330 Questions to Ask Before Moving in Together

Living with someone is a big deal, and you wanna make sure you’re both on the same page. From how to split bills to whose turn it is to walk the dog, there are questions you might not even know you should be asking.

We’ve got the ultimate list to help you both dive in, eyes wide open. So, before you start packing those boxes, let’s get to chatting about what life’s really gonna be like under one roof!

About Money

1. What is your current income?
2. Do you have any debt?
3. How will we split the rent?
4. Who will pay for utilities like electricity, water, and internet?
5. Do you have a savings account?
6. How do you feel about creating a joint account for shared expenses?
7. What is your credit score?
8. Are you a spender or a saver?
9. How will we handle groceries? Will we split the cost or take turns buying?
10. Do you have any financial obligations I should know about, like child support?
11. How do you feel about lending money to family or friends?
12. Will we set a budget for shared household items like furniture?
13. How will we handle unexpected expenses, like a broken fridge?
14. What are your financial goals for the next 1, 5, and 10 years?
15. Do you believe in having emergency funds?
16. What’s your view on investing money?
17. How do you feel about taking vacations? Are they a priority?
18. How will we handle eating out or ordering food?
19. What are your thoughts on spending money on entertainment, like movies or concerts?
20. Do you have a retirement plan or pension?
21. How will we manage if one of us loses our job?
22. Are you comfortable discussing your financial situation openly?
23. Do you have any subscriptions or memberships that will become shared expenses?
24. What are your views on splitting costs for gifts to our families?
25. How do you feel about giving to charity?
26. Do you pay your bills on time?
27. How do we handle it if one of us wants to go back to school or change careers?
28. What’s your attitude towards luxury items or big-ticket purchases?
29. Will we save for big future investments, like a car or house?
30. Are you planning to take out any large loans soon?
31. What happens financially if we decide to have kids?
32. Do you have any assets like property or stocks?
33. What’s your view on shopping for deals or discounts?
34. Do you have any tax obligations or benefits I should know about?
35. What are your expectations for financial contributions from each other?
36. How do we decide what’s a ‘want‘ and what’s a ‘need‘?
37. Do you have any financial habits that you think I should know about?
38. How will we keep track of shared expenses?
39. Are you open to meeting with a financial advisor as a couple?
40. What is your plan for paying off debt, if you have any?

About Future Plans

1. Do you see this as a long-term living arrangement?
2. What’s your timeline for getting engaged or married, if that’s something you’re interested in?
3. How do you feel about having kids? When and how many?
4. Do you have any plans to move to a different city or country?
5. What are your career goals for the next few years?
6. Do you want to own a home someday?
7. Are you open to living with extended family in the future?
8. How often do you want to travel?
9. Do you have any big life events coming up, like going back to school?
10. How do you feel about pets in the future? More pets?
11. Do you have any personal goals you’re aiming for, like writing a book or starting a business?
12. How important is it for you to live near your family as we get older?
13. What would you do if one of us got a job offer in another place?
14. How do you feel about taking care of our parents when they get older?
15. Do you have a “bucket list” or dream experiences you want to have?
16. Are there any traditions you want to start as a couple or family?
17. How do you feel about work-life balance in the long term?
18. Do you see yourself pursuing further education?
19. What are your long-term health and fitness goals?
20. Are you interested in joint ventures like starting a business together?
21. Would you be open to adopting kids?
22. How will we celebrate holidays and whose family will we visit?
23. What does your ideal retirement look like?
24. Do you want to live in the city or countryside in the long run?
25. Are there roles you think each of us should play in our long-term relationship?
26. Do you have a religious or spiritual path you want to follow or explore more?
27. What’s your plan if one of us wants to take a career break or sabbatical?
28. How will we handle it if one of us wants a big career change?
29. What are your thoughts on personal growth and self-improvement?
30. How committed are you to resolving conflicts and working on our relationship long-term?
31. Do you have any life-long hobbies or interests you want to keep up with?
32. What are your thoughts on supporting each other’s individual goals?
33. How often do you think we should check-in on our future plans?
34. Do you have an age in mind for retirement?
35. How do you feel about having joint hobbies or activities?
36. Would you be open to couples therapy if we hit a rough patch?
37. How would you handle it if one of us had to take care of a sick family member long-term?
38. What are your priorities for the next 1, 3, and 5 years?
39. How do you feel about spending time apart for work or other commitments?
40. Do you have any fears or worries about the future that you want to talk about?

