35+ Warning Signs of a Manipulative Partner

It’s important to feel happy and secure in a relationship, but what do you do when your partner’s behavior starts making you feel uncomfortable and uneasy?

For instance, have you ever felt like your partner is playing mind games with you or noticed their actions make you doubt yourself? If you find yourself constantly questioning your emotions—and even your sanity—these could be signs of manipulation.

So, let’s take a look at some subtle yet impactful signs of manipulation in a relationship. Recognizing these signs could be the first step in understanding what’s really going on! Take a moment to read through and see if any of these behaviors resonate with you.

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice. Always seek advice from a qualified health provider regarding any questions about your relationship or mental health. If you believe you are in an abusive or manipulative relationship, reach out to a professional or trusted support network for your safety. 

They Gaslight You

Gaslighting is when your partner makes you question what’s true and what’s not. They deny things they’ve said or done, leaving you confused.

Over time, you might start to doubt your own memory and thoughts. It’s a trick to make you rely on them more. It can really mess with your head.

They Make You Doubt Your Memory

A manipulative partner might challenge events or conversations you remember, making you think you’re forgetful or confused. This is another tactic to control you.

Doubting your memory makes you more reliant on their version of things. It can be very damaging to your self-esteem and mental health.

For instance, you remember your partner promising to help with chores, but they act like it never happened. This makes you question whether your memory is good.

"A manipulative partner often “conveniently forgets” certain obligations, promises, or commitments. Although they’ll have a great memory when it suits their needs, their memories will fade when it’s convenient to feign amnesia."

— Dr. Carla Marie Manly | Clinical Psychologist | Author, Joy from Fear

They Twist Your Words

You feel misunderstood and frustrated. It’s hard to fix problems in your relationship when this happens. It’s like they’re playing a game, but you don’t know the rules.

For example, you say, “I wish we could spend more time together,” and they reply, “Oh, so now I’m never allowed to do my own thing?”

They Make You Feel Unworthy

A partner who makes you feel unworthy is always pointing out your flaws. They never seem impressed by what you do, no matter how hard you try. It feels like you can’t do anything right in their eyes.

This kind of partner might say, “I’m just being honest,” but it hurts. It’s a way for them to keep control by making you feel inferior.

"If your partner constantly puts you down for something that makes you feel good about yourself - working out, singing, improving yourself in any way, this is a sign that your partner is manipulative."

— Rori Sassoon | Relationship and Dating Expert | Co-owner, Platinum Poire

They Belittle Your Feelings

When a partner belittles your feelings, it’s like they’re saying your emotions don’t matter. They might tell you you’re overreacting or being too sensitive. It can make you feel like you’re not allowed to feel upset or hurt.

This is their way of shutting you down. In their eyes, it’s always about them, never about you.

They Isolate You From Friends and Family

This is a major red flag. A manipulative partner wants to cut off your support system to make you more reliant on them. They may make excuses, create conflicts, or disapprove of your loved ones. This isolation makes it easier for them to control you.

They want to be the only person in your life. In time, you might find yourself feeling alone, even in a crowd.

Remember, you have the right to your own life outside of your relationship. Your people are part of who you are. Don’t lose touch with your loved ones for anyone.

"The abusive partner may also employ tactics designed to make you feel powerless, like isolating you from your friends and family, making false accusations, repeatedly crossing your boundaries, and pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do."

— Stephanie Nilva, Esq. | Executive Director & Founder, Day One

They Refuse to Take Responsibility

When things go wrong, a partner who refuses to take responsibility will never admit it’s their fault. Instead, they blame you or anyone else.

It can be about small or big things, but the story is the same: it’s never their fault. This can make you start to wonder if you’re always the problem.

Example: If you bring up something they did that upset you, they might respond, “Well, you’re not perfect either. Remember when you [insert past mistake]?”

They Manipulate Situations to Their Favor

A manipulative partner twists situations so they come out on top. They can turn any event, problem, or argument into something that benefits them. This can leave you feeling used because your needs and wants seem to come second.

They have an answer for everything, and somehow, they always end up winning. It’s a sneaky game, and you’re not supposed to win.

For instance, you planned a date night, but they sweet-talk their way into changing plans to what they want. You’re left wondering how it happened, again.

They Dismiss Your Boundaries

Every time they cross the line, it feels like you don’t matter, leaving you feeling violated and powerless, which can affect your mental and emotional well-being.

They Dismiss Your Side of the Story

When your side of the story is dismissed, it’s like speaking into the void. No matter what you say, they make you feel like your perspective isn’t important or valid. This can leave you feeling unheard and frustrated.

