Loving someone fully and deeply is one of the best feelings. But feelings change, and sometimes, the love that once filled us with joy starts to slip away.
So, how do you know if what you’re experiencing is a temporary bump in the road or if your heart is silently saying it’s time to move on? Could the little things you’re noticing mean something more?
Let’s take a closer look, and you might just find the answers that have been lingering in your mind, waiting to be discovered.
Table of Contents
- You Feel Frustrated or Dissatisfied
- You Avoid Spending Time Together
- You’ve Lost Physical Attraction
- Your Physical Intimacy Is Nonexistent
- You Keep Your Feelings to Yourself
- You’re Not Excited to See Them
- You Feel Disconnected Even When Together
- You Prefer Being Alone or With Others
- You’re Relieved When They’re Away
- You Avoid Conversations About the Relationship
- You’re Indifferent to Their Thoughts and Feelings
- You Just Going Through the Motions
- You Stop Asking About Their Day or Life
- You’re Not Excited To Share Good News
- You Find Their Habits Annoying
- You No Longer Try to Impress Them
- You’re Comparing Them to Others
- You Dream About the Future Without Them
- You No Longer Put Them First
- You’re Yearning for Something or Someone Else
- You Constantly Find Fault in Your Partner
- You’ve Stopped Arguing
- You’re Not Keen on Making Changes
- You’re on Different Life Paths
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Final Thoughts
You Feel Frustrated or Dissatisfied
There’s something gnawing at you, and it’s not just a random grumpy morning. You might notice that there’s a little voice inside your head that’s often unhappy with many things about your partner—things that used to be NBD (no big deal).
What it feels like:
- You’re irked by little quirks that never used to bother you.
- Your conversations often lead to irritation, no matter the topic.
- Your partner’s presence doesn’t give you that warm, calming effect it once did.
You Avoid Spending Time Together
Remember the days when you’d hurry through your tasks just to spend an extra hour with them? Well, if those days feel like a distant memory, it might be a sign that your feelings are cooling off.
Now, instead of feeling pumped for date night, you find yourself thinking of excuses to bail.
This doesn’t mean you’ve become anti-social or you don’t enjoy a good Netflix binge, but when it comes to them, well, your solo plans sound way more appealing.
You’ve Lost Physical Attraction
Physical attraction isn’t just about the goosebumps or that pit-of-your-stomach flutter when you sneak a peek at them. It’s also the warmth that fills you when you hold hands or share a hug after a long day.
It might be tempting to ignore the feeling when you find that you’re not drawn to them like you used to be, to tell yourself it’s just a phase. But intimacy is a cornerstone of a healthy, loving relationship.
If those sparks have dwindled into nothing but a faint glow, it might be time to ask the tough questions. Are we growing apart? Can this be rekindled?
Your Physical Intimacy Is Nonexistent
When the thrill of touching each other starts feeling more like a routine task or, worse, a burden, it screams volumes. This isn’t about pointing fingers or placing blame. It’s about recognizing a gap that’s widened enough to make you pause and think, “What happened?“
Sure, life gets busy, and everyone has their off days, but when the pattern sticks, it’s a wake-up call. Maybe it’s worth a chat, or maybe it’s a sign of a deeper disconnect. Either way, it’s not something to just brush off.
You Keep Your Feelings to Yourself
Communication is the lifeline of any strong relationship, so when you start bottling your feelings up instead of pouring them out to your partner, it’s a signal that the trust or comfort to share has taken a hit.
Here’s what keeping things to yourself might look like:
- The thought of opening up makes you tired before you even start.
- You find yourself shrugging off questions about how your day went.
- You’re becoming the master of “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.“
You’re Not Excited to See Them
Back in the day, the mere thought of seeing your partner would probably have you grinning ear to ear. Fast-forward to now, and if that excitement has fizzled out.
- Longing has been replaced by a flat ‘meh.’
- Notifications from them don’t give you that little rush anymore.
- You’re not particularly curious about what they’ve been up to.
You Feel Disconnected Even When Together
Isn’t it strange when you can be sitting right next to someone and yet feel miles apart? You both could be on the couch, lost in your worlds, and that silence speaks volumes. It’s not the peaceful, comfortable silence you sometimes hear people talk about.
It’s more like sitting in a waiting room, not sure what you’re waiting for but knowing you’d rather be anywhere else.
