We’ve gathered relationship and dating experts to help you know whether she wants to have a relationship with you or just wants to be friends.
Here are 30+ signs she doesn’t like you more than a friend.
Table of Contents
- 1. She doesn’t go on one-on-one dates with you
- 2. She doesn’t show romantic affection towards you
- 3. You’ve witnessed her flirt with other guys
- 4. She talks to you about her dating life
- 5. She doesn’t worry about her appearance around you
- 6. She tries to set you up with someone else
- 7. She keeps the conversation “surface level”
- 8. When you bring up dating her she blows you off
- 9. You are her “go to” when she needs a date
- 10. She makes it a point to introduce you as a friend
- 11. She tells you she only sees you as a friend
- 12. Any physical contact is going to be minimal
- 13. You become her personal therapist
- 14. She brings up other guys while talking to you
- 15. She continuously asks you for favors but does nothing in return
- 16. She brings other friends along and avoids being alone with you
- 17. The man initiates all the contact and planning
- 18. She doesn’t care to get to know you on an emotionally intimate level
- 19. She cancels arranged plans and doesn’t reschedule
- 20. She directly shares with you who she is romantically interested in
- 21. She makes plans and doesn’t include you in them
- The best way to know is to ask
- 22. You asked and she said “no” twice
- 23. She bristles at your touch
- 24. She treats you like “one of the guys”
- 25. She pays her own way
- 26. She’s already seeing someone
- 27. She works for you
- 28. She’s very comfortable even when you are around
- 29. She always makes sure to point out “friendship”
- 30. She doesn’t feel sexual tension during skinship
- 31. She tells you she views you as a brother or a confidant
- 32. She pats you on the shoulders when you’re feeling down
CEO & Certified Matchmaker, Select Date Society
When you first start spending time with someone new, sometimes the chemistry is obvious. You may both be openly smitten with each other, showing affection, flirting, and talking about your connection. Other times, relationships develop from friendship overtime.
So how do you know if she is interested in being more than friends or if her feelings for you are just platonic?
Here are the signs to know that she doesn’t like you more than a friend:
1. She doesn’t go on one-on-one dates with you
Whenever she agrees to go out with you, it’s in a group setting. When she invites you to hang out, other people are there, never just the two of you. You’re not going out to dinner together or getting to know each other one on one.
Instead, you are always doing group activities together without the chance to get to know each other intimately.
2. She doesn’t show romantic affection towards you
She may give you a hug or even an occasional kiss on the cheek, but the vibe is never romantic. When a woman likes you, she will lightly touch your arm when she talks to you or looks for opportunities to show you affection.
If the vibe she gives you is the same as what she gives all of her other friends, she’s not interested in dating you.
3. You’ve witnessed her flirt with other guys
When she’s around a guy she likes, it’s obvious to you that her body language and the way she interacts with him is not the way she interacts with you. You have noticed her flirt and the way she behaves is way different than how she behaves towards you.
4. She talks to you about her dating life
She confides in you when she likes someone or asks you for dating advice. She may view you as her “guy friend” who she can trust to give her advice about her love life.
5. She doesn’t worry about her appearance around you
She is comfortable wearing sweats and no makeup around you and doesn’t make an effort to get dressed up to hang out with you. If she is clearly not interested in impressing you or looking attractive to you, she views you as just a friend.
6. She tries to set you up with someone else
She may say she has a friend who is perfect for you. She makes an effort to find someone for you. She may suggest girls for you to date or try to introduce you to someone.
7. She keeps the conversation “surface level”
You may feel comfortable talking to each other, but you never have deep conversations. She doesn’t share deep thoughts with you or ask your opinion when she has to make a major life decision. Your conversations seem to stay pretty superficial.
8. When you bring up dating her she blows you off
When you attempt to talk about the two of you dating, she laughs or changes the subject. She may seem visibly uncomfortable when you broach the subject of the two of you becoming a romantic item.
