Ever found yourself second-guessing a guy’s mixed signals and wondering what’s really going on in his head? It can be really confusing trying to decode his behaviors — like why he’s super chatty one day and then as quiet as a mouse the next.
Reading between the lines of his uncertain actions can be exhausting. That’s why I’m here to help! Let’s uncover some common signs of a guy who just can’t seem to make up his mind about you.
Stick around; you might just discover whether it’s time to hold on a little longer or save your energy for someone more decisive!
Table of Contents
- He Tells You That He Is Still Confused
- He Tells You He Wants to See Other People
- He Avoids Labeling the Relationship
- He Will Have Sex With You but Won’t Hold Your Hand
- He Doesn’t Take You on Real Dates
- He Doesn’t Talk About the Future With You
- He Is Inconsistent and Unreliable
- He Doesn’t Do the Little Romantic Things
- He Acts Differently in Public
- He’s Hot and Cold
- Mixed Signals in His Communication
- He Expresses Jealousy Without Commitment
- His Body Language Says He’s Into You, but He Doesn’t Admit It
- He Behaves Differently When You’re in a Group Setting
- He Denies When Others Talk About the Chemistry You Two Have
- He Avoids Deep Conversations About Feelings
- He Avoids Conversation That Involves “Where Do You See Things Going”
- He Acts Ambivalent
- His Way or the Highway
- He’s Overly Reflective About His Past Relationships
- He Is Afraid to Let His Guard Down and Be Vulnerable With You
- He Hasn’t Introduced You to His Friends or Family
- He Makes Plans, Then Cancels
- More Insights from the Experts
- Final Thoughts
He Tells You That He Is Still Confused
Sometimes, a guy might straight up tell you he’s confused about his feelings. While it’s refreshing to hear someone be honest about where they stand, it can also be quite perplexing.
What does he really mean? Typically, it indicates that he’s unsure about pursuing a serious relationship or still sorting out his emotions, which might involve feelings from past relationships or uncertainties about future ones.
What you can do: Give him some space to figure things out, but set a boundary for yourself. Decide how long you are willing to wait and communicate this to him.
"He may be the type who is very direct and honest. He tells you that he is confused about what he’s feeling for you and needs time to sort it all out. It’s a beautiful thing when men have self-awareness and are willing to communicate their uncertainty!
If you think that your guy is confused about his feelings for you, give him the time and space to figure things out... If you feel like he’s “the one,” but he is still confused, that’s ok. Keep enjoying your time together, and let him figure out what he’s feeling in his own time."
— Amber Artis | Relationship Expert & Luxury Matchmaker | CEO, Select Date Society
He Tells You He Wants to See Other People
Hearing that he wants to see other people is an indication that he’s not fully committed to the idea of an exclusive relationship with you. This can be tough to hear, but it offers clear insight into where he stands. Rather than committing fully, he’s keeping his options open, which suggests he’s not yet sure if you’re the right match for him.
Tip: While this might be difficult, use this time to reflect on what you really want and deserve in a relationship. Consider if you’re okay with this openness or if it’s a dealbreaker for you.
He Avoids Labeling the Relationship
Avoiding labels can be a sign of confusion because it allows him to maintain a degree of distance without having to fully decide on the relationship. It’s important to address this behavior openly and see where he truly sees this relationship going.
What this looks like:
- Talks vaguely about what you are: If he steers clear from calling you his girlfriend or being specific about your relationship status, he might be hesitant to commit.
- Changes the subject: Whenever the topic of “what are we” comes up, does he quickly change the topic or give a vague answer? This is a classic sign of avoiding commitment.
He Will Have Sex With You but Won’t Hold Your Hand
Intimacy isn’t just about the physical; it’s also about those smaller, seemingly insignificant gestures that mean so much.
If he’s comfortable sharing a bed with you but hesitates to hold your hand in public or private, it might suggest he’s keeping the emotional side at bay. This physical but not emotional availability often signals confusion or fear of commitment.