By doing this, they control the narrative and make sure their version is the dominant one. Over time, this dismissive attitude can discourage you from speaking up and sharing your thoughts altogether.

They Often Play the Victim

Playing the victim is a partner’s tactic to make you feel bad for them. Even when they’re clearly in the wrong, they’ll find a way to twist things around. Suddenly, you’re the one being accused, and they’re getting all the sympathy.

They wear this ‘victim’ hat so well that you might just start believing that you’re the bully. It’s a backward situation where up feels like down.

For instance, you complain about them being late, and they accuse you of being insensitive to their stressful day. Now you’re the one apologizing.

They Invalidate Your Emotions

When a partner invalidates your emotions, they’re basically saying what you feel doesn’t matter. They might tell you you’re being too emotional or to just get over it. This can cause you to bottle up emotions and suffer in silence. 

They undermine your emotional well-being by dismissing your feelings, which is a real kicker when you just need some understanding.

Remember: You have the right to feel your emotions without judgment. A partner who consistently invalidates your feelings is not supporting your overall happiness or emotional well-being. Recognizing when this happens is the first step to addressing it.

"When your partner makes you feel bad for being jealous about something that you have the right to be jealous about, this should sound an alarm in your head."

— Rori Sassoon | Relationship and Dating Expert | Co-owner, Platinum Poire

They Use Guilt as a Weapon

If your partner is using guilt as a weapon, they’re making you feel bad on purpose. This tactic manipulates your emotions to make you do things out of obligation rather than choice.

It can make you feel like you are constantly owing them something or that you are never doing enough. This strategy is exhausting because it compels you to put their needs first and sideline your own. 

"Manipulative partners often use guilt as a way to induce you to do what they want; such people try to make you feel guilty for honoring your own wants and needs."

— Dr. Carla Marie Manly | Clinical Psychologist | Author, Joy from Fear

They Use Threats to Control You

When a partner uses threats to control you, it’s a big red flag. They might threaten to break up, share your secrets, or do something to scare you. It’s a way to keep you in line.

It feels like you’re living on the edge of “Do this or else.” No one should feel scared to make a move in their own relationship.

For example, you disagree with them on a minor issue, and they respond, “If you don’t see it my way, maybe we’re not right for each other.”

They Frequently Lie

Frequent lying is a major red flag in any relationship. These lies can range from small, seemingly insignificant ones to major deceptions. You might hear one thing today and the total opposite tomorrow. Over time, it becomes hard to trust anything they say, creating a sense of constant doubt.

What this looks like: They tell you they’re working late, but you later find out they were out with friends. When confronted, they make up another excuse.

"Little lies, white lies, and withholding of information is a sign that you’re with a partner who may be manipulative."

— Dr. Sherrie Campbell | Clinical Psychologist | Inspirational Speaker | Author, But It’s Your Family: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath

You’re Constantly Walking on Eggshells

Feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells means you’re overly cautious about what you say or do to avoid upsetting your partner. You’re worried that anything might set them off.

It’s their way of keeping you on edge and in control. It’s not a fun way to live — this atmosphere is mentally and emotionally draining. If it doesn’t improve even after addressing it, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.

You’re Drained Emotionally

If you’re emotionally drained, it’s like your energy has been sucked out of you. Your partner’s demands and negative behaviors can wear you down. You might feel tired all the time, unmotivated, and disconnected.

This emotional toll affects your overall well-being and happiness. No one should feel empty after spending time with the person they love.

Remember, your well-being is important. Relationships are supposed to add to your life, not drain it. It’s okay to seek joy away from a partner who wears you down.

You’re Criticized and Insulted

When you’re criticized and insulted in your relationship, it’s like nothing you do is ever good enough. Your partner might make mean comments or mock you, often in a ‘joking’ way.

But let’s be real, it doesn’t feel funny. It’s hurtful and can chip away at your self-esteem. You deserve to be treated with kindness, not constant digs.

Here’s an example: You cook breakfast, and instead of appreciating it, your partner criticizes how it was made. They might even make a hurtful comment like, “Can’t you do anything right?”

You’re Always the One Apologizing

When you’re always the one apologizing, it’s like you’re the permanent fixer of every issue. No matter who’s actually at fault, you end up saying sorry just to keep the peace. This can leave you feeling like you’re the problem even when you’re not.

It’s exhausting and unfair. You’re trapped in an endless loop where “I’m sorry” becomes your go-to phrase.

For instance, your partner forgets your anniversary, and somehow, you end up apologizing for not reminding them. You’re left scratching your head, wondering how that makes any sense.

"Another red flag that your partner is manipulative would be if your partner always has an excuse for everything and does not acknowledge or apologize when they are clearly in the wrong.

