How to Stop Yourself from Talking Too Much (29 Ways + Expert Insights)

I used to be known as the “chatty” one in my circle. I would often dominate conversations, sharing every detail of my stories and thoughts until I realized my habit was pushing people away.

Can you relate? Do you find yourself talking too much, even when you don’t mean to?

Excessive talking is a common problem that many of us face. Whether it’s due to anxiety, enthusiasm, or simply a lack of self-awareness, it can hinder our ability to communicate effectively and build meaningful relationships.

But here’s the thing: you can learn to control your talkativeness. With a few simple techniques and a bit of practice, you can learn to listen more and speak with purpose. Keep reading to find out how.

Be Aware of Your Triggers

My personal favorite way to tackle this is by first identifying what those triggers are. Is it a particular topic? A certain type of silence? Or maybe it’s when you feel like your opinions are being challenged?

• Identify the trigger: This could be anything from feeling anxious in social settings to being overly excited about a topic.
• Note your response: Are you jumping into long speeches, or do you start dominating the conversation?
• Find a strategy: Maybe it’s taking a deep breath or giving yourself a mental pause signal.

Being aware of your triggers is the first step to changing how you respond to them. Plus, it makes you more mindful in conversations, which, as we’ll talk about next, ties closely with the art of self-reflection.

Engage in Self-Reflection

Now, engaging in self-reflection sounds like a big, serious task. I mean, it does involve digging deep into your thoughts and behaviors, but it’s also about asking yourself simple questions.

It’s not about being harsh on yourself but understanding your motivations and actions in a compassionate way. Think of it as being your own friend and having an honest chat with yourself.

Through self-reflection, you start to see patterns and reasons behind your conversational habits. It’s all about connecting the dots between your triggers and your responses.

"One of my favorite tools, as it helps not only with awareness of this matter but also what I define as cultivation of 'inspira' (your inner character), is learning to take a 'Sunday of Silence.' Silence is two-fold: time spent in solitude, then time spent in public interacting, while remaining silent."

— Dr. J Paul Rand, MBA | Executive Director, RSolutions (Holdings)

Practice Active Self-Awareness

Practicing active self-awareness is like having an internal conversation coach who gives you a nudge when it’s time to talk less. When you’re aware of your behavior as it’s happening, you can cut your talk time on the spot. That’s the magic of in-the-moment mindfulness.

To practice this, mid-talk, ask yourself if you’re talking too much or letting others speak. If you’re talking too much, don’t worry—just change your focus. Listen to others and give them a chance to speak. Think of a conversation as creating a group artwork, not just your own.

And don’t forget, being self-aware also means catching those little wins. Did you successfully time your input? High-five you! Celebrating small victories helps you become more aware and better at listening in future conversations.

Develop Empathy for Others

True empathy means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, feeling what they feel, and seeing things from their perspective. When you talk too much, it’s easy to miss the subtle ways others share their feelings and thoughts.

By developing empathy, you start to sense when someone feels overlooked or when they’re itching to jump in with their own stories.

Listening with empathy means you’re paying full attention – not thinking about what to cook for dinner or if you’ve fed the cat. It’s all about them. And when you do this, you’re telling them, “Hey, I get you. Your thoughts matter.”

This can hop right over a bunch of misunderstandings and land you both on grounds of mutual respect. Suddenly, the conversation deepens, and your friend feels seen and heard. That’s the power of empathy.

"Don’t be a know-it-all. People often feel that they have to have an answer for everything. It’s ok to just listen to another perspective."

— Shirley Baldwin Owens | Relationship Expert | Transformational Life Coach | Author, Get What You Want from Your Man

Learn to Appreciate the Perspectives of Others

Ever met someone who always sees things the same way as you do? No, right? And that’s okay. We all have our own views, like different flavors in a big, tasty salad. Learning to appreciate all these flavors makes conversations rich and zesty. When you’re genuinely into what others have to say, it doesn’t become a tug-of-war for the spotlight.

Let’s be honest; we all love to talk about our interests. But when we make space to understand where the other person is coming from, we’re building a bridge, not a wall.

