How to Heal a Broken Heart (According to 10+ Experts)

Knowing how to heal a broken heart is one of life’s most difficult challenges. After all, no one is immune to life’s ups and downs. Whether you’ve experienced the pain of a breakup or another type of loss, it can be hard to move on and find peace.

But while there’s no easy answer to this problem, there are steps you can take that will help heal your wounds and eventually get past the pain or grief.

According to experts, here are the ways how to heal a broken heart:

Leverage neuroscience to aid in your recovery

When we experience a breakup, our nervous system is impacted. The loss also disrupts our systems relating to dopamine release, pain modulation, and oxytocin.

With some knowledge of how this works, you can learn how to leverage neuroscience to help your brain recover more quickly from a breakup. 

Managing dopamine withdrawal

Researchers have found that when we go through a breakup, the fluctuation of dopamine levels in the brain is similar to what is observed when experiencing withdrawal from addiction. Similarly, recent neuroscience research has shown that losing love hurts physically.

Neuroscience provides some helpful tips on how to handle these changes. You could remove pictures or mementos about your significant other in your immediate environment to better regulate your dopamine levels after a breakup. 

Taking a break from social media

Taking a break from social media also can be helpful, especially in the first few weeks after. Constant exposure to these reminders can cause surges in dopamine that will crash because the relationship has ended, which could contribute to feelings of craving and withdrawal. 

Related: 25+ Benefits of a Social Media Detox

In turn, those feelings could trigger urges for you to text your ex against your better judgment, which would likely bring more rejection and another dopamine crash. Often, people will ask what to do when they experience these urges and don’t want to text their ex. 

I recommend “urge surfing,” meaning surfing the urge to text the person for a few minutes. You can shift your posture or change your environment by standing, moving, or walking during that time. 

Replace the habit by texting a friend or loved one

You could also replace the habit by texting a friend or loved one but not ruminating about the loss of the relationship, which will ultimately enflame the urge all over again. 

People often misunderstand dopamine. Dopamine is activated more by tiny, incremental rewards that come at random intervals than big, instant rewards. When you complete an activity, don’t grab a sugary coffee at Starbucks every time. 

Instead, try to fuel dopamine by pursuing things that give you a sense of energy and enjoyment, or even better, that cause you to enter a flow state. 

Sometimes you can do that, and other times, it’s a quiet acknowledgment to yourself with self-compassion, “You are hurting, and you chose to do this for yourself anyway. You can do hard things.” 

If there’s something that gives you comfort, like drinking hot tea, reading a book, watching your favorite show, or wearing your favorite socks, do those things!

Increase feel-good neurotransmitters and hormones

Studies have shown that when you think about an ex, it activates the areas of the brain that are activated when you experience physical pain. Finally, researchers have found that oxytocin, often called the love or cuddled hormone, appears to motivate us to take care of our relationships. 

Research has also shown that it can cause us to try to hang on after a breakup. It takes time for your brain to accept the loss of the relationship.

Seek social support with friends and loved ones

Seek social support with friends and loved ones who could help provide much-needed oxytocin that drops off when you end a relationship. If you need to cry, cry. It’s not only ok. It’s healthy and probably healing. 

Researchers have found that activating pain centers in the brain can also cue us to cry. Evolutionarily, when social attachment bonds are broken in mammals, vocalizing distress is the best way to signal for help; if you have someone to cry with, even better. 

However, I recommend that clients focus on the physical release of this pain and regulating their breathing (see below). Have you ever tried to talk while you’re crying? Hard to do, and it usually results in a snort or gasping for breath. It doesn’t work. 

Trying to suppress your nervous system when it’s in distress is a futile task, like trying to push a beach ball underneath the water. In therapy, I would try to validate how hard it is and ask the person if they can pause. 

Then, ask if they can allow themselves to cry while noticing their nervous system signals. We then discuss how experiencing the rise and fall of those signals — heart and breathing rate — is like surfing a wave, and we practice surfing. 

Do breathing exercises and acts of self-kindness

Finally, we will slowly do breathing exercises and acts of self-kindness. I encourage clients to practice these strategies independently instead of trying to suppress their emotions, which typically amplifies them.

