Relationships

26 Reasons Why You’re Still Single (With Expert Insights)

By Bea Mariel Saulo
Updated on

In today’s world, where love stories flood our screens and social media feeds, it’s easy to feel like you’re missing out.

But here’s the thing: there’s a multitude of reasons why you might still be riding solo, and they’re not all bad. In fact, some of them could be exactly what you need right now.

So, before you jump to conclusions or let Aunt Edna’s “Why aren’t you married yet?” questions get to you, let’s unpack some real talk about being single. Ready to explore?

You’re Focusing on Personal Growth

Personal growth is a journey that often requires solitude, and you’re embracing that. You’re learning new skills, reading books that challenge your worldviews, or maybe even picking up hobbies that shape you into a well-rounded individual.

And when you’re well-acquainted with yourself and what you bring to the table, you don’t just settle. You’re looking for someone who’s growing alongside you or, dare I say, someone who can introduce you to new growth opportunities. 

"If you are still single, and ready not to be, it’s time to do the work on yourself to be the right person for yourself and to be the better person in the relationship. Stop searching externally and begin the process of looking inward. Redirect all of the energy you are using swiping and chasing people back into your self-development and I guarantee the right person will show up for you."

— Isabella Beham | Love Coach & Matchmaker | Founder, Issy Living

You’re Working Through Past Heartbreaks

Dealing with past heartbreak involves reflecting on what happened, understanding the lessons learned, and gradually moving forward. It’s a process, not a race. You’re not trying to win a medal for getting over someone the fastest.

Taking your time ensures you’re truly ready to open your heart again when the right person comes along. Plus, it helps you identify red flags early, so hopefully, you dodge a few more heartaches down the road.

Trusting Someone New Is Difficult for You

Let’s paint a picture. You meet someone new. They’re charming, they laugh at your jokes, and they seem genuinely interested in what you have to say. Sounds perfect, right?

But then, that tiny voice in your head starts whispering, “Remember what happened last time?” Suddenly, building that trust feels like trying to climb Everest in flip-flops. Not easy.

But hey, don’t let the fear of betrayal keep you from the amazing connections out there. Not everyone is out to break your trust. It’s about finding balance—keeping those walls high enough to protect you but with a door that can be opened when the right person comes knocking. And they will come. In the meantime, remember that trust starts with you. 

"Many of us are afraid of being hurt, yet again. We project the past into the future and assume that the outcome will be the same when we open our hearts. This is called catastrophizing; viewing a situation as worse than it actually is. Catastrophizing is a form of self-sabotage."

— Stephen and Sonji Millet | Motivational Speakers | Life Coaches | Founders, My Blisstopia

Your Career Is Your Top Priority Currently

When you’re chasing deadlines, smashing goals, and maybe even snagging that corner office, it’s easy for dating to take a back seat. And honestly, that’s okay because building a career you’re proud of is a solid investment in your future.

Here’s a fun fact: being single can actually give you the flexibility and time to dive deep into your work without having to balance significant relationship commitments. No compromises needed.

But remember, it’s important to carve out some ‘me time‘ too. Burnout isn’t a trophy.

You Enjoy Your Independence Quite a Bit

The best part about your singleness right now is how much you relish in your independence. And honestly, that’s something to celebrate.

Being single means:

  • Your time is yours
  • Your choices are yours
  • Your adventures are yours

And while it’s lovely to share life with someone, there’s no hurry. Enjoying your own company and finding happiness in your freedom is precious. It’s like getting to know the world, and yourself, on your terms.

Interacting With New People Feels Challenging

If the idea of small talk makes you break out in a cold sweat, then stepping into the dating world can feel a bit like a herculean task. And that’s totally fine!

Sometimes, it’s shyness or social anxiety that keeps you on the single sidelines. Like I mentioned earlier, trust issues can play a part too. Plus, the whole process of making small talk, dodging awkward silences, and the dreaded fear of rejection, can be exhausting! It’s enough to make anyone swipe left on the whole dating scene. 

You’re Not Putting Yourself Out There Enough

Let’s face it, if you’re not out and about, the chances of someone knocking on your door and being ‘The One’ are…well, not great.

