Dealing with someone who talks nonstop can be exhausting. Whether it’s your coworker, a friend, or a family member, all that chatter can leave you feeling worn out. And let’s be honest, it might even make you want to dodge them next time.
But hold up — there’s a better way to handle this.
Most people don’t mean to be overbearing. Maybe they’re buzzing with excitement, feeling jitters, or they’re just super into what they’re talking about. Trying to see it from their angle is key.
Thinking how to tell them to stop talking so much without being mean? You’re in the right place. In this article, I’ll share handy ways to deal with this common problem. Ready to find out how? Keep reading, and let’s get started!
Table of Contents
- Start With a Compliment
- Use “I” Statements to Express Your Feelings
- Be Honest Yet Gentle
- Address the Issue Privately Rather Than Publicly
- Show Understanding
- Suggest Taking Breaks to Think
- Use Light Humor
- Explain How Their Talking Affects Others
- Ask for Shorter Responses
- Set a Time Limit for Discussions
- Take Breaks in Long Talks
- Discuss the Need for Different Views
- Acknowledge When Improvements Are Made
- Encourage Everyone to Speak
- Practice Listening Well
- Appreciate Their Ideas
- Provide Examples of Effective Communication
- Let Others Lead the Conversation
- Choose a Good Time to Talk
- Praise Their Progress Publicly
- Recommend Resources for Improving Communication
- Set Ground Rules in Meetings
- Start the Conversation in a Relaxed Setting
- Use Non-Verbal Cues to Show Engagement
- Be Patient and Consistent
- Encourage Writing as an Outlet for Thoughts
- Talk About the Use of Silence
- Invite Them to Self-Reflect on Their Habits
- Highlight the Benefits of Listening
- Offer to Practice Dialogue Together
- Set Personal Boundaries in Conversations
- Use Comparisons to Show Ideal Talk Length
- Emphasize Quality Over Quantity in Sharing
- Establish a Signal for Over-Talking
- Recommend Mindfulness or Speaking Exercises
- Agree on Conversation Rules at Work
- Schedule Regular Feedback Sessions
- Promote Open Discussions
- More Takeaways From the Experts
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Final Thoughts
Start With a Compliment
Starting off with something nice can make it easier to talk about tough stuff. When you tell someone what you like about them first, they’re more open to hearing what comes next.
It’s about making them feel valued before you bring up something that might be a bit tricky. Everyone likes to hear good things about themselves. It makes the mood better and sets a friendly tone for the conversation.
You might say, “Your enthusiasm for books is awesome, and it gets the whole group excited to read. Could we chat about possibly giving everyone a chance to talk about their favorite reads, too?”
Use “I” Statements to Express Your Feelings
Talking about your own feelings using “I” statements is less likely to upset someone. This way, you focus on how you feel instead of blaming them for something. It helps the other person understand your viewpoint without making them defensive.
You could say, “I sometimes find it hard to keep up when conversations go really fast. Can we try a way where everyone gets to chip in?”
"Perhaps you could say something along the lines of, 'I would really like to learn more about the problem you're talking about, but it's hard to ask questions to learn more about how I can help. Would it be ok if I interrupted from time to time?'"
— Heather Z. Lyons, PhD | Licensed Psychologist | Owner, Baltimore Therapy Group
Be Honest Yet Gentle
Telling the truth is important, but it’s just as important to be kind when you do it. It’s about finding the right balance that keeps the message clear without hurting feelings.
The trick is to talk in a way that’s straight to the point but still soft. It shows you respect them and care about keeping things friendly.
Address the Issue Privately Rather Than Publicly
If you need to let someone know they’re talking a lot, it’s best to tell them in private. Talking one-on-one means there’s less embarrassment, and they can listen better.
In a private chat, it’s just you two, so they’re not on the spot in front of others. This way, they can also speak freely about their side of things. It’s all about making it comfortable for a kind of awkward talk.
"Make sure that you have privacy. The conversation is only meant for you two. If you're doing a video chat and there's an opportunity for others to eavesdrop, make sure you're wearing headphones."
— Lee Hopkins | Thought Leader | Transformational Coach, Patterns of Possibility
Show Understanding
When you’re telling someone about their nonstop talking, let your voice show that you get it. Keep your voice kind and understanding — like you’re on their side.
It’s not just what you say but how you say it that can make a big difference. You want to sound like a buddy — someone who’s there to help, not boss them around. Think of it as talking to them the way you’d want someone to talk to you.
"Insert with an 'Excuse me, but from what I understood...' then end it with your own opinion. If he/she interrupts, you can easily say 'Sorry, but I’d like to talk about my own sentiments.'"