'My friend doesn’t feel good, so I didn’t keep my commitment for the fifth time in a row… If you say something against that, you are the bad selfish a-hole[...]'"

— Rori Sassoon | Relationship and Dating Expert | Co-owner, Platinum Poire

You’re Always Wrong in Their Eyes

When you seem to always be wrong in their eyes, it’s like you can’t do anything right. Your opinion is quickly dismissed. Decisions you make are often criticized.

It’s frustrating and can make you feel small. You’re in a no-win situation where your point never stands.

Example: You suggest a new restaurant to try, and they dismiss it, saying, “You always pick the worst places. Let me handle it.”

You’re Pressured Into Quick Commitments

If you’re pressured into quick commitments, it’s like being rushed through life’s decisions. Whether it’s moving in together, getting engaged, or making major life changes, you feel pushed.

There’s no time to think. It’s a whirlwind, and suddenly you’re somewhere you didn’t plan to be so soon.

What you can do: Take your time to consider major decisions and discuss your feelings openly. Don’t let them rush you into commitments you’re not ready for.

"Love bombing is probably the first manipulative sign. This is when your partner pushes the relationship really fast to be really serious right away, and then, as they go along with you, over time, the love bombing is gone, and you are doing all the work in the relationship."

— Dr. Sherrie Campbell | Clinical Psychologist | Inspirational Speaker | Author, But It’s Your Family: Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath

You’re Never Allowed Privacy

Personal space doesn’t seem to exist. You feel exposed and uncomfortable because everyone deserves a little privacy. This constant scrutiny can feel very invasive.

"When someone needs to know where you are and what you’re doing far too often for your comfort, you’re being monitored[…] They want to control you. Knowing whom you’re with, what you’re doing and when, is how they can assess how to prevent any of that from happening.

The manipulative partner learns what you like, and strives to stop you from enjoying personal freedom and happiness. If you spend time or go somewhere that they don’t know about in advance, they’ll feel threatened.

They want you to rely on them for recreation, comfort, and safety. If you fail to cooperate with their “Where were you, why did you, you should have listened to me, don’t you dare” tirades and interrogations, threats will follow the questions.

— Yocheved Golani | Author | Journalist | Life Coach | Editor, E-Counseling

They Charm You, Then Hurt You

Manipulative partners often use charm and affection to draw you in and then inflict emotional pain or manipulation. It’s confusing and disorienting and can make you feel like you’re not on solid ground.

Your partner can be incredibly sweet and caring one minute, then cold and hurtful the next. This emotional whiplash is a tactic to keep you off-balance and easier to control.

Example: After a wonderful day together, your partner snaps at you for a tiny mistake. It makes all the good moments feel less genuine.

They Exaggerate Their Importance

If your partner exaggerates their importance, it’s like they want to be the sun in your solar system. They act as though everything should revolve around them.

They may claim you’d be lost without them or that they’re the best thing that ever happened to you. This exaggeration puts you in a lower position and makes you feel less valuable. 

For instance, they say, “Without me, you wouldn’t be able to handle anything on your own,” ignoring your own efforts and abilities.

They Use Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is when your partner gives you the cold shoulder instead of talking things out. It’s a form of punishment that leaves you guessing what you did wrong. This behavior is not just immature but also emotionally hurtful.

Communication is a right, not a privilege, in a relationship. Silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation; it’s not a valid way to deal with issues. You deserve to be heard and respected, not punished with silence.

They Have Double Standards

Double standards mean what’s okay for them isn’t okay for you. They may allow themselves certain liberties while denying you the same.

They can be late, but if you are, it’s a major issue. They dish out criticism but cannot take it themselves. This unfairness creates an imbalance and can make you feel undervalued.

For example, they get upset if you spend too much money, but they splurge without a second thought. Remember, fair is fair — no one’s above the game. True partnerships don’t have a “boss.” Respect goes both ways, always.

They Are Unpredictably Moody

Having an unpredictably moody partner can be very challenging. Their sudden mood swings can leave you walking on eggshells, never knowing what to expect.

This creates a tense and unstable environment. They use their moodiness to keep you off balance and to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

"Those who are manipulative often are passive-aggressive. Rather than being straightforward about their needs or concerns, they’ll get their needs met by emotional outbursts, withdrawing, or hostile behaviors."

— Dr. Carla Marie Manly | Clinical Psychologist | Author, Joy from Fear

They Demand Constant Attention

If your partner demands constant attention, it can feel like you’re living with a needy toddler. There’s no such thing as ‘me time’ because they’re always there, wanting your focus.

