Have you ever felt upset by someone’s comment or action, only to realize it wasn’t about you? Taking things personally can suck the joy out of interactions and make life tougher.
Learning to detach from this perception can make your life calmer and your relationships smoother, and it can lift a great weight off your shoulders.
But how do you start this shift in perspective? Is it really possible to stop taking things personally? Read on to find out practical steps and insights on navigating personal interactions without losing your cool.
Table of Contents
- Cultivate Self-awareness
- Understand Your Triggers
- Know Your Worth
- Practice Mindful Response
- Boost Your Self-Confidence
- Detach Feelings from Facts
- Engage in Positive Self-Talk
- Embrace Constructive Criticism
- Stay Grounded in Your Values
- Disconnect Personal Worth from External Validation
- Establish Boundaries
- Avoid Assumptions
- Recognize Others’ Perspectives
- Seek Supportive Relationships
- Limit Exposure to Negativity
- Let Things Go
- Stay Productively Busy
- Consider the Bigger Picture
- More Expert Insights
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Final Thoughts
Cultivate Self-awareness
Self-awareness is like knowing every nook and cranny of your personality. It’s about understanding your feelings, how you react to things, and how you deal with the world. Being in tune with your emotions makes you less likely to be thrown off by what others say or do.
So, how to get started?
- Monitor your mood daily.
- Note what bothered you and why.
- Look for patterns.
Instead of getting knocked down by a rude remark, you’ll think, “Oh, I know what’s happening here,” and not let it bother you as much.
"Develop a good healthy self-image. Once you know who you are and you value yourself you are not as likely to let what others say or think about you have a negative impact on you."
— V. Lynn Whitfield, Esq. | Professional Life Coach | Lawyer | Author, "The Party's Not Over Until God Says So"
Understand Your Triggers
Knowing your triggers is crucial. These specific things can make you feel bad or upset, like certain words or actions from others. When you know what these triggers are, you’re setting yourself up for a smoother ride.
It’s not about dodging these feelings but being ready when they show up so they don’t overtake you.
Suppose ignoring you makes you feel low. If you know this about yourself, you can handle situations better where you might not get all the attention. You’d think, “This is a tough spot for me, but I can get through it,” instead of letting it ruin your mood.
"Knowing your triggers or insecurities is a key component of avoiding jumping the gun. If you know what you're sensitive about, you'll be more aware of when you might be taking something not-so-personal, personally."
— Adina Mahalli | Certified Mental Health Expert | Family Care Professional, Maple Holistics
Know Your Worth
Your value isn’t something up for debate; it’s a fact. When you genuinely know your worth, offhand comments won’t shake you because your self-esteem isn’t tied to others’ opinions.
For instance, if a co-worker dismisses your idea, instead of spiraling into self-doubt, remind yourself of the times when your ideas have succeeded. Your value doesn’t diminish because of one person’s comment. You know what you bring to the table, and that’s what counts.
Practice Mindful Response
A mindful response means taking a moment to think before reacting. This little pause helps you deal with situations better, choosing how to respond in a way that helps you rather than reacting quickly and maybe making things worse.
Here’s how you can keep your cool:
- Stop for a breath before reacting.
- Choose your response with care; think it through.
- Respond calmly.
- Act in a way that’ll make you proud later.
This pause gives you time to think clearly. When you answer thoughtfully, you’re in control—not the other person or the situation.
"It's hard to remember that when at the moment, but take a step back, breathe, and engage only when you are ready. What others think of you is not what matters. It's cliche, but it's true 'What matters most is how you view yourself as you are with yourself more than anyone else.'"
— Jessica Glazer | Woman Empowerment Coach | Founder, MindHR, Inc.
Boost Your Self-Confidence
Boosting confidence helps you shrug off the little things people might say or do that could otherwise get under your skin.
Start by reminding yourself of your strengths. Maybe you’re a great listener, a tech whiz, or you make the best spaghetti in town—whatever it is, give yourself some credit! And pat yourself on the back for the little wins every day—it adds up.
When you feel good about yourself, someone’s offhand comment won’t throw you off too much because you know it doesn’t define your whole worth.
Detach Feelings from Facts
It’s easy to get our feelings tangled up with what actually happened. When someone says, “You’re late,” it’s easy to start thinking they’re implying you’re unreliable. Instead, stick to the fact: you were late. It’s not a character judgment; it’s a time issue.
When you separate feelings from facts, consider these:
- Take a comment at face value.
- Avoid reading between the lines when it’s straightforward.
- Facts aren’t personal, but reactions can be.
This helps you respond to situations without the weight of emotion clouding the facts. Keep your cool, and focus on the information—not the emotion.
"People live in their own reality and perception of their world. Remind yourself that their reaction is not a direct indication of your world or of who you are. You are not responsible for the actions of others, only for your actions and reactions."