9. You are her “go to” when she needs a date
She may ask you to accompany her to weddings, office parties, or other events when she needs a date, but she never agrees to go on a date with you outside of those instances. You find yourself filling in when she needs a man, but she’s not interested in going on dates with you outside of that.
10. She makes it a point to introduce you as a friend
She may introduce you to her friends and family, but she always makes a point to introduce you as her friend. If she introduces you as her best friend, it’s even more obvious that she is not interested in being anything more than friends.
Mind and Body Confidence Expert for Women Entrepreneurs | Former Cognitive Psychology Researcher
11. She tells you she only sees you as a friend
I would be remiss if I didn’t start with the obvious: she tells you she sees you as a friend, as only a friend, as just a friend, as not more than a friend, or any variation on this theme.
This doesn’t mean she won’t ever see you as more than a friend. But, unless or until she tells you otherwise, take these statements at face value.
Similarly, if you try to initiate a conversation about ascending from friendship into something more and she changes the topic or otherwise indicates that she doesn’t want to have this conversation.
Accept that she doesn’t want to go there. She is an adult and, if she does see you as more than a friend, she is every bit as capable as you are at talking about it.
Beyond that, looking for “signs” one way or another is a guaranteed way to make yourself crazy.
If you want more than friendship and you’re thinking about it that much, your options are to talk with her about it or to avoid your feelings with the hope that either she’ll bring it up or you’ll meet someone else. It doesn’t have to be complicated.
This isn’t a romantic comedy; if you both want more than friendship and are both emotionally healthy adults who can communicate with each other, you will figure it out.
And, if you aren’t both adults, aren’t emotionally healthy, or can’t communicate with each other—work on those prerequisites before getting into a “more-than-friends” relationship.
Relationship Expert, The Roots of Loneliness Project
12. Any physical contact is going to be minimal
Body language is a major telling factor when a woman sees a guy as a potential romantic partner or someone in the “friend zone.” If she sees you as just a friend, any physical contact is going to be minimal and/or never go past a certain level of affection.
For example, when sitting next to you on the couch watching TV, she might make it a point to not sit too closely, or if she’s comfortable, she may kick her feet up and drape them across your lap.
Pay close attention to her body language
For the latter, a guy might think that’s a sign in the right direction but pay close attention if you find yourself in this situation:
When she kicks her feet up and across your lap:
- does she also place herself in direct contact with you? (i.e., scooting closer so that you’re both shoulder-to-shoulder, resting her head on you, or leaning into you in general)
- or does she keep her feet/legs across your lap, but the rest of her upper body remains separate from you? (i.e., leaning back with shoulders not touching or leaning to the side away from you and resting her elbow on the side of the couch)
It’s also important to pay attention to her body language during a conversation.
When you’re talking:
- does she place her full attention on you the entire time with strong eye contact and leaning forward, as if she’s hanging onto your every word?
- or does she pay attention to a certain extent while also being easily distracted by looking around, playing with her hair, or fussing with her clothing?
A friend will be more forgiving when someone isn’t being given someone’s undivided attention, but when a woman wants a guy, she’ll make it clear that while they’re talking—especially when he’s speaking—there’s nothing else in the room or in the world that will distract her from paying attention.
When a woman appears uncomfortable when you try to get close physically, even if it’s just to give her a hug or reach out to move a strand of hair out of her face, that’s a big sign she’d rather keep you at arm’s length to avoid giving the wrong impression or leading someone on.
Pay attention to the type of hug she gives
The type of hug a woman gives a man oftentimes makes it clear how interested she is—or isn’t. The “one-armed hug” in greeting or when parting ways is almost always a direct sign of friend-zoning. It’s a compromise of showing affection but not too much.
The goodbye hug, in particular, is one to pay attention to.
- When sexually attracted to a man, many women go into the hug pressing their bodies right into his via direct contact chest-to-chest, pelvis-to-pelvis.
