Ah, infatuation—the intense, dizzying rush of feelings for someone. It’s sweet… until it’s not.
If you find yourself caught up in this whirlwind and it’s starting to feel more like a headache, you’re not alone. I’ll talk about how to recognize when it’s time to step back and strategies to gently untangle your thoughts and emotions.
From facing the real picture to shifting your focus, I’ve lined up some practical actions you can take. Ready to find out how? Let’s dive in.
Table of Contents
- Acknowledge Your Feelings
- Set Realistic Expectations
- Make a List of Reasons Why the Infatuation Is Harmful to You
- Focus on the Negatives About That Person
- Distract Yourself With New Activities
- Spend Time Understanding Yourself
- Practice Self-Care
- Strengthen Your Social Network
- Notice How Often You’re Falling Into the Obsession
- Get Back in Touch With Reality
- Limit Contact With the Person
- Focus on Your Personal Goals
- Consider Professional Guidance
- More Insights from the Experts
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Final Thoughts
Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s okay to admit it; you’re head over heels for someone, and that’s perfectly natural. Recognizing and accepting your feelings is the first crucial step in dealing with infatuation.
By facing your emotions head-on, you can start to work through them rather than letting them control you. Remember, feeling intensely about someone isn’t a weakness; it’s a natural human experience.
Set Realistic Expectations
Now, let’s bring ourselves back down to Earth. It’s easy to put someone on a pedestal, but it’s essential to remember that nobody’s perfect. Start by outlining what you truly know about the person, separate from your daydreams and hopes. This doesn’t mean you’re being negative; you’re just being real with yourself.
What you can do: Write down a pros and cons list about your relationship or interactions with this person. Seeing it on paper can make a big difference in how you perceive them and may help recalibrate your feelings.
"When you are infatuated, you see the object of your infatuation on a pedestal; flawless, perfect, etc. No one on earth can live up to those levels of expectations. You don’t see the person as human because if you did you would know that they have flaws and they were capable of disappointing you."
— Jaime Bronstein, LCSW | Psychotherapist | Licensed Clinical Social Worker, The Relationship Expert
Make a List of Reasons Why the Infatuation Is Harmful to You
Infatuation, while thrilling, can sometimes blindside us from our priorities and even our well-being. So, let’s make it practical:
- Time and Energy: Consider how much time you’re investing in thinking about this person — time that could be spent on self-improvement or hobbies.
- Emotional Stability: Reflect on the emotional roller coaster. Are the highs worth the lows?
- Personal Growth: Are you putting personal goals on hold?
Jotting these points down can clarify how the infatuation might be holding you back. Give it a try; it might just give you the push you need to start focusing more on yourself.
"During the inevitable moments when your mind starts doubting your decision to get over this infatuation, remind yourself of why the infatuation is harmful to you or getting in the way of your quality of life or goals.
It may help to make a list of all the reasons you need to get over this person and have the list readily available when your emotional mind tries to trick you back into infatuation mode."
— Nikki Winchester, Psy.D. | Clinical Psychologist | Owner, Cincinnati Center for DBT
Focus on the Negatives About That Person
While it might feel a bit harsh, sometimes you need to balance your view by considering the not-so-great aspects of the person you’re infatuated with.
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Earlier, we discussed making a list of why infatuation is harmful. Now, let’s laser focus on the qualities of the person that may not align with what you truly value or need in a relationship. This isn’t about being critical for the sake of it; it’s about getting a clearer, more balanced view.
What this looks like: Maybe they’re not as attentive as you initially thought, or perhaps their goals don’t really line up with yours. Noticing these aspects can remove them from the pedestal and make the infatuation easier to manage.
"Research has found that the best solution is negative reappraisal; think about things you disliked about this ex-lover, what was hurtful in your interactions with this person, and how this person was the wrong match for you.
This can mean making a pros and cons list, expanding more on the cons, and holding onto that list for the tough times when you reminisce about your ex-flame... By focusing instead on your cons list, you'll find your strong feelings start to wane to disinterest over time."
— Dr. Patricia Celan | Psychiatry Resident, Dalhousie University
Distract Yourself With New Activities
Now, let’s shift gears a bit. Engaging in new activities isn’t just about keeping busy—it’s about redefining your lifestyle so that you’re not constantly circling back to thoughts of that one person. It’s like hitting the refresh button on your daily routine.