Regulate your stress response

Research has also shown that the brain responds to a breakup with a stress response, aka “fight or flight” response, so sympathetic nervous system activation is high. Here are a few specific ideas to help you regulate your stress response and reduce chronic sympathetic arousal

Practice breath training

The single most important skill that I teach my clients in regulating stress is the physiological sigh. To do this, you take two quick inhales through your nose and release your breath on a slow count of 5, preferably through pursed lips and repeat this 2-3 times. 

This exercise quickly slows your heart rate down and activates your relaxation response (parasympathetic activation).

Do physical activity and exercise

The benefits of physical movement and exercise in regulating the stress response are well-documented. When we exercise, our brain releases endorphins that induce positive sensations, relieve pain and deescalate the stress response. 

While joining a class or a gym is a great idea, if you do not feel like that after a breakup, just do what you can. Walking your dog every day for 5 minutes can turn into 10 minutes. It’s more important to start with something small that you can do consistently. 

Pause and try not to act impulsively

If you’re trying to heal after a breakup and feel stuck on your ex—pining over them, focused on what they’re doing, wishing you could talk or understand what happened—you’re probably feeling really bad emotionally. 

This makes you more likely to want to contact your ex. Things like looking them up on social media, texting them, and trying to contact them. 

In the long run, this is going to make it harder for you to move on. So, when you want to reach out, pause. Stop acting and notice your feelings without reaching out to your ex.

Stop having sex with your ex and maybe even other partners

Sex is a very complicated topic when it comes to breakups. If you are in love with someone, sex is generally connected to some emotion and the expression of love for another person. But, for many people, sex has nothing to do with love. 

It has to do with getting an orgasm, feeling powerful, or being desired. If you’re trying to move on from your ex, sleeping with them, touching them, and being sexual with them will make it harder to let go. 

When it comes to behaviors like sex after a breakup with a new person (or drinking, gambling, eating, socializing), I encourage people first to pause. Be very deliberate about how you are going to act and why. 

Over time, it will become clear whether it is in your best interest or not based on the consequences of the choices you make. 

Focus on yourself

Although it may not seem like going through a breakup could have a positive outcome for you, it is actually the perfect time to understand yourself more deeply. 

I recently wrote a self-help book for love addicts going through a breakup. Based on a cognitive behavioral perspective of addictive behaviors, Letting Go of Your Ex (2023) teaches you evidence-based tools to help you stop your unwanted preoccupation with your ex so you can create a wonderful new life adventure. 

Dealing with relationship breakups and be extremely painful. Here are several ways you can start to heal your broken heart. 

Reframe your mindset

One way to deal with emotional heartbreak over a relationship is to consider the heartbreak a learning experience. It helps to focus on things you learned about yourself and your needs in that relationship, as well as patterns that did not serve you. 

Reframing the heartbreak as a growth experience helps you move from a victim mentality to a survivor mentality.

Start journaling about your feelings

Allow yourself to experience the feelings associated with heartbreak. Do not avoid your feelings. The more you avoid your hurt, the more it hurts. 

Start journaling about your feelings around grief, sadness, and anger. These are the feelings we usually experience after a heartbreak. When focusing on the sadness, focus on what you miss about the person and write them down. 

When focusing on the anger, look at how the relationship did not serve you and did not meet your needs (i.e., a need for respect, care, or security). By doing this, your will start to process your feelings and heal faster. This will give you the emotional closure you need.

Talk with a therapist

If you feel stuck and overwhelmed after a heartbreak, it also helps to talk to a therapist. Sometimes the impact of heartbreak goes beyond just feelings of loss. A heartbreak can bring back old traumatic memories and trigger old traumas (i.e., abandonment issues). 

Sometimes we may start to deal with more complicated grief. In cases like this, it would help to talk to a therapist to help you process the heartbreak more effectively and move forward.

Don’t be afraid to feel the pain

It’s normal to experience sadness, hurt, anger, and grief after a broken heart. Although these feelings are normal, allow yourself to process them.

Embrace your emotions

If you’re feeling hurt, sad, or angry right now, it’s perfectly normal for you to feel that way. Don’t doubt your feelings. Allow yourself to feel those emotions without any internal judgment or criticism.

Let your emotions be known

Write in a journal, talk to a friend, or even paint or draw these emotions on paper to express them. This can help you process and move past the grief more quickly than ignoring it.