What you can do: Express how important these little gestures are to you and see how he responds. His reaction can give you further insight into how deeply he values the connection or what he might be holding back.
"If a guy wants you to be his girlfriend he won't mind public displays of affection. He wants the world to know that you are his. For a guy, sex doesn't mean commitment.
Stop sleeping with him If you notice that he treats you differently before sex than he does afterward. How he handles not getting what he wants will reveal his true intentions."
— Julia McCurley | Professional Matchmaker| Relationship Coach | CEO, Something More
He Doesn’t Take You on Real Dates
No dinner dates, no movies together, or no participating in your favorite activities as a couple.
If your interactions are mostly limited to casual hangouts or last-minute plans, and he rarely, if ever, takes you on a planned, thoughtful date, it can be a flag. This approach might mean he’s enjoying your company but isn’t ready or willing to deepen the relationship into something more meaningful and committed.
"They don’t take the initiative. They can’t make plans, offer ideas for dates, or take the lead in the relationship. More often than not, a guy who is confused about his feelings makes you take the lead, which at first may be flattering, but don’t kid yourself. It’s not because he’s making you a priority. It’s because he knows full well he doesn’t want to lead you on."
— Treva Brandon Scharf | Life Coach | Dating Expert | Fitness Pro
He Doesn’t Talk About the Future With You
Discussing the future is a telltale sign of wanting to build something that lasts. If he shies away from such conversations or changes the topic when future plans or next steps are mentioned, it indicates that he’s not considering the relationship in the long-term light.
What you can do: Take the initiative and share your future expectations and dreams during a calm, casual conversation. This doesn’t have to be intense; just share some thoughts about where you see yourself going and invite him to do the same. His willingness to engage—or not—can tell you a lot about his feelings and intentions.
"When you are in a relationship, you plan your future together so that you can be with each other. If his future plans don’t include you, then it’s a warning sign he is not thinking about you seriously."
— Julia McCurley | Professional Matchmaker| Relationship Coach | CEO, Something More
He Is Inconsistent and Unreliable
Dealing with inconsistency in someone’s behavior can be quite a rollercoaster. If he shows up late often, forgets plans you’ve made together, or his mood swings wildly from one day to the next, these could be signs of his confusion.
Consistency is key in any form of a stable relationship; without it, trust can be hard to build.
Rather than wondering what’s the next curveball, consider having an open discussion about reliability I how it impacts you. Seeing how he addresses this can either pave the way forward or show you where his priorities lie.
He Doesn’t Do the Little Romantic Things
Remember the early days when every little thing he did seemed tinged with an effort to make you smile? If those days are long gone and there’s a noticeable shortage in the little acts of kindness—like bringing you your favorite snack, or sending a good morning text—it might be a reflection of his wavering feelings.
What you can do:
- Express the importance of these gestures. Tell him how small loving acts can brighten your day, and encourage him to think about the ways he can show affection.
- Keep it light. Sometimes, bringing a fun, gentle approach can make this kind of conversation less heavy and more inviting.
"They don’t do the little romantic things — sending cards, texts, flowers, gifts, etc., but they will feed you and f**ck you (sorry for the language!).
If it pleases/benefits them, they do it; if it requires too much work, forget it. They throw just enough bait in the water to keep you swimming."
— Treva Brandon Scharf | Life Coach | Dating Expert | Fitness Pro
He Acts Differently in Public
If he’s all warmth when you’re alone but cools off when you’re out and about, it’s worth considering why. This could be because he’s unsure about how to represent your relationship to the world, or he’s still figuring out his comfort level with intimacy in a social setting.
Example scenario: You’re at a party, and he’s the life of the party but hardly interacts with you, or maybe he avoids showing any affection. Later, when you’re alone, he might return to being attentive and caring.