What you can do:
- Pick up a hobby that you’ve always wanted to try but never got around to—be it painting, coding, or yoga.
- Volunteer for a cause you care about; it’s a splendid way to meet new people and shift your focus outward.
By filling your life with enriching experiences, you not only distract yourself from your infatuation but also evolve into a well-rounded individual. This approach helps put your feelings into perspective and diminishes their hold over you.
Spend Time Understanding Yourself
Taking time to understand your own needs, desires, and personality can be eye-opening. It’s like being your own detective in the mystery novel of your life.
Why do you feel so strongly about this person?
What gaps might this infatuation be filling in your life?
Understanding these factors can provide a lot of clarity.
Example scenario: Imagine you’ve always admired confidence because it’s something you feel you lack. Your infatuation with a highly confident person might reflect more about your personal aspirations than about the person themselves. By recognizing this, you can start working on building your own confidence.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is not just a trendy hashtag; it’s an essential practice for mental and emotional health. It’s about treating yourself with the same kindness and concern you would offer a good friend.
What this looks like:
- Ensure you’re getting enough sleep, because who doesn’t feel a bit more over-emotional when tired?
- Eat well—not just healthy, but also foods you actually enjoy.
- Allow yourself quiet moments for reflection. Whether it’s meditating or journaling, find what helps you connect with yourself.
Strengthen Your Social Network
Your friends and family can be your grounding force and a reminder of what’s real and valuable. Strengthen these connections; they can provide support and distraction when you’re overwhelmed by feelings.
Here are some helpful tips:
- Plan regular outings or get-togethers with friends.
- Join a new club or group that aligns with your interests—it’s a fantastic way to expand your social circle.
- Discuss your feeling of infatuation with them; sometimes, just talking about it can lessen the intensity.
By engaging actively with your social circle, you provide your life with varied perspectives and emotional outlets, making any single infatuation less central to your happiness.
Notice How Often You’re Falling Into the Obsession
Keeping track of how much mental space your infatuation occupies can be quite revealing. You might not even realize how often your thoughts wander back to that person.
Start by simply noting these moments:
- Every time you catch yourself dwelling on thoughts of the person, make a small note in a journal or on your phone.
- Review this log at the end of the week to see patterns and decide on strategies to interrupt these thoughts more effectively in the future.
"Don’t judge it, just notice it! Be vocal about it with friends to help create accountability for yourself “I totally just went down the Tyler rabbit hole for a bit, coming out now!”
Be honest with yourself and others about how tricky the process is. “I’m sorry can you repeat what you’re saying? I was off in Tyler-land for a second but I’m back now.” The less you can beat yourself up for slipping into infatuation, the better.
By cranking up the volume on your awareness of the infatuation, and going public with your friends about your intention to break it by redirecting your thoughts, you’re training your brain to change your relationship to the obsession."
— Mollie Birney | Clinical Coach and Recovery Consultant
Get Back in Touch With Reality
Sometimes, infatuation can make us lose touch with what’s real, especially when we’re daydreaming about potential scenarios that have little chance of happening. It’s crucial to ground yourself.
Practical tips:
- Challenge your thoughts: Ask yourself, “Is this thought based on reality or on my assumptions?”
- Engage in activities that connect you with the real world—spending time in nature, engaging in physical activities, or simply being more present during mundane tasks.
Balancing your perceptions like this helps cut through the noise of infatuation and brings you back to a more realistic viewpoint.
Limit Contact With the Person
This might be tough, but if your infatuation is becoming overwhelming, reducing your contact with the person can significantly help.
Here are some strategies that could help:
- Avoid places you know they frequent if possible.
- If you must interact (perhaps at work or school), keep it professional and focused on the task at hand.
- Resist the impulse to check up on their social media accounts.
By limiting encounters, both in person and online, you give yourself a chance to detach from the infatuation and start to break the cycle of constant thought about them.
"Avoid the person, stay away from places where you might run into them, block their number, unfriend, and block them on social media; cut off all contact. Get rid of all reminders of the person or at the very least put them in a box somewhere out of reach.
This is often the hardest step but it is the most necessary. If you’re going to get over infatuation, you have to cut the person out of your life. And you have to do this 100%. Commit to this. Have a friend help hold you accountable if you need that."