— William Taylor | Senior Recruitment Advisor, VelvetJobs
Suggest Taking Breaks to Think
Sometimes, people don’t realize how much they’re talking until someone gently points it out. Suggesting they take a little break between thoughts helps them slow down. It gives them a chance to catch their breath and lets others jump in with their own ideas.
You could give a light-hearted nudge, “What if we both try taking a mini pause after we share a thought? It could give us all a moment to take it in and add our two cents.”
Use Light Humor
Throwing in a bit of humor can make tough conversations easier. A light joke can take the edge off and stop things from getting too heavy. But be careful — you want to make sure they know you’re not making fun of them.
You might chuckle and say, “You know, if talking were a sport, you’d definitely win gold! How about we aim for silver and let some others go for gold, too?”
Explain How Their Talking Affects Others
When you’re clear about what happens when they talk a lot, they can see it’s not just about them. Explain it in a straightforward way — like you’re giving them a heads-up, not telling them off.
It’s important they get that it’s about making sure everyone enjoys hanging out together. Sharing this can help them see the bigger picture and why it’s cool to take turns.
You could say, “Sometimes the rest of us end up just listening, and we kinda miss jumping in with our stories. I reckon we’d all have even more fun if we mixed it up a bit.”
Ask for Shorter Responses
Sometimes, less is more — especially when talking! Encouraging someone to keep their words brief can help the conversation flow better.
Here are a few things to consider:
- Suggest focusing on the key points of the story.
- Talk about the perks of everyone catching the gist without all the fluff.
- Offer a friendly challenge to keep things tight.
"You can help them get to the point by asking them things like: What ended up happening? What do you think is the best thing to do in this situation? Would you like me to help in any way? These types of sentences are a cue to the listener to wrap up their story and move along on their terms."
— Michelle Lachman, M.S., CCC-SLP | Speech Therapist | Co-Founder, Better Speech
Set a Time Limit for Discussions
Putting a time limit on discussions can really help everyone get their turn. This approach keeps the conversation fair and on track.
You’re not being rude; you’re just making sure the talk doesn’t turn into a one-person show. It’s a great way to keep things moving and interesting for everyone.
Before the conversation starts, you could suggest, “How about we try talking for just three minutes each this time? It’ll be like a fun, fast-paced game show!”
"If you see the coworker approach your desk with an oversized cup of coffee, you can mention that you only have a few moments to speak before getting back to work."
— Michelle Lachman, M.S., CCC-SLP | Speech Therapist | Co-Founder, Better Speech
Take Breaks in Long Talks
Taking little breaks lets everyone digest what’s been said and gather their thoughts. Breaks are also a subtle way to hit pause if someone’s been chatting nonstop without realizing it.
You might suggest, “Let’s take a five-minute break, yeah? Grab some coffee, check your phones, and then we’ll jump back in!”
Discuss the Need for Different Views
When everyone gets to say what they think, the conversation is better. Telling someone it’s good to hear many ideas can make them talk less and listen more.
It’s interesting to hear different views. This also shows that listening is just as important as talking.
Ask for Others to Share Their Thoughts
Asking others to speak up during talks is a good move. When you ask for input from everyone, it makes the talkative person pause. This way, everyone gets a chance to share their thoughts.
You could say:
- “Hey, what do you think about this?”
- “You haven’t said much yet. We’d love to hear your thoughts!”
Acknowledge When Improvements Are Made
When someone who usually talks a lot starts talking less, let them know you notice. Recognizing their progress encourages them to keep it up. It’s a great way to support positive change. Plus, it feels good for them to be praised for trying.
For instance, after a chat, you could mention, “I noticed you let others talk more today. That was really cool of you!”
Encourage Everyone to Speak
Sometimes, you have to cheer on the quieter people so they’ll speak up. It’s not about telling the talkative person to zip it; it’s about lifting everyone up. When more people join in, the discussion gets more exciting for everyone.
You can encourage others by saying, “I think Mike has something to add,” or simply by asking, “Does anyone else have something to share on this?”
Practice Listening Well
Learning how to really listen can make conversations better for everyone. When you show you’re paying attention, it encourages others to do the same.
Active listening is all about fully focusing on the person who’s talking. It means not just waiting for your turn to speak but trying to understand what they’re saying. By practicing this together, everyone gets a fair chance to be heard.
Appreciate Their Ideas
Everyone likes to feel their ideas matter. When someone does get a chance to talk, thank them for what they shared. This positive feedback can make them feel good about speaking up less but more meaningfully.
You could say, “Thanks for sharing that. I never knew. That’s a great point.”
Provide Examples of Effective Communication
Showing someone a good example can guide them to improve their own chatting habits. If you talk about how well someone else shared their thoughts, it can serve as a great model.
