Do you think your husband is less interested in being intimate with you? Maybe he’s not as affectionate and kind to you anymore?
According to experts, here are the signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore and what to do if this rings true for you.
Clinical Psychologist | Speaker | Author, “Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly“
Marriage is a work of art crafted by two people. When both partners aren’t equally involved in crafting a marriage filled with loving commitment, the relationship can slowly fade over time.
Sometimes connection decreases when challenges—such as work stresses or health concerns—are at issue. But, if a once-loving husband is showing signs of neglecting the relationship, it’s important to take notice.
A few of the key signs that a husband’s love is waning include:
A lack of interest in heartfelt conversations
A husband who once enjoyed having intimate conversations within the marriage may be signaling a lack of love if an interest in conversations declines. In truth, a loving conversation is one of the most connective elements of a marriage.
Decreased interest in the other partner’s overall life
Over time, some husbands lose the desire to be connected to their partner’s daily life—this can manifest through a loss of interest in various areas of their partner’s life, including emotional, mental, social, and family areas.
A husband who does not show sincere interest in a partner’s life dampens emotional connection; this is often a sign of a decrease in loving feelings.
Only interested in sex without emotional intimacy
Men are more likely than women to enjoy sex without a feeling of emotional connection, yet if this pattern is more the rule than the exception, it can be a sign of a lack of love.
A husband who once enjoyed sexual intimacy—yet now avoids the intimate element of sex—may be falling out of love.
A complete lack of interest in sexual encounters
A husband who is not interested in sex at all may be revealing a lack of loving feelings. Unless the husband has a medical issue and is remaining intimately connected in other ways, a lack of sexual intimacy can surely be a sign that a husband is no longer in love.
Disengaged behavior such as shutting down and conflict avoidance
A husband who is disengaged from a partner may be showing a lack of loving interest. Disengagement can arise in myriad ways, including a lack of interest in solving conflicts or facing challenges as a team.
A husband who disengages from a partner is often saying without words, “I am not in love with you any longer, so I am not going to bother.”
No desire for together time
A husband who doesn’t invest in “couple time” is often signaling a lack of loving interest. A husband who has little or no desire to spend fun and playful time with a spouse—whether gardening, exercising, traveling, or tending to chores together—often reveals a lack of love.
He treats you with contempt
If your husband treats you with contempt, your relationship is in serious trouble. This has been proven by research over four decades by Dr. John Gottman, the most prominent relationship researcher in the United States. His work revealed that contempt is the number one predictor of divorce.
If your husband regularly mocks you, calls you names, or responds to you with sarcasm or disgust, then he is treating you with contempt. He is demonstrating that he feels he is better than you.
Until contempt is addressed, there can be no problem solving or closeness in a marriage. There is no love in contempt.
How to respond:
Address contempt as quickly as you can with composure. Do not attack him. Instead, just tell him how it made you feel. Talk about your experience as the receiver of contempt rather than comment on his poor behavior.
If you avoid attacking or criticizing him, he is likely to be less defensive. It increases the odds that he will actually hear you, feel empathy for your experience in the dynamic, and learn about his impact on others. He won’t be able to tolerate an attack (few of us can), but he might have the capacity to be interested in your experience.
However, if he is consistently unable to react non-defensively when you talk about your feelings, then couples counseling would be an appropriate next step. Research shows that couples counseling works for 70% – 80% of couples.
If counseling does not make a difference (and you should give it at least 10 sessions), then divorce may be your only option. To tolerate the cruelness of contempt over a long time is deeply destructive to your psyche and soul.
If you have been with someone for a long time, have kids, and thought you might grow old with them, then it might be difficult to recognize the signs they don’t love you anymore.
Here are some signs to look out for:
He’s bored with you
If you’ve been with your husband for a long time, you will, of course, get bored with each other. This is normal in long-term relationships. However, if he is bored with you and not when he’s doing his own things, then this is a sign that something is wrong.
Some signs of boredom might include a lack of energy or a blank expression. He may also have stopped romancing you, pick more fights with you, or even show less interest in your life.
What to do:
If you are truly giving him lots of love and affection, and he shows total disinterest in making you happy, then it may be that he is not worthy of being in your life.
The first step is to stop begging him to talk about it and asking how you can make him happy. You should also stop throwing yourself at him in the bedroom if he is unwilling to reciprocate.
You can start showing interest in his life, showing your appreciation for him, telling him what a great spouse or parent he is, and also being more flirtatious with him. But it’s best not to be too extreme in this situation as it can come across as desperate and clingy.
Your husband isn’t communicating with you that often
If you notice that you aren’t communicating as often as before, this is a signal that there are relationship problems.
Related: How to Solve Relationship Problems Without Breaking Up?
What to do:
There are a few reasons why he may not be communicating. One reason may be that he is scared of his feelings, doesn’t feel appreciated, is completely focused on himself, or has other priorities.
In this situation, it’s helpful to openly communicate that you don’t feel good in the relationship and ask him if he is willing to work on it with you. Communication is one of the most important factors of a successful marriage. This isn’t something to be ignored.
Related: 20 Best Marriage Books for Couples
Your husband isn’t putting any effort into your relationship
You may feel like you have been the only one putting effort into your relationship. He doesn’t want to do anything kind for you, and perhaps he doesn’t want to talk about it.
