When a narcissist ignores you, it can leave you feeling lost and frustrated. It’s completely understandable to wonder what you might have done wrong and why they suddenly stopped talking to you. It can really mess with your head.
But it’s important to remember that their silence is a power play; it’s not a reflection on you. They often use it to assert control and keep you guessing.
I understand how challenging this behavior can be, and I’m here to help you understand why they act this way. In this article, I’ll explain why narcissists use this tactic. You’ll see that their behavior isn’t your fault, and you’ll learn how to handle it.
Disclaimer: This content is for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Always seek help from a qualified healthcare provider for any concerns. It does not diagnose or treat individual situations. Use this information responsibly and consult a professional for personalized advice.
Table of Contents
- They Control and Manipulate You
- They Punish You for Unmet Expectations
- They Devalue You to Maintain Control
- They Play Mind Games
- They Gaslight You
- They Give You the Silent Treatment
- They Assert Dominance Over You
- They Discard You for Non-Conformity
- They Triangulate to Create Chaos
- They Isolate You From Support
- They Hoover You After a Period of Distance
- They Sabotage Your Self-Improvement
- They Belittle Your Accomplishments
- They Exploit Your Vulnerabilities
- They Stonewall to Avoid Confrontation
- They Feel Threatened by Your Success
- They Dismiss Your Feelings
- They Lack Empathy for Your Emotions
- They Protect Their Fragile Ego
- They Project Their Insecurities Onto You
- They Test Your Loyalty
- They Play the Victim
- They Find You No Longer Useful
- They Found a New Source of Narcissistic Supply
- They Envy the Attention You Receive
- They Feel Their Authority Is Challenged
- They Seek New Excitement
- They Feel You’ve Set Boundaries They Dislike
- They Want to Make You Feel Insignificant
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Final Thoughts
They Control and Manipulate You
Narcissists want to be in charge, so they ignore you to make you feel off-balance. When you don’t get a response, you start wondering if you’ve done something wrong. This is their way of making sure they are the ones who decide what happens next.
They love it when you chase after them for answers. It makes them feel powerful and in control.
Let’s say you text a narcissist about getting together this weekend, and they just don’t reply. Then later, you see them posting pictures from a fun night out without you.
They Punish You for Unmet Expectations
When a narcissist ignores you, it’s often because they’re trying to teach you a lesson. They might have expected something from you, like constant praise, and when you didn’t deliver, they got upset.
By ignoring you, they’re showing their displeasure. It’s their way of saying you’ve disappointed them. This can make you feel like you have to try harder to get back into their good books.
They demonstrate the following:
- They’re cold after you didn’t do something they wanted.
- They withdraw affection suddenly.
- They act like you’re not even there.
They Devalue You to Maintain Control
Narcissists sometimes ignore you to make you feel less important. By doing this, they keep themselves on top.
When they don’t pay attention to you, it’s like saying you don’t matter. This can really hurt, but it’s their way of keeping the upper hand. They want to make sure that they are the focus, not you.
You have to remember that your feelings are always valid. It’s fine to seek respect and validation from those who genuinely care.
They Play Mind Games
When narcissists play mind games, they’re trying to mess with your head. They do things that confuse you and keep you off-balance.
They want you to question your own thoughts and feelings. It’s a way for them to feel in control and look smarter than you. These games can make you feel like you’re always one step behind.
Example: You just got a great new job, and the narcissist tells you, “I hope you can handle it.” Later they say, “Don’t stress—I was just saying you’re brave for taking on such a challenge.”
They Gaslight You
Narcissists use a sneaky trick called gaslighting to make you doubt your sanity:
- They lie.
- They deny.
- They twist the truth.
Their goal is to make you question your memory and your mind. Gaslighting is all about keeping you in check and under their thumb. It’s a nasty way to keep control and make you depend on them for reality.
For instance, you remember them promising to take you to your favorite restaurant. When you bring it up, they say, “I never said that; you must be imagining things.”