Don’t hesitate to ask for help

Getting support from friends and family can help you feel less alone and can provide you with a new perspective on how you’re feeling.

Getting in touch is one thing, but make sure that you allow yourself to accept the support and help that people offer in a variety of ways, such as taking care of errands or listening to your frustrations.

Utilize technology to your advantage

If distance prevents you from meeting in person, video chat, so all parties feel connected even if they aren’t in the same location.

Ensure your own well-being

Healing a broken heart starts with eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and exercising.

Take time to spend with those you love most. Take a hike with your friends or have dinner at home with family members — whatever works best for everyone involved. 

This kind of support system can make it much easier to get through tough times like these than attempting to do it on your own.

Develop a sense of self-compassion. Don’t lose sight of the fact that this too, shall pass. Practice yoga and meditation to distance yourself from the pain.

Keep yourself busy

Try working out

The benefits of exercise include keeping busy and distracting from the pain of a broken heart. Whether you go for a run, take up swimming or join a gym class, exercise can be an effective way to channel your emotions in positive directions.

Explore new hobbies

This will not only occupy your mind, but you might find new passions that will bring joy back into your life. Consider learning an instrument or start painting again if you have put them on hold during your relationship.

Take up volunteering

When we feel down and hopeless, helping others can lift our spirits back up again since it shifts our focus away from ourselves and onto something bigger than ourselves.

Consult a professional

It might be beneficial for you to speak with a mental health professional if you are experiencing a lot of distress due to your broken heart.

Accept that you are going through pain

It’s important to accept that you are going through pain. This will help you move forward and heal faster. Everyone has different ways of dealing with pain, so find something that works for you. 

This could be writing in a journal, talking to a friend, or listening to music. It is also helpful to take some time for yourself and process your thoughts and feelings before taking any further steps.

Reach out for support

Talking about what you’re feeling can help relieve the stress associated with a broken heart. Don’t be afraid to reach out to family, friends, or even professionals if needed. 

Having someone knowledgeable provide guidance can put things into perspective and give you more clarity on how best to move forward.

Get moving

Exercise is one of the best ways to reduce stress and clear your head. The endorphins released during exercise help to improve your mood while also allowing you to focus on activities other than brooding over the situation. 

If you’re not a fan of running or going to the gym, try something else, like taking a walk or playing sports with friends.

Take time for yourself

Take some time for yourself, away from any reminders of your past relationship, whether traveling somewhere new or just spending time alone at home. Use this time to reflect on yourself and what you want out of life. This will help you gain clarity and eventually lead to healing that broken heart.

Think positively

It’s easy to fall into a negative thought spiral when your heart is broken. But it’s important to remember that this is only temporary and that you will come out of it stronger than before. 

Focus on the positive aspects of life and try to find joy in little things, such as spending time with friends or taking up a new hobby. This can help you move forward with a more optimistic outlook.

Don’t engage in sabotaging behaviors

When it comes to a broken heart, everyone usually goes through it at least once. You are lucky if you never experience it. It’s one of those things in life that make us stronger. 

Getting past it can be the worst, and knowing how to do it is even trickier. It’s a matter of learning how to process it without going back to reopen the wounds that will help you to navigate your heartbreak. 

Many times, what you should do as opposed to what you want to do are two different things that determine the best outcome. 

The trouble is that what your impulses want you to do are usually the thing that keeps you in a purgatory state of hurting, setting you back, and keeping you from moving forward and getting past the heartbreak. 

As a matchmaker and relationship expert, many people think just meeting someone else will heal their hearts. That’s usually the worst thing you can do. You must fully process your heartbreak to move on and have a relationship with someone else. 

I constantly say most people aren’t truly single because they are hung up on someone, whether it’s real or in their head, and this would be an example of hung up on someone in their head. 

You don’t want to end up breaking up with someone who was great for you because you can’t move forward. This happens because you are emotionally involved with a former flame because you haven’t healed. 

There might be nothing going on whatsoever, but these unprocessed emotions can hold you back for years. 

Ditch your ex on social media and block/delete their number 

Although you might want to keep an eye on what your ex is doing, be sure to cut all ties on social media. Otherwise, you’re going to find yourself scrolling and hung up on who they’re with or what they’re doing and not focusing on the most important thing — healing yourself. 

Also, consider deleting their number. It will keep you from being tempted to text or call them. And, if they keep reaching out to you — maybe begging to get back together — block the number. 

