Relationships | Marriage

Wedding Vows: How to Write Your Own (31 Tips)

By Jessa Claire
Updated on

The cake? Check. Your wedding day outfit? Stunning. And that playlist? It’s sure to get everyone on the dance floor. But there’s just one thing left on that checklist: your vows. Now’s the time to sit down and write what’s in your heart.

Your vows are a special kind of promise, one that tells your story and will echo in your memories long after the big day is over.

You might think, “Why not just stick to the usual vows?” Well, you could. But making your own vows brings in a genuine feel, making them exclusively yours. I’m here to show you how to capture the essence of your relationship in words — all heart, no fluff!

I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once-in-a-lifetime love.

Leo Collins, “The Vow”

Start Early: Give Yourself Plenty of Time

When you write your wedding vows, it’s like making a special gift for someone you love. It’s not something you want to do in a hurry.

Begin writing a few months before your wedding. This way, you can take your time to make your vows just right without feeling rushed.

Tip: Consider setting a deadline at least a month before your wedding. This way, you’ve got ample time to polish your vows without last-minute jitters clouding your thoughts.

Start with a Brainstorm Session

Before you get into the details of writing your vows, sit down and write all your thoughts about your partner. Write about the fun times, the things that make them special, and why they mean the world to you.

Don’t worry about making it perfect just yet. Let your ideas come out freely. It’s like a warm-up before the real thing.

Examples:

  • Silly thing: “You always laugh the loudest at movies.”
  • Special moment: “You made me breakfast in bed on our anniversary.”
  • Big reason: “Your kindness has taught me so much.”

Reflect on Your Journey Together

Take some time to think back on all the time you’ve spent with your partner. Remember how you both have grown and the hard times you’ve faced together.

Looking back on these experiences will help you write vows that are honest and come from the heart.

Examples:

  • Big event: “Moving into our first tiny apartment felt like we were on top of the world.”
  • Tough time: “We made it work even when we lived far apart. It showed us we could trust each other.”
  • Daily joy: “Cooking together became the best part of our week.”

Imagine Your Future Side-by-Side

Writing your wedding vows is a chance to talk about your life together in the future. It’s about sharing with your partner the dreams and plans you see for both of you. This part of your vows will show your partner that you’re in it for the long haul.

Tip: Think about where you see yourselves in five, ten, or even fifty years. This can make your vows feel very promising.

Focus on the “Why” of Your Commitment

Your wedding vows are a powerful way to tell your partner why you’re choosing to spend your life with them. They’re not just any promises; they’re your reasons for loving and committing to someone more than anyone else.

This part is what makes your vows stick in your hearts. It’s your chance to tell them why their love inspires you, supports you, and makes every day brighter.

Example:

  • “I choose you because you turn every challenge into an adventure.”
  • “You bring out the best in me, making me want to be better every day.”

Keep It Real: Talk from the Heart

Your vows should come from the most honest part of you. They’re special because they’re true words that show your love and your promises.

When you speak from the heart, your partner and everyone there can feel it. Being genuine like this is the best way to start your married life.

Example:

  • “I may not be perfect, but I promise to always be real with you.”
  • “I love you, not for a fancy reason, but simply because you are you.”

Craft a Strong Opening Line

The first words of your wedding vows really set the stage. They catch attention and can even make hearts skip a beat.

A good opener will make everyone, especially your partner, lean in and listen. This line is your chance to start with a bang and lay down the vibe for the rest of your vows. Think of it as opening the door to your heart and inviting your partner in.

Example:

  • “From the moment I met you, I knew adventure was waiting around every corner.”
  • “You walked into my life, and suddenly, everything made sense.”

Write Down Your Promises Clearly

Clarity is key when it comes to the promises in your vows. You want your partner and guests to understand exactly what you’re committing to.

Simple, straight-to-the-point promises are best. They’re easy to remember and they stay in hearts long after your wedding day. When your promises are clear, it’s like you’re handing your partner a map of how you’ll love them.

Example:

  • Promise: “I promise to make you laugh whenever we’re both too serious.”
  • Commitment: “I promise to always listen, truly listen, to what you have to say.”