So, if you find yourself single and somewhat puzzled by it, ask yourself:

  • Are you attending social gatherings?
  • Do you make an effort to join group activities?
  • Have you given dating apps or matchmaking a shot?

If you’ve been nodding ‘nope‘ all along, then maybe you’ve hit on why you’re living the single life. It’s all about balance. While you don’t need to be the life of the party, giving yourself a gentle nudge to be more visible might just change your relationship status.

You Haven’t Found Someone Who Really Matches Your Vibe

You might have met plenty of nice people, but if no one has that same love for indie music, Sunday morning crossword puzzles, or whatever your jam is, then it’s like a slice of pizza without the cheese—good but not great.

And if you value a connection that’s deeper than surface level, there’s no shame in waiting for a partner who really feels like a partner. So, if you’re single because you haven’t found that ‘click‘ yet, rest assured, you’re not alone in the wait for a vibe check that ends in an enthusiastic ‘Yes!‘

Financial Stability Is Your Focus at the Moment

Whether you’re saving up for that dream house, paying off student loans, or just trying to get your ducks in a row, focusing on your finances is a valid (and smart) reason to hit pause on the dating scene.

  • Budgeting over blind dates? Makes sense.
  • Investing in your future, not just dinner dates? Wise choice.
  • Learning the difference between “need” and “want” with your money? Priceless.

This dedication to securing your financial future may mean your love life takes a back seat for now. And that’s perfectly okay. Being financially secure not only benefits you but any future relationships as well.

Friendships Are Your Current Priority

Sometimes, the family we choose—our friends—takes up the front seat in the ride of our lives. And why shouldn’t they? Friendships can offer support and fulfillment that romantic relationships don’t always provide. 

Think about it, your friends:

  • Have history with you, through good times and bad.
  • Offer judgment-free zones where you can be unapologetically you.
  • Are your adventure buddies, your confidants, and your laughter therapists.

Sure, there’s a balance to be found, and maybe one day, your heart will pencil in a plus-one. But for now, if your squad is your focus, let that be your reason to celebrate singledom.

Compromise Isn’t Something You’re Ready For

When you think about it, compromise is a cornerstone of any successful relationship. But if the idea of tweaking your lifestyle for someone else feels like a square peg, round hole situation, it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re not ready for it. 

Here are a few things you might not be ready to change:

  • Your meticulously planned routines and habits.
  • The way you love to decorate and organize your living space.
  • Your chosen balance between work, hobbies, social time, and me-time.

You’re Waiting for Someone Who Feels Just Right

Sometimes, it’s not about not meeting people; it’s about waiting to meet the right person. This waiting game is about holding out for a connection that sparks joy in all the right ways.

You’re after that ‘just right‘ feeling when:

  • Conversations flow effortlessly, and silence feels comfortable.
  • Your values align, and your quirks are admired rather than tolerated.
  • You feel energized rather than drained after spending time together.
"You have sought a soulmate with whom you will deeply connect on many levels. You seek to be understood for who you are and to connect emotionally, physically, and even spiritually with another human being...Yet, you want the real deal, that right feeling, and you believe it is possible."

— Anahid Lisa Derbabian, LPC, MA, NCC | Licensed Professional Counselor | Life Coach, Help Me To Heal

You Have High Standards

Having high standards is often seen as being picky, but it’s not about setting the bar unrealistically high; it’s about knowing your worth and refusing to settle.

You’re looking for that special blend of moral backbone, spark, and that undefinable ‘something‘ that makes your heart sing.

Setting the bar high means you’re seeking:

  • A deep, meaningful connection that’s built to last.
  • Shared life goals and ambitions that excite both of you.
  • A partnership where mutual respect is the foundation.

You’re Enjoying Exploring Your Options

If you’re enjoying the process of meeting different people and exploring what the world of dating has to offer, then you’re taking advantage of a wonderful phase of your life.

And here’s the twist—while you’re out there sampling life’s offerings, you’re also gaining invaluable experiences and self-discovery. This isn’t about playing the field for the sake of it; it’s about understanding yourself better in the context of different relationships.

Casual Dating Feels More Comfortable for Now

In a world where everything feels like it needs to be defined, labeled, and scheduled, casual dating lets you breathe. It’s okay to not have all the answers or not be ready for the “next big step.”

