Dealing with a narcissist is hard. It can make you feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of manipulation and emotional abuse. But you don’t have to stay trapped.
Making a narcissist fear you isn’t about being a bully yourself. It’s about taking back your power and showing them that you won’t put up with their bad behavior anymore.
I know it’s not easy. I’ve been there, too. That’s why I’ve put together a set of strategies to help you take control and handle their manipulation like a boss. Are you ready to start?
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional advice. Dealing with individuals who exhibit narcissistic behavior can be complex. The strategies discussed may not be suitable for everyone's individual circumstances. They are not intended to be used as a means of manipulation or revenge. If you are in a situation where you feel unsafe or need professional support, please seek the help of a qualified expert or contact appropriate emergency services.
Table of Contents
- Educate Yourself About Narcissism
- Set Firm Boundaries Consistently
- Keep Your Emotions Under Control
- Respond, Don’t React
- Use Logical Arguments
- Maintain Strong Eye Contact
- Use Clear and Direct Communication
- Do Not Tolerate Disrespect
- Remain Calm and Composed
- Challenge Them Calmly When Necessary
- Don’t Fall for Provocations
- Show That You Are Not Intimidated
- Keep Your Personal Life Private
- Limit Your Vulnerability
- Prioritize Your Own Needs
- Know When to Walk Away
- Build a Support System
- Show Independence and Self-Sufficiency
- Develop Self-Respect and Assertiveness
- Have a Plan for High-Conflict Situations
- Don’t Seek Their Approval
- Be Self-Assured
- Develop Emotional Intelligence
- Communicate Your Expectations Clearly
- Stay Professional and Polite
- Take Time for Self-Care
- Maintain a Healthy Distance
- Don’t Try to Change the Narcissist
- Have an Exit Strategy
- Engage in Mindful Listening
- More Insights From the Experts
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Final Thoughts
Educate Yourself About Narcissism
Understanding narcissism is about recognizing their need for attention and how they react when they don’t get it. When you know how they think and act, you can stay ahead in the game.
Information is power, and when you have it, you can handle situations with a narcissist more effectively. It helps you not to be surprised or thrown off by their behavior.
"Narcissism can also be a learned pattern from a society where someone saw or heard how another manipulated, gaslighted, or treated another to get what they wanted and sometimes at the expense of the other person."
— Annemarie Lafferty, CECP | Neuro Emotional Therapy Specialist | Owner, Healing Within Wellness
Set Firm Boundaries Consistently
When it comes to handling a narcissist, it’s crucial to set boundaries. Tell them what is okay and what isn’t in no uncertain terms.
If they cross the line, let them know that’s not acceptable. Sticking to your boundaries tells them you’re serious. And doing this all the time teaches them what they can and can’t do around you.
"Setting firm boundaries with a narcissist will result in them either leaving you alone or respecting your rules of engagement (especially if you have something they want)."
— Keischa Pruden, LCMHCS, LCAS, CCS | Owner and Therapist, Pruden Counseling Concepts
Keep Your Emotions Under Control
When dealing with a narcissist, it’s important to stay calm and not let your feelings get the best of you. They’ll try to get a reaction out of you, but you’ve got to stay cool.
Your calm response can stop them in their tracks. This shows that their words don’t mess with your head.
"... You can become very aloof in your conversations with them. When you show them little emotion, whether they are being wonderful or horrible, it will show them that you are no longer bound or controlled by them."
— Mary Joye, LMHC | Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Winter Haven Counseling
Respond, Don’t React
When a narcissist tries to push your buttons, take a moment before you do anything. By responding calmly, you’re in control, not them.
Reacting quickly usually means you’re upset, and that’s what they want. Think about the best way to deal with the situation before doing anything. This way, you calmly handle the issue and keep them guessing.
Use Logical Arguments
When you talk to a narcissist, stick to the facts. Argue your point with reasons they can’t ignore. Avoid getting dragged into emotional arguments; they’re messy and don’t solve anything.
If they try to change the subject or twist your words, just stay on track. Using logic can stop their mind games in their tracks.
Stay Confident in Your Decisions
Be sure about what you decide and show it. If a narcissist sees you’re confident, they realize they can’t mess with you. They may try to make you doubt yourself, but don’t let them.
Trust your choices and stand by them. Your confidence can make them uneasy because it shows you don’t need their approval.
