Ever get the vibe that your coworkers are a bit on edge around you? Maybe they dodge eye contact or get quiet when you enter the room. They might even act stiff or overly polite. It could be because they find you intimidating, even if you don’t mean to be.
Recognizing these signs is important. It helps you understand how your behavior impacts others and can lead to a more positive and productive workplace for everyone.
Ready to see if you might be coming off as intimidating? Here are the key signs to look out for:
Table of Contents
- They Avoid Making Eye Contact
- They Seem Uneasy When You Enter the Room
- They Exhibit Closed Body Language Around You
- They Fall Silent When You’re Around
- They Approach Your Desk with Caution and Nervousness
- They Hesitate to Share Their Ideas in Meetings
- They Often Agree with You but Appear Reluctant
- They Frequently Seek Your Approval
- They Avoid Discussing Personal Matters with You
- They Ask a Different Coworker to Deliver a Message
- They Rarely Seek You Out for Mentorship or Advice
- They Spread Rumors or Gossip About You
- They Show Signs of Competition Rather Than Collaboration
- They Carefully Phrase Questions Directed at You
- They Don’t Want You Involved with Important Projects
- They Seldom Invite You to Social Events
- More Expert Insights
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Final Thoughts
They Avoid Making Eye Contact
Good eye contact is like a solid handshake in the work environment; it shows confidence and trust. If you feel people are shying away from meeting your gaze, they might find you a bit intense.
But don’t worry—you don’t have to dim your shine. Just maybe flick on that warm smile more often. Here’s a few eye contact etiquette:
- Keep a steady gaze, but don’t overdo it.
- Match their level of eye contact to put them at ease.
- Smile gently; it can make you seem more open.
"People will avoid eye contact with you when they feel threatened or intimidated. It's a subtle subconscious mechanism to shield themselves from you."
— Eropa Stein | Founder and CEO, Hyre
They Seem Uneasy When You Enter the Room
Walking into a room and sensing discomfort? What about nervous looks, or people pretending to be busy? These are indicators they might not feel at ease with you around. It’s crucial to notice these behaviors. They’re telling you, “We’re not entirely comfortable.” This could happen if they find you too overpowering or strict.
You can change this by starting with a warm greeting when you walk in. Maybe crack a light joke or two to lighten the mood. Show that you’re friendly and approachable.
They Exhibit Closed Body Language Around You
Body language can say a lot. When people around you are all arms crossed and body turned away, it’s their non-verbal way of setting up boundaries. They might unconsciously say, “I’m not too sure about this.”
Here’s how you can break down barriers:
- Practice open body language yourself to set a comfortable tone.
- Keep a friendly face; your expressions can be inviting.
- Engage in light, genuine conversation to show your interest in them as individuals.
Adjusting how you present yourself can encourage your coworkers to relax their guard. It’s all about fostering a friendly environment where everyone feels safe to be themselves.
They Fall Silent When You’re Around
A quiet room doesn’t always mean hard work is happening; sometimes, the silence speaks volumes. If chatter stops and keyboards become the only sound when you walk in, coworkers might be on edge.
It might mean they don’t feel comfortable being themselves around you. Maybe they’re worried about being judged or criticized, which can stifle open communication.
Try to initiate a casual group chat about weekend plans or shared interests or give a relaxed, cheerful greeting to the room. Show an interest in their work; a simple “How’s that project going?” can kickstart dialogue.
"Coworkers may mirror your communication style, and if you want to change this, you can start exhibiting more openness. For example, I smile during conversations and share details about my day so that my coworkers feel comfortable doing the same."
— Eropa Stein | Founder and CEO, Hyre
They Approach Your Desk with Caution and Nervousness
If coming to your desk feels like a mission to Mars for your coworkers, there’s some intimidation in the air. They may respect you, sure, but if they’re tiptoeing around your space, they might be seeing you as unapproachable.
Make your desk a welcome spot:
- Keep some common-ground items visible, like a plant or a photo from a fun team event.
- Have an “open desk” moment when you’re available for chats.
- Maintain a friendly vibe; greet them with a smile and ask about their day.
Meetings are a great time for brainstorming and sharing ideas. If people seem to hold back their ideas when it’s their turn to speak, they might worry that you’ll shoot them down. This hesitation can prevent valuable contributions and stifle creativity.
It’s essential to encourage a flow of ideas and show that every thought counts. Think back to a meeting where you encouraged a hesitant teammate to share their thoughts. How did it change the discussion?
Positive reinforcement like, “That’s a great idea, let’s explore it further,” can encourage more participation and reduce intimidation.
"You may also consider phrasing your ideas and suggestions in a way that reflects that this is just one option, as opposed to the option to pursue... Be sure to then acknowledge other's contributions, without critique, to encourage them to continue to speak up and share their thoughts."