Enjoying the company of others without the need to plan out your entire future together can be liberating. And when or if you’re ready for something more serious, you’ll know. Until then, swipe right, have fun, and keep it casual.

Perks of casual dating:

  • Low pressure, high fun.
  • The freedom to meet new people without strings attached.
  • Learning what you like and dislike in relationships.

You Avoid Vulnerability at All Costs

If you’re single because the thought of sharing your fears, dreams, and deepest emotions feels overwhelming, you’re not alone. That leap into vulnerability means a risk of getting hurt or misunderstood, and it’s perfectly normal to want to avoid those emotional scrapes and bruises.

But here’s a little something to consider: the most memorable performances come from those who dare to be vulnerable. When you’re ready and with the right person, sharing your true self can lead to a connection that’s deeper than you’ve ever imagined. 

"Learning how to be close to others is social and emotional skill. If you grew up in an invalidating and chaotic environment, you must practice being close with others in relationship to learning to tolerate intimacy."

— Christine Scott-Hudson, MA, MFT, ATR | Licensed Psychotherapist | Marriage and Family Therapist | Owner, Create Your Life Studio

You’re Not Ready to Settle Down Just Yet

Settling down is a phrase that carries a lot of weight. It means something different to everyone, but for many, it’s a major lifestyle shift that may include long-term relationships, starting a family, or pinning down permanent roots.

If you’re enjoying the wanderlust life or relishing the freedom of your youth, setting down those roots might be the last thing on your mind.

Here are a few signs that might resonate with you:

  • You cherish your ability to make spur-of-the-moment life choices.
  • You see every day as an adventure, an opportunity to discover new passions and meet new people.
  • You’re still exploring what you want out of life before you add a permanent Plus One.

Solitude Feels Fulfilling to You

Solitude, often misunderstood as loneliness by those who always crave company, is actually a source of strength and fulfillment for many. If this is your jam, then you understand the deep satisfaction found in quiet moments alone. It’s not something to be avoided but embraced as a sanctuary of peace and self-discovery.

Embracing solitude doesn’t mean you’re against the idea of being in a relationship; it just means you’re in no hurry. It’s about enjoying this chapter of your life where you get to be the main character without any plot twists.

Embracing Self-Love Is Your Current Path

Right now, you’re on a journey, and it’s one that’s all about loving the person in the mirror a little more each day. It’s not just about facemasks and bubble baths (though those are great!), but about truly appreciating and accepting yourself, quirks and all.

Self-love means:

  • Setting boundaries that protect your well-being.
  • Celebrating your achievements, no matter how small.
  • Learning to enjoy your own company.

Unrealistic Expectations Sometimes Get in the Way

Expectations can be funny things. Sometimes, they help us set our sights higher, push ourselves to be better. But other times, they can get in the way of what’s actually available to us.

It might be that:

  • You’re holding out for a flawless relationship that simply doesn’t exist.
  • You expect potential partners to tick every single box on a lengthy list of traits.
  • You believe love should be easy and effortless, just like the stories tell us.

Remember, every rose has its thorns, and every prince has his flaws. Being single might just mean you’re recalibrating your expectations to the perfect pitch of reality.

You’re Rediscovering What Makes You Happy

Finding joy in the little things and rediscovering what lights up your world is an exciting adventure. Maybe you’ve found a newfound passion for painting or a sport, or you’ve realized how much joy simple things like reading in a quiet cafe bring you.

If this journey of rediscovery is taking up most of your heart space at the moment, leaving little room for romantic pursuits, that’s perfectly fine. When the time is right, and if you choose, you’ll be able to share this enriched, joyful life with someone else—adding to your happiness rather than depending on them for it.

You Have Life Goals You Want to Achieve Before Partnering Up

There’s something to be said for having a game plan for your life before teaming up with someone else. It’s about wanting to stand on your own two feet and achieving specific goals that make you feel proud and accomplished.

I mean, you might be aiming to:

  • Tackle personal milestones, like running a marathon or writing a book.
  • Reach professional pinnacles, like becoming a manager or starting your own business.
  • Experience life events, such as traveling solo to a place you’ve always dreamed of.

