Some of the best relationships are those where each person’s needs are met. So when your partner starts getting jealous and acting possessive, it can result in damaging outcomes.
According to relationship experts, here are the best ways to deal with a jealous girlfriend:
Table of Contents
- Don’t respond to her jealousy with anger and humiliation
- Determine if what she feels is reasonable
- You have to decide if it’s worth your effort and if you can live with the frustrations
- When extreme jealousy invites a rage episode, remain calm and acknowledge your partner’s feelings
- If your partner is feeling insecure, let them know that you are committed to them
- Try and understand where they are coming from
- Find a compromise and solution
- Read the signs and decide if her position is accurate and justified
- Be transparent with her about your life
- Have limits when it comes to friendships
- Set some alone time with her
- Listen carefully to what she is trying to say and react calmly to it
- If her jealousy is unfounded—do not indulge her
- Show her compliments, praise her, and surprise her
- Demonstrate to friends and acquaintances that she is a valuable person in your life
- Avoid making the situation worse
- Don’t be overly defensive
- Let her speak first
- Reassure and let them know that you love them
Dr. Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, MD
Certified Psychiatrist, TheMindFool
Don’t respond to her jealousy with anger and humiliation
We know that dealing with jealousy is difficult but not impossible. Your jealous girlfriend is fighting an inner battle, and as such, she is fearful, insecure, and unhappy from within.
Whenever you are trying to appease her, be sure to allow her to confront her fears boldly. Your purpose is to deal with her irrational fears and feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. One needs to approach the problem slowly without getting impatient and irritated.
Maybe she needs your support and love to overcome her deepest fears of losing the relationship.
It is always advisable to stay calm and not respond to her jealousy with anger and humiliation; then, things may turn really sour and can impact the relationship forever. As she needs your assurance, remind her that you love her and care for her needs.
Some tips for dealing with a jealous girlfriend are:
- Avoid getting into heated arguments and fights. Rather, stay calm and remain patient to hear her accusations. Assure her that you love her and will always do so in the future as well.
- Never be defensive and try to know the reasons or immediate triggers for her jealous behavior.
- As already mentioned, she is jealous because she fears losing the relationship. Her poor self-worth always needs assurance from you to feel secure and stable.
- She needs external validation that can make her feel self-sufficient and worthy.
- You will have to make her feel loved.
- You can also appreciate her good things.
- This will help her feel good about herself, and slowly she will regain the confidence that is needed to build up a secure relationship.
- If she is suspicious of your whereabouts, you can take her to meet your family and relatives, your other friends. Allow her to meet others from your social circle so that she feels loved and cared for.
- Do not keep secrets, rather share your feelings with her. Let her know your point of view about the relationship and what you expect from her.
- Be responsive towards her feelings and validate her feelings in a healthy way, without losing your temper.
- Spend some quality time together and have discussions about the relationship and how you would like to further it towards a successful endeavor.
- Be honest with her and set healthy boundaries that will define your priorities, needs, and even expectations from her. Let her know your views and, at the same time, listen to her as well. Mutual and open communication can go a long way to solve problems.
- Help her resolve her conflicts and fears, and if needed, you can talk to a relationship expert or a trained therapist. They will help to build up confidence and combat the irrational fears that she must be harboring in her unconscious realm.
Relationship Expert, Marriage Radio | Breakup Coach
Determine if what she feels is reasonable
You must first determine if what she feels is reasonable. Though feelings of jealousy are sometimes due more to insecurity or a desire to control, sometimes such a feeling is warranted.
For example, a recent client complained to me about his girlfriend being jealous and made the remark that she needs to ‘grow up.’ Upon asking why she was jealous, he revealed that he had been messaging other women on Instagram and said that it was ‘just some harmless flirting.’
That’s when I realized that he was the one who needed to grow up.
It is perfectly reasonable to be upset if your boyfriend is flirting with other women. It was his problem and not hers, and he needed to modify his behavior to show more respect to his relationship with his girlfriend.
