What to Do if You Regret Breaking Up With Someone (With Expert Insights)

After a relationship ends, sometimes we’re left with a suitcase of “what ifs” and “should haves.”

I think taking a step back to unpack these thoughts can reveal a lot about why things actually ended. Consider the issues that were in play — disagreements, differences in life goals, or perhaps a feeling that something was missing. These reasons, no matter how small they may seem, contributed to the decision to part ways.

Ask yourself: Were you truly happy? Did you both want the same things?

Sometimes, when we’re honest with ourselves, we find that the breakup was a conclusion drawn not in haste but with deep consideration for everyone’s well-being.

Breakups can hit you like a ton of bricks. That’s why it’s crucial to allow yourself enough time to grieve and feel all the big emotions.

This isn’t just about feeling sad; it can also be about:

• Anger.
• Relief.
• Confusion.
• Guilt.
• Sometimes even happiness.

These feelings are all part of the rollercoaster ride called healing. Rushing through them or pretending they don’t exist? Not the best idea.

So, I encourage you to give yourself the grace to process each emotion. During this time, what you need most is patience with yourself. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s okay to have good days and bad days.

Have you asked yourself, “Why do I feel this regret?”

Take a moment to really dig into what’s stirring up these emotions. Is it loneliness, or is there something more? Sometimes, regret is just us missing the companionship, the comfort of having someone by our side, or the routines we’ve grown accustomed to.

Here’s what you can do: Jot down your thoughts. What exactly do you miss? The person, their laugh, the way they made tea, or just having a plus one for outings?

Understanding what’s driving your regret is like a map to what you truly value. And who knows, it may point you to what you want in any future relationships.

You know those waves of sadness, the sudden bursts of nostalgia? They’re like unexpected guests popping up at your doorstep. It’s okay though; these emotions are just part of the deal when you say goodbye to someone who was once a big part of your life.

But here’s the thing — just like guests, these emotions don’t stay forever. They come and go.

What matters is what you do when they visit. Do you dwell on them or do you acknowledge their presence and then gently show them the door? Remember, it’s not about controlling your emotions; it’s about controlling how you respond to them.

Think about who you are and what you want without someone else’s influence. Then, reflect on these things:

• What lessons can you pick up from your relationship experience?
• How have you grown?
• What’s truly important to you?

Self-reflection isn’t always easy, but it is definitely a step toward knowing yourself better and having a better grasp of what you need and want.

Breaking up doesn’t just mark the end of a relationship; it also opens the door to a unique time for personal evolution. It’s like hitting the restart button on a game, except this time, you have all the experience from the previous rounds.

Start small: maybe revisit an old hobby that used to make you feel alive. Perhaps it’s time to set new fitness goals or read that book you’ve been putting off.

Each step you take helps build a version of you that is not only healed but is stronger and wiser.

Before you jump to any conclusions about your breakup, take a moment to rediscover your individuality — the “you” that’s not attached to someone else.

• What brings you joy when you’re by yourself?
• What are the activities that light up your spirit? Maybe it’s taking that early morning jog or cooking up a new recipe?
• What are your own likes and dislikes, separated from the influence of a partner?
• What have you been itching to do but never got around to because you were part of a pair?

This is your chance to explore and indulge in those things.

Glancing back at the relationship as a whole can give you clarity. Remember the laughter, the shared dreams, but don’t overlook the disagreements and the disappointments either.

Here’s what you could do:

1. Trace the journey from the start to the end.
2. Identify patterns that made you happy or unhappy.
3. Think about the highs, the lows, and everything in between.

Doing this can often bring new insights to old problems and might just help you figure out whether those issues are fixable or if they’re deal-breakers.

On a piece of paper, draw two columns. One for the positives and another for the negatives you experienced within the relationship. Write freely and honestly.

This exercise might sound simple, but it can be surprisingly revealing! You’ll see in black and white what worked and what didn’t. It’s also is a great way to measure whether the good outweighs the bad or vice versa.

A list like this can often remind us of why we made certain decisions and help us stay grounded if our thoughts begin to wander back.

Sometimes we carry so much inside that it gets hard to sort through it all. I think grabbing a physical journal and writing down your feelings can work wonders. It’s like a conversation with the page where you can be completely open without holding back.

• Today I felt…
• It’s difficult when…
• I get happy about…

Use simple prompts like these and just let the words flow. This isn’t about crafting perfect sentences; it’s about unloading burdens. When your feelings exist on paper, they become easier to understand and manage.

There’s a saying I believe really fits here — a problem shared is a problem halved. Reach out to those around you, be it friends, family members, or even a professional like a therapist. Sometimes, all we need is a listening ear or a different point of view to shine a light on what we can’t see.

What to do when you talk: Be honest about what you’re going through. Ask for their thoughts, but remember, you don’t have to take every piece of advice given.