Ask them about their hobbies, their work, their pet peeves – and genuinely care. It’s not just polite; it’s human.

Practice the “Pause and Reflect” Technique

In a world that often rewards the loudest voice in the room, this technique is a breath of fresh air. It is about creating a deliberate pause before you respond. Instead of reacting on auto-pilot, you take a moment to consider your words and their impact.

I think of this technique as putting a gentle brake on the conversation. It’s not about stopping the flow but about ensuring that when you do speak, it’s thoughtful and considerate. The beauty of this practice is that it not only helps you talk less but makes what you say more meaningful and impactful.

Use the “3-Second Rule” before Speaking

Ever found yourself blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, only to wish you could take it back? That’s where this rule comes in handy. Before you jump into the conversation or reply, count silently to three. This brief pause does wonders.

This tiny gap of time can be the difference between a reaction and a response. And trust me, those around you will notice this change. They’ll see someone who’s thoughtful with their words. Who wouldn’t want to chat with someone like that? It’s all about quality, not just chatting to fill the silence.

So, remember: one… two… three… then speak.

Practice Deep Breathing Exercises

Now, don’t just skim over this, thinking you know how to breathe. Deep breathing exercises are seriously underrated. When you’re about to dive into a monologue, take a deep breath instead.

Practicing deep breathing helps calm the mind and slows us down, resulting in more measured and less frequent contributions to a conversation. This simple act can help center your thoughts and temper the impulse to speak out of turn.

Teach yourself to breathe this way routinely — before meetings, calls, or coffee with friends.

"Take deep breaths through your nose and exhale with your mouth closed. This is a calming yoga breath that can serve to reduce any anxiety driving the need to talk (to fill a void, defend your self, compensate for perceived shortcomings) or anger driving the need to speak (explaining yourself or your position) and restore calm."

— Carrie Krawiec |Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Birmingham Maple Clinic

Practice Brevity in Your Responses

In many cases, less is genuinely more, especially when it comes to speaking. Practicing brevity isn’t just about talking less; it’s about making your words count more.

By focusing on brevity, you not only respect others’ time and attention but also amplify the weight of your words. The beauty of being concise is that it challenges you to think more about what you say, leading to more deliberate and meaningful contributions to any conversation.

Use “I” Statements to Express Yourself Concisely

One of the most effective strategies in communication, especially if you’re aiming to minimize how much you dominate conversations, is the use of “I” statements.

This technique allows you to express your thoughts, feelings and needs directly and concisely without making the conversation all about you. It’s the difference between saying, “You always interrupt me“, and “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted.” See the shift?

Ask a Follow-Up Question

You’ve just shared your bit, now toss the ball back to them. “What do you think?” or “How about you?“—these are the phrases that turn a monologue into a fun back-and-forth. It shows you’re not just there to give a lecture; you’re up for a friendly game of catch with words.

By doing this, you’re stepping into their shoes for a bit. You’re showing interest in their side of the story. Keep it real, though; don’t throw out a question just to check the box. Do it because you’re genuinely keen on their answers.

When you start asking questions in return, talking to each other becomes like playing catch with a ball, tossing it back and forth between you.

Keep Conversations Balanced

Keeping a conversation balanced means making sure everyone has their turn to speak, share, and be heard.

This balanced approach makes everyone feel important and listened to. It’s not just about talking less; it’s about making the conversation better and more engaging for everyone.

Think of Conversations Like a Tennis Match

Imagine each conversation you engage in as a tennis match, where the ball represents the topic of discussion. Just like in tennis, where the game is about back-and-forth exchanges, a healthy conversation requires giving and taking.

You “serve” by introducing a topic or sharing an idea and then “receive” by listening to the other person’s response, ready to return.

By keeping this visualization in mind, it becomes easier to maintain a balanced and engaging dialogue where both parties feel valued and heard.

"Slow the process down with the speaker-listen technique: Consider talking like a slow-motion tennis match with a bounce between. Instead of responding with what you have to say first, respond with what you heard the other person say."