They Give You the Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a quiet but clear message from a narcissist: “You’ve done something I don’t like.” They’ll ignore your attempts to talk and act like you don’t exist.
This behavior is meant to punish you. It’s a control strategy to make you feel guilty and get you to apologize. The silence can be really hurtful and confusing.
Here’s what you can do: Don’t beg for their attention or say sorry for things you didn’t do. You don’t need to win their approval. Give yourself permission to walk away from the silence.
They Assert Dominance Over You
When a narcissist asserts dominance over you, they’re making it clear they’re the boss. They want to be the most important person in the room, and they’ll put you down to do it.
Ignoring you is their way of showing that they don’t see you as their equal and that they have power over the relationship. It’s all about making sure you know your ‘place’ in their eyes.
They tend to:
- Make all the decisions without your input.
- Talk over you or interrupt you.
- Demand your attention but give you none.
Related: 25+ Signs You Are in a Narcissistic Relationship
They Discard You for Non-Conformity
Narcissists often have a script for how they want things to go. If you don’t follow their script, they might discard you emotionally. This is because you’re not conforming to what they want.
By ignoring you, they’re sending a message that you’re not fitting into their idea of what should be. It’s a harsh way to tell you that if you don’t play by their rules, you’re out.
Here are a few things to consider:
- True friends respect your uniqueness.
- Sometimes, being rejected is actually a step towards finding where you truly belong.
- Non-conformity is not a flaw; it’s a freedom.
They Triangulate to Create Chaos
By bringing in a third party, narcissists stir the pot to create drama. This is called triangulation. It’s confusing and can turn relationships upside-down.
The reason they do this is to stay in control and keep the attention on themselves. When they ignore you and talk to someone else, they’re pitting people against each other for their own gain.
Example: You’re arguing with the narcissist, and suddenly, they’re texting a friend about it. Next thing you know, the friend is taking sides, and you’re in a two-against-one situation.
They Isolate You From Support
Narcissists may try to cut you off from friends and family. By doing this, they make you more dependent on them for social contact and support. When they ignore you, it makes you feel alone, and you might think you have nowhere to turn.
This isolation tactic strengthens their control over you. It’s a way for narcissists to make sure they are the main, if not the only, influence in your life.
What to do: Keep in touch with your support network. Make an effort to maintain your connections. Don’t let one person be your everything.
They Hoover You After a Period of Distance
After ignoring you for a while, a narcissist might suddenly act as if nothing happened. This is called hoovering. They suck you back into the relationship with kind words or gestures. They do this usually when:
- They want something from you.
- They sense that you’re moving on.
However, you don’t have to jump back into the relationship because they say it’s time. Pay attention to the patterns from the past. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I’ll need to be more careful.
They Sabotage Your Self-Improvement
A narcissist may try to wreck your efforts to better yourself. If you’re growing and improving, you’re less likely to put up with their behavior. They might ignore your new interests or achievements or even put them down.
This sabotage keeps you from feeling good about your accomplishments. It’s their way of making sure you don’t get too confident.
For instance, you start a new fitness class and are excited about it, but they mock it as a waste of time. They might even start arguments right before you leave for class.
They Belittle Your Accomplishments
When you achieve something great, a narcissist might downplay or ignore it. They do this to keep the focus on themselves and to stop you from feeling proud. If they admit you did well, that takes the spotlight off them.
By belittling what you have done, they try to make you think it’s not a big deal. They keep their own sense of being better than you intact this way. They might:
- Call your success “luck” or a “fluke.”
- Change the subject quickly when you bring up something good you did.
- Point out small mistakes instead of congratulating you.
They Exploit Your Vulnerabilities
Narcissists have a way of using what they know about you against you. If you’ve shared something personal or sensitive, they might use that information when they want to hurt you.
By exploiting your vulnerabilities, they maintain the upper hand. Ignoring you then becomes a way to make you feel exposed and anxious. It’s a cruel way of using your honesty to keep you under control.