Basically, unrelated insecurity is where she is insecure, and it has nothing to do with the actions or words of her boyfriend. Related insecurity is where some adjustments in actions and/or words by the boyfriend, in this case, can help alleviate insecurity within her. This can work with an insecure boyfriend as well who is showing jealousy.
It involves providing:
- more attention
- more compliments
- more initiation of physical intimacy
- more time together in general
Sometimes, that is all it takes to notice some improvement in jealousy and insecurity in a girlfriend. The key is to understand that this level of attentiveness and romantic nurturing needs to continue, or else you will probably see jealousy resurrected.
You have to decide if it’s worth your effort and if you can live with the frustrations
If you truly believe that your girlfriend’s jealousy is reasonable and due to no fault of your own, the situation becomes more difficult.
Suppose it is due to insecurity from past relationships where a boyfriend cheated on her, neglected her or left her out of the blue. Though her jealousy might be annoying, it might be something you need to see through the eyes of love with an attitude of grace and patience.
I’m not saying that it’s easy to deal with or won’t be annoying. I’ve heard stories of girlfriends who were jealous even when her boyfriend had a night out with the guys, and I’m sure that’s annoying, but every relationship will have its difficulties, sacrifices, and dark days.
You have to decide if it’s worth your effort and if you can live with the frustrations that her jealousy might cause.
Time often helps, especially as she becomes more confident in your commitment, but jealousy will likely always be there to some level. You don’t have to break up with her for this even though you might hear that from your friends. Only you know what you are willing to take, and I always suggest allowing the time for improvement or for it to simply blow over.
Personal Injury Trial Law Specialist | Founder, Schmidt & Clark, LLP
When extreme jealousy invites a rage episode, remain calm and acknowledge your partner’s feelings
Believe it or not, jealousy has been used as the primary motive for more criminal and civil cases than people can actually believe.
It’s always the innocent and harmless jealousy that people often disregard in the beginning and/or tolerate as cute that has the potential to turn unhealthy. Extreme jealousy is a gateway that is powerful enough to eventually drive one person to commit a crime.
The sad part is that our cultural structure today glorifies these offenses as “crimes of passion.”
Despite being a normal part of the human experience, It is critical to be vigilant about jealousy-induced aggression. Any form of violence or violent threat that emerges from jealousy must be addressed.
Individuals within the relationship can appeal to mental health professionals to mitigate the issue, but this specific situation warrants nothing else but a trip straight to your local law enforcement station.
In case extreme jealousy invites a rage episode, you must remain calm and acknowledge your partner’s feelings.
This is a critical time where you must remain patient and refrain from getting triggered. This practice will help subside the heat of your partner’s argument, during which time you can calmly seek help outside or access a communication line to inform others of your situation.
Stephanie Wijkstrom MS, LPC, NBCC
Psychotherapist | Founder, The Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh
If your partner is feeling insecure, let them know that you are committed to them
Jealousy is an important and useful emotion; it can indicate that something is amiss in our relationship. It can help us act in a way that brings greater closeness and security to our connections when we respond to the signals of this emotion in a supportive way.
Yet jealousy can also reign down on our relationship; it can pull apart the integrity of a connection and cause a caring partner to turn away from an otherwise healthy union. The difference is often in how the person who exhibits jealousy manifests the emotion into communication and behavior.
We should also differentiate between rational and irrational jealousy and pathological and non-pathological forms of this emotion.
For instance, if you are cheating on your partner or behaving in ways that challenge the commitment that you have made, it is obvious that your partner will have a rational response of jealousy. If there has not been infidelity in your relationship and your partner is often jealous, they may be experiencing irrational jealously.
Irrational jealousy is pathological, meaning related to a perceptual, biological, or mental health-related diagnosis such as borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. A partner can generally help non-pathological, rational, and irrational jealousy by following some of the below-stated ways of helping their jealous partner.