When these goals take center stage, you might find the idea of a relationship more of a ‘nice to have‘ rather than a ‘must-have.’ This doesn’t mean love won’t find its way to you or that it doesn’t have a place in your life. It simply means that right now, you’re committed to fulfilling personal ambitions. 

Traditional Dating Methods Feel More Appealing to You

Meeting someone through mutual interests, getting to know them over coffee without the pre-chat of a dating app, or being introduced by friends might feel more genuine to you. There’s something about the unpredictability and organic nature of these encounters that apps can’t replicate.

Preferring this method in an increasingly digital age might narrow your pool of potential partners, but it also ensures that when you do meet someone, it’s because your paths were meant to cross in the most human way possible. And there’s something quite magical about that.

"Healthy ways to meet people: Meet someone in a sober, honest, and comfortable setting. Go to a park where people are slacklining, go to a yoga class, a cooking class, or anything that has you interacting with new people in a comfortable environment."

— Adina Mahalli, MSW | Certified Relationship Expert | Family Care Professional

You’re Navigating Personal Challenges

Life throws curveballs, and sometimes you find yourself in the middle of a batting cage trying to hit them as they come. Whether it’s working through mental health issues, dealing with family matters, or navigating career changes, these personal challenges demand your focus and energy.

Remember, it’s okay to walk this part of the path alone; being single during this time means you can focus on healing and growing without worrying about someone else’s emotional needs on top of your own.

"By the time we reach adulthood, around 95% of our life is controlled by our subconscious mind. Only around 5% is controlled by our rational, conscious mind. This means that consciously we may desire a relationship, yet our subconscious is causing us to behave in such a way that prevents this from happening. You subconsciously believe that “love equals pain” Often these beliefs originate in childhood. The person may then act in such a way as to avoid relationships and intimacy."

— Rachel Wall | Relationship and Wellness Coach, Feeling is Healing

The Fear of the Unknown Holds You Back Sometimes

It’s human nature to find comfort in the familiar, and the fear of the unknown is a common reason many choose to stick with the single status. It’s another form of self-protection, ensuring that when you do take that leap, you’ll feel ready—or at least ready enough to handle whatever comes next.

It involves:

  • Taking emotional risks with no guarantee of success.
  • Facing potential conflicts and finding ways to resolve them.
  • Learning to coexist with someone else’s habits and preferences, which can cause anxiety.

You Believe the Timing Isn’t Right Yet

Sometimes, you just get that gut feeling that now is not the moment to dive into a romantic adventure. Maybe it’s because you’re about to enter a new career path, planning to move to a new city, or simply because you feel like you have more growing to do on your own.

Listening to your intuition about timing shows wisdom. It’s understanding that while love is important, the timing of it can greatly affect how well a relationship can flourish. So, if you’re single because you’re waiting for a better moment, that’s a thoughtful choice.

And who knows? The wait might make finding love all the sweeter.

Takeaways From the Experts

“You have negative internalized messages about intimacy. Either the single person believes that they are unworthy of intimacy (believing that they are not pretty enough, not smart enough, just not enough) or they believe that other people are incapable of providing the intimacy they deserve and desire (believing that people are inevitably going to disappoint them, reject them, and/or leave them).”

— Gina Handley Schmitt, MA, CMHS, LMHC | Psychotherapist | Professor | Author | Speaker

“You feel that settling is not an option. Some may say that your standards are too high. However, I say that you understand your value and your worth. You understand that it is better to be single than to compromise and settle just because people think you should be in a relationship.”

— Kiaundra Jackson, LMFT | Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, KW Couples Therapy

Final Thoughts

Remember, your single days are not just a countdown to a relationship; they’re an opportunity to build a life you love, filled with adventures, learning, and self-love.

So, take a deep breath and embrace where you are right now. Whether you’re healing, growing, or simply enjoying your freedom, know that you’re on the right path. Your story is unfolding in its own time, and trust me, it’s worth the wait.

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Bea Mariel Saulo

Bea is an editor and writer with a passion for literature and self-improvement. Her ability to combine these two interests enables her to write informative and thought-provoking articles that positively impact society. She enjoys reading stories and listening to music in her spare time.