— Carrie Krawiec | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Birmingham Maple Clinic

Set a Time Limit for Your Responses

Setting a time limit for your responses can be incredibly effective. It’s about being concise, choosing your words carefully, and making sure you’re not monopolizing the conversation.

You could, say, aim for no more than a minute or two. Wrap up your points before your imaginary timer dings. It’s a sweet way to stay on track and respectful of everyone’s time, including your own.

And hey, everyone loves someone who can get to the point without taking the scenic route. This method not only helps you become more conscious of how much you’re speaking but also makes your contributions more thoughtful and meaningful.

Watch for Responses

Paying close attention to how people react during conversations is a key skill in becoming a better communicator. Responses from others can tell you a lot about how your words are being received.

Are they leaning in with interest or looking around as if searching for an escape? Noticing these cues can guide you in adjusting your approach on the fly.

Reacting appropriately to these signals ensures the conversation remains a two-way street, fostering a deeper connection and understanding.

"If you see the person you are speaking with eyes glaze over, chances are they have quit processing what you are saying and are focusing on an exit strategy. Pay attention to the body language of others when you speak."

— Robyn Flint | Writer, Life Insurance Types | Clinical Mental Health Counselor

If You Feel Like You Are Talking Too Much, Stop

This one’s as straightforward as it gets: if you catch yourself in the middle of a talk marathon, it’s okay to just pause and let someone else jump in. Really, it’s fine.

Doing this on purpose shows you care about keeping the conversation even and gives you a chance to get better at listening —a skill just as important as speaking.

One Sentence at a Time

Taking this approach to conversations can significantly help control the urge to say too much.

This technique helps you talk in a way that’s easy to understand, concise, and considerate, making room for a more engaging dialogue. It’s about making each word count and making sure that everyone gets to join in the conversation rather than just listening to one person go on and on.

Use a Talking Stick or Object in Group Settings

In group settings, it’s easy to get lost in the babble. Here’s a fun tip: use a physical object, like a pen or a keychain, as a ‘talking stick.’ Whoever holds the item has the mic. It’s a playful yet super effective way to make sure everyone gets their turn to shine.

This isn’t just kids’ stuff; even adults can get a kick out of it.

When the talking stick comes your way, share your bit, then pass it along. It’s not just about keeping the conversation moving; it also adds a sense of order and fairness. No one’s voice gets drowned out, and everyone’s on equal ground.

And you know what? This stick can be a real lifesaver. It gently reminds you when it’s time to hush and listen. No more accidental interruptions or talking over each other. Let’s keep it civilized and enjoyable, yeah?

Avoid Gossip and Unnecessary Small Talk

Engaging in gossip or making unnecessary small talk can sometimes lead to talking more than we intend, and often, not in a constructive way. Focusing our conversations on positive and meaningful topics instead not only enriches our interactions but also helps us maintain a clear conscience.

By shifting away from gossip and fluff, we open up space for conversations that contribute to mutual understanding and respect.

Practice the Art of Paraphrasing

Learning how to paraphrase can change the way we talk to each other. It lets us shorten and make clear what someone has said, and it shows we really get what they’re telling us before we respond.

This method shows you respect what the person is saying and helps everyone say things that are to the point. Paraphrasing improves conversations by making sure everyone understands each other, which helps to avoid confusion.

Develop Self-Confidence in Silence

Silence is often overlooked in our fast-paced, always-on world, especially when talking with others, but it’s very powerful. Being confident with silence means knowing that you don’t have to talk every time there’s a pause.

If you’re good with silence, you’ll listen better because you’re not just waiting to talk. It gives you time to come up with better things to say.

It also lets others say what they want completely, which can make conversations better and more satisfying. Being okay with silence shows you’re confident, and it means you care more about the value of what’s said than just talking a lot.

Practice the “Less is More” Principle

This principle is like having a rule in conversations that says the less you talk, the more important your words become.

Doing this stops you from talking too much and makes what you say to people more special. It means you’re not just talking a lot; what you say matters more because it’s about saying things that really mean something.