— Nikki Winchester, Psy.D. | Clinical Psychologist | Owner, Cincinnati Center for DBT
Focus on Your Personal Goals
Redirecting your energy towards personal goals can shift your perspective from infatuation to self-improvement. It’s about channeling your energy into something that enriches your life and future.
What you can do:
- Start a new project or revisit a long-forgotten hobby that excites you.
- Set short-term objectives that can lead to long-term achievements—whether it’s learning a new skill, improving your health, or advancing your career.
As you make progress in these areas, you’ll find a sense of accomplishment and self-worth that isn’t tied to someone else.
Consider Professional Guidance
If the infatuation feels overwhelming and starts to affect your daily functioning, it might be time to seek some professional guidance. Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide you with strategies to manage obsessive thoughts and behavior effectively.
For example: Imagine you’re struggling to focus at work because your thoughts constantly drift to the person you’re infatuated with. Despite trying various strategies like limiting contact or refocusing on hobbies, you find it challenging to break the cycle.
In such cases, a professional can offer insights and techniques tailored specifically to your situation, helping you regain control over your emotions and focus.
"If intense infatuation and heartbreak is a pattern for you, you may benefit from checking out a support group like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) or Codependents Anonymous (CODA). It can be an extremely helpful experience to find other people who experience the same patterns as you and want to work toward the same goals."
— Nikki Winchester, Psy.D. | Clinical Psychologist | Owner, Cincinnati Center for DBT
More Insights from the Experts
“You have to investigate “infatuation” as if you are a reporter searching for the truth.
- Why do you like this person so much?
- Is it healthy?
- Is it just a repeat of an old pattern?
We tend to love what reminds us of home. Let’s say, your dad was a workaholic and you tend to go for men who work all the time and dismiss you. Why do you gravitate towards someone who has no time for you? It is because it is a pattern of love you learned in childhood?
When you begin to demystify the process of love, you tend to get sane and healthy and understand your love crazes.
Infatuation must be balanced and healthy and you must understand why you are attracted to this person. If the answer is healthy for you, proceed. If not, take up running or a sport to use this energy.”
— Audrey Hope | Therapist and Relationship Expert
“When you are infatuated with someone, you don’t really know them authentically. Infatuations are based on surface-level data, not long-term facts that are based on a history of shared experiences and genuine-time spent together.”
— Jaime Bronstein, LCSW | Psychotherapist | Licensed Clinical Social Worker, The Relationship Expert
“Understand how you relate to any other person who seems special — Specialness isn’t a quality people possess. So whether you obsess over their devil-may-care free-spiritedness or their nurturing way of making you feel seen, those are qualities that you give them; they are not qualities that a person has.”
— Lee Pierce, Ph.D.
“Practicing breaking our ‘addiction’ to the object of our infatuation is a muscle that requires training over time. It’s going to be weak initially, so we have to be patient with ourselves as we begin the process of re-training our brain to forge a different neuropathway.”
— Mollie Birney | Clinical Coach and Recovery Consultant
“Focus our attention on something else, not someone else. Too many times we attempt to curb infatuation by jumping into another relationship because we believe that it will help us forget.”
— Chris Armstrong | Certified Relationship Coach, Maze of Love
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it possible to switch from infatuation to a deeper, genuine love?
Yes, it is possible for infatuation to develop into a deeper, more mature love as you get to know the person better and build a genuine connection based on mutual respect and shared values.
How can I differentiate between love and infatuation?
Infatuation is often characterized by an intense, but short-lived passion or admiration for someone. It’s more about idealization and intense attraction. Love, on the other hand, is deeper, more stable, and involves a strong commitment and intimacy that develops over time.
Can infatuation be harmful?
While infatuation itself is a natural feeling, it can become harmful if it distracts you from essential responsibilities, leads to obsessive behaviors, or diminishes your self-esteem.
What should I do if I feel the infatuation is affecting my mental health?
If your infatuation is negatively impacting your mental health, it’s important to talk to a mental health professional. Therapy can provide you with tools to manage obsessive thoughts and maintain emotional balance.
Final Thoughts
As we wrap up, remember that getting over infatuation isn’t just about moving past a crush; it’s about growing into a stronger, more self-aware version of yourself. It’s okay to feel swept up at times — what matters is how you navigate these waters and come out on the other side.
Infatuation is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to control your life. Here’s to moving forward with confidence and clarity!
