Turning down an invitation doesn’t have to leave you feeling guilty or your friend feeling snubbed. I’ll show you simple yet effective ways to say ‘no’ to meetups — whether you’re double-booked, doing some much-needed me-time, or just not in the mood for socializing. I’ve got you covered!
Want to learn how to turn down an invite without a fuss? Read on to learn the art of saying no with grace.
Table of Contents
- Realize That It’s Okay to Say ‘No’
- Express Appreciation for the Invite
- Be Honest About Your Reasons
- It’s Okay to Not Give a Reason
- Use Polite and Positive Language
- Keep Your Response Short and Sweet
- Show Genuine Regret in Declining
- Use “I” Statements
- Offer an Alternative Way to Connect
- Suggest a Different Time to Meet
- Avoid Over-Explaining
- Reaffirm Your Interest for Future Invites
- Excerpts From the Experts
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Final Thoughts
Realize That It’s Okay to Say ‘No’
Sometimes, the pressure to say ‘yes’ can be overwhelming, but remember, it’s completely fine to say ‘no.’ You don’t have to feel guilty about it! You’re not obligated to attend every event or gathering. Your mental and physical health should always come first. It’s your time, and you get to decide how to use it.
Now, if your friend texts you saying, “Hey, are we on for movies this Friday?” and you’re feeling worn out after a hectic week, just respond with, “Hey, thanks for inviting me! I’d love to join, but I need some time to recharge this Friday. Let’s definitely plan for another week though!” This shows you’re still interested, just not right now.
"It is ok to say no, it’s about setting healthy boundaries for yourself... When we consistently say yes due to peer pressure or FOMO, we never really get to show people our true selves and what we do and don’t like.
Here are three ways to politely and respectfully say ‘no’:
1. “I’m honored but I can’t.” It’s perfect for situations where you need to say no to someone you feel close to or feel obliged to say yes to. If you think the person will be easily offended tackle the situation by saying: “I’m honored but I can’t do it because I’m already busy on that day.”
2. “Sadly, I’m booked up with something else right now.” This expression works perfectly when you need to say no to a friend or relative. It’s great to use if you don’t want to go in the direction of justifying your no.
3. “No, I can’t.” (then stop talking). Realize that “No”, is a full sentence, and a justification of your choice in truth is not necessary. You’re allowed to say no.
— Karen Donaldson | Certified Confidence Coach | Celebrity Communication and Body Language Expert | Executive Public Speaking Coach
Express Appreciation for the Invite
When declining an invite, start with a thank you. It shows you value the person’s gesture. Say something like, “Thanks so much for thinking of me!” This small phrase is a simple but effective way to show you value their effort to include you.
For instance, you get a message about a weekend hike. While tempting, let’s say you’re not feeling up for it. Here’s how you might reply: “Thanks so much for the invite, Mark! I’m going to sit this one out as I’ve got a packed weekend. But I hope you guys have a great time!”
Be Honest About Your Reasons
If you’re too tired, already have plans, or just aren’t up for hanging out, it’s okay to say so! People appreciate transparency, and it helps to set clear expectations. Just keep it gentle and friendly.
For example, say your friend asks if you want to join a weekend BBQ, but you’ve committed to a family gathering. A simple response could be, “Thanks for the BBQ invite! I have family plans this weekend that I can’t change. Have a blast and let’s catch up soon!“
"Oftentimes, we use any excuse to get out of an invitation to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings. Though our intentions might be good, we run the risk of getting caught in our lies and damage our relationships.
Just this past weekend I declined an invitation to hang out with a friend by telling the truth. This is the message I sent: "I appreciate the invitation and I also look forward to seeing you. This has been a tough and busy week for me and I’ve been very much looking forward to a much-needed me time. Is it ok if we postpone our meeting to next week?"
Her response was very positive. She was understanding and we agreed to meet some other time.
— Jessica Ulloa | Community Manager, MyPerfectResume
It’s Okay to Not Give a Reason
Believe it or not, you can decline an invite without giving a detailed explanation – sometimes ‘no’ is a complete sentence. This approach can be particularly useful if you find it tough to come up with an excuse or when the reason is too personal to share.
- When to use this: When the event doesn’t interest you much or if you’re uncomfortable sharing the reason.
- How to say it: “Thanks for the invite! I’ll have to pass this time, but please keep me in the loop for future plans!”
This keeps things friendly and polite without making you feel pressured to share more than you want to.
Use Polite and Positive Language
When turning down an invitation, your choice of words makes all the difference. Instead of sounding harsh or abrupt, frame your words with kindness. A sprinkle of positive phrases can maintain the friendship and leave the door open for future invites.
For instance, if your colleague wants to grab drinks after work, but you have plans, instead of a plain “I can’t,” try saying, “I really appreciate the invite! I have plans tonight, but next time I’d love to join you. Have fun for me!“
"Be firm and polite. It’s imperative to stand up for yourself and your needs and be able to say No firmly yet politely. [...] One of the most famous tactics you can implement is the broken record technique. It’s vital to maintain a calm, even-keel tone of voice that is neither disdainful nor sarcastic but simply neutral.