— Alexandra Miu | Sexual Empowerment Expert | TEDx Speaker
Engage in Positive Self-Talk
What we say to ourselves shapes our day and our mindset. If your inner dialogue is harsh, it’s like sipping on a sour lemonade—it spoils the taste of everything. Positive self-talk, on the other hand, is like a sweet, refreshing drink on a hot day.
To brighten your inner chat:
- Replace self-criticism with encouragement.
- Remind yourself of past successes when doubts creep in.
- Be your own cheerleader, not your critic.
Embrace Constructive Criticism
Now, embracing constructive criticism is not about liking what others say about your mistakes but learning from them. It’s the idea that you can take someone’s feedback and use it to grow.
So, instead of feeling hurt or defensive when feedback comes your way, think, “What can I learn from this?”
Here’s how to take it in stride:
- Listen for tips to help you improve.
- Apply the feedback to do better next time.
- Show appreciation—it’s someone investing in your growth.
Next time you get feedback, try saying, “Thanks for the input—I’ll see how I can improve.” This shows maturity and helps you stay focused on getting better rather than dwelling on any negative emotions. It’s all about growth, not guilt.
"What if you could use this situation to examine yourself and improve. Sometimes, it might be worth doing a little step back and considering that maybe this is a growth opportunity and not a time to be offended or upset."
— Lisa Sansom, MBA, MAPP, PCC | Organizational and Leadership Development Coach | Consultant, LVS Consulting
Stay Grounded in Your Values
Your values are your compass; they keep you steady and headed in the right direction. When you know what’s truly important to you, it’s easier to let go of the small stuff.
Whether it’s honesty, kindness, or courage, these values steer you back to who you are, regardless of what others might say or think about you. So, when someone’s words seem hurtful, remind yourself of your commitment to these values.
Get to Know Yourself Better with Our FREE Quizzes! (no email sign-up necessary):
- How Well Do You Know Yourself?
- Are You Living Your Full Potential?
- How Self-Motivated Are You?
- Is It the Right Time for a Big Change?
- Are You Living a Balanced Life?
- Are You Handling Stress Effectively?
Explore our quiz categories: Business Quizzes, Career Quizzes, Personality Quizzes, Relationship Quizzes, Well-Being Quizzes
Maybe that means responding with kindness even when it’s tough or standing up for what’s right, even if it’s unpopular. By staying true to your values, you protect yourself from taking other people’s negativity to heart.
Disconnect Personal Worth from External Validation
You’re more than the sum of likes on your profile or the nods you get in meetings. Your worth comes from within, not from what others say or think.
Here’s how to stand strong:
- Value your own approval more than others.
- Celebrate your efforts, whether they’re recognized or not.
- Understand that praise is nice but not essential for your self-worth.
"Focus on that reality. Your worth didn't change, and the other person's opinion is wrong. You matter... You have worth unique to your personality and efforts. Take some time to readjust your perception of yourself."
— Yocheved Golani | Author | Life Coach Certified in Counseling Skills | Editor Specializing in Medical Topics, e-counseling
Establish Boundaries
Setting clear boundaries is like drawing your personal space bubble. It tells others what’s okay and what’s not. When you make your limits known, it’s easier for others to respect them and for you to stand firm without feeling bad.
Let’s say you don’t like being teased about your fashion choices. Telling your friends clearly and kindly can prevent discomfort and misunderstandings. It’s all about clear communication—letting people know where the line is so they don’t accidentally cross it.
Avoid Assumptions
Jumping to conclusions can make things messier, especially when we take things personally. When we assume, we make a story in our heads that may be far from the truth. Instead of guessing why someone said what they said, stay open to the possibility that there’s more to the story.
For instance, if a friend doesn’t text back quickly, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re ignoring you. Maybe they’re just caught up with something. By keeping assumptions at bay, you spare yourself unnecessary worry.
"Avoid negative assumptions. Before you assume that someone is having a go at you, take a second to ensure that you're not overreacting to something that's strictly business."
— Adina Mahalli | Certified Mental Health Expert | Family Care Professional, Maple Holistics
Recognize Others’ Perspectives
Sometimes, what feels personal isn’t about us at all. It’s about the other person’s view or situation. Everyone has their own story, their reasoning behind what they say and do. Recognizing this can take the sting out of interactions.
When someone snaps at you, it might be because they’re having a bad day—not because of anything you did.
To keep perspective:
- Remember that everyone has their own battles.
- Consider why someone might act the way they do.
- Don’t own someone else’s mood.
Understanding different viewpoints gives you clarity, not confusion.
"Put yourself in the other person's shoes... When we see things from another person's perspective, we are able to separate our feelings and needs from what actually occurred and to look at things more objectively."