If you’re caught up on the past, it’s going to keep you from moving on and opening yourself up to the possibility of new relationships.  

Hit the gym 

Not only is working out a great stress reliever, but it also is a natural boost of those feel-good brain chemicals. Additionally, it might help you start feeling yourself even more (“Look what they’re missing!”). 

Avoid the booze/bad-for-you foods 

It’s tempting to do a deep dive into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, but that is just a temporary feel-good. We get a short-lived high from sugary or fatty foods, but in the long run, they don’t fuel our bodies to heal properly — mentally or physically. 

And alcohol is a depressant. So, while it may help you forget for the moment, it has an inevitable depressing nature.  

Lean on your family and friends 

Did you know that women tend to get over a breakup more quickly than men? This is mainly due to the fact that women are more likely to talk about their breakup — just talking it through is a natural sensemaking process. 

However, if you continue to drone on about your breakup, it’s likely to wear your friends thin. So, maybe use them to focus on something other than your breakup — go for a hike, hit a funny movie, or try a new activity. Sometimes you can help heal your headspace by focusing on something else. 

Take time to heal 

Time is ultimately the best healer. It might not feel like it at the moment, but the pain will eventually fade. And, if you’re still struggling, there’s nothing wrong with seeking out a professional counselor. 

Sometimes they can provide an outside perspective and help you down the path to acceptance and healing.  

Listen to your head, heart, and gut

Mending a broken heart is never easy. Try to listen to the different parts of you to understand yourself better. Your thoughts can dictate what went wrong and what went right. 

Your heart can tell you what you learned and what you needed from the relationship. Your gut can share insight with you about how this relationship fits into who you are and who you will become. 

Embrace the grieving process

Grief can take many forms and can bring up varied emotions such as denial, anger, depression, acceptance, hope, and shock — just to name a few! 

There are several stages of grief that you might work through, and the time it takes to process a breakup or feeling of loss will be different for each person. 

Start by identifying the emotion you’re feeling, name it to yourself, and then set your own expectations for processing it. 

Tough feelings take time and energy to process, so be kind to yourself. Regardless of why the breakup happened, remember that your partner or partners also lost the best thing — you. 

Know you are whole

Healing a broken heart is also about understanding what happened and what you need moving forward. You can reflect on how you communicated and demonstrated love, which can help you learn what you need in a partner and honor your own boundaries in the future. 

Often breakups are a time to reflect on the positive and forgive yourself for the negative. If negative thoughts or memories enter your mind, lean into those thoughts and memories from the perspective of learning from them. 

Ask for help

Lean on your community. There are many people out there who love you. When you feel sad, overwhelmed, depressed, or anxious, remember to use your coping skills and reach out to friends or loved ones. 

Sometimes stepping away and getting space from the problem can help provide perspective. 

The above advice only applies to breakups where no domestic violence or emotional or physical abuse occurred. In those instances, it is better to talk to a professional to process what has happened and to get the help you might need.

Take time to grieve

After a breakup, it is normal to feel sad, hurt, and angry. Take time to acknowledge these feelings and let them out in a healthy way, such as by talking to a friend or writing about them.

Create space for yourself

Spend some time alone so you can reflect on your emotions without the presence of someone else influencing the way you feel.

Remind yourself of your worth

It is essential to remind yourself that you are valuable, no matter what happens in the relationship. Focus on your positive attributes and the things that make you unique.

Take care of yourself

It is important to take extra care of yourself during a difficult time like this. This could involve exercising, eating nourishing food, and getting enough sleep.

Reconnect with friends and family

Surrounding yourself with people who love you can be very beneficial when healing a broken heart. Talk to your loved ones about what you are going through and ask for their support.

Do something new

Trying new activities can help take your mind off the breakup and give you a sense of accomplishment. This could include taking up a hobby, volunteering, or starting a new project.

Treating a broken heart as addiction recovery

When you look at the brain of somebody experiencing love versus the brain of somebody high on a substance, they look very similar because it’s the dopamine being released. 

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is associated with the experience of pleasure and motivation.

A lot of research suggests that love is very similar to addiction, and when people are recovering from breakups, that’s a really important concept to keep in mind. Treating a broken heart like an addiction will help to normalize your experiences of withdrawal. 