Make Promises That Are True to Your Relationship

Your vows should be as unique as your relationship. The promises you make should reflect who you are together. This is about being personal and specific to the life you’ve built and the future you’re planning.

Tip: Tailor your promises to match the reality of your relationship. Think about what makes your partnership work and vow to continue doing those things.

Connect with Your Shared Values

In your vows, talk about the values you both hold dear. These are the deep beliefs that bond you two together, like family, honesty, or being kind to others.

Mentioning these values in your vows reminds you both of the solid ground your relationship stands on. It’s like saying, “Hey, we’re in this together, and these things matter to us.” Plus, it tells everyone else what kind of team you are.

Tip: Think about the moments when you’ve both said, “We’re really great together.” What made you say that? Those are your shared values.

Address Your Partner Directly

When you’re saying your vows, talk to your partner like they’re the only one there.

  • Use ‘you‘ a lot.
  • Make eye contact.
  • Let your voice show how much they mean to you.

It’s not just about reading some words; it’s about speaking to the love of your life. These moments are personal, powerful, and just for the two of you.

Chandler, for so long I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soulmate. Then three years ago, at another wedding, I turned to a friend for comfort, and instead, I found everything that I’d ever been looking for my whole life. And now, here we are, with our future before us, and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soulmate, my friend.

Monica Geller, “Friends”

Highlight What You Love About Your Partner

In your vows, tell your partner what you adore about them. Maybe it’s their laugh, the way they help others, or their bravery. This is your chance to remind them, and everyone there, why you’re standing together.

It’s about them, you, and all the special little things that make your love story yours. Everyone’s love story is different; this is where you get to share yours.

Tip: Zero in on three qualities of your partner that you absolutely adore.

Incorporate Traditions Important to You

Vows are the perfect place to honor the traditions that mean a lot to both of you. Whether it’s a cultural custom, a family saying, or just something you two do on the weekends, these traditions add a personal touch.

They reflect where you came from and what shapes you as a couple. It’s also a nice nod to your families, blending the past with your future.

Tip: Pick one or two traditions that feel close to your heart and describe what they mean to you both.

Use Simple Words for Deep Feelings

When you express your feelings in your vows, you don’t need big or fancy words. Simple words can sometimes say more because they’re clear and they hit straight to the heart. They help you say what you really mean without making everyone pull out a dictionary.

Big love doesn’t need big words. It’s all about those honest, everyday words that you use to tell your story.

Example:

  • Clear declaration: “I love you, not just for who you are but for how you make me feel.”
  • Simple promise: “I will always be there for you, in laughter and in tears.”

Avoid Clichés: Be Authentically You

Avoiding clichés in your vows means you’re sharing something new and true, not something everyone’s heard a thousand times.

This gesture shows your partner that you’ve really thought about your vows and what you want to say. They’ll know that these words are yours and nobody else’s, which is pretty cool.

Example:

  • “I promise to cheer for you at every game, even when you’re a seat-filling fan.”
  • “While I’m no superhero, I vow to protect and stand by you.”

Make It Personal and Positive

Your wedding vows are about sharing the special and good things that you love about your life together. They should sound like they’re coming straight from you, not a TV show or a greeting card.

Keep them personal; talk about the things that only you two understand and laugh about.

Tip: Mix in details from your own life and love story that’ll bring smiles not just to your faces, but also warm the hearts of everyone listening.

Decide on Tone: Humorous or Solemn?

Your vows can be full of laughs or very serious, it really depends on what feels right for you and your partner. Some couples love to keep things light-hearted, while others prefer a more traditional, serious approach.

Think about what fits your relationship and what will feel right on your big day. Remember, it’s about what makes you both feel good and true to yourselves.

Example:

  • “I vow to always steal the covers but also to always keep you warm.”
  • “I solemnly swear to be your partner in all things, not just life but in spirit.”

Use Humor Wisely

A bit of humor can lighten the mood and make your vows memorable, but remember, it’s all about the right place and the right time. Jokes are great, but they shouldn’t take away the deep meaning of this day.

