One of the best feelings in the world is falling in love with someone. More often than not, it feels overwhelming, exciting, and it hits you out of nowhere.
But then again, falling in love feels different for everyone. Others may have been in love often, and they already know how it feels like, but others may not be so sure if it’s love or just an infatuation.
So the question is, what does it feel like when you’re already falling in love?
Not something that people can usually explain with words
It’s not something that people can usually explain with words as it is so tied up with our emotions and senses. Love is timeless! Humans have been falling in love since the beginning of time.
What can be said about that space in time is that our brains are actually firing differently! The endorphins and dopamine that are being triggered and released result in brain scans similar to a person who is on drugs.
There is a feeling of euphoria that happens when a person sees the other with whom they are developing these feelings. There can be a loss of focus on anything that does not include the love interest.
As a Sex Therapist and Intimacy Expert, I see many ends of the spectrum of love – from the falling into it all the way to the falling out, the heartbreaks, the joys, and pains.
One thing that seems to be a common thread is the absolute certainty of how important the person being fallen in love with is to the person falling.
It can become an obsession, of sorts with all thoughts and actions revolving around the love interest. It can blind a person from seeing faults that are clearly obvious to those around them.
In extremely passionate cases it can become a blinding devotion with loss of family and friends. Again, similar to drug addiction. This isn’t to paint it as a negative experience. Quite the contrary.
For the person falling in love, it can be an amazing journey that opens them up to positive energies they may have missed before.
Dave Popple, Ph.D.
President, Psynet Group
Finding excuses to be together all the time
According to Bowen family systems theory and several others, we all live with competing drives to be individuals and to be connected. Once one of the needs is met or saturated, the other becomes stronger.
For example, If I am single for an extended period of time, I may start to feel lonelier and lonelier, a signal that my drive to be connected is not satisfied. Then, I meet someone who also been lonely and our drives and some other unknown attraction factors combine to create chemistry.
It feels like love and they find excuses to be together all the time, even those who are rational and know they are supposed to play it cool. They start finishing each other’s sentences and liking the same things and their sense of individualism and identity starts to erode thus the need for their own space grows and the vicious cycle begins.
Maybe it’s a break up with a frantic attempt to get back together (See “Say Anything” with John Cusack standing with his boombox).
The drive to get closer and then separate is like cuddling with a porcupine on a cold night in which we move in and as the need to stay warm and the need to avoid pain keeps the relationship in continuous motion.
International Love Coach
Love feels differently depending on what kind of love you’re talking about
The biggest determining factor I’ve noticed in my experience and those of my clients is whether love is healthy or unhealthy.
Healthy love feels safe, grounded and secure. You think of the person often but more to contribute to the person’s life somehow e.g. “Oh, he would love this” or “I think I’ll get this for her“.
Unhealthy love feels whimsical, dramatic, all-consuming and insecure. Your thoughts will be more in the domain of “Why hasn’t he texted back?” or “I would die for her“.
Meditation Coach | Yoga Instructor, Splendid Yoga
Enlivening, emboldening, and enlightening
Falling in love feels like the first rays of warm sunshine felt on bare skin after a snowy winter: enlivening, emboldening, enlightening.
What happens when you fall in love is, you’ve met a kindred spirit whose light will shine on your darkest places. It can be uncomfortable! Scary, even, to delve into those parts of ourselves we’ve been hiding. But if you’ve fallen in love with a worthy partner, you will feel safe enough to heal those wounds
Falling in love feels like you want to give all of yourself to this person. It feels like you’re a more whole version of yourself, not because you weren’t whole before, but because you’ve met someone who reminds you, constantly, through their actions, words, and energy, that you are worthy of love.
Falling in love feels like you have a better understanding of yourself and of the world. If you’re falling in love, you’ve met someone who will guide you closer to your purpose, who will support you in your endeavors and remind you when you’re not acting on your highest self.
Yes, there is the physical emotion, the attraction, the sex, and all of that is part of love, but most of that is romance, not a relationship. The act of falling in love is just that: an act. It’s an equal giving and receiving of acts of kindness, of generosity, of your very best self.
Katie Ziskind, LMFT
Owner, Wisdom Within Counseling
It’s calming yet also scary and exciting
Feeling in love is calming and satisfying as well as also being thrilling, scary, and exciting. It is unknown and it can be hard to be vulnerable. It feels like you can’t wait to see the person, especially when they’re feeling the same thing back.
Whenever you see the person, your stomach feels the butterflies, you can also see their eyes light up with joy from seeing you too. Falling in love is something that takes two people having feelings to develop for each other. You might think about this person at 2 AM and you might not be able to sleep from feeling in love.
Author | Founder, Manifest It!
Falling in love feels like meeting the reflection of your soul
When another joins you on your journey you feel a sense of calming peace, a sigh of relief that you are not an alien on this planet after all. Yet, sparks of energy heighten your soul and you think to yourself, “Here he is!”