If you suspect that your partner has irrational and pathological jealousy, meaning not related to a real cause, and in extreme or even dangerous outbursts, you should exercise caution as some people have escalated to a highly aggressive and dangerous level of anger. Furthermore, it is never your job to fix another person.
With all of this in mind, here are ways to best interact with your jealous partner:
- Offer reassurance. If your partner is feeling insecure, let them know that you are committed to them. It might take practice to respond with gentle support in the air of your own irritation, but the root of jealousy is the fear of losing connection.
- Be consistent. Consistency trumps all and will offer the soothing balm to uncertain love.
- Examine your own behavior.
- Are you being flirty?
- Are you crossing boundaries or eliciting responses in some people around you?
- Think about what you are really doing and imagine how your own behavior would make you feel if the tables were turned.
- Recognize it for what it is. Jealousy is attachment insecurity and fear of disconnection. Label it as it is and help your partner process their concerns honestly and consciously.
- Have boundaries. Every relationship is about sacrifice and compromise, but we also must have self-awareness. Don’t give too much; if you think that their jealously is irrational, you might want to consider stepping away from the relationship. Don’t end up sacrificing friends, activities, and many others to reduce their jealousy.
Registered Social Worker | Founder, Kali Eats Keto
If you’re in a relationship and your girlfriend is acting weary, anxious, or distant, it could be because she’s feeling jealous. Or, you might be in a relationship where your girlfriend expresses openly that she feels jealous about other interactions or commitments you may have.
Try and understand where they are coming from
The first step to dealing with these jealous feelings and behaviors is to try and understand where they are coming from. Your girlfriend is likely experiencing a sense of insecurity, even if she’s not able to articulate that to you. Jealousy stems from perceiving that there is a threat present.
Related: 10+ Signs of Insecurity in a Woman
Perhaps she is worried that you’ll have a more enjoyable time with someone else instead of her. Maybe she doesn’t want you to make memories with others because she wants to share those special moments. Or it could be that she has an anxious attachment to you, and the thought of you leaving is intolerable.
She is likely trying to protect the bond that you both have and does not want to change it.
To remedy this, start by asking your girlfriend to have an open conversation with you about what is going on for her. Listen to her concerns and help her understand where her jealousy and insecurity may be coming from.
Has she experienced a previous relationship where her worst fears came true, therefore creating her current apprehension? Approach the conversation from a place of curiosity and non-judgment.
Find a compromise and solution
After having a conversation (or a few conversations) together, try and come up with a plan of action.
Is there a way to still attend to your commitment or other relationship while still helping your girlfriend feel comfortable? Often, it’s possible to find a middle ground.
Maybe it’s a text check-in halfway through. Is it an option to invite your girlfriend along a time or two so that she can see the vibe happening and ease her anxiety? There may also be some individual work for your girlfriend to do at this time, challenging her own narrative and addressing the core root of her jealous feelings.
While a jealous girlfriend may come off as controlling, demanding, and irritating, try and practice patience with the person you care about.
Jealousy comes from a place of insecurity and perception of threat. When you adjust your perspective on those feelings, it becomes easier to work together to find a compromise and solution.
Matchmaker | Dating & Relationship Expert | Co-Founder, Platinum Poire
Read the signs and decide if her position is accurate and justified
Jealousy is not an ideal disease to contract. Although a cliché of sorts, having a jealous girlfriend is not an uncommon scenario. Jealousy can stem from deep-rooted insecurity.
If your girlfriend catches the little green monster, assess the situation:
- Are you spending a lot of time with female friends?
- Are you annexing her from your day-to-day life?
Read the signs and decide if her position is accurate and justified. Perhaps she is just feeling left out of nights with the guys. No matter what, communication is key.
If your girlfriend constantly hovers over your phone or questions your behavior, talk it out. Relationships are based on trust. When there is no trust, then the relationship cannot flourish—it will only be constrictive.
If the situation persists, perhaps seek a therapist for mediation and counseling.