About Chores and Housework

1. Who is responsible for cooking meals?
2. How will we divide the cleaning tasks?
3. What’s your idea of a clean living space?
4. Who takes out the trash and recycling?
5. How often should the laundry be done?
6. Are you okay with sharing laundry duties?
7. Who will handle grocery shopping?
8. What’s your stance on hiring a cleaner?
9. Do you think we should have a chores schedule?
10. How will we handle dishes—wash immediately or end of the day?
11. Who will take care of yard work or gardening if we have it?
12. How do you feel about clutter and organization?
13. Are there chores you absolutely hate doing?
14. How will we split bathroom cleaning?
15. Who is in charge of minor repairs like changing light bulbs?
16. What are your thoughts on sharing a car and its upkeep?
17. How often should the bed sheets and towels be changed?
18. Do you have any allergies that affect how we clean, like needing hypoallergenic cleaning products?
19. Who will be responsible for feeding and caring for any pets?
20. How will we handle it if one of us is too busy or tired to do chores?
21. Are there seasonal chores you feel strongly about, like spring cleaning?
22. How do you feel about dividing chores based on skill or preference rather than keeping it 50/50?
23. How often should the fridge and pantry be cleaned out?
24. Who is responsible for keeping shared spaces tidy?
25. How do we handle it if one of us feels the other isn’t doing their fair share?
26. Are you comfortable with either of us inviting friends or family over without tidying up first?
27. What’s your policy on leaving clothes or personal items around shared spaces?
28. How often should windows be cleaned?
29. Who takes care of mailing packages and handling postal stuff?
30. What’s your approach to keeping digital spaces organized, like shared files or family photos?

About Communication Styles

1. How do you prefer to talk about serious issues—face-to-face, over the phone, text?
2. Are you a talker or more of a listener?
3. How do you usually handle stress or bad moods? Do you like to talk it out or have alone time?
4. How can I tell when you’re upset, even if you don’t say it?
5. How open are you about sharing feelings?
6. Do you like to solve problems right away, or do you need time to think things over?
7. How do you like to be comforted when you’re upset?
8. Are you okay with discussing our relationship with friends and family?
9. What’s your idea of a healthy argument?
10. Are you more of a direct or indirect communicator?
11. How do you feel about public displays of affection?
12. How do you usually say sorry after a fight or disagreement?
13. How important is it for you to hear verbal affirmations like “I love you“?
14. What are your boundaries with social media and our relationship?
15. How often do you think we should check in with each other during the day?
16. How do you feel about texting vs. calling?
17. How would you want to handle it if we’re not communicating well?
18. What topics are off-limits, if any, for jokes or teasing?
19. How do you feel about discussing our relationship desires?
20. What are your expectations for emotional support?
21. How do you handle it if someone needs to cancel plans last minute?
22. What are your favorite ways to show love?
23. How do you feel about relationship check-ins or scheduled times to talk about us?
24. How should we make decisions as a couple? Majority rules, compromise, or something else?
25. Are you comfortable talking about health issues openly?
26. How do you handle disagreements in a public setting?
27. How do you feel about taking “timeouts” during heated arguments?
28. What’s your preferred way to receive constructive criticism?
29. How comfortable are you talking about your needs and wants?
30. What’s the best way for me to bring up a difficult topic with you?

About Personal Space

1. How much alone time do you generally need?
2. Is it important for you to have a space in the home that’s just yours?
3. How do you feel about me inviting friends over? Do you need a heads-up?
4. Are you okay with me having alone time in the home while you’re there?
5. How do you feel about sharing personal items like laptops or phones?
6. Do you mind if I play music or TV shows when you’re also at home?
7. Is it okay to read or work in bed, or is the bedroom just for sleeping?
8. How do you feel about me going out without you?
9. Do you need quiet time when you first get home from work or social events?
10. How do you feel about sharing a bathroom?
11. Are there times you’d rather we do our own thing, like going to the gym alone?
12. How do you feel about me doing activities or hobbies in shared spaces?
13. What are your feelings on keeping doors open or closed in the house?
14. Is it important for you to eat meals together every day?
15. Do you like to be asked before someone borrows your stuff?
16. How do you feel about me having family members visit and stay over?
17. Do you have any morning or nighttime routines that you want to keep doing alone?
18. How do you feel about me having personal hobbies or interests you’re not part of?
19. Is it okay for each of us to have separate plans on weekends sometimes?
20. Do you mind if I decorate or change things in shared spaces?
21. How do we handle it if one of us needs more alone time than usual?
22. Should we have a “do not disturb” sign or signal for when we need space?
23. How do you feel about me joining you when you’re out with your friends?
24. Do you have boundaries about discussing our personal lives with roommates if we have them?
25. What are your feelings about taking separate vacations?
26. Are there household chores or tasks you’d rather do alone?
27. How do we handle it if one of us feels crowded or like we need more space?
28. Is it okay to have a closed-door policy when working or focusing on something?
29. Do you have any privacy needs I should know about, like not looking at your messages?
30. How would you like to be approached if you seem like you need space or alone time?