So, for example:
John: Hey, David do you want to hang out this weekend?
David: Hi bud. No, I will not be able to join you, unfortunately.
John: Why not man? We always have fun. You’ve got better plans?
David: That’s true, but as I mentioned I’m unavailable this weekend. Let’s shoot for another day.
John: C'mon dude. It would mean a lot to me if you came out.
David: Again, mate, this weekend just isn’t good for me. How about another time?
This should do the trick, after a couple/few attempts the person will quickly notice that you’re either indeed busy or don’t want to hang out (for whatever reason).
— Jagoda Wieczorek | HR Manager, ResumeLab
Keep Your Response Short and Sweet
There’s no need to write a novel when declining an invitation. Being concise is not only respectful of your friend’s time but also prevents any awkwardness that might arise from over-explaining.
- Example 1: “Thanks for thinking of me! I can’t make it this time, but let’s plan something soon.”
- Example 2: “Sounds fun, but I have to pass on this one. Hope you all have a great time!”
These short but sweet responses does the trick. It’s clear, concise, and leaves no room for misunderstandings.
Show Genuine Regret in Declining
Sometimes, you genuinely wish you could join the fun. Letting your friend know that you’re sad to miss out can soften the blow of declining their invitation. It’s about showing that you value their offer and would have loved to participate if circumstances were different.
For example, if a friend invites you to a concert, you might say, “Oh, I’m genuinely bummed I can’t make it! You’re going to have such an amazing time, though. Tell me all about it afterward, and let’s definitely plan something soon when I’m free!“
Use “I” Statements
When declining invitations, using “I” statements can help you express your feelings without inadvertently blaming the other person. This approach personalizes your response and can prevent the other person from feeling rejected or hurt.
What this looks like:
- If you’re feeling too tired for a night out: “I’m really worn out today, and I need to take some time to rest up. Thanks so much for the invite!”
- If you’re busy: “I have a prior commitment that I can’t move. I appreciate the invite more than you know!”
- If they picked a bad day: “I won’t be able to make it this Saturday due to a prior commitment. Let’s catch up another time?”
Offer an Alternative Way to Connect
Just because you’re saying no to one plan doesn’t mean you can’t propose something else. Suggesting another way to connect shows that you’re still interested in spending time together, just under different circumstances.
For instance, if your friend invites you to a loud club and you’re not up for it, you could say, “Clubbing isn’t really my scene right now, but how about we catch up over coffee this weekend instead? I’d love to hear what’s new with you!“ This shifts the plan but keeps the connection.
Suggest a Different Time to Meet
If the timing of the invite clashes with your schedule, it’s thoughtful to suggest another time. This lets the other person know that you’re interested in seeing them, just not at that specific time.
- Example 1: “I can’t make it this Friday evening, unfortunately. Are you free maybe next weekend? I’d love to catch up then!”
- Example 2: “This Thursday is a bit hectic for me. What about doing something next Thursday? I should be much more free then.”
"Friendships get tricky when one friend places a lot of pressure on another friend or takes “no thanks” personally. To avoid this situation, be upfront about what you need simply and gently. For example, say you have no desire to meet up with a friend for dinner because you don’t enjoy the company of another person attending.
You might say: “I appreciate you including me. I’m going to have to pass on Friday night. I hope you have a great dinner. Maybe you and I can meet up for coffee next week?“
— Jessica Speer | Author, "BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends): A Girl's Guide to Happy Friendships"
Avoid Over-Explaining
Keep your reason simple and straightforward. Over-explaining can sometimes lead to more questions or even seem insincere. Remember, less is often more.
For example, if a friend invites you to a weekend getaway, but you’ve already committed to a family event. Rather than diving deep into the family drama or too much details, a simple, “I have family commitments this weekend, but thanks so much for the invite!“ is perfectly fine and keeps things light and clear.
Reaffirm Your Interest for Future Invites
Even if you can’t make it this time, it’s a good idea to let the person know you’d love to join another time. This keeps the door open and shows you’re still keen on spending time with them in the future.
What this looks like:
- After declining an event: “I’m sorry I can’t make it this time, but please keep me in the loop for the next outing. I’m looking forward to joining you all soon!”
- If you’re busy this weekend: “Sadly, this weekend won’t work for me. Let’s definitely meet up for something fun next time!”
These responses help maintain the bond and make sure your friend knows you’re still interested in staying connected.
Excerpts From the Experts
“Friendships ebb and flow just like our moods, energy levels, and interests. It’s perfectly okay to decline invitations to hang out and it’s important to allow others to decline our invitations too. […] Here are a few more examples of simple ways to decline invitations:
- “Thank you so much for the invitation. It sounds like a great movie. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with work lately so I better sit this one out. I’m finding that quiet nights at home help me manage my stress these days.”
- “Thank you for thinking of me. I’m sorry to miss the fun! With everything, I have going on now, I better pass. I don’t want to bring down the vibe of the event. I look forward to hanging out when I get my feet back on the ground.”