- To put the icing on the cake, an interested woman will pull her upper body away ever so slightly, while keeping her pelvis pressed up against his. That kind of contact can be electric and a great excuse for a woman to be as close as possible without it being awkward—not to mention giving the guy the perfect opportunity to lean in for a kiss.
- The opposite of this type of hug is where a woman leans in with her upper body to wrap her arms around the man’s neck but keeps her pelvic area completely away from his. This “lean in” huge goodbye allows for physical contact but also gives her the freedom to pull away cleanly, creating distance to avoid any opportunity for an easy kiss.
13. You become her personal therapist
When a woman confides in a man, it’s a big deal. But there’s a difference between being a knight in shining armor and “that guy” she feels she can share anything with.
If she’s as comfortable talking to you about her relationship woes, recent dates, and crushes as she is talking about everyday happenings or the occasional vent, chances are she’s confiding in you purely as a friend.
If she’s asking you for dating advice about someone she’s currently seeing, is in the process of trying to hook up with, or doesn’t bat an eyelash while dishing dirty details, that’s pretty much the nail in the coffin for any potential romantic interest.
On the flip side, if you notice she doesn’t get jealous whenever you talk about other women or a potential partner, that’s also a clear sign she’s not interested in you as more than a friend.
If her natural tendency is to help you with your own dating situation and she’s constantly encouraging you to pursue other women, chances are it’s genuine that she wants you to be happy with someone—it’s just not going to be her.
Dating and Relationship Expert | Co-founder, SimplyTogether
Distinguishing whether a woman is romantically interested in you or sees you just as a friend can be very tricky.
This often happens because the woman in question doesn’t want you to know the answer to this very question. She keeps on spending time with you because you’re nice, reliable, attentive, etc., and feels like you’re a good catch.
You become her backup man—someone she wants to keep around while she keeps exploring all her alternatives.
Nobody ever deserves to get strung along like that, though. That’s why it’s important to recognize this kind of situation as early on as possible to protect yourself from potential disappointment and feeling like you’ve been tricked.
Here are some signs to help you recognize when she doesn’t like you more than a friend:
14. She brings up other guys while talking to you
If a woman you’ve been seeing keeps on telling you about other guys she is interested in, it’s an unmistakable sign of you being more of a BFF to her than boyfriend material.
Don’t waste your time chasing someone who is busy looking elsewhere. You deserve better than that!
15. She continuously asks you for favors but does nothing in return
If you’ve been dating someone who keeps on needing your help with stuff but doesn’t ever do anything return the favor, watch out, you’re likely being used.
Helping each other out is a normal part of any healthy relationship. However, this kind of exchange needs to be mutual and more or less equal.
If you’ve been doing things for her like: driving her around, helping out at her house, etc., and she never made an effort to pay you back in any shape or form (not even by getting you a bottle of wine or inviting you out for a drink), this is a sign that she doesn’t really care about you.
She is wasting your time; it’s best to move on.
16. She brings other friends along and avoids being alone with you
When two people like each other, they crave to be alone together. That’s when you can connect with each other on a more intimate or sexual level.
If you almost never get to be alone with a woman you’ve been seeing, chances are she is keeping things this way on purpose.
She’s clearly not interested in getting to know you intimately; you’re just a friend to her, not a lover.
Relationship Expert, Datingpilot
There are certain signs that some men may find hard to decipher when trying to determine whether a woman likes them more than a friend.
However, there are signs typical of a woman who is not interested in a man romantically.
17. The man initiates all the contact and planning
One of the signs is when the man initiates all the contact and planning. The man usually does the pursuing, but the woman doesn’t reciprocate it.
18. She doesn’t care to get to know you on an emotionally intimate level
A woman who doesn’t care to get to know you on an emotionally intimate level, nor does she allow you to get to know her in that way, is another sign that she isn’t interested romantically.
19. She cancels arranged plans and doesn’t reschedule
If the woman also tends to cancel arranged plans and doesn’t make an effort to reschedule, this is another sign that she is not interested romantically.