From now on, try to share personal things with those who treat you with care. Distance yourself from people who misuse your trust.
They Stonewall to Avoid Confrontation
When a narcissist doesn’t want to deal with a problem, they might just shut down and ignore you. This is called stonewalling. It’s a roadblock they put up to avoid discussing an issue or facing something they did wrong.
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Instead of talking things out, they go silent. This stops the conversation dead in its tracks, which can be frustrating and make you feel like you’re talking to a wall.
Example: You try to talk about why you feel neglected lately. The narcissist just checks their phone, shrugs, and ignores the question.
They Feel Threatened by Your Success
Narcissists are all about being the center of attention. They don’t like it when you, or anyone else, shine too brightly.
When you succeed, they might feel like their own light dims. That’s why they might ignore you or your achievements. They’re trying to keep the focus on themselves because your success feels like a threat.
For example, you win an award, and the narcissist quickly starts talking about the time they won something similar. They try to make their story sound more impressive than yours.
They Dismiss Your Feelings
If you’re upset or emotional, a narcissist might act like it’s not a big deal. They might ignore your feelings, change the subject, or tell you you’re overreacting. It’s another way they maintain control.
By dismissing your emotions, they’re saying that what you feel doesn’t matter. This can leave you feeling misunderstood and unimportant.
Let’s say you’re upset about something they said, and when you tell them, they laugh it off. “You’re just being too sensitive,” they say, ignoring your hurt feelings.
They Lack Empathy for Your Emotions
Narcissists often have a hard time understanding or caring about other people’s feelings. When you’re going through something tough, they might ignore it entirely. They can’t or won’t put themselves in your shoes.
If you’re looking for comfort or understanding from a narcissist, you might not get it. It’s not that you don’t deserve empathy; they just might not be capable of giving it.
However, not getting it from one person doesn’t mean you won’t get it from others. It’s important to build a circle of care where your emotions are valued.
They Protect Their Fragile Ego
Narcissists might seem like they’re full of confidence, but deep down, they often have a fragile ego. To keep this hidden, they ignore anything that might show their weakness. If you challenge them or hurt their pride, they might respond by ignoring you.
This is a defense mechanism to protect their self-image. They can’t handle criticism, so they shut it out completely.
What their response looks like:
- They get defensive at the slightest hint of critique.
- They ignore you after being corrected.
- They pretend they didn’t hear you when you give feedback.
They Project Their Insecurities Onto You
When narcissists feel insecure, they don’t like to face it. Instead, they might ignore you or accuse you of the very things they’re feeling. It’s called projection. They take their own insecurities and place them onto you.
If they’re feeling unsure or inadequate, they might behave as if it’s you who has these issues. It’s not fair, but projection is their way of coping.
But remember, their accusations often say more about them than you. Stay confident in who you are.
Related: Are Narcissists Insecure?
They Test Your Loyalty
Narcissists may ignore you just to see how you’ll react. It’s a loyalty test. They want to know if:
- You’ll stick around.
- You’ll defend them or agree with them.
- You’ll try harder when they pull away.
This game is about making sure you’re committed to them, even when they’re not giving you the respect and attention you deserve.
They Play the Victim
When a narcissist feels cornered or doesn’t get their way, they may start acting like the victim. This tactic shifts the blame away from them. By playing the victim, they seek sympathy and manipulate situations to their advantage.
They might ignore you to make it look like they’re the ones being treated poorly. It’s a way for them to get attention and to make you the bad guy without dealing with the actual problem.
Example: You call out the narcissist for being rude. Suddenly, they’re ignoring you and telling friends that you attacked them.
They Find You No Longer Useful
Sadly, narcissists often view relationships as transactions. If you are not providing what they want, they may ignore you. They have no problem moving on when they can’t use you for personal gain.
This can be painful, especially if you’ve invested a lot in the relationship. Being ignored means they’ve likely shifted their attention to others who serve their needs.