Check Your Ego

Okay, let’s tackle the big one: the ego. Sometimes, it’s our own need to be seen and heard that makes us blabber on. It’s not just about you being the center of attention or showing off what you know. Conversations are for everyone to take part in, not just for one person to dominate.

Engage in Activities that Promote Self-Control

Building self-control is a lot like working out. The more you practice it, the stronger you get at it. If you’re someone who tends to talk a lot, doing things that help you control yourself can really help.

These help you get better at being disciplined and patient. Those are handy when you want to talk less and listen more. Even doing a puzzle or cooking a new dish can teach you because these things mean you have to take your time and not rush.

So every time you hold back from giving the answers right away or wait for your baking to be done, you’re practicing for real-life conversations.

Develop a Habit of Writing Down Your Thoughts

Sometimes, our eagerness to talk stems from a fear of forgetting important ideas or feelings if we don’t express them immediately. Developing a habit of writing down your thoughts can be a game changer in such cases.

So, next time you find your mind racing with thoughts you want to share, try jotting them down first. You might discover that this practice not only curbs your need to talk excessively but also enriches the quality of your conversations.

Take Inventory of the Cause

Think about why you talk too much. Check-in with yourself and ask tough questions to figure out why you do it.

When you figure out why you do it, you can start fixing the real problem. This helps you find better ways to talk just enough, not too much.

Identify What Needs to Be Changed

Recognizing that you talk too much is a good start, but identifying what needs to change is key to improving. Determine whether it’s your lengthy stories, too many details, or not asking enough questions that make you talk too much.

It’s important to understand what causes your excessive talking, much like figuring out the correct wires to cut when disarming a bomb, but with much less risk.

After you’ve identified what you can improve, focus on changing one or two things. For instance, if you usually give too many details, practice being more concise. Change won’t happen instantly, but with some effort, you can gradually improve how you talk.

Take small steps to make progress. Just like climbing a hill, improving your talking habits is a gradual process. Prepare for this journey of self-improvement and proceed at a steady pace—you can do it!

Seek Professional Help If Needed

If you’re having trouble with talking too much and can’t fix it on your own, consider getting help from a professional. Coaches or therapists aren’t just for celebrities; they’re there to help anyone wanting to improve.

A professional can offer you personalized advice and strategies, similar to what a fitness coach does for your physical health, but focused on your communication skills. They can help you understand why you’re talking excessively and show you ways to manage it.

Excessive talking might be a sign of underlying issues such as anxiety or a need to feel listened to. Therapists specialize in resolving such problems. They are trained to assist, and they do it well. If you’re struggling to make progress on your own, don’t hesitate to seek their support. It might lead to one of the most beneficial conversations you have.

"But here’s the rub. Armchair psychologists can undoubtedly tell you what’s 'off' about talking too much. Maybe it’s insecurity, which the talker tries to compensate for by showing off desperately... In short, it could be a lot of things, including boredom."

— Dr. Claudia Luiz | Psychoanalyst | Author, The Making of a Psychoanalyst

Overcome Social Awkwardness

Social awkwardness can make you either talk non-stop or not at all. If you’re the type to fill every quiet moment with talk to avoid feeling awkward, it’s time to find some balance.

Learn to be fine with a bit of silence. You don’t have to talk every time there’s a pause. Sometimes it’s in those quiet times that you really connect with someone — with just a smile or a look. And when you’re okay with not always talking, you usually find the right things to say more easily.

Being comfortable with who you are is important. Try talking in situations that aren’t stressful, like with family or close friends. Tell them what you’re trying to do; they’ll support you. Every little step you take makes social awkwardness less of a problem, and you’ll find that comfortable middle ground. Just keep practicing, one conversation at a time.

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Frequently Asked Questions

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Final Thoughts

We’re at the end now, and I bet you’re thinking about your next conversation differently. It’s cool to see how stepping back a bit can actually bring us closer to others. Speaking less but saying more – that’s the goal.

Let’s try this together. Next time you’re in the middle of a conversation, pause. Listen. Notice how it changes things. I’m excited for you – and for me – as we try this out. Here’s to conversations that feel just right, where everyone feels heard.