Another sign is when a woman directly shares with you who she is romantically interested in. This is a giveaway that she is not romantically interested in you, especially when she shares her plans on how she plans on pursuing her new love interest.
21. She makes plans and doesn’t include you in them
If a woman makes plans and doesn’t include you in them, such as taking a job out of state, this is another sign that she is not romantically interested.
She avoids going on outings or dates alone with the man.
Another sign is that she avoids going on outings or dates alone with the man. She usually invites other friends to come along and doesn’t seem to have an interest in spending an evening alone with the man.
She introduces you to her friends with plans of matching the two of you up.
A woman who introduces you to her friends with plans of matching the two of you up, is another sign that she is not romantically interested in you.
She rejects any physical touch you attempt.
She will also reject any physical touch you attempt such as, putting your arm around her at the movies, holding her hand when walking next to each other, and of course any attempts of trying to kiss her.
These are all direct ways of saying that she is not romantically interested in you.
Wednesday Lee Friday
Expert in Leaving Toxic Relationships | Wrier, The Roots of Loneliness Project
The best way to know is to ask
It can be tricky to know whether someone is being friendly or is interested in something more. The best way to know is to ask. If you’re too shy for that, there may be some signs.
What will an interested person do?
- Listen intently when you speak
- Return your texts in a timely way
- Contact you without hearing from you first
- Speak well of you when you’re not around
A person who is interested in romance will not:
- Wait several days to answer your texts
- Tell “jokes” at your expense
- Makes excuses not to see you/contact you
- Talk about other romantic interests in front of you
Anthony Babbitt, MS, MCSE
Change Management Consultant | Executive Mentor, Babbitt Consulting
22. You asked and she said “no” twice
Asking is the best approach since it accomplishes everything you need to answer your question. First, if she had not considered you as a suitor before, she will consider it now. While her first reaction may be to decline, the seed has been planted.
If turned down, wait a few weeks for the idea to simmer, then politely ask a second time. If she declines again, you have your final answer, and it’s time to move on to greener pastures. Don’t be the guy who won’t take no for an answer.
23. She bristles at your touch
A lack of physical contact, whether a simple touch of the hand or a hug, is a ready sign she has no interest in pursuing anything beyond friendship. While friends will usually hug, or at least shake hands, upon meeting, a total lack of physical touch is a sign you are an associate or colleague.
If the only touch is upon greeting or leaving, you are likely only friends. If she won’t let you touch her otherwise, she is sending a clear signal through her body language that she has no interest.
If you pat her on the back or touch her arm during conversation and she pulls away or tenses, you have another indication she prefers the relationship not develop further. Don’t be the guy who refuses to read body language.
24. She treats you like “one of the guys”
Romantic relationships involve seduction and physical appeal. If she is chugging beers, passing gas, and making crude jokes around you, she sees you as a friend she can be comfortable around.
Not putting her best foot forward and just showing her unfiltered self to you means you are good friends. It also means she has no interest in pursuing anything more since the fantasy and sex appeal are a side she never shows you. Don’t be the guy who ruins a good friendship by refusing to see it for what it is.
25. She pays her own way
Several psychology studies have verified that in our culture, when a woman allows a man to buy dinner or drinks, she is perceived as more sexually available. A woman who goes to great lengths to ensure she pays her own way is sending a clear signal she does not want you to see her as such.
Even if she forgets her purse and pays you back the next day, she is sending a clear signal that your friendship is important but also will not develop into something deeper. Don’t be the guy who can’t pick up the tab or the obvious signals.
26. She’s already seeing someone
We all enjoy the allure of the forbidden fruit. However, it is never a good idea to try to win someone away from their current boyfriend, lover, or husband. Even if their relationship has problems, the fact she is still in it shows she is willing to put in the work to make it better.
When there literally isn’t room in her life for someone else, don’t try to squeeze yourself into it. Don’t be the guy who tries to convince her that you will make her happier than someone else.