We easily slide under each other’s wings like two soulful puzzle pieces clicking together with the purpose to expand one another’s journey with support, loyalty, and understanding. And yet it’s fun, it’s funny, it’s sensual, and it’s a magical and sacred connection no other soul can ignite within you.
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”– Carl Gustav Jung.
Healthy Living Coach
Falling in love feels immortal
It’s almost like you just drank from the fountain of youth. Eating, drinking and sleeping all become unnecessary.
Falling in love feels one-track minded
Like anything you are doing outside of loving and being with that person is a sheer waste of your time.
Falling in love feels vulnerable
You know everything has the potential to go wrong, but here you are, being vulnerable anyway. Loving in spite of it all.
Falling in love is the ultimate expression of what it is to be human
Diving deeply into someone else and seeing their flaws as minor mishaps while wrapping yourselves in each other’s affection.
Falling in love is exciting
Falling in love feels like slipping into warm water and never wanting to leave. It feels like constant over-caffeination- the jitters bubbling up in your chest cause you to fear that your heart will explode but it isn’t an anxious, sweaty-palm kind of fear. It is inviting.
Falling in love feels like discovering a new song and wanting to play it on a loop. Each time the music hits you is as beautiful as the last.
Falling in love feels like a force field is taking shape around you. It is protecting you from the mundane, ordinary-ness of life.
Falling in love feels like floating so far above the life you used to lead. You cannot imagine how you were content to lead a life that did not involve this one special person.
Falling in love is the feeling that all of your senses are heightened. Everything in the world is something to appreciate and admire through a beautifying filter.
Falling in love feels like a time machine. One moment you are admiring that person from afar and the next you can’t remember how you existed without knowing them; so even a month feels like a lifetime.
Falling in love feels like being perpetually tipsy. It feels like a movie is playing in the background of your brain at all times; a film composed of echoes of their words and snapshots of their face. You can’t help but smile at this secret film, even if it makes you look insane on the bus. You can’t turn the film off, nor do you ever want to.
Writer, House Method
Falling in love is much more complicated than feeling happy all the time
I used to think that falling in love was all about feeling butterflies in your stomach, never wanting to be apart from your person, and being happy all the time. While the butterflies are definitely real (at least in the honeymoon/beginning stages of any relationship), falling in love is much more complicated than feeling happy and “in love” all the time.
When I met my now fiancé, there were definitely butterflies and that giddy feeling of excitement every time we got the chance to hang out and be together. As our relationship progressed, the butterflies faded, but that didn’t mean that we stopped falling in love with each other.
In fact, quite the opposite. The small spats, the disagreements on where we should eat (the MANY disagreements on where we should eat), and the annoying quirks about each other were definitely infuriating at times, but it made me fall in love with my fiancé even more because it showed me that we were both two imperfect humans who were just trying to navigate this exhilarating, frustrating, crazy thing called love.
Falling in love isn’t perfect, and I don’t think it’s supposed to be. My fiancé and I are a prime example of that. But looking at him and knowing he’s who I’m supposed to be with, despite all the flaws, ups and downs, and ins and outs of our relationship, brings back those simultaneous feelings of adoration and exasperation and those dang butterflies, making me fall in love with him all over again.
Choosing to love everything and letting go of the things that are not life-altering
Growing up I did not much care for love. I think a great way to summarize my feelings was that my favorite childhood movie was Rodger’s and Hammerstein’s Cinderella. The song that goes “Falling in love with love is falling for make-believe” was my anthem.
I did not understand how people could be so crazy about another person, or how we made such a big deal about “the one” and “true love“. To this day, I think it is silly to assume there is a perfect match, but that doesn’t have to stop you from finding, or fighting for, love.
My person happened in a series of odd events starting with my DM’ing him on twitter to clarify that I was not a creep, but I saw him around town a lot. We ended up as friends for about a year and kind of like hanging out together, kind of did not quite get each other. I was 22 and had never dated, so when he decided he liked me and asked to date, I was like, well shoot, I guess I have to try at some point.
For the first few months, it was so fun, I loved having this cute guy thought bought me coffee and kissed me but like all relationships, you hit a point where things get tough. We got real, we were not some dream boats cascading down the river of love (as I thought it should be).
It was in the disagreements and difficult conversations that made me realize I loved this guy. After every fight, I found that we felt closer. We resolved, we compromised, we sacrificed for each other. We never took space to be moody or passive-aggressive, we just tackled the issues head-on.
We discovered what it meant to love someone for who they are and not change them. To support them and listen to their fun and boring stories and passions. That’s what it meant for me to fall in love.
It’s the sticking it through and fighting for what you want. Choosing to love everything and letting go of the things that are not life-altering.
Related: Why Do We Fall in Love with Someone?