About Conflict and Arguments

1. What usually causes you to get upset or frustrated?
2. How do you act when you’re angry?
3. What’s your go-to way to resolve a conflict?
4. Do you like to take a break before talking things out?
5. How do you feel about raising your voice during an argument?
6. Do you hold grudges, or can you let things go easily?
7. How do you want to be approached if you’ve done something to upset me?
8. What’s off-limits during a fight?
9. How should we make up after a disagreement?
10. Do you like to talk things out right away or sleep on it?
11. How comfortable are you with admitting you’re wrong?
12. Do you think it’s okay to involve friends or family in our conflicts?
13. How do you feel about going to bed angry?
14. What’s your opinion on keeping score (“you owe me, I owe you“)?
15. How should we handle it if one of us needs an apology?
16. How do we address issues that we just can’t agree on?
17. Do you think some things are better left unsaid?
18. How transparent should we be about our feelings?
19. How do you feel about “agreeing to disagree“?
20. Are there any triggers I should know about that make you particularly upset?
21. How would you like me to support you during a difficult time?
22. What’s your way of asking for space during a heated moment?
23. Do you have any coping strategies you use during conflict that I should know about?
24. How would you feel if I suggested couples therapy for recurring issues?
25. How do you feel about writing down thoughts if talking isn’t helping?
26. What are your boundaries when it comes to arguing in public?
27. Are there any phrases or actions that are especially comforting to you during a disagreement?
28. Do you need affirmation after a conflict is resolved?
29. How can we ensure we’re both heard during an argument?
30. What’s your strategy for calming down when you’re upset?
31. Do you have a way to signal when a topic is becoming too sensitive?
32. How do we handle it if an argument starts to loop or go in circles?
33. What’s your opinion on taking a temporary break from each other to cool off?
34. How should we come back to unresolved issues?
35. What are your thoughts on compromise?
36. How can we make sure we’re respectful to each other even in the heat of the moment?
37. Are there any topics you think are especially sensitive and require careful handling?
38. How do you feel about forgiving and forgetting?
39. How would you like to be comforted or reassured after an argument?
40. What’s the best way to revisit a discussion that didn’t end well?

About Lifestyle and Habits

1. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
2. What’s your typical weekday routine like?
3. What’s your typical weekend routine like?
4. Do you like to have friends over often?
5. How often do you like to go out vs. staying in?
6. What are your eating habits? Do you eat out a lot or cook at home?
7. How do you feel about smoking or drinking in the house?
8. Do you have any dietary restrictions or preferences?
9. What’s your exercise routine, if you have one?
10. How do you like to unwind after a hard day?
11. Do you like to host events or parties?
12. How often do you travel for work or fun?
13. Are you big on celebrating holidays and birthdays?
14. Do you like watching TV or movies together, or do you prefer to do that alone?
15. How social are you? Do you need a lot of social interactions, or more of an introvert?
16. How do you feel about noise levels in the house?
17. Do you play any musical instruments?
18. What are your favorite ways to spend a weekend?
19. Are you into any sports that will take up time or space?
20. How important is it for you to have “me time“?
21. Do you have any pets, or do you want any?
22. How often do you think we should have date nights?
23. Do you have any habits like reading before bed or meditating?
24. What’s your policy on bringing work home?
25. How do you feel about living a healthy lifestyle?
26. What’s your usual bedtime and wake-up time?
27. Are you okay with setting house rules?
28. Do you have any routines for chores or housework?
29. How tech-savvy are you?
30. Do you like playing video games or watching sports?
31. How do you feel about spirituality or religion in daily life?
32. Are there any local spots you visit regularly, like a gym or a café?
33. How important is sustainability and being eco-friendly to you?
34. Do you have any allergies I should know about?
35. How do you feel about living near family or friends?
36. Do you have any beauty or grooming routines that take up a lot of time?
37. Do you usually have a busy social calendar?
38. How do you feel about spontaneous plans?
39. What are your shopping habits like? Do you like to buy a lot of things, or are you more minimal?
40. Do you enjoy any hobbies that might affect our living situation, like painting or woodworking?