What to do:
If your husband doesn’t want to contribute to the relationship, this is a big sign of disrespect and not something you should have to put up with. You should communicate that you don’t want to be the one to have all the responsibilities of the relationship.
If he doesn’t want to change, you can suggest a separation. You may feel more positive on your own than with a toxic partner who doesn’t care about you. Your well-being is important, and the point of every relationship is to be with someone who will love you.
More thoughts:
There are so many factors that can contribute to a lack of love and even divorce. But if you really care about someone, you can always work through it. You should never give up easily.
The one thing that will not make things better is pretending things are working or denying your reality. A marriage like this is doomed.
If you’re having doubts about whether or not your husband still feels the same way about you, these three major signs will suggest that he doesn’t love you anymore:
He stopped caring for the relationship
The phrase “to have and to hold” is a commitment of love. It is a promise between two people to take care of each other and their marriage. If he suddenly stopped exerting effort to stay connected with you, physically and emotionally, then it could be a sign that your husband doesn’t love you anymore.
He acts indifferent towards you
Is he giving you the cold shoulder? If he seems uninterested in you and has completely withdrawn from any form of affection, then it’s a bad sign that your husband has fallen out of love with you.
He’s unwilling to resolve conflicts
Couples who are genuinely committed to each other will always be willing to resolve any conflict they might have in their relationship. But if your husband has become completely closed off and adamant about focusing on the problem instead of fixing it, it’s a red flag that he doesn’t love you anymore.
You can try these tips to help you work around your marriage:
- Seek a marriage counselor.
- Identify the root cause of your problems. Listen to what your husband has to say too.
- Mutually decide on what your next steps should be.
Marriage takes a lot of work. But if all else fails, know your worth and move on.
Here are the top three signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore and what to do about it.
He ignores you
If your husband consistently ignores you, doesn’t listen to what you say, rarely makes eye contact, and is otherwise distant—it is a very bad sign. Either he doesn’t love you anymore, or he’s going through bad personal issues that are clouding his ability to show intimacy.
He won’t communicate
Communication forms the core of any healthy relationship. But when you stop loving someone, you stop caring. If your husband no longer communicates with you, it’s a flashing red warning sign that you can’t afford to overlook.
Related: 25+ Warning Signs Your Relationship Is Over
He flirts with other women
If your husband is flirting with other women, he’s either a cheater or out of love with you—or both. If he does still love you, it’s obviously still an unacceptable way to conduct himself. If he was really committed, he wouldn’t be chasing other women.
What to do about it:
Remind him of the good times
In many cases, your husband has simply forgotten about the good times. Take him out for a date night and remind him of the good times. Try something new in bed and show him that you love him, then wait for him to reciprocate. If he doesn’t, then at least you tried.
Tell him your boundaries
Don’t let your husband walk all over you and treat you like garbage. You are his wife, and you deserve respect and love. If he’s no longer willing to provide that in any capacity, then you have the right to tell him that you’re moving on unless there’s a change.
Seek professional help
Sometimes all that’s left to do is seek out a professional, and there’s no shame in that whatsoever. They are trained to deal with the problems between married couples, and if there’s any spark of love left in your husband, a trained therapist may be able to coax it back out of hiding.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a lack of love be a result of external factors?
A lack of love in a relationship can be a result of external factors. Many factors beyond a couple’s control can impact their relationships, such as financial stress, work-related stress, health issues, family conflicts, and other life events.
It’s important to remember that external factors can significantly impact a couple’s emotional connection and intimacy. If you’re experiencing a lack of love in your relationship, it’s important to reflect on any external factors that may be contributing to the issue.
Consulting a therapist or counselor may be helpful if you suspect that external factors are impacting your relationship. A trained professional can help you work through your concerns, develop strategies to deal with external stressors and strengthen your relationship.
Remember that the success of your relationship depends on both partners being willing to put in the effort and commitment to make the relationship work in the face of external challenges.
With patience, understanding, and a willingness to work through your issues, it’s possible to rebuild a strong and loving partnership.
How can I cope if my husband no longer loves me?
Coming to terms with the realization that your husband no longer loves you can be a complex and emotional process. It’s important to give yourself time and space to process your emotions and make a plan for the future.
An important step is to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist or counselor. Talking to someone who understands what you’re going through can help you process your emotions and find ways to cope with the situation.
It’s also important to focus on your self-care and do things that make you happy and fulfilled. This may include pursuing hobbies or interests, spending time with loved ones, or practicing self-care activities such as meditation or exercise.
Remember that your worth and value are not defined by your husband’s feelings toward you. Focus on building a life that brings you happiness and fulfillment, and know that you deserve to be with someone who loves and appreciates you for who you are.
How can I rebuild trust if my husband no longer loves me?
Rebuilding trust in a relationship when your husband no longer loves you can be a complex process, but it’s possible with time and effort.
An important step is communicating openly and honestly with your husband about your concerns and feelings. Express your needs and expectations for rebuilding trust, and be willing to listen to your husband’s perspective as well.
It’s also important that you focus on consistency and follow-through. Suppose your husband has promised to change his behavior or improve your relationship. In that case, it’s important that he follow through on those commitments. This can help restore trust and show that he’s committed to making things work.
Another important step is to seek support from a therapist or counselor. A trained professional can help you work through your issues and develop strategies to restore trust and strengthen your emotional connection.
Remember that rebuilding trust takes time and effort from both partners. It’s important to be patient and willing to work on your relationship to make it work.