Try to discuss these observations with him, aiming to understand his perspective without sounding accusatory. His response might give you a clearer idea of his feelings towards you and the relationship overall.
He’s Hot and Cold
Ever feel like you’re dating two different people at once? One day he’s all in, sending you cute messages and planning future adventures, and the next he’s distant, barely replying to texts. This hot and cold behavior can be a big sign he’s not completely sure about his feelings or what he wants from the relationship.
What you can do:
- Sit him down for a heart-to-heart. Sometimes, directness is the best policy. Ask him about these fluctuations in his attitude.
- Reflect on what triggers these changes. Noting these patterns can help during your discussion and might provide insights into his behavior.
Mixed Signals in His Communication
One day he’s overflowingly affectionate, and the next, he’s as formal as a distant acquaintance. If his texts vary wildly, from warm conversations to cold, brief exchanges, and his calls are unpredictable, it reflects his uncertainty.
What this looks like:
- Long, engaging chats one week, followed by minimal contact the next.
- His verbal affirmations don’t match his actions, leaving you guessing.
Consider gently confronting these mixed signals. A conversation could help clarify whether these are signs of a bigger issue or something that can be resolved with straightforward communication.
He Expresses Jealousy Without Commitment
Jealousy is a complex emotion, especially troubling when it comes without commitment. If he seems bothered when you mention other guys or spend time with friends, but he hasn’t made any real move to define or commit to your relationship, it shows he’s struggling with conflicting feelings.
Example scenario: Imagine you’re at a party and casually chatting with another guy. He watches from afar, visibly upset but later dismisses it when you bring it up.
Address this behavior head-on. Explain that his feelings of jealousy, while valid, need to be accompanied by a discussion about what you both want out of this relationship. This isn’t just about putting a label on it, but genuinely understanding each other’s expectations and boundaries.
His Body Language Says He’s Into You, but He Doesn’t Admit It
It’s puzzling, isn’t it? His eyes are always searching for you in a crowded room, and his touch lingers longer than just friends. Yet, when it comes to verbalizing his interest, he clams up. Body language often conveys what words do not, and if his is screaming “I like you!” but his words are not, he might be battling internal uncertainties about taking the next step.
What you can do:
- Point it out playfully. Next time you catch him stealing glances, a light-hearted comment like “Caught you looking!” could ease him into opening up.
- Create a comfortable setting for a heart-to-heart where he might feel more secure expressing his feelings.
He Behaves Differently When You’re in a Group Setting
Noticing a shift in his demeanor during group interactions? Perhaps he’s the charmer when alone with you, but turns reserved or even aloof among others. This switch can indicate unease about publicly displaying his interest, or uncertainty about how to act around you in different settings.
In private: He’s attentive, engaging.
In public: He keeps a noticeable distance, or seems less enthusiastic.
A good approach is to mention how you notice the change and ask if something bothers him about being affectionate or open in front of others. It’s a chance for him to explain any hesitancy or for both of you to set comfortable boundaries.
He Denies When Others Talk About the Chemistry You Two Have
Ever had friends point out the obvious sparks flying between you two, only for him to laugh it off or outright deny it? It might feel like a bucket of cold water, especially if you feel the same way.
This denial could stem from a fear of acknowledging something he’s unsure he can fully commit to or from not wanting to ruin the current dynamics by shifting to something more serious.
How to handle this:
- Observe how often it happens. Is it every time, or just certain situations?
- Bring it up gently. Ask why he felt uncomfortable when friends brought up your chemistry, encouraging an open dialogue about your mutual feelings.
He Avoids Deep Conversations About Feelings
If he consistently dodges these heart-to-heart talks, it could be a sign that he’s uncomfortable with vulnerability or uncertain about his own feelings. This avoidance strategy helps him keep the relationship in a safe, non-committal zone.
What you can do:
- Gently confront the pattern. Mention that you’ve noticed how discussions about feelings tend to end abruptly.
- Ask open-ended questions that encourage him to express himself.
