Relationships

How to Tell Your Boyfriend You’re Pregnant Unplanned

Here are ways on how to tell your boyfriend you’re pregnant unplanned, according to therapists, relationship coaches, and other experts.

Here are their insights:

Sam Nabil

Sam Nabil

CEO and Lead Therapist, Naya Clinics

Be direct and say exactly what needs to be said

Pregnancies are life-changing experiences, not only for women but also for men. Finding out you are pregnant has the potential to drastically change a relationship, including the ability to make or break your relationship.

It can be a nerve-wracking situation to inform your partner of your surprise conception, but it’s the kind of news that should be broken as soon as possible.

This gives you and your partner more time to effectively address the situation and figure out what actions both of you would like to take moving forward. Every relationship is different, but since the pregnancy is unplanned, it’s best to keep breaking the news a private event.

Be direct and say exactly what needs to be said. Let him have a moment to absorb it, and then proceed to tell him how you feel about the pregnancy.

After that, ask him what he thinks about the news and how he feels. This should be a conversation that absolutely has a two-way street — both you and your partner must have the chance to speak their minds so you could effectively weigh all your options before the two of you could come together with a decision or action.

Either way, it’s totally up to both of you; there are no set rules in these kinds of cases.

Shelley Meche’tte

Shelley Meche'tte

Certified Life Purpose Coach and Self-awareness Expert

The best way to tell your boyfriend about your unplanned pregnancy is—to just tell him

Before you can go to your S/O to let him know that you are pregnant (unplanned), it may be best to take a couple of days to figure out what it is that you want.

  • Are you ready to be a parent?
  • Are you prepared to be a single parent if your boyfriend decides not to be an active participant in the child’s life?
  • Will adoption be an option?

Before approaching your boyfriend, have some idea of where you’re headed. The plan may not be completely solid, but it will offer an opportunity for open dialogue, where you will be able to express yourself because you have a better understanding of your position.

You’ve heard the saying, “timing is everything.”

This scenario is no different. Don’t give news of an unplanned pregnancy to your boyfriend when he has just walked through the door, or you are exhausted from battling morning sickness.

Pick a time that is calm for both of you.

Pick a time where you both have clear minds. Schedule a time to talk to one another. Then, simply explain that although this situation was unplanned, it is the reality. Discuss that reality and what you feel your options are.

Just because the pregnancy is unplanned, that doesn’t make it a bad thing. This unplanned pregnancy could end up being the greatest blessing you’ve ever received.

The best way to tell your boyfriend about your unplanned pregnancy is—to just tell him.

Don’t hide the fact that you are pregnant from him. Don’t wait for months or even weeks. Tell him about the pregnancy and allow him to have his reaction. Remember, you knew before he did.

You had a chance to react, so give him that same opportunity. Your boyfriend has a right to know about the pregnancy, so don’t leave him in the dark about it.

Kristen Thomas

Kristen Thomas

Relationship, Dating and Sex Coach | Owner and Head Coach, Open the Doors Coaching, LLC

If you don’t know where he stands on having kids it may be best to find out more about his thoughts first

Several scenarios played through my head; from failed birth control to mismatched wants, there’s a lot to think about. I’ve supported clients and friends through this scenario many times.

If birth control failed, my first question is, have you discussed what your next steps would be before now?

If you have, it’s important to check in to make sure now that you’re actually living it; those are the decisions you will still make, whatever they are. If you have not talked about the next steps, no matter the reason, it’s important to talk soon.

Some people like to make decisions on their own, and others need counsel from trusted friends or loved ones. You do you, boo. But don’t delay the conversation with him for too long.

If you are in a committed long-term relationship, there are very different things to consider than if this is a newer relationship.

It can be a lot easier for the former to roll with it than the latter. It’s also easier if you have discussed wanting children one day, especially if you want children together.

Newer relationships that haven’t built a solid foundation yet could make it hard for her to know what he will say, how he will react, and even if she is safe when she tells him.

If you don’t know where he stands on kids or kids with you, it may be best to find out more about his thoughts first.

This is not a test, but perhaps approach it like data analysis. Have a talk about his life goals, tell him about yours, find out what he wants with regards to family and share your feelings as well and see if they align.

Gather the data you need to make an informed decision about how you need to proceed. You may not match, and that’s okay, but you then have some decisions to make for yourself—regardless of keeping or terminating the pregnancy.