— Charlene Walters, MBA, Ph.D. | Motivational Speaker, Own Your Other
Seek Supportive Relationships
We all need a squad that has our back. Surrounding yourself with positive people is like having a personal fan club. Supportive relationships reinforce the best in us and soften the blow when life gets tough.
These are friends and family who really get you, back you up, offer a shoulder or an ear when you need it, and are always ready to remind you of your worth when you forget.
When surrounded by people who believe in you and push you positively, you are much less likely to take criticism personally, instead seeing it as a chance to grow.
Limit Exposure to Negativity
The less negativity you soak up, the better you feel. So, try to avoid environments or people that drain your energy or sour your mood. It’s not about avoiding reality but choosing not to dwell in spaces that constantly bring you down.
For instance, if scrolling through certain social media feeds leaves you feeling worse about yourself, it might be time to hit “unfollow.” Or if a colleague often vents negatively, it’s okay to excuse yourself and keep interactions brief and task-focused. Managing your environment actively can significantly reduce the negativity that seeps into your thoughts.
Let Things Go
Learning to let things go is like setting down that heavy backpack, walking lighter, and not letting them hold you hostage.
What letting go looks like:
- Acknowledge the hurt, then decide it’s not worth the weight.
- Practice forgiveness for your peace, not anyone else’s.
- Focus on the present and future, not the past.
It is a skill that gets easier with practice. Each time you do it, you tell yourself you value your peace more than holding onto resentment or upset.
"Remind yourself of your inner worth every chance you have. You'll realize over time that you don't have to feel hurt when someone behaves poorly to you... As the song says, "Let it go.""
— Yocheved Golani | Author | Life Coach Certified in Counseling Skills | Editor Specializing in Medical Topics, e-counseling
Stay Productively Busy
When you’re engaged in activities that matter to you, whether it’s work-related or a hobby you love, there’s little room left for overthinking about what someone said or did. It’s not just about keeping busy but about meaningful engagement that enriches your life.
To keep busy in a good way:
- Dive into projects or hobbies that spark joy.
- Set personal and professional goals to work towards.
- Celebrate small achievements along the way.
For example, if you dive into a project you’re passionate about, your mind is too occupied with creative and constructive thoughts to linger on negative ones.
Consider the Bigger Picture
Taking a step back to see the bigger picture is about understanding that a single comment or a bad day doesn’t define the whole story of who you are or your journey. This broader view helps minimize the impact of small, fleeting issues and centers your focus on long-term goals and values.
When faced with criticism or negative feedback, try zooming out and asking yourself, “Will this matter in a year? Or even in a month?” More often than not, you’ll find the answer is no.
It’s a reminder that life is bigger than this moment, and there’s so much more to look forward to and work towards.
More Expert Insights
“It isn’t until you start to give yourself a chance to digest your own emotions, as they come up rather than deflect yourself from them with quick comments or distracting behaviors, you will begin to truly see triggers for what they are.”
— Sherianna Boyle | Psychology Professor | Author, Emotional Detox: 7 Steps to Releasing Toxicity & Energizing Joy
“Apply the 90/10 rule, that anything that really bothers a person and provokes a disproportionate reaction is 10% the trigger, and 90% the deeper issue that is being triggered.”
— Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC | Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor | Founder, The Marriage Restoration Project
“Focus on the positive. We can find something good in every situation and encounter. Instead of dwelling on what did or didn’t happen or what hurt us, look on the bright side. There is a silver lining in everything.”
— Charlene Walters, MBA, Ph.D. | Motivational Speaker, Own Your Other
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I handle situations where I must interact with someone who frequently triggers me?
In such cases, preparation is critical. Anticipate the possible triggers and plan how to handle them.
Remind yourself of the reasons behind their behavior, maintain your composure, and stick to your boundaries. Seeking support from others can also provide additional perspectives and coping strategies.
What if I accidentally offend someone, and they take it personally?
If you’re on the other side of the equation, apologize sincerely and clarify your intentions. Sometimes, misunderstandings happen, and explaining your perspective can help.
It’s also a good chance to practice compassion and understand how your words can be perceived.
How long will it take to stop taking things personally?
The time it takes can vary depending on individual effort, the frequency and intensity of the situations encountered, and personal emotional resilience.
Consistently practicing mindfulness and self-reflection can accelerate this process.
How can I teach my children not to take things personally?
Modeling this behavior yourself is a powerful way to teach children not to take things personally. Discuss why people might say hurtful things and help them build self-esteem.
Teach them empathy and understanding of different perspectives, which can help them interpret situations more accurately.
Final Thoughts
Remember that the journey to not taking things personally is a personal one. It’s about building strength from the inside so that outside words lose their sting.
Keep practicing. Each day offers new chances to apply these steps. Find your stride, and those once-painful words will just breeze past you. Here’s to growing stronger, free from the weight of others’ opinions