A good chuckle can be the cherry on top of your beautiful vows, as long as it feels natural. It’s like seasoning food; a little goes a long way.

Tip: If you’re going to add a dash of humor, make sure it’s something that’ll make your partner genuinely laugh, not just a joke for the sake of it.

I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands. To speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not. To agree to disagree on red velvet cake, and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.

Paige Collins, “The Vow”

Remember, It’s Okay to Show Vulnerability

Sharing your feelings in a big way, like in your wedding vows, sometimes means letting your guard down. It’s fine to show that you’re not always strong, and that’s what makes your bond with your partner even stronger.

Your wedding is a safe space to share real emotions. Being open about your fears and hopes can make your vows even more touching. It means a lot to stand in front of friends and family and say, “I’m not perfect, but I’m here for you.“

Structure Your Vows for Impact

How you put together your words can really affect how they’re felt and remembered. Think of your vows like a story: with a beginning, middle, and end.

Start with how you met or your first impressions, move through your journey together, and then look towards the future. This flow makes your vows easy to follow and keeps everyone hanging on every word.

Example:

  • “We started as two shy souls in a coffee shop.”
  • “Together, we became adventurers, facing every challenge and celebrating every victory.”
  • “I look forward to a lifetime of creating new stories with you.”

End with a Heartfelt Promise

The ending of your vows is like the final note in a favorite song — it’s what people will remember.

Ending with a deep, sincere promise seals everything you’ve said with the gravity it deserves. It’s a wrap-up that should echo all the love and commitment you’ve mentioned before.

Tip: Choose a promise that sums up your love and devotion, something that says, “This is forever.”

Draw Inspiration from Books, Movies, or Songs

Sometimes other people’s words can say exactly what you’re feeling. If there’s a book, movie, or song that really speaks to both of you, use it to add something special to your vows.

It could be a line that you both love or something that reminds you of a great moment you shared. Just be sure that what you choose fits your relationship and feels right for your vows.

Example 1: Books

  • Inspiration: “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” — Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
  • Application: Say how you and your partner are deeply connected, more than just liking each other a lot. It’s like your hearts speak the same language.

Example 2: Movies

  • Inspiration: “I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.” — The Lord of the Rings
  • Application: Talk about how being together for one lifetime is way better than being alone forever, showing how much you really want to be with them.

Example 3: Songs

  • Inspiration: “All of me loves all of you.” — John Legend, All of Me
  • Application: Share how you love everything about your partner, the good and the not-so-good, showing you love them completely and without conditions.

Incorporate Quotes That Speak to You Both

Quotes can be a powerful way to express your feelings. Maybe there’s a line from a poem or a saying that has always stuck with you.

If it fits your relationship and the promises you’re making, it can add a lot to your vows. But remember, the best quotes are the ones that really feel like they’re about you two.

Example:

  • “As Shakespeare said, ‘Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.’ We’ve shown that time and time again.”
  • “In the wise words of Rumi, ‘Love is the bridge between you and everything,’ and I stand here ready to cross it with you always.”

Agree on Length with Your Partner

Your vows are a conversation between you and your partner, so it’s important you’re both on the same page about them.

Talk about how long you want your vows to be beforehand. This way, no one is up there talking for ten minutes while the other person has two. It’s not about strict rules, but about both of you feeling comfortable and in tune with what you’re saying.

Tip: It’s cool to be brief. Sometimes a few well-chosen words can carry a world of meaning.

Edit for Clarity and Flow

Once you have your vows down on paper, it’s time to go back and make sure they’re clear and smooth, like a good conversation. You want to make sure each sentence makes sense and connects well to the next.

This step is all about making sure your vows tell your story in a way that feels good and is easy to understand.

Don’t be afraid to cut out the parts that don’t work or to change things around. After a good edit, your vows will shine like a polished diamond.

Tip: Read your vows out loud to yourself — you’ll hear where things need smoothing out.

Rehearse but Keep It Natural

Practicing your vows is important, but you don’t want to sound like a robot on your wedding day. It’s about knowing them well enough to say them without stumbling, but still letting those natural emotions come through.