He Avoids Conversation That Involves “Where Do You See Things Going”
It’s a straightforward question that expects a straightforward answer, right? Well, not always. If bringing up the future of your relationship makes him visibly uncomfortable or evasive, this is a strong indicator of his current state of indecision. His reluctant behavior might be telling you that he’s not yet ready to commit or perhaps hasn’t thought that far yet.
How to address this: Frame the conversation in less formal terms. Instead of a direct “What are we?”, try phrasing it like, “I’ve been really happy with how we’ve been lately, how do you feel about it?”
"A man may desire to spend time with you but avoid having conversations about subjects like commitment and your relationship’s status if he is still confused about what he wants. He will avoid any conversation that involves 'where do you see things going with us?'"
— Amber Artis | Relationship Expert & Luxury Matchmaker | CEO, Select Date Society
He Acts Ambivalent
Ambivalence is like standing at a crossroads—equally pulled in two directions and seemingly unable to choose either. If his actions and words send mixed messages, like being caring one day and indifferent the next, he’s likely unsure about what he wants from the relationship or from his own life right now.
What this looks like:
- He may make plans and seem excited, only to cancel at the last minute.
- His enthusiasm varies drastically; sometimes he’s all in, and other times, you feel like a low priority.
When this happens, let him know how these mixed signals affect you and the relationship.
"...Your partner responds, "OK, I promise I'll fix it" or "I promise I'll try harder." Then the same problem resurfaces two weeks later. The same conversation is had once more, and one month later, there it is again.
If you can’t work through disagreements or discuss your relationship openly, it’s a sign he’s not ready for commitment. If all you get from him are vague or ambiguous answers, you have your answer."
— Julia McCurley | Professional Matchmaker| Relationship Coach | CEO, Something More
His Way or the Highway
When a guy adopts a “my way or the highway” attitude, it often masks deeper insecurities or confusion about the relationship. This control can be a defense mechanism to avoid facing vulnerabilities or uncertainties he may be feeling towards the relationship. Such behavior places strict limits on how much emotional depth the relationship can reach, as it hinders open dialogue and mutual growth.
What this looks like:
- Decisions, whether big or small, always have to go his way. He decides where you eat, what movie you watch, and even dismisses your suggestions without consideration.
- When confronted or disagreed with, he may react defensively or with ultimatums instead of openness to discussion.
"If the guy you’re dating isn’t really interested in you, he’ll make it clear by only making plans with you when it’s convenient for him.
He wants to have you around to text and chat to when he’s bored or lonely but then he wants his single man lifestyle if he wants, like spend Saturday nights drinking with his buddies, and not have to worry about things like commitment."
— Julia McCurley | Professional Matchmaker| Relationship Coach | CEO, Something More
He’s Overly Reflective About His Past Relationships
If he frequently brings up his past relationships and comparisons or dwells on what went wrong, he might not only be living in the past but also indicating his unresolved feelings. This over-reflection can hinder his ability to fully commit to a new relationship because part of him is still tied to the past.
How to address this:
- Suggest focusing on the present. Remind him gently that while the past is important, it shouldn’t overshadow what you are building together now.
- Understand together how these reflections impact your current dynamics. Sometimes, acknowledging these feelings can help move past them.
He Is Afraid to Let His Guard Down and Be Vulnerable With You
Vulnerability is a cornerstone of deep connection in relationships, but it can be terrifying for someone who’s unsure of their feelings or scared of getting hurt again. If he’s reluctant to open up about his thoughts, fears, or dreams, it may be a sign that he’s protecting his emotions, unsure about fully investing in the relationship.
What this looks like:
- He might shy away from serious topics, substituting depth with more superficial or casual conversations.
- You notice he’s guarded even in moments where openness would bring you closer.
Encouraging an environment where he feels he can share without judgment or pressure may help him lower his walls.