— Nicole Sud, Ph.D. | Industrial-Organizational Psychology, The Pennsylvania State University | Owner, 3-Under-Three
They Often Agree with You but Appear Reluctant
It’s nice when people agree with you, but the agreement should feel genuine, not forced. If nods come with hesitations, it could mean your coworkers are saying “yes” on the surface but aren’t really on board.
Reluctant agreement can be a sign that people feel pressured to conform rather than express their true thoughts. If people agree just to avoid conflict, you’re missing out on real feedback and diverse perspectives.
To foster open dialogue, encourage genuine agreement:
- Reassure your coworkers that all viewpoints are welcome, even if they differ from yours.
- Validate differing opinions when they’re shared; it builds confidence.
- Ask open-ended questions to invite discussion, not just head nods.
This can help them feel more comfortable sharing their genuine opinions, making discussions richer and more productive.
They Frequently Seek Your Approval
It feels good to be the go-to person, but if your coworkers are always looking to you for the thumbs up, they may not feel confident enough to trust their judgment.
This constant need for approval can slow down processes and hamper independent thinking. It shows they might be worried about making mistakes or not meeting your standards.
Encouraging your team to trust their gut can take some weight off your shoulders and foster a more dynamic and confident workplace. Remember, it’s about building a team that can stand strong, even when you’re not around.
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They Avoid Discussing Personal Matters with You
When people don’t share small, personal wins or weekend stories with you, it might be a sign they’re keeping a professional distance. This hesitation to share personal details could mean they don’t feel comfortable or relaxed in your presence. Maybe they think you’re all work and no play.
It’s important to build a connection beyond just work. By showcasing your own willingness to share and showing interest in their lives, you’re signaling that it’s safe to bring their whole selves to work, not just the business persona.
Here are some tips:
- Casually share a bit about your interests or a funny anecdote to show your human side.
- Express interest in their non-work life by asking simple, non-intrusive questions.
- Celebrate team milestones and joys, both big and small, to create shared moments.
"While coworkers are meant to really work together and not to be friends, a certain level of acquaintance is usually needed for employees to be able to work with one another smoothly. This calls for small efforts like asking some not so personal questions and engaging in small talks."
— Paul Sundin | CEO, Emparion
They Ask a Different Coworker to Deliver a Message
Have you noticed coworkers using a go-between to communicate with you? They might ask another team member to pass on a message instead of coming to you directly.
This indirect communication can indicate that they find you intimidating and are trying to avoid direct interaction. This isn’t just inconvenient; it also creates a barrier within your team.
Addressing this can help foster more direct and effective communication. A simple “Feel free to come to me directly if you need anything” can make a big difference. Ensuring they feel comfortable approaching you will lead to smoother and more efficient team dynamics.
"An indirect communication line usually shows you that a coworker will do whatever it takes to not speak to you face-to-face. This means they are afraid of what the response might be, and they feel like they are not able to respond accordingly or keep up with you in a conversation."
— Jim Sullivan | HR Professional | Founder and CEO, JCSI
They Rarely Seek You Out for Mentorship or Advice
If your colleagues aren’t popping by for insights or a helping hand, they might be wary of taking your time. Your expertise and experience are invaluable, but they might see asking for help as imposing or fearing criticism.
Think about how you can make yourself more approachable and encourage the mentorship culture by:
- Casually mentioning that you’re happy to lend an ear or give some pointers.
- Recognizing and praising the good work done independently builds their trust and encourages them to seek guidance.
- Sharing your availability—maybe set a time each week when you’re all ears for questions and brainstorming.
It’s about cultivating a place where learning from one another is part of the day’s work.
"You might also observe that your coworkers not only avoid giving you feedback but also don't ask for one. This might be caused by their fear of your extensive criticism or impulsiveness. People sense when you're not open to discussion and think that your ideas are better than theirs. That's why it's healthy to open up a bit and show your human side."
— Dorota Lysienia | Community Manager, LiveCareer
They Spread Rumors or Gossip About You
Hearing whispers about yourself? If you discover that coworkers are spreading rumors or gossiping about you, it’s a sign they feel intimidated. When people don’t feel confident or comfortable, they might resort to talking behind backs to deal with their insecurities.
This kind of behavior creates a negative atmosphere and can affect team trust. It’s a way for them to vent their frustrations or concerns indirectly, which isn’t healthy for anyone. While you can’t control what people say, fostering a more open and positive workplace can help.
They Show Signs of Competition Rather Than Collaboration
Seeing coworkers who compete with you instead of collaborating? A bit of healthy competition isn’t bad, but if it’s replacing teamwork, it could be because they’re trying to prove themselves in the shadow of your success.
Here’s what you can do:
- Celebrate collective wins and team efforts rather than individual triumphs.
- Set up team-based goals where collaboration is the key to success.
- Foster a culture where helping each other is recognized and rewarded.
When collaboration takes center stage, the workplace becomes less about “me” and more about “us,” turning competitive energies into cooperative success stories.