"You feel lonely all the time. If you’re always feeling alone and empty when you’re with your partner, it could be a symptom of falling out of love."
— Colleen Wenner, LMHC, MCAP, LPC | Founder and Clinical Director, New Heights Counseling & Consulting, LLC
You Prefer Being Alone or With Others
This realization might come with a mix of guilt and relief. It’s puzzling to find comfort outside the partnership that used to be your main source of happiness. Yet, it underscores a key change in where you find joy and fulfillment.
What this might look like:
- You find joy in hobbies and activities sans your partner.
- Invitations from friends excite you more than a date night suggestion.
- Alone time is no longer just a way to recharge but a cherished part of your day.
You’re Relieved When They’re Away
Relief isn’t something you’d typically associate with love. Yet, here you are, finding solace in the quiet that follows their departure. It’s not about wishing them harm or disliking them; it’s simply that their presence no longer brings you the peace it once did.
Let’s break it down:
- Your home feels more like your own when they step out.
- You enjoy your hobbies and unwind better alone.
- The thought of them coming back doesn’t excite you; it feels more like an end to your personal retreat.
You Avoid Conversations About the Relationship
Avoiding important discussions could mean you’re not interested in solving problems together anymore. This is another way for you to pull away from the relationship.
- You might change the topic when things get emotional.
- You dread the ‘We need to talk‘ conversations.
- You feel it’s easier to stay silent than to deal with potential conflict.
You’re Indifferent to Their Thoughts and Feelings
You used to care deeply about what they thought and felt. Their happiness and sadness mattered to you. Now, when they share something about their day or how they’re feeling, you don’t feel much. You listen because you think you should, not because you’re really interested.
Signs of this change include:
- Not reacting much to what they share with you.
- Seeing their emotional highs and lows as something distant.
- Listening out of habit, not because you want to know more.
You Just Going Through the Motions
Day in, day out, it’s the same old routine. Wake up, maybe share a meal, exchange a few words, and then off to the rest of the day’s tasks. It feels more like you’re following a script rather than living a shared life.
There’s no spark, no spontaneous laughter over breakfast, just the motions.
This phase feels like being on autopilot, where the relationship is more about coexistence than connection, and the ‘us’ part of the equation has turned into more of a habit than an intentional choice.
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You Stop Asking About Their Day or Life
It’s perfectly normal to have days when you’re too tied up with your own stuff. However, when every day becomes one where you don’t feel the need to ask about your partner’s life, it’s a sign of growing disinterest.
Let’s break it down:
- Your conversations are more about logistics than life experiences.
- You don’t remember the last time you asked about their work or personal projects.
- The details of their day-to-day life don’t grab your attention anymore.
Life is a mix of ups and downs, and it’s natural to want to share your victories with someone special. So, when you get that promotion, find a great deal, or even win a small contest, and your partner isn’t the first person you want to tell, it shows a shift in whom you value most.
You might notice that:
- Their reaction doesn’t thrill you anymore.
- You start doubting whether they will genuinely be happy for you.
- Sharing feels more like an afterthought than a reaction.
You Find Their Habits Annoying
Remember when you first got together, and all their little quirks seemed so cute? Maybe it was the way they’d hum while cooking or leave little notes around the house. Now, those same habits have you rolling your eyes instead of smiling.
This change doesn’t signal that they’ve become less considerate or that their habits have worsened; it’s about how your tolerance and affection, which once colored your view, have faded.
You No Longer Try to Impress Them
When you no longer feel the need to dress up, stay fit, or engage in activities your partner likes, it often mirrors the cooling of emotional investment in the relationship. You might find that you no longer think about ways to make them smile or go out of your way to create special moments.
This shows that the spark—what drove you to go that extra mile to wow them—has dimmed, making those efforts feel unnecessary or even unrewarding.
You’re Comparing Them to Others
You know something’s off when you look at your partner and can’t stop yourself from seeing how they stack up against others. It might be the charismatic new colleague or the fun-loving neighbor, but somehow, your partner’s coming up short every time you make that mental list.
- You admire qualities in others that you find lacking in your partner.
- You reminisce about past relationships or crushes and what they had to offer.
- Social media stories of other couples make you question your own relationship.
You Dream About the Future Without Them
Planning a future together is a quintessential part of a committed relationship. But when you catch yourself envisioning life down the road, and it consistently doesn’t include your partner, it’s a signal that something’s not right.