Think of it like telling your best friend a story. You know what you want to say, but you’re not just reciting it; you’re sharing it with feeling. Keep that in mind while you practice.

Example:

  • Rehearsal strategy: Practice your vows a few times a week leading up to the wedding.
  • Keep it fresh: Imagine you’re saying these words to your partner for the first time, every time you rehearse.

Practice Out Loud for Confidence

Saying your vows out loud before the wedding gives you a chance to get comfortable with them. Hear how they sound, where you want to make pauses or put more feeling into the words. It’s like a test run that helps you get ready for the main event.

By the time your wedding rolls around, you’ll be able to say your vows confidently and share the love you feel without even thinking about it.

Tip: Stand in front of a mirror or record yourself — it’s great for building confidence and spotting any last tweaks you might want to make.

Have a Backup Copy on Hand

It’s always a good plan to have an extra copy of your vows just in case. You might think you won’t need it, but nerves can do funny things on the big day.

Having a backup means one less thing to worry about. Keep a copy with your best friend, your officiant, or tucked away somewhere safe. When you step up to declare your love, knowing your words are secure will let you breathe a little easier.

Tip: Keep a copy on your phone or email it to yourself — digital backups are super handy.

Look Into Your Partner’s Eyes

Your wedding is about you and the person standing opposite you. When you say your vows, look them in the eyes. It’s like the whole world fades away, and it’s just you two.

Eye contact is a powerful thing; it says you mean every word you’re saying. Plus, it’s like you’re speaking straight to their heart, which makes that moment even more special.

Tip: Try practicing your vows with a friend and maintain eye contact. Remember, it’s not about staring; it’s about connecting.

Speak Slowly and Clearly

The moment has come to say your vows, and you want to make sure each word is heard. Take your time, speak each sentence carefully, and don’t rush.

It’s not about speaking super slowly, just clearly enough that your words have the weight they deserve. This way, your partner, and everyone else can take in each promise you make.

Tip: Pause at key moments for emphasis and to let the words truly sink in. This will also help you stay calm and collected.

Enjoy the Moment

This is it — your wedding day, the moment you’ve been waiting for. When you’re up there, saying your vows, don’t forget to enjoy it. Let the happiness of the day, the love you feel, and the smiles of your friends and family sink in.

It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience, so breathe it in, live it up, and remember how it feels. This is your love story in the making!

Monica, I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I saw you walking down the aisle, I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way, it’s okay, because I will always love you.

Chandler Bing, “Friends”

Frequently Asked Questions

Should I memorize my vows?

If you can comfortably memorize your vows and recite them without being overly nervous, go for it. Otherwise, it’s perfectly fine to read them. Having a backup copy is always a good idea, too.

Can we write our vows together, or should they be a surprise?

This is completely up to you as a couple. Some prefer the surprise element, while others enjoy the process of creating vows together. Do what feels right for you and your relationship.

Are there topics I should avoid in my vows?

Generally, it’s best to keep your vows positive and to the core. Avoid bringing up past conflicts, inside jokes that not everyone will understand, or anything too personal that might not be suitable for a public setting.

Do I need to have my wedding vows approved?

While not typically required, it’s a thoughtful gesture to share your vows with your officiant or wedding planner ahead of time. They can offer guidance and ensure your vows fit well within the ceremony’s structure.

Final Thoughts

Wondering if you should just go by the book with your vows? Consider this: your love story is unique, with its own special moments and memories. Writing your own vows lets you put that uniqueness into words. 

So, what’s next? Simply start. Whether it’s on a napkin, in a fancy notebook, or on your phone, it doesn’t matter. Your own words will always mean more than anything borrowed. Write down those promises, make them laugh, maybe shed a tear or two, but most importantly, make them yours. You totally got this!

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Jessa Claire

Jessa Claire is a registered healthcare provider. Music lover. Daydreamer. Thalassophile. Foodie. A hardworking Capricorn. Most days, an incurable empath. An old soul. Down-to-earth. Vibrant.

When she's not writing, she can be seen relaxing with headphones on or engrossed in her favorite fan fiction book.