Maintain Strong Eye Contact
Holding eye contact shows you’re not afraid. It’s like telling them without words that you’re equal, and you mean what you say.
When a narcissist talks to you, look them in the eyes. Don’t stare them down, but stay steady. This silent message can make them second-guess themselves.
Here are a few things to consider:
- Keep your gaze natural and calm, not aggressive.
- If you feel uncomfortable, practice by slowly counting in your head while maintaining eye contact.
- Remember, blinking is fine; you’re not in a staring contest.
Use Clear and Direct Communication
When talking to a narcissist, be straightforward and clear. Say what you mean without beating around the bush. This approach leaves little room for them to twist your words.
Keep it simple and to the point so they know exactly where you stand.
For example, when a narcissist starts to steer the conversation off-topic, you promptly bring it back. You clearly state, “Let’s stay focused on the main issue,” keeping the discussion targeted.
Do Not Tolerate Disrespect
Let a narcissist know you won’t accept bad treatment. If they cross the line, speak up right away. It’s not rude to demand respect; it’s necessary.
Setting this standard tells them you value yourself. When you show self-respect, they are more likely to think twice about coming at you sideways.
Example: A narcissist makes a derogatory comment about your work. You respond firmly, “That sort of comment is not acceptable,” and move on, showing you won’t engage with disrespect.
Remain Calm and Composed
When you’re around a narcissist, try to keep a level head. If you’re calm, you show you’re not easy to shake.
This kind of coolness can make them think twice about messing with you. They might expect you to get flustered, but you won’t give them that satisfaction. Keeping your chill sends a strong message: you’re in charge of your feelings.
Challenge Them Calmly When Necessary
Sometimes you have to stand up to a narcissist but always do it in a calm way. Don’t yell or get angry — that’s what they might be aiming for. Instead, speak with a firm yet peaceful tone.
Let them know you mean business but won’t stoop to their level of drama:
- Keep your voice steady, no matter how heated the topic is.
- Stick to the facts without getting personal or emotional.
- Let them know you’re serious, but remain polite.
"Some things that will make narcissists fear you are when you stay in your own power or opinion. They will expect you to agree with them, but you nicely remind them of why you feel a certain way, and they should back down; if not, it's ok to agree to disagree."
— Annemarie Lafferty, CECP | Neuro Emotional Therapy Specialist | Owner, Healing Within Wellness
Don’t Fall for Provocations
Narcissists might try to provoke you on purpose. They’re looking to get a reaction out of you; don’t give it to them. By staying steady, you don’t play into their hands. You’re like a wall they can’t break down — solid and unmoving.
For instance, a narcissist makes a snide remark hoping to start an argument. You simply smile, say nothing, and shift the conversation to another topic, showing you won’t play along.
Show That You Are Not Intimidated
To make a narcissist fear you, let them see you’re not scared. Stand tall, speak up, and hold your ground.
If they try to dominate or overpower you, don’t back down. Your unwavering stance tells them you’re a force to reckon with. They’ll start to see that their usual scare tactics just bounce off you.
Example: When a narcissist tries to belittle your work in front of others, you calmly explain the success of your project and continue discussing the facts, showing no sign of intimidation.
Keep Your Personal Life Private
A good way to protect yourself from a narcissist is to not share too much about yourself. The less they know, the less they can use against you.
Treat your personal stories and feelings like they are your treasure — share them only with people who deserve it.
Example: A narcissistic co-worker tries to pry into your weekend plans. You keep your answers vague and redirect the conversation to a work-related topic, keeping your personal boundaries intact.
Limit Your Vulnerability
The less you expose your weak spots, the less chance a narcissist has to target them. Think of vulnerability like giving someone ammo; you don’t want a narcissist to have any.
Instead, keep things close to the vest and share your sensitive side with trusted friends only. You can still be open and honest but on your own terms.
Prioritize Your Own Needs
Make sure to put your needs first when you’re dealing with a narcissist. This tells them that you value yourself, and they can’t make you think otherwise.
You’ve got to take care of your own well-being, and that sometimes means being a bit selfish, in a good way. It’s not about ignoring others but ensuring you’re not left out. By doing this, you show a narcissist they can’t push you aside.
Know When to Walk Away
Sometimes, the best move is to just walk away if they’re not listening or respecting you. Walking away can be powerful; it shows you won’t stick around for nonsense.
Remember, walking away doesn’t mean you’re giving up — it means you value yourself enough to leave a bad situation. It’s all about choosing your battles wisely.