They Carefully Phrase Questions Directed at You
When coworkers are overly cautious and deliberate with their questions, it’s a clue that coworkers may be treading lightly. They might triple-check their wording, hesitate before speaking, or sound overly formal. This careful phrasing shows they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing or appearing foolish.
You can help by being approachable and showing patience. Respond to questions with encouragement, like saying, “Good question, I’m glad you asked,” or “There are no silly questions here.”
These responses can ease their nerves and promote a more relaxed and open communication style. Being patient and giving thoughtful answers also shows that you’re not just hearing but listening.
They Don’t Want You Involved with Important Projects
Being sidelined from substantial projects might seem like a snub, but it can indicate that your colleagues feel overpowered by your expertise. They might think your involvement will overshadow their contributions or that you’ll be too critical.
But hey, teamwork makes the dream work, and you’re part of that team. Involve yourself, but be sure to be respectful and sensitive:
- Show interest in project developments and ask how you can contribute as a supporting player.
- Express enthusiasm for your colleagues’ ideas and recognize their lead roles.
- Offer help in specific areas without stepping into the spotlight.
They Seldom Invite You to Social Events
If your calendar is missing those casual team lunches or happy hour invites, it could be a sign that your coworkers might feel awkward around you in a social setting. Social events are essential for bonding outside the usual work setting, and being excluded can feel isolating.
This exclusion can signal they’re uncomfortable letting their guard down around you. They might fear judgment or feel that you wouldn’t be interested in joining. It’s their way of keeping a safe distance in a non-work setting.
To change this, let them know you’d love to join in on the fun. Drop hints like, “Let me know next time you guys are heading out; I’d love to come along,” or ask, “Any plans after work?”
Showing genuine interest in participating can help break the ice and can help you connect on a more personal level.
More Expert Insights
“If someone particularly higher than you on the corporate ladder is intimidated by you, you will notice that they will micromanage you. They will look at your outputs under a magnifying glass, and you will see that they only do this to you. They single you out every time, and they might sometimes disguise it as a normal thing a manager does, but if you do observe closely, you’ll see that this treatment is unique to you.”
— Paul Sundin | CEO, Emparion
“A technique to handle this is to set an example by sharing my own challenges and asking my team for feedback and suggestions, often directly asking the intimated employee for their opinion. As a leader, this sets a tone and culture without making any demands of the team that might make them more insecure.”
— Tal Perry | Founder and CEO, LightTag
“For example, one of our rookie recruiters said to me, “You intimidate me” (a pretty obvious sign, huh?), which made me uncomfortable, so I initially made a joke out of it and laughed it off.
After I recovered, it started a conversation between the two of us. She said that sitting next to me and hearing my conversations made her feel like she could not do the job and that I expected her to pick up on things quickly.
I assumed that if I can do it, anybody can do it, forgetting that I had been in the industry for 16 years, and I made it look “easy.” My assumptions hurt her because I was dismissive of her concerns, and she told me this. Ouch.
We realized that she needed training from somebody other than me, which we decided to move forward with…
These conversations, plus the action of getting outside help, bolstered up the recruiter, and she was able to develop and grow. It comes down to being aware and being willing to have tough, mature conversations.
Usually, if somebody feels intimidated, it manifests as anger or drama or worse. I am grateful to her because it takes maturity for somebody to admit to somebody else that they are intimidated and to communicate it in an open and honest way.”
— Jennifer Powers | Owner and President, J Powers Recruiting, Inc.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can being too assertive or confident cause my coworkers to feel intimidated?
Yes, being overly assertive or confident can sometimes come across as intimidating, especially if it makes others feel overshadowed or undervalued. It’s vital to balance confidence with approachability and encourage a collaborative spirit in your interactions.
What if I’m being unintentionally intimidating because of my position in the company?
Sometimes, the role you’re in carries a weight that can intimidate others. It’s important to be aware of your tone and body language and to emphasize collaborative leadership. Make it clear that every team member’s contributions are valued regardless of position.
How can team-building activities help if coworkers are intimidated by me?
Team-building activities can break down barriers by putting everyone on equal footing outside the usual work hierarchy. Engage in these activities with the intent to connect and build trust.
What if I’m not the one intimidating others, but I see it happening in my team?
If you notice a team member unintentionally intimidating others, consider having a discreet and supportive conversation with them about the impact of their actions. Offer constructive suggestions and maybe share resources for professional development.
Remember, creating an inviting atmosphere at work strengthens camaraderie and productivity. Sometimes, it’s the simplest acts of kindness and understanding that turn an intimidating environment into an inspiring one.
Final Thoughts
Recognizing signs that your coworkers are intimidated by you is the first step to improving your office relationships. It’s not about changing who you are but understanding how your behavior affects others.
Take these insights to heart, practice being more approachable and kind, and help create a friendlier and more productive work environment. Remember, small changes can make a big difference. Now it’s your turn to put these tips into action.