It’s surprising how sharing your story can open up new insights and help you feel less alone.

Going through a breakup is tough, without a doubt. So, treat yourself with the same compassion you’d offer to a good friend in distress.

Being kind to yourself means:

• Not beating yourself up over the past decisions.
• Allowing yourself moments of relaxation, maybe with a good book or a warm bath.
• Celebrating small achievements that make your day better.
• Reminding yourself that it’s okay not to have everything figured out.

It’s these gentle acts of self-compassion that can fuel your journey to recovery.

Creating some space after a breakup can clear your head. That’s where the “no contact” rule comes in handy. It means:

• No calling or texting.
• No social media stalking or updates.
• Giving each other the space to reflect and heal independently.

This pause on all communication prevents old wounds from reopening and gives you the clarity to consider your next steps. It can be tough at first, but many find this space essential for healing and gaining the perspective they need.

Now, once you’ve given yourself enough time to heal and your emotions have settled, you’ll likely reach a point where it feels right to take stock of where you are now.

Think about questions like:

• How do I feel about the breakup now?
• How have I changed since the breakup?
• What have I learned about what I want in a relationship?
• If my ex came back into my life, would it align with who I am today?

This is about seeing your past relationship through the lens of the person you’ve become, not the person you were when it ended. This re-evaluation is key to making choices that are right for you now.

When you think back on the relationship, try to step out of your shoes and view it as an outsider might.

What might you notice that you didn’t before? Seeing things this way can often reveal patterns, issues, or even dynamics that weren’t so apparent when you were in the thick of it.

Next, what would you tell a friend who was in a similar situation? What advice would you give them?

Approaching things from this new angle can shed light on things you previously missed and help point out whether the regrets you have stem from genuine loss or just the discomfort of change.

When we’re wrapped up in our own emotions, it’s easy to forget that breakups involve two hearts, not just one. Take a moment to consider your ex-partner’s side. They have their own set of emotions and thoughts that may differ significantly from yours.

Consider these possibilities:

• How might they have felt during the relationship?
• How did they react to the breakup?
• What might they be going through now?

This isn’t about making excuses or placing blame—it’s about understanding the full picture.

While it’s important to think about how your ex might have felt, it’s just as essential — actually, it’s even more crucial — to sort through your own feelings. After all, breakups can sometimes make us forget the most important person in our lives: ourselves.

Now’s the time to shift the focus back to you:

• Are you taking care of your health?
• Are you pursuing your goals and interests?
• Are you allowing yourself to be happy?

When you put your needs and well-being first, you’re more capable of making healthier decisions when it comes to relationships — past, present, or future.

It’s hard, but you’ve got to brace yourself for the possibility that your ex has moved on emotionally.

They might not want to get back together. They may be at a different stage in their healing process. Or, they simply see the breakup differently.

If that’s the case, it’s important to respect their feelings. It’s part of being fair to both of you. Remember, acceptance is a key part of the healing journey.

If, after deep reflection, you still feel reaching out is the right move, it’s important to approach the conversation with care.

Be clear with yourself about what you hope to gain from it: Is it answers? A second chance? Or simply expressing your feelings? Whatever it is, honesty and openness are your best policy.

Also, choose the right time and place — somewhere neutral and private, where both of you can feel comfortable to speak freely.

When you’re having that conversation, each word matters. It’s okay to express regret, but it’s vital to avoid language that places blame. Instead, focus on sharing your feelings without making assumptions about theirs.

Use “I” statements like:

• I’ve been reflecting…
• I feel…
• I hope…

This centers the conversation on your experiences without implicating their actions or emotions.

Now, this one’s crucial. It’s possible that your ex may set boundaries during or after your conversation. They may not be ready to talk, or they might want to keep the relationship as it is — over.

And that’s something you’ll need to respect, even though it can be tough.

Respecting their boundaries isn’t just a sign of maturity; it also ensures that you’re both able to move forward in the healthiest way possible, whether that’s separately or together.

Ultimately, whether the conversation with your ex leads to a reconnection or confirms the end of your relationship, it’s about finding closure.

Closure could mean:

• Learning from the relationship.
• Finding self-forgiveness.
• Coming to terms with how things turned out.

It’s also about making peace with the past, learning from the experience, and starting to look forward. Or, sometimes, closure is simply letting go of the ‘could have beens’ and cherishing the ‘what will be.’

Dealing with regret after a breakup is a complex and emotional journey. It’s okay to feel confused, sad, or even frustrated as you navigate this challenging time.

Remember, healing isn’t a linear process, and it’s essential to be patient and kind to yourself along the way.

At the end of the day, the most important thing is to trust your instincts and do what feels right for you. Whether that means reaching out to your ex, focusing on personal growth, or simply allowing yourself to feel your emotions, know that you have the strength and wisdom to make it through this. You’ve got this!