You can try to:
- Recognize when a situation is going nowhere.
- Don’t feel bad about leaving — it’s for your own good.
- Trust your gut — if it feels wrong, it’s okay to leave.
"Knowing when to walk away from a narcissist is valuable before you give away parts of yourself or ideas to someone who may not respect you. To not feel respected, heard, or seen can set up patterns in other areas in your life where boundaries need to be set."
— Annemarie Lafferty, CECP | Neuro Emotional Therapy Specialist | Owner, Healing Within Wellness
Build a Support System
Having people around who back you up is key when facing a narcissist. Friends, family, or even coworkers who understand what you’re going through can be your cheerleaders. They can lend an ear or offer advice when you need it.
When you’re feeling low, a quick chat with a friend can lift you right up, giving you that second wind. It’s like the whole “strength in numbers” thing — it actually works.
Show Independence and Self-Sufficiency
Letting a narcissist see that you can handle things on your own tells them you don’t need them to make decisions or get by in life. Make your own choices and stand by them, even if a narcissist tries to suggest otherwise.
Being able to take care of yourself also keeps them from thinking they have power over you. Your independence is a clear sign that their influence is limited.
"By taking control over your own life back, you are able to create fear and doubt in a narcissist."
— Dr. Brenda Wade | Clinical Psychologist | Relationship Advisor, Online for Love
Develop Self-Respect and Assertiveness
When you respect yourself, it shows, and it tells a narcissist you expect the same from them. Being assertive means you know your worth and aren’t afraid to stand up for yourself.
It’s not about being loud or aggressive; it’s about being sure of what you deserve and not settling for less. This self-respect and assertiveness send a message that you’re not to be underestimated.
Have a Plan for High-Conflict Situations
Conflicts with a narcissist are pretty much guaranteed, so have a plan ready. Knowing what to do when tensions rise keeps you from getting overwhelmed.
A plan helps you stay calm because you’re not just winging it; you’re prepared! This preparedness is a quiet show of strength that a narcissist will notice.
What it looks like:
- Identifying signs of escalating conflict early.
- Having steps in place to calmly withdraw or shift the conversation.
- Knowing who to call for support if the situation gets out of hand.
Don’t Seek Their Approval
You shouldn’t waste time trying to get a nod of okay from a narcissist. It gives them a sense of control if you’re always looking for their thumbs-up.
Do what you feel is right, and don’t wait for them to tell you it’s good. Their approval isn’t the golden ticket; your self-approval is. You’ll show them that their opinion isn’t the one that defines your actions.
Be Self-Assured
Being confident in who you are can really unsettle a narcissist. This confidence doesn’t have to be loud; even a quiet certainty about yourself is powerful.
It’s about trusting yourself and not needing their reassurance. When you’re self-assured, you send out a vibe that you’re not easily influenced.
Develop Emotional Intelligence
Work on understanding your feelings and those of others around you. This understanding lets you communicate better and manage your reactions.
Example: When you get why they’re acting all high and mighty and don’t get sucked in, it throws them off. It’s like being a calm captain in a stormy sea, steering through the waves while they’re expecting you to capsize.
"When we are emotionally strong, equipped in our power, and confident, we will encounter less challenging interactions."
— Annemarie Lafferty, CECP | Neuro Emotional Therapy Specialist | Owner, Healing Within Wellness
Communicate Your Expectations Clearly
Be straight with a narcissist about what you want from them. If they know the rules, there’s no game to play. Tell them what’s okay and what isn’t in simple terms. This stops them from acting like they don’t know.
For instance, telling them, “I need this done by Friday, no excuses,” puts the ball in their court. They see you mean what you say.
Stay Professional and Polite
No matter what a narcissist throws your way, keep it together. Stay polite, and don’t let your cool slip. Being professional doesn’t mean you’re weak; it shows you’ve got class. It also stops them from claiming you’re the one with the bad attitude.
Try this: If they’re angry and you stay calm, saying, “We can talk when you’re ready to be calm,” they can’t blame you for the fuss. You’re not giving in to their mess.
Take Time for Self-Care
Don’t forget to look after yourself. When you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s easy to get drained. That’s why it’s so important to recharge your own batteries.
Do stuff that makes you feel good, whether that’s a hobby, exercise, or just chilling. When you’re well-rested and at peace, you’re stronger against their tactics.