It’s not about shaming the chatty person but about showing there’s another way. Good examples can inspire people to express themselves clearly and briefly.
Example: Mention, “Did you catch how Lisa summed up her story quickly? Everyone got the point and had time to respond.”
Let Others Lead the Conversation
Inviting different people to guide the chat can keep things fresh and fair. When others lead, it naturally limits how much one person talks. This also brings new topics and styles to your hangouts.
Next time you’re all together, you might say, “Alex, you’ve had some cool ideas. Why don’t you start us off?”
Choose a Good Time to Talk
Timing is key when you want to talk about sensitive stuff. A rushed chat won’t do any good. You want to pick a moment when both of you have time and feel relaxed.
It’s not great to bring up such things when they’re stressed or the group is in a rush. Waiting for the right time means they’ll be more likely to hear you out.
Maybe say, “Can we talk after the meeting? I have something on my mind that could help our team chats.”
Praise Their Progress Publicly
When someone starts talking less, giving them a shout-out in front of others can really mean a lot.
This public praise motivates them and shows everyone you notice efforts to change. It’s a way to keep the morale high and push for more of those good vibes in your talks.
In the middle of your friends, you might say, “I’ve noticed John’s been awesome at giving everyone a turn. We’ve all had more time to share because of it!”
Recommend Resources for Improving Communication
Pointing someone to good books or websites can help them get better at chatting. It’s cool because they can learn on their own time.
These resources can teach them how to share their ideas without taking over. And hey, who doesn’t like getting better at stuff they care about?
Set Ground Rules in Meetings
Having clear rules in meetings helps everyone know what’s expected. It’s about fairness and giving everyone a chance to speak.
The rules should be simple so that everyone can remember them. They’re not meant to be strict but to make meetings better for all.
You might suggest, “Let’s agree not to interrupt and keep comments to two minutes each. Sound good?”
Start the Conversation in a Relaxed Setting
Chilling out together in a comfy place can make hard chats easier. You want somewhere quiet where you won’t be bothered.
It’s about feeling at ease, like talking over a coffee or on a park bench. No one wants to open up to tough feedback when they’re already stressed.
You could say, “Do you want to grab a coffee and chat? I’ve got something on my mind.”
Use Non-Verbal Cues to Show Engagement
Nodding or smiling while others talk shows you’re really listening. These small actions can encourage talkative people to listen, too. It’s a silent yet powerful way to connect without cutting anyone off.
Be Patient and Consistent
Changing habits takes time, and that’s okay. Being patient means not getting upset if things don’t change right away.
You might have to remind them a few times, but stay cool about it. Say, “Let’s all remember to give others a chance to chime in.”
Encourage Writing as an Outlet for Thoughts
Some people have so much to say because their minds are always buzzing. Suggesting they write down their thoughts can help. Writing helps clear their head and saves some thoughts for later.
What it looks like:
- Suggesting they keep a journal or notes app handy.
- Encouraging them to write a blog or articles if they enjoy sharing detailed insights.
- Recommending that they prepare written summaries for meetings.
Talk About the Use of Silence
Silence isn’t just empty space; it gives everyone time to think and feel. In a chat, a moment of quiet lets what’s been said really sink in.
It’s also a sign of respect, showing you’re considering the other person’s words. Encouraging pauses in a talk can help everyone process and respond better.
You might say, “Let’s take a second to think about that; it’s a big point.” It shows you value the words enough to let them breathe.
Invite Them to Self-Reflect on Their Habits
Encouraging someone to think about how much they talk can be a gentle nudge. Help them notice their own talking patterns by asking open questions. It’s not about making them feel bad but about helping them see things for themselves.
When people figure stuff out on their own, the lesson tends to stick. It’s a friendly way to help them get better at chatting with others.
Highlight the Benefits of Listening
Good listeners often get as much credit as good talkers. Point out how listening can give them new ideas or help them understand friends better. It’s like showing them a different side of the conversation they might be missing.
You might say, “When I really listen, I get the coolest ideas from what others say.” It’s a simple way to show them what they gain by listening.
Offer to Practice Dialogue Together
Practicing conversation is like rehearsing for a play; it makes the real thing go smoother. When you offer to practice talking with someone, it shows you care.
Working on taking turns and listening can really improve how you both chat. It’s a friendly way to work on something together instead of pointing fingers.
Set Personal Boundaries in Conversations
Everyone has limits on how much they can listen or talk, and that’s okay. Letting someone know your boundaries ensures you don’t get overwhelmed.
Clearly stating your conversation limits is honest and benefits everyone. Boundaries help keep the conversation fun instead of tiring.