- “I appreciate the invitation but need to decline this time. Now is not the best time for me. I hope you have a great time.”
— Jessica Speer | Author, “BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends): A Girl’s Guide to Happy Friendships”
“The baseline technique is to buy yourself some time before saying yes or no. Clarify exactly what you’re being asked to do and respond that you need to check with your boss, your partner, or your family. Once you’ve decided to say no, don’t go into elaborate explanations.
Here are some suggestions. Notice both the positive preliminary phrase that may soften the impact of the rejection:
- Straight no: “Yes, I’d love to participate, but I’m going to have to decline.”
- No with help: “I love that you thought of me, but I’m unable to participate. How can I help you find someone else?”
- No with appreciation: “I think your idea is fabulous, but I’m not able to participate at this time.”
- No and yes: “Yes, I’d love to participate and at a later date. Can you ask me again in May?”
- No with specific yes: “I’d love to help you, but I’m on a deadline until Tuesday. Can we meet on Wednesday?”
- No with values: “If I take on anything else right now, I won’t be honoring my commitment to my [family] [work] [business].”
If the situation involves a sensitive relationship, you may want to use a sandwich technique where the no is cushioned on both sides by positivity. Here’s an example: “I’m very flattered that you asked me to be your plus-one. However, I won’t be able to do it. Thanks so much for asking. It means a lot.”
— Kate McGuinness | Coach and Principal, Empowered Women Coaching | “Author, Confidence Lost / Confidence Found: How to Reclaim the Unstoppable You”
“Declining an invitation to hang out can feel deeply awkward. Especially if – like me – you struggle with social anxiety. You worry about offending or upsetting the person who’s invited you. Often, this means you end up saying “yes” when really you want to say “thanks but no”.
So how can you politely turn down an invitation, without causing offence?
Are you feeling tired or overwhelmed and just need some time to yourself? If so, the best thing to do is to be honest. Explain that you’d love to spend time with them soon, but right now you’re not feeling your best. […] It can help if you suggest a future time to hang out, instead.
“Thank you – that sounds lovely, but I’m feeling very tired from work/kids/health issues/studying right now and I’m planning on having some quiet nights in to get my energy back. Are you free to meet up next week?”
Do you feel uncomfortable with the type of hang-out suggested? There are many reasons you might be uncomfortable. E.g. if the situation involves alcohol and you’ve quit drinking. […] As a socially anxious person, there are lots of situations that make me uncomfortable! Especially parties and large group hangs.
“I really appreciate you asking me, but parties/shopping trips/hiking around the woods just isn’t my thing. Perhaps we could go for a coffee/watch a movie/share a takeaway instead?”
Do you feel uncomfortable with the people involved? Sometimes it’s not the situation but the people involved that make you want to decline an invitation. Are they outspoken about political or social opinions that you don’t share? Do they bully you or other people? Do they make you feel anxious or afraid? Are they rude? Do they talk over you and barely listen? The important thing here is to set boundaries. You shouldn’t have to enter a situation where you’re uncomfortable.
If this is a friend or group that you no longer enjoy spending time with, you can either be direct: “I don’t feel comfortable with the way you’ve been talking about X recently.” Or politely make an excuse: “Sorry, I’m catching up on some work that day.”
If you make enough polite excuses in a row, they will probably stop inviting you after a while. I still recommend honesty wherever possible, but I get how awkward it can be to call out friends or colleagues on their behavior!
— Kate Hardy | Creator, Love My Anxious Brain
Frequently Asked Questions
What if the person gets offended when I decline?
It’s natural to worry about offending someone, but most people will understand if you decline politely. Focus on being respectful and kind in your response. Use phrases like, “I really appreciate the invite” and “I hope you have a great time!” This shows that you’re considerate and still value their friendship.
How should I respond if they ask for a specific reason?
If someone presses you for a reason and you’re not comfortable sharing, it’s okay to keep it vague. You might say something like, “I have some personal commitments I can’t get out of” or “I’ve got a lot on my plate right now.” Most people will respect your privacy and leave it at that.
Is it ever acceptable to decline an invitation last minute?
While it’s generally better to give as much notice as possible, sometimes emergencies happen. If you need to cancel last minute, be sure to apologize sincerely and explain briefly if appropriate. For example, “I’m so sorry for the late notice, but something urgent has come up, and I won’t be able to join tonight. I hope you understand.”
What if my social energy is low but I don’t want to seem uninterested?
Be honest about needing some downtime. You might say, “I’d love to hang out, but I’m feeling a bit drained lately and need some time to recharge. Maybe we can plan something low-key next time?” This shows you still value their company while being upfront about your current needs.
Final Thoughts
Saying no to an invitation is just as much an aspect of social interactions as saying yes. Mastering this skill can relieve stress by ensuring you’re only committing to events that truly fit your schedule or mood. Remember, your honesty and politeness not only preserve your relationships but also respect your personal time and well-being.
If you’ve felt awkward or guilty about declining invites in the past, I hope this guide empowers you to handle future invitations with confidence and ease. Here’s to enjoying your social life on your own terms!