About Family and Friends

1. How often do you like to visit your family?
2. How close are you with your parents and siblings?
3. Do you have any traditions with your family that you want to keep doing?
4. How do you feel about family holidays?
5. Are there any family members who might be dropping by regularly?
6. How often do you hang out with your friends?
7. Do you have any friends you consider as close to family?
8. How would you feel about me going on trips with my friends without you?
9. Is it important for our families to get along?
10. What role do your friends play in your life?
11. Do you have any friends who are a big influence on you?
12. How do you feel about combining our friend groups for social events?
13. Would you want to host family events or holidays at our place?
14. How involved do you want to be with my family?
15. How would you handle it if one of us didn’t get along with the other’s family or friends?
16. Is it important for you that your friends like me and vice versa?
17. How often do you usually talk to your family?
18. How would you feel about me having one-on-one friendships with people of the opposite sex?
19. Do you like your family to be involved in your daily life?
20. How do you feel about setting boundaries with family?
21. Do you have any friends with kids? How do you feel about them visiting?
22. How often do you go on guys’/girls’ nights out?
23. How important is it for you to have close friends living nearby?
24. Are there any traditions you have with your friends?
25. What are your thoughts on me having friends over when you’re not there?
26. Would you be willing to move far away from family and friends for a job or other opportunity?
27. How do you feel about lending money to friends or family?
28. Do your family and friends play a role in big life decisions?
29. Would you be okay with family or friends staying over for an extended period?
30. How do you celebrate important life events with your family and friends?
31. How involved do you want your family to be in our future kids’ lives, if we have any?
32. Do you have any annual trips or events with your friends or family?
33. How would you feel if I didn’t want to attend a family or friend event?
34. What are your expectations for spending time with family during holidays?
35. Do you have any “family-only” traditions?
36. How would you handle conflicts between me and your family or friends?
37. Do you think our social lives will change after moving in together?
38. How important is your relationship with your extended family?
39. Are you okay with our families being involved in our life decisions?
40. What are your thoughts on “friendship boundaries” now that we’ll be living together?

About Pets

1. Do you have any pets right now, and if so, how will they adjust to a new living situation?
2. Are you allergic to any animals?
3. How do you feel about me bringing my pet(s) into our home?
4. Do you want to get a pet together in the future?
5. What kinds of pets are you open to living with?
6. Who will be responsible for feeding and walking the pet?
7. How do you feel about pets on the furniture or in bed?
8. Are you comfortable with the costs of having a pet, like vet bills and food?
9. How would we handle it if the pet gets sick or needs emergency care?
10. What are your thoughts on pet training and obedience classes?
11. How would we handle pet care when we travel or go on vacation?
12. Do you have any limits on the number of pets you’d be willing to have?
13. How do you feel about “exotic” pets like reptiles or birds?
14. Are you okay with a pet that sheds a lot, or is it a deal-breaker?
15. What’s your opinion on adopting pets from shelters?
16. How will we introduce our pets to each other if we each have our own?
17. Are you comfortable with the daily chores that come with pet ownership, like cleaning litter boxes or cages?
18. How do you feel about taking a pet to work or social events?
19. What would we do if one of us is not getting along with the other’s pet?
20. How would we handle disagreements about the pet, like what food to buy or how to discipline them?

About Hobbies and Free Time

1. What are your favorite hobbies right now?
2. Do you like to have a lot of free time, or do you prefer to be busy?
3. How would you feel about me joining in on your hobbies sometimes?
4. Are there any hobbies you’re thinking about picking up?
5. How much time do you usually spend on your hobbies each week?
6. Is it important for you to have a separate space for your hobbies?
7. Do you have any hobbies that involve other people, like team sports or clubs?
8. Are there hobbies you think we could enjoy together?
9. Do your hobbies require a lot of equipment or space?
10. How do you feel about me spending a lot of time on my own hobbies?
11. Are there hobbies you used to love but don’t do anymore?
12. Would you be willing to try out one of my hobbies with me?
13. How do you feel about hobbies that might be noisy or messy?
14. Would you be okay with me spending money on my hobbies?
15. Do your hobbies involve travel or weekend getaways?
16. What do you usually do to unwind and relax?
17. How would you feel if I have hobbies that you find boring or uninteresting?
18. Are your hobbies seasonal, like skiing in the winter or gardening in the spring?
19. Would you be okay with me having a hobby that’s just “my thing“?
20. How would we manage our time if our hobbies take up different amounts of time?

Frequently Asked Questions

What if we disagree on some topics?

Disagreements are natural. They provide an opportunity to negotiate and find compromise. If some topics are challenging to agree upon, consider seeking a third-party perspective, like relationship counseling. What’s important is that you both are willing to work together to find a solution.

How do we deal with external pressures like family expectations or societal norms?

While external pressures can be influential, it’s crucial to remember that you’re the one who will be living together. Make sure to prioritize your feelings and needs over what you think you “should” do.