Maintain a Healthy Distance
Keep some space between you and a narcissist. Getting too close can make things tricky. When you’re not around them all the time, they have less chance to mess with you. It’s like only seeing them when you really have to.
Consider the following:
- Don’t hang out with them more than necessary.
- Think about your reasons for keeping space and remember them when it gets tough.
- Be okay with not being their ‘best buddy’.
Don’t Try to Change the Narcissist
Accept that you can’t change a narcissist. Trying to make them different is like trying to teach a cat to swim — it’s just not happening. If you stop trying to change them, you save yourself a lot of stress.
Realizing they are who they are lets you focus on how to handle them instead. This takes the pressure off you and keeps you sane.
Have an Exit Strategy
An exit strategy is essential when dealing with a narcissist, especially in situations that might escalate. Knowing in advance how to remove yourself from harmful interactions can prevent emotional damage.
This strategy could be a literal exit, such as:
- Leaving a room or event.
- A figurative one, involving winding down the conversation or switching topics.
Having an exit plan empowers you to keep situations manageable and safe.
Engage in Mindful Listening
Really listen when a narcissist is talking to you. Pay attention to what they’re saying without jumping to judge or respond. This doesn’t mean you agree with them, just that you give them the floor.
Listening carefully can give you insight into what they want. It also shows them you’re not just waiting to talk back.
More Insights From the Experts
“Narcissists are terrified of being alone, and their greatest fear is abandonment. Setting clear boundaries or not reacting to their chaotic manipulation will cause them to become afraid of losing you, even though they may never admit it.
They need people for fuel, so if you reduce the supply, they will fear you have power over them.”
— Mary Joye, LMHC | Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Winter Haven Counseling
“If they stop engaging with you, be prepared to be portrayed as a villain — a tool narcissists use to gain allies in their dislike of you and your boundaries.”
— Keischa Pruden, LCMHCS, LCAS, CCS | Owner and Therapist, Pruden Counseling Concepts
“Here are some of the things a narcissist is afraid of:
- Losing control
- Rejection
- Humiliation and embarrassment
- Being exposed
- Not being admired
- Feeling remorse
- Not being the center of attention
- Failure
- Responsibility”
— Dr. Brenda Wade | Clinical Psychologist | Relationship Advisor, Online for Love
“Once a person has more knowledge, it makes maneuvering with confidence much easier. The saying ‘when you know better, you do better’ rings extremely true in this instance.”
— Shayna Meyer | Founder and Creator, The Enjoyment Method
“The best way to confront a narcissist is to call them out on their behavior in front of everyone.
While this may sound cold, or it may not be in our DNA to humiliate anyone in public, narcissists are individuals who seek acceptance from others, specifically those whom they hold in higher regard (usually someone of a high position or rank).”
— Bina Patel, PhD | Conflict Resolution and Organizational Health Specialist, Transformational Paradigms
“Setting boundaries and learning to detach from the narcissist is the next recommendation I would give to start gaining control back.
Once a person recognizes they are a victim, limiting contact and never engaging in an argument with the narcissist is an important self-preservation and protection method. This tactic for the survivor is referred to as going ‘grey rock’.”
— Shayna Meyer | Founder and Creator, The Enjoyment Method
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it really possible to make a narcissist fear you?
The idea isn’t to instill fear in the sense of making them scared but to gain their respect and ensure they know they can’t manipulate you. Your strength and refusal to play their games can make them wary of underestimating you.
Should I confront a narcissist about their behavior?
Use caution. Confronting a narcissist can lead to conflict since they don’t handle criticism well. If you need to set boundaries or address issues, do so calmly and firmly, without expectation of a genuine change in their behavior.
Can I maintain a relationship with a narcissist without getting hurt?
It’s tricky but not impossible. Setting clear boundaries, maintaining emotional control, and focusing on your own well-being can help you manage the relationship while preserving your self-esteem.
Is it better to ignore a narcissist?
Ignoring a narcissist can be effective at times, especially if their behavior is aimed at getting your attention or provoking a reaction. Use the ‘grey rock method’ — being unresponsive and uninteresting — to avoid giving them what they want.
Final Thoughts
I hope you’re feeling ready to face any challenges. It’s all about standing strong and not letting others control you. You’re the boss of your life now.
Keep these tips in mind for when you need them. Remember, you’re too good to be pushed around. You should be proud of stepping up. Now go out and live your life on your own terms!