27. She works for you
This also applies to service workers like waitresses, cashiers, doctors, nurses, lawyers, teachers, etc. Working with the public means putting your best face forward. Working with your boss means you laugh at stupid jokes and put up with things you otherwise detest.
When there is a misalignment in the relationship’s power dynamic, she can’t consent to anything more than friendship. In fact, the power differential even makes the friendship suspect. Don’t mistake your power over her for affection. It may simply mean she has bills to pay.
Don’t be the guy who abuses his position of power.
Dating Expert, Datingscout.com
28. She’s very comfortable even when you are around
If a person starts to have feelings towards another person, it’s typical that they feel awkward being around them. So if your friend is being her actual self when you are around— not trying to impress, dressing up, and putting make up on, that girl is doesn’t have an intention of being in a romantic relationship with you.
29. She always makes sure to point out “friendship”
A person who wants a romantic tie with you would hint about “being more than friends,” but if she always points out that you are a good friend and ends it there, then you might really be stuck in the friendzone.
Romantic cues are important in knowing how a person feels about you.
30. She doesn’t feel sexual tension during skinship
You are nothing more than just a friend if she can have physical contact with you sans the “spark.'” This is a surefire way to know whether a woman likes you—there is always sexual tension with every physical contact, even just for a little bit.
If she’s holding your hand and hugging you like a brother—chances are you are only a brother figure to him and nothing more.
She doesn’t respond to your advances.
If she is interested in you—even just for a bit—she will make an effort to make you feel about it. However, if she stayed unresponsive for quite some time, it can be that she doesn’t know or she doesn’t want you. The best way to handle this is to say it straight to her and settle the matter once and for all.
Relationship and Breakup Writer, Magnet of Success
31. She tells you she views you as a brother or a confidant
One of the best signs she doesn’t like you more than a friend is when she tells you that she views you as a brother or someone she can talk about her relationships with. This is a sign which indicates that a woman doesn’t feel attracted to you and that she likely never will.
Not unless she runs out of healthy relationship options and starts spending more time with you.
32. She pats you on the shoulders when you’re feeling down
Another sign that is often overlooked is a pat on the shoulder, back, or arm. This gesture indicates that a woman feels bad for you, but not bad enough to hug you and get in your personal space.
Keep in mind that someone who likes you will want to get close to you. She’ll want to be there for you physically and emotionally and try to get you to like her back.
She continuously rejects your invitations.
When a woman keeps rejecting your invitation, it’s obvious that she’s not interested in bonding and getting to know you. She’d much rather just focus on herself or spend time with people with who she can develop a meaningful, long-lasting relationship.
So if you’re looking for signs that a woman likes you more than a friend, look at her overall interest in spending time with you.
If she’s excited to hang out with you and always makes time for you, you’ve got one of the best signs that she’s into you. But if she keeps rejecting you and making excuses, then chances are that she’s not that into you and that she wants to be with someone else.
Either way, you’ll be okay! Just don’t overpursue.
Dating Coach and Editor, Help With Online Dating
I have learned to recognize the signs after my personal as well as my clients’ experiences.
She doesn’t care how she looks around you.
First and foremost, she doesn’t care how she looks around you when you hung out. For example, she comes to your place to watch a movie with clothes that are clearly intended for house use and other signs that are clearly not inviting you to make a move.
She talks to you about her boyfriends and partners.
She comes to you with her relationship problems, and she is looking for advice she would normally get from her girlfriends. She also talks about her exes and sometimes their bedroom performances.
She wants you to date her friends.
She comes up with a list of friends and colleges that you think you would be interested in and insists you meet them for coffee, drinks, etc.
There are many other ways to understand if you are in the friendzone or she wants something more from you; however, the most important thing to pay attention to is her overall demeanor towards you.
I understand that you could be a bit biased because you really want this to work, but you have to be objective. If you can’t, talk with a friend about it and they can answer this for you.