You can try to: Invest in people who value you for who you are, not what you can do for them. Recognize your worth beyond being useful to someone else.
They Found a New Source of Narcissistic Supply
Narcissists have a constant need for attention and admiration. If they start to ignore you, it could be because they’ve found a new source to feed this need. This new person is now the focus of their charm and manipulation.
You being ignored is often a sign that they are giving someone else the attention they once gave you. It’s a hurtful reminder that their affections are fickle.
Always remember that you deserve someone’s full attention, not just the leftovers. Being replaced is not a reflection of your worth. A relationship where you’re valued wouldn’t leave you feeling discarded.
They Envy the Attention You Receive
Narcissists crave the spotlight, and when someone else gets it, they can become envious. If you’ve been getting positive attention, that might trigger their jealousy. They might respond by ignoring you to make themselves feel better.
Their silence is an attempt to redirect the attention back to themselves. It’s their way of handling feelings of envy without having to admit it.
Let’s say you just got engaged and everyone’s congratulating you. The narcissist starts ignoring your calls and serves up the cold shoulder at the next gathering.
They Feel Their Authority Is Challenged
A narcissist likes to be in charge and doesn’t respond well if they think you’re challenging their authority. They might see your independence, disagreement, or even questions as a threat to their control.
Instead of addressing this directly, they might ignore you, hoping to re-establish their authority without confrontation. They want to ‘put you in your place’ without explaining themselves.
They might even:
- Dismiss your ideas or decisions.
- Ignore you after you stand up for yourself.
- Exclude you from plans or discussions.
They Seek New Excitement
Narcissists often need constant stimulation and excitement. If your relationship has become predictable or they’re bored, they might ignore you while seeking new thrills elsewhere.
They crave novelty, and once something no longer provides that rush, they can move on without much regard for the feelings of others. Their quest for new excitement can leave you feeling discarded.
Example: You’ve been planning a weekend trip with the narcissist for a while. Suddenly, they’re all about a new group at work and bail on your plans without a second thought.
They Feel You’ve Set Boundaries They Dislike
Narcissists often see your boundaries as a challenge to their control over you. When you set limits on what you will tolerate, they may react by ignoring you, hoping you’ll drop your boundaries just to get their attention back.
It’s their way of testing whether those boundaries are solid or if you’ll cave under pressure. By ignoring you, they’re expressing their displeasure without engaging in a direct confrontation.
Related: How Does a Narcissist React When They Can’t Control You
They Want to Make You Feel Insignificant
When a narcissist wants to knock down your self-esteem, they might ignore you on purpose. They want you to feel small and unimportant. It’s a way to:
- Keep you questioning your value.
- Keep you working harder for their approval.
By withdrawing their attention, they send the message that you don’t matter to them, even though that’s far from the truth.
Frequently Asked Questions
Will a narcissist eventually start talking to me again?
They might, especially if they want something from you or start to miss the attention you give them. However, the cycle can repeat itself, so it’s important to consider if returning to communication is healthy for you.
Why does it hurt when a narcissist ignores me?
Being ignored can make anyone feel rejected or unimportant. It’s especially painful coming from someone you have a relationship with because we naturally seek connection and validation from those individuals.
Should I ignore a narcissist back?
Ignoring a narcissist in response can sometimes be a defense mechanism to protect your well-being. However, it’s usually more productive to communicate clearly about your boundaries and expectations while remaining firm and respectful.
Can ignoring a narcissist backfire?
Yes, ignoring a narcissist can sometimes provoke them to escalate their tactics to regain control. Be prepared for possible backlash and have a support system in place.
Final Thoughts
Understanding that narcissists ignore you as a control tactic can help you not to take their silence personally. Remember, it’s a game to keep you on edge.
If a narcissist tries to snub you, stand strong and don’t be discouraged. You are worth much more than their mind games. Choose to be around positivity and people who know how awesome you are. Life’s too short for anything less!