Your needs, friends, and hobbies take a back seat. You are expected to be on standby, ready to cater to their desires. It’s exhausting and leaves little room for you to be you.

For instance, you decide to spend an evening playing PC games, but your partner keeps interrupting, asking why you’re not spending time with them instead. They may even guilt-trip you by suggesting you don’t care about the relationship as much as your hobbies.

"Needing some reassurance is fine, and getting attention from a partner feels amazing! But beware the partner who interrupts your time with friends or alone to demand your attention, or who makes rude comments about how much time you spend without them.

You can’t reassure that away, because it’s a move to isolate you from your support network and wear down your boundaries."

— Caitlin Fisher | Author, "The Gaslighting of the Millennial Generation"

They Downplay Your Achievements

When someone downplays your achievements, it’s as if your wins don’t matter. Your hard work gets a shrug, and your milestones are treated as trivial.

This can hurt your self-esteem and make you doubt your abilities. They do this to keep you feeling dependent on them and less confident.

What you can do: Celebrate your accomplishments with or without their approval. Surround yourself with supportive people who recognize and applaud your efforts.

They Take Advantage of Your Weaknesses

A partner who takes advantage of your weaknesses uses what they know about you as leverage. They know where you’re most vulnerable, and they exploit that.

It can feel like betrayal, knowing that the person who should protect you is actually using your soft spots against you. It can leave you feeling exposed and betrayed.

Remember, a loving partner wouldn’t purposely poke at your soft spots. Exploiting weaknesses is not love; it’s control. You deserve a relationship that builds you up, not one that takes advantage of your weaknesses. 

They Blame You for Their Problems

If your partner blames you for their problems, it’s like you’re the designated fall guy for everything that goes wrong in their life. They fail to take accountability for their own actions and decisions.

Whether it’s a bad day at work or a spilled cup of coffee, somehow, it’s your fault. This blame game is one you can’t win because the rules keep changing. It’s unfair and exhausting to play.

Example: They have a bad day at work and come home saying, “I wouldn’t be so stressed if you were more supportive.”

They Withhold Love as Punishment

Withholding love as punishment is like emotional hostage-taking. They use affection and warmth to reward and coldness to punish, treating love as a tool rather than a genuine emotion.

When things don’t go their way, they box up their tenderness and put it on a high shelf, out of reach. This leaves you feeling anxious and desperate for their approval — a cruel way to make you toe the line.

Love isn’t supposed to be given and taken away as a power play. Affection that’s conditional isn’t true affection. You’re worthy of consistent, unconditional love.

They Are Extremely Jealous

Extreme jealousy in a partner often stems from their insecurities and can manifest in possessive or controlling behavior. This is more than a simple discomfort — it is an enduring and intense fear of losing you, which can lead them to irrational and harmful actions.

Such jealousy typically results in excessive monitoring and unfounded accusations and may limit your social interactions. 

They Demand Loyalty but Don’t Return It

When a partner demands your loyalty but doesn’t give theirs, it’s a one-sided relationship. They expect you to be there for them, no matter what, but when you need the same, they’re nowhere to be found.

You’re supposed to back them up, keep their secrets, and support their dreams, but they won’t do the same for you. This double standard can leave you feeling unvalued and alone. Loyalty is a two-way street, but they’ve put up a ‘do not enter’ sign on their end.

For example, they flirt openly but get angry when you do something similar. It’s like a no-win game where the rules only apply to you.

They Control Your Decisions

This can feel like you’re losing your autonomy and freedom within the relationship. They want to have a say in everything you do, from small decisions like what you wear to significant ones like which job offer to accept or how you spend your money.

You may start to feel you can’t trust your own judgments, making you powerless and dependent on them.

Your decisions are yours to make. A supportive partner will offer advice but respect your final choice. Maintaining control over your life decisions is crucial for your self-respect and independence.

They Make Excuses for Bad Behavior

When someone makes excuses for their bad behavior, it’s like they have a “get out of jail free” card for every wrongdoing. They blame stress, a bad day, or even you, but never themselves.

This pattern prevents personal growth and problem resolution within the relationship by shifting the focus away from their faults. Over time, it can leave you feeling confused, guilty, or responsible for things beyond your control. 

What this looks like: They snap at you for no reason, and it’s suddenly because their coffee was cold this morning. It’s never about what they did, but something else — always.

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Frequently Asked Questions

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Final Thoughts

Spotting manipulation is tough, but you’re doing great by learning these signs. If you’re seeing them in your partner, it might be time to make some changes. Love should make you feel awesome together, not weighed down.

Remember, keep your head up, and don’t settle for less! Look for a love that’s all about cheering each other on. You’re worth that kind of happiness.