Here’s a quick glimpse into what that might mean:
- You have a career, travel, or personal goals that you see yourself achieving alone.
- When friends talk about the future, you speak about your plans without mentioning your partner.
- The thought of life without your partner is neither sad nor frightening—it just feels possible, maybe even preferable.
You No Longer Put Them First
There was a time when they were your top priority. If they needed something, or if you had the chance to make their day a little brighter, you’d jump at it. Now, when those moments arise, there’s hesitation, maybe even resistance.
It’s not about being selfish or uncaring; it’s more about a realignment of your priorities where they, somehow, have moved down the list.
You’re Yearning for Something or Someone Else
There’s this feeling inside you, a sort of itch that you can’t scratch, telling you there’s more out there for you—maybe another person, a different lifestyle, or a change that promises new beginnings.
Your mind starts to wander more often, picturing life scenarios that are vastly different from your current one, sometimes featuring someone else by your side, or perhaps, just you, breathing in a new kind of freedom.
You Constantly Find Fault in Your Partner
It’s normal to notice things that bother you about your partner from time to time. However, when it gets to a point where it feels like you’re holding a magnifying glass to their flaws, that’s a problem. You might find that their every action, choice, or even achievement has a downside in your eyes.
Consider these examples:
- You criticize their way of doing tasks, even if there’s no issue with the outcome.
- You downplay their accomplishments or good qualities.
- You notice every mistake they make, and it’s hard not to point it out.
"Constant arguments with your partner. Tolerance is gone, and everything your partner does makes you angry. Even the smallest comments are hitting you hard."
— Rodney Simmons | Relationship Expert and Author, Tiny Changes Matter
You’ve Stopped Arguing
On the surface, a lack of arguments might seem like a good thing. After all, who enjoys conflict? But if you’re no longer arguing because you simply can’t find the energy or interest to engage, it’s a sign of something more worrisome.
It might be that you find the relationship not worth the effort because, deep down, you’re not as invested in the outcome as you used to be.
You’re Not Keen on Making Changes
When a relationship faces challenges, adapting and making changes is often part of overcoming those hurdles. However, if you find yourself unwilling to adjust or put effort into change, it could mean you’re not as committed to the relationship’s future.
Here’s what this might look like:
- Suggestions for improving the relationship are met with a shrug.
- You don’t feel motivated to work on your own flaws—even those you’re aware of.
- Making sacrifices for the relationship feels more like a hassle than a labor of love.
You’re on Different Life Paths
Remember how your plans for the future once seemed to align so perfectly? That feeling of being on the same page about where you’re going, what you want out of life, and how you’ll get there?
Lately, it feels more like your visions for the future are not just different but are actively diverging. Your goals, aspirations, and even your values seem to be on separate tracks, and attempts to bridge these gaps feel increasingly challenging.
More expert insights on signs you’re falling out of love:
"You’re keeping secrets from each other. Trust is an integral part of any relationship, so if you find yourself keeping secrets from your partner, it’s a sign that something is wrong."
— Joni Ogle, LCSW, CSAT | Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist | CEO, The Heights Treatment
"Falling out of love is moving in another direction... There is less physical connection and more distance between them (both physically and emotionally), and they will connect more deeply with people outside of their relationship."
— Terri DiMatteo, LPC | Licensed Professional Counselor Relationship and Couple Counselor, Open Door Therapy
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I stay in a relationship if I think I’m falling out of love?
Staying in a relationship after falling out of love depends on your unique circumstances and desires for the future. It’s important to consider whether the relationship is worth saving and if both partners are willing to put in the work to reignite the love. Sometimes, personal or couples counseling can provide clarity on the best course of action.
What’s the difference between a rough patch and falling out of love?
A rough patch is typically a period of difficulty or disagreement that, with effort and communication, can be resolved, often leading to a stronger relationship. Falling out of love, however, indicates a deeper, more fundamental loss of emotional connection and investment in the relationship’s future.
Final Thoughts
Our hearts often know what we need before our heads figure it out, and acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward understanding what comes next for us.
Whether it’s a chance to grow and reconnect with your partner or to start a fresh chapter on your own, what matters is that you’re honest with yourself. Life’s too short for maybe’s and what-ifs, so trust your heart, and you’ll find your way.