He Hasn’t Introduced You to His Friends or Family
When a relationship starts to get serious, introductions to friends and family naturally follow. If you find that he’s hesitant or outright avoids these introductions, it can signal that he’s unsure about the role he wants you to play in his life. Not bringing you into his wider social circle can keep the relationship in a state of limbo, where he’s not fully committing to moving forward with you.
What you can do:
- Casually bring up the topic by mentioning an event or gathering where you could meet his friends or family. See how he reacts and what he says.
- Express your interest in knowing more about the people who are important to him, which might encourage him to open up about his reservations.
He Makes Plans, Then Cancels
We all can get busy or have changes of plans, but consistent cancellations can be a red flag indicating deeper issues. If he often makes plans with you only to cancel them later, it might be his way of keeping you at arm’s length, either because he’s uncertain about his feelings or about how to manage his time and commitments around you.
What this looks like: You notice a pattern where excitement about plans is followed by excuses why he can’t follow through. The reasons may seem genuine at first, but the frequency tells a different story.
Tip: Address the issue directly but empathetically. Let him know that you understand life can be unpredictable, but you also feel disappointed when plans fall through frequently. Discuss ways to ensure that when you both make plans, they’re more likely to stick.
This conversation could shed light on his genuine interest and ability to prioritize your relationship.
More Insights from the Experts
“If a guy is confused about his feelings for you, while it may feel awful, there isn’t really much you can do about it to convince him. Proceeding to talk him through it isn’t the type of thing that works and can backfire. It’s more your actions that will or won’t convince him of his feelings, and remaining calm isn’t easy depending on how long you both are together and why he is confused.”
— Susan Trombetti | Matchmaker and CEO, Exclusive Matchmaking
“If you want to know how he feels about you, the solution is not to use tricks or mind games, or secret phrases in order to flesh out what’s in his head. The solution is to be honest.
Tell him how you feel about him, and then ask how he feels about you. It’s really that simple. He’s probably just as confused about how you feel about him as you are about how he feels about you. So if you don’t know what he’s thinking, it may be because he’s playing it cool with you the same way you are with him.”
— Jon Birger | Dating & Relationship Expert | Author, “Make Your Move: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge“
“If a guy is confused about his feelings for you, he will be inconsistent and not as reliable as someone who is into you fully. Any inconsistencies in texting are a sign he is confused and may not be ready for commitment.
One day, he texts you all day, and the next day, he is leaving you unread. This is a sign he is not yet sure he wants to date you or move forward in a serious, committed relationship. Someone who is sure they want to date you will consistently text and call you.”
— Katie Ziskind | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Wisdom Within Counseling
“…When the feeling is just beginning, some people find it difficult to understand; they may even behave strangely. While others know that they have developed feelings, they are trying to hide them because they do not fully understand what is happening to them; they can behave in a dual way. For example, they’re caring when you’re together, yet they tend to be cold when in public.”
— Natalie Maximets | Certified Life Transformation Coach, OnlineDivorce
“Not feeling appreciated in your relationship — it may be that your partner is losing interest.
Do you constantly feel like you’re not doing enough or doing something well enough with your partner? It could be because your partner isn’t taking time to appreciate what you bring to the relationship, which could mean he is confused about the relationship…
While they might be a great person and would never harm you, you’ll constantly feel like you’re not living up to their unachievable expectations. Small gestures like a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” can go a long way, but not feeling appreciated is a slippery slope to the end of a relationship.”
— Dr. Lurve | International Love & Relationship Expert | The Man Magnet Course
Final Thoughts
Navigating a relationship where feelings are unclear can feel a bit like walking through fog — you know your destination, but it’s tough to find the right path. Remember, it’s okay to seek clarity about your relationship status, and you deserve direct answers.
Keep your well-being a top priority and trust your instincts. If the signs point to confusion and it’s causing you stress, it may be time to consider your own emotional needs. After all, everyone deserves a relationship where both people are sure about their feelings.