Outside stimuli could cause your girlfriend to act out of hand—has she recently taken on a pile of stressors? Be sensible but logical in your analysis. Toxicity does not benefit anyone, and if her jealousy persists, it may be time to say goodbye.
Relationship Expert and Editor, Mantelligence
Relationships are always tricky, and they are extra challenging when you’ve got a partner with trust issues. When you don’t know how to deal with a jealous girlfriend, check these tips out:
Be transparent with her about your life
Often, a woman becomes jealous when she doesn’t know what’s going on with you.
If you act as if you have something to hide, chances are she’s going to think that you do. Make sure to be transparent with her about your life, your plans, and your actions. When she feels like you aren’t hiding anything from her, she will trust you more.
Have limits when it comes to friendships
A healthy relationship should not prevent each other from having friends, but the friendships should have clear boundaries and limits.
If she is jealous of a friend, introduce them to each other and make it known that you are a taken man. Once you do this, your girlfriend will be more open to you having other friends.
Set some alone time with her
If she’s jealous of you spending time with other people, make sure that you set some time for you and her to bond.
When a woman feels like she’s being left out, it often leads to arguments built on jealousy. Plan a date night with her and show her that she is important to you. That way, she will not be upset when you plan days with your friends or family without her.
Dealing with jealousy and trust issues all boil down to one thing – effort.
When you show her that you are willing to do anything to make her trust you, it shows that you are really in it to make her happy and comfortable.
Certified Life Transformation Coach, Online Divorce
Relationship jealousy is quite common. Many people mistakenly confuse this with a manifestation of love, but this is not the case. In order to know how to calm your jealous partner, you need to understand the reasons why it arises.
In most cases, jealousy is a consequence of low self-esteem. A girl who is often jealous of her partner subconsciously considers herself unworthy and is afraid that they will break up with her.
Listen carefully to what she is trying to say and react calmly to it
The best way to deal with a jealous girl is to show that she is the best and most loved. You should listen carefully to what she is trying to say and react calmly to it. Your violent reaction will only make the situation worse.
If her jealousy is unfounded—do not indulge her
At the same time, if her jealousy is unfounded, do not indulge her.
Instead, it is better to argue your behavior with facts. Focus on the fact that her feelings are important to you and that you are ready to work on making the relationship comfortable for the two of you.
Show her compliments, praise her, and surprise her
Quite often, jealousy is a way to get attention and get compliments. Many girls in such impulses want to hear that they are the best. If you want to continue your relationship with this person, then give her what she wants so much — show her compliments, praise her, and surprise her.
However, this should be done regularly to reduce the frequency of her attacks of jealousy.
Demonstrate to friends and acquaintances that she is a valuable person in your life
Moreover, find out from her how she would like you to manifest in relation to her. This is a great way to build her self-confidence. Go out with her more often in public, and in every possible way, demonstrate to friends and acquaintances that she is a valuable person in your life.
But if your girlfriend constantly accuses you of cheating even when you did not commit adultery, then this is very similar to gaslight.
This is a way of psychological pressure when you are constantly assured that you are wrong. The person who fell under gaslighting ends up thinking they are going crazy. It is common for a gaslighter to blame her partner for cheating, thereby trying to hide the fact that she herself is being unfaithful.
Relationship Consultant and Breakup Specialist, Ex Boyfriend Recovery
Avoid making the situation worse
When you find that your girlfriend is upset by something, be sure that your reaction is always calm. Avoid making the situation worse by getting angry with her.
Don’t be overly defensive
Over pleading your innocence can sometimes come across that you are trying too hard. As long as you are telling the truth about a situation, remain composed.
It is then up to your girlfriend to deal with the information that you have given her.
Let her speak first
Allow her to get her worries, insecurities, or situation off her chest and explain how she feels, what she is worried about or jealous of, once done. Then it is your turn to speak.
Reassure and let them know that you love them
Often, a jealous person is insecure and has low self-esteem; reassuring them and letting them know that you love them should help your situation. At the same time, explain to them that they also need to work on themselves to reduce their worries.
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