Your safety is paramount, as is your agency. You are your own decision-maker; never forget that. Turn to people you trust if you’re unsure of your safety before proceeding.

It doesn’t have to be perfect from the start to work out beautifully in the end. If you don’t know where he stands, you have the talk about goals, and it goes well, you feel safe and cared for and heard by your partner, talk to him immediately.

New relationship or not, this is a big moment in life. Again, no matter your decision, prepare for the shock, because you probably were shocked at first, too. But know that even when you tell him, neither of you have to have all the answers right away.

Know your boundaries, certainly, but talk it out together. Make a plan together that works for both of you so you can move forward.

Jason Hughes

Jason Hughes

CEO and Head Coach, Vegan Liftz

Before thinking of the right ways of how to tell your boyfriend that you’re pregnant, always be at peace with reality first. This may be a little surprising or a bit overwhelming for you, so you have to calm your mind for you to say the right words to your loved ones.

Take a break for hours (or days) before planning how and what to say to him

Why? So that the occurrence has already settled in your mind and heart if you are or if you’re not ready to accept the responsibility. Also, triple-check on those days if you have got it right instead of barging in the truth into him. You don’t want to scare him off.

Don’t admit this via chat or text

Talk to him in real life. Never opt to admit this on chat or on a text. You have to say it in person for you to be able to pour your heart out and for you to know his reactions and how both of you will handle the situation. This is a big responsibility for both of you to handle, so facing the reality is very crucial.

Don’t play the blaming cards

This might be something that is most likely to happen if you are too young, too immature to accept what happened, or too preoccupied with the news, so making yourself at peace before exploring the problem is important.

It is not the time to talk about who is or whose fault is this because the baby is not a fault.

Remember, it is you and your boyfriend against the worry, not you against him. Even if both of you are not yet ready for the responsibility, you have it now, and you are going to talk about it with open minds.

Karolina Bartnik

Karolina Bartnik

Dating and Relationship Expert | Co-founder, SimplyTogether

If you’re tongue-tied, say it with a gift

It’s not always easy to get the words out when you discover you’re pregnant. If you feel more comfortable using actions, you can get him a little gift that tells him you’re pregnant.

For example, a ‘Proud Dad’ teacup or a ‘Baby on Board’ car bumper sticker. This way, you don’t need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, and he’s bound to appreciate and hold this moment dear.

Take him on a surprise shopping for baby items

You can also break the big news about your pregnancy by going on a “spontaneous” shopping excursion and casually waltzing into a baby retail store.

Start looking at baby clothes, strollers, pacifiers and give him an over-the-top wink. He’ll catch on pretty quick. Do be careful though, only do this if you’re both comfortable in public settings because you both might burst into tears of joy and sob uncontrollably for a while.

Say it with humor

When you don’t like making a big deal out of things, you might want to be more playful about the big news and say, “This may come as a surprise, but us having sex got me pregnant.”

Or do it super casually over breakfast and say, “In other news, a pregnancy test told me that you’re gonna be a dad.” Time it carefully, though, so he doesn’t choke on the coffee.

Straight up tell him you’re pregnant

Not everyone wants to be elaborate or funny about breaking the news to their significant other, which is okay.

If you like to shoot straight and aren’t the type to beat around the bush, tell him “I’m pregnant” as soon as you want to. And if you want to capture the moment, you can record a video of the expressions of glee and delight his face will go through.

Michelle Devani

Michelle Devani

Relationship Expert | Founder, lovedevani

Tell your partner in person and in private

Almost half of the pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned. As a relationship expert, I have had a number of women ask me about an unplanned pregnancy, especially about how they should tell their partners about their unplanned pregnancy.

Telling your partner about an unplanned pregnancy can really feel intimidating and daunting and make you feel anxious. This is because you don’t know how your partner will react and how it will affect your relationship.

But this is something that you should not face alone, so you have to tell your partner no matter what.

Here are some tips on how to go about this difficult conversation:

  • Tell him in person and in private. Tell your partner in person and in private because this is a kind of conversation that requires privacy.
  • Be direct and honest. There may be a lot of different ways on how you can break the news to your partner. But being direct and honest with your partner is still the best way to go about this conversation.
  • Give your partner time. This news is a lot to process, so give your partner the time and the space he needs to think things through.

Serious about saving or improving your relationship?
  • Get professional counseling from a licensed therapist.
  • Individual and couples counseling. Anytime, anywhere.
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