Often when you are going through a breakup, you might beat yourself up about the feelings you’re experiencing or the cravings you might have to reconnect with your ex.  It’s important to normalize these experiences because they are entirely understandable and explained by science.

When you experience a broken heart, you’ve lost the dopamine hit, but you continue to crave that dopamine hit. You literally will be going through withdrawal symptoms. 

If you want to work towards moving past a relationship or disconnecting from a past partner, then you very much want to treat it like addiction recovery.

You can heal heartbreak by talking about it with somebody, expressing your emotions, keeping yourself busy, finding some hobby or concentrating more on work/education, and socializing with new people.  

Talking with someone who understands you

The best way you can feel all the burden and hurt slowly lifting away is by communicating with someone who understands you. They will empathize with the situation and help you get over the heartbreak. 

If you don’t want to share it with your friends or family, strangers on the internet are always an option, as you won’t feel judged. 

Find some passion 

It is nice to let everything out, but thinking about it can constantly take a toll on your mind. Trying to find something new to do can give you enough space in a day where you feel productive. It can provide you with joy, which is a great way to start healing. 

Socialize more 

It can be quite a task to get out of bed and put in the effort to talk to new people, but this might be of huge help later. 

If you corner yourself from everything, then your broken heart can take a lot of time to fix but meeting new people can give you a chance to look at how different lives are, which might give you the strength to take things like a champ.

A broken heart requires self-compassion to mend. Healing is possible but cannot be hurried and may take some time.

Whether you or your ex-partner left the relationship, breakups are typically difficult. Remembering all of the wonderful times you spent together can make it difficult to move on from the breakup.

I’ll outline several actions you can take to quickly recover from the circumstance so you can navigate the healing process more manageable.

Take time to reflect inside

We need time to reflect inside and make a list of any dysfunctional tendencies we may have brought into the relationship with us. 

We must tend to our broken hearts and give them the time they need to heal through compassion, gentleness, and a greater awareness of ourselves.

Find a new source of inspiration

You can connect with things that may have once brought you serenity, joy, or inspiration but were placed on hold during your relationship when you create time for self-inquiry and self-reconnection.

If it hurts, we might be more willing to say “yes” to trying new things, meeting new people, and having new experiences in order to explore our newly discovered sense of freedom.

Seek help and express your needs to others

Try to express your feelings to others if you find it challenging to keep your obligations. Try to re-evaluate your priorities at this time, and let people know what you are going through. 

You could take some time to get back to your normal state, but many individuals have experienced the same thing, so that they will understand.

Turn your focus to other people

Focusing on the needs of others might help you feel better and divert your attention away from yourself when the pain of a broken heart is too much to bear.

Think about lending a hand at a nearby animal shelter, providing meals or cleaning services for a friend in need, or mowing your neighbor’s lawn.

Avoid activities that remind you of what caused the broken heart

If the unwelcome thoughts and feelings are still overwhelming you, you might wish to temporarily avoid the locations, people, and music that make you think of the person who broke your heart.

Try to travel to locations where you feel secure. Embrace a supportive community around you. Visit somewhere you’ve never gone. Travel for a day to explore a new location 

Deal with the pain directly instead of self-distraction

Other means of distracting yourself, such as jumping into another relationship, substance abuse, overworking, and being too busy, only delay the pain. Dealing with it head-on should be the decision.

Avoid guilting yourself

Even if you made a mistake before, let the guilt be for the moment and not forever. Extend your apologies to the appropriate parties based on the situation. Avoid ongoing remorse, which is dangerous. Be gentle and realistic with yourself about the situation. 

Related: How to Deal with Guilt

Spend time outdoors

Spending time outdoors improves your mental and physical well-being. Watch some beautiful scenery outdoors and take regular walks around the neighborhood. This is a healthy way to distract yourself and get time to evaluate and heal critically.

Give yourself time to grieve

Give yourself time and permission to feel the sadness, loneliness, and guilt depending on how you grieve. By doing that, you unconsciously heal and let others feel their grief. You will realize that others have been through similar encounters, but they sailed through. 

Seek professional help for heartbreak

Seeking professional help for heartbreak is an excellent step to healing. Speak about how you feel to someone who can help instead of numbing yourself. A professional can be of great help in dealing with painful emotions. Make sure to complete the sessions.