comes the couple again” chides from close friends.

Your friends can also chide him into the date if you think he’s a little slow. Just warn them about letting him know that you were behind all of it! He shouldn’t know that!

Donna Bloss

Donna Bloss

Chief Marketing Officer, Thrive Cuisine

There is no need to waste your precious time and feelings by trying to get a guy to ask you out

I am a true believer of likeness attracts like. There is no need to waste your precious time, and feelings, by trying to get a guy to ask you out who just isn’t interested in you. Sure, there is society’s version of who the perfect male is, but he is very likely not going to make you happy.

I propose that you first have a date with yourself.

Treat yourself to a delicious vegan homemade meal, matched with some organic wine, and ask yourself the questions you would ask your dream date. You will discover more about yourself which will help you fine-tune the type of guy you will be best matched with.

Once you have figured out who is your ideal guy then place yourself in the same location, like a vegan pop-up cafe or an anti-animal cruelty demonstration. Be there, be you, and nature will take her course.

If you are a serious woman then be serious, if you are bubbly and fun then smile and laugh, most importantly, do not change who you are.

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