You might explain, “I find long talks a bit too much; can we keep our chats to 10 minutes?” It shows respect for your time and theirs.
Use Comparisons to Show Ideal Talk Length
Using comparisons can help someone understand how long their points should be. It’s like showing a picture instead of describing it with lots of words. This can make it clearer for the person who talks a lot.
You’re not using fancy language or figures of speech, just plain examples. It’s a straightforward way to show how to keep things short and sweet.
Emphasize Quality Over Quantity in Sharing
It’s better to share a few really good ideas than a lot of so-so ones. Remind your friend it’s cool to get right to the heart of what they want to say. Encourage them to think about the most important part of their message.
Great conversations happen when everyone’s ideas are clear and strong. It’s not about silencing them; it’s about making the best of what they want to share.
Establish a Signal for Over-Talking
Sometimes, a little reminder can help someone know when they’re talking too much. Creating a friendly signal can do the trick.
It’s not about embarrassing them but helping them catch on when they’re going on too long. A signal is a discreet way to keep the conversation balanced.
Example: You could agree on a simple hand wave as a reminder. It’s private and doesn’t disrupt the flow.
Recommend Mindfulness or Speaking Exercises
Mindfulness can help someone become more aware of how they speak. Speaking exercises can also train them to use words well. Both can make a big difference in controlling the urge to talk nonstop.
Agree on Conversation Rules at Work
A conversation contract is like a team agreement on how to talk at work. It sets clear rules for speaking and listening during meetings. This helps prevent someone from dominating the discussion. It’s useful because it gives everyone guidelines to follow.
You might suggest, “Let’s all agree to stick to the five-minute rule for sharing ideas in the meeting.” This keeps everyone on the same page.
Schedule Regular Feedback Sessions
Feedback sessions are times when you can talk about how the conversations have been going. It’s a chance to say what works and what doesn’t in a friendly way.
Regular feedback helps the talkative person see how they’re doing over time. And doing it regularly means no one is surprised, and everyone knows it’s coming.
Promote Open Discussions
Creating a space where everyone feels comfortable sharing is key. It lets your talkative friend understand that everyone’s thoughts are valued.
Being open means being okay with hearing all sorts of ideas, even if they’re different from your own. It’s not just about talking less; it’s about appreciating what everyone has to say.
More Takeaways From the Experts
“Since often we are caught off guard and don’t have an excuse ready, it’s perfectly fine to say something like, ‘I’d love to chat, but I have about five minutes before I need to _____.’ You can fill in that blank with anything appropriate to the work situation.”
— Michelle Lachman, M.S., CCC-SLP | Speech Therapist | Co-Founder, Better Speech
“The key to keeping it cordial is to make sure you do not convey judgment and to make sure to frame your conversation in a way that shows how their excessive talking does not serve them.”
— Lee Hopkins | Thought Leader | Transformational Coach, Patterns of Possibility
“Assuming you are close enough with this person to have their ear (and their trust) you could say something like: Your point is a good one, yet I fear people are tuning out before you get to it. Why not start with a one or two sentence summation of your idea and let people ask questions if they want more information.“
— Janice Holly Booth, MA | Founder & CEO, The Teambuilding KIT
“I have a theory that people who live alone don’t have many people to converse with, so they talk a lot when they are around other people. One such friend could go on for 15-minutes without seemingly taking a breath or letting me respond to what he is saying. One day I finally was able to get a word in and told him, “Bob, it’s called a ‘dialogue,’ not a ‘monologue.”
— Allen Klein, MA, CSP | Author | Award-winning Speaker | TEDx Presenter
Frequently Asked Questions
What if someone doesn’t know they talk a lot?
If someone doesn’t realize they’re talking a lot, tell them nicely. Say that you love hearing their thoughts but think it’s fair if everyone speaks about the same amount. Use “I” statements to talk about your own feelings and try not to blame them.
How can I tell someone they talk too much without making them feel bad?
Start by saying something good about what they say. Then talk about wanting to hear more from everyone, including them. Keep your voice kind and let them know you’re telling them because you care.
What if they get mad or hurt when I tell them they’re talking too much?
If they seem upset, stay calm and be kind. Tell them you want to make chatting together better for everyone. Listen to what they have to say, and if things get too heated, maybe take a break and talk again later.
Final Thoughts
Now you know how to help your friend give others a turn to talk. It’s not about telling them off; it’s about letting everyone share the fun.
A little understanding and the right words can make everyone feel included.
So, the next time you’re ready to have a serious talk, remember this: It’s about making time for everyone to speak. Take these tips and use them to make your conversations better for everyone. Keep it easy, keep it kind, and enjoy talking!
