There comes a time in every person’s life when they have to get over someone. Whether it’s a breakup, losing a loved one, or being ignored by the person they like, getting over someone is never easy.
There are many ways to get over someone, but what is the best possible way?
According to relationship experts, the following are ways to get over someone.
Danielle McDowell, MS, LPC
Feel all the feelings
Getting over someone is a process, and it comes with many different feelings. We often seek to hide or downplay the uncomfortable, difficult feelings.
You will need to embrace all those feelings of sadness, anguish, confusion, and any other feeling that comes along with ending a relationship. Often, individuals seek to quickly move past the hard feelings and run to another person for support.
I know firsthand how counterproductive it can be to seek joy in another to help diminish the sadness from your previous love.
However, to ignore those feelings is a mistake, and those difficult feelings are bound to return until you have given them space to heal and transition into a healthy space for a new connection.
You will need to remember that ending the relationship doesn’t dismiss what the person meant to you in your life.
When a relationship ends, you can still honor those happy memorable moments and take along the lessons from the connection. There should be a space for true self-reflection of the totality of the experience.
During your reflection time, think about how you have grown and areas of growth that can use additional attention.
As you continue to work through all those complex feelings, seek to understand the lessons you gained from the overall experience. When individuals enter our lives, we can grow from those connections.
Maybe you need to learn to:
- Improve your boundaries.
- Establish clear individual needs.
- Increase your communication skills.
Relationships provide a mirror of sorts that helps us improve ourselves (when we are open and ready to grow).
Additionally, find time to explore things you could improve in your future relationships.
Don’t seek to move along quickly to the next relationship until you have given yourself enough time to work through the feelings and lessons you needed to learn from that previous connection. (This process can take days, weeks, or months depending on your individual work).
If you have noticed, there are patterns with relationships ending in a similar way, seek to uncover what you can do differently in the next relationship to end those negative patterns.
This process can be difficult and require the support of a licensed professional, so don’t feel like you have to uncover all these patterns alone. Therapists are skilled in helping individuals to unpack those negative patterns and develop skills for good and healthy relationships.
Lastly, know that you will have other opportunities to connect in the future, and it’s okay to close a chapter so you can start the next one.
Joni Ogle, LCSW, CSAT
Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist | CEO, The Heights Treatment
It’s not easy to get over someone immediately after a breakup. For some, it may take months or even years before you’re able to move on. However, there are some things you can do to help speed up the process.
Here are four tips on how to get over someone:
Give yourself time to heal
The first and most important thing you need to do is give yourself time to heal. This means permitting yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship.
Give yourself time to cry, be angry, and just feel what you’re feeling. Don’t try to bottle up your emotions or push them down. Instead, allow yourself to really feel them. This is an important part of the healing process.
Don’t dwell on the past
Once you’ve given yourself time to grieve, it’s important not to dwell on the past. Don’t go over what went wrong in the relationship or try to figure out where things went wrong.
It’s important to let go of that and move on. One way to do this is to focus on the future, your growth, and what you want to achieve.
Give space to new things
Another way to get over someone is to give space to new things in your life. This means making room for new relationships, experiences, and opportunities.
It can be difficult to do this at first, but it’s important to keep your life moving forward. When you focus on new things, it’ll help you forget about the past and move on.
Work on yourself
This is a great time to focus on yourself and your own happiness. Work on things that you’ve been meaning to do or that make you happy.
Take up a new hobby, read those books you’ve wanted to read, travel to new places, and just generally immerse yourself in activities that make you happy.
This will help take your mind off of the past and focus on the present. Self-love and self-care are crucial during this time.
Reach out for support
Finally, reach out for support from your friends and family. Let them know what you’re going through, and let them help you. It’s important to have a strong support system during this time. They can be there to listen to you, offer advice, and just be there for you.
Surrounding yourself with so much unconditional love will help you heal and eventually move on.
Co-Founder and Certified Matchmaker, Select Date Society
Decide not to look behind you
The first critical step is deciding not to look behind you and to focus on what wonderful things are ahead. When you don’t commit 100% to break all ties, it puts you in a holding pattern of limbo and discontent. Make the break!
Distinguish memories from fairytale vs. reality
We all tend to think of the most amazing moments we have had with our ex when we first break up, which in turn keeps us from standing firm in our decision.
Ask yourself if you remember the reality of the situation or a fairytale version of what you would have liked it to be.
Allow yourself time to grieve
When you grieve a relationship, you will also learn from it. This is where you grow emotionally as an individual. You can now bring a stronger version of yourself to the relationship you are meant to be in down the road.
With any disappointment comes an incredible gift of growth when you allow yourself to receive it.
Founder, Dating Iconic
The pain of letting go of someone you have grown to be fond of or loved can be very heartbreaking, but the truth is that else can’t be sad forever. We need to get over the person and keep life going.
Here are some tips to help you get over someone:
Don’t be hard on yourself
A breakup can hurt, but it doesn’t mean you should put pressure on yourself to feel better. Instead of being hard on yourself, feel encouraged and empowered. The right person will definitely come.
Take time to grieve the loss
If it was a relationship where you both planned a future together, or you were betrayed, or you feel your love was not reciprocated, depending on how the loss is to you, take your time to get over the person, or you may be losing yourself.
Acknowledge that it can be better than before
You would be even better off if you let go of the past, have some time to try new things, and meet new people. You don’t have to tie yourself to the past.
Give yourself time to heal
You can only get better when you give yourself time to heal, time to bring yourself out of the whole relationship, and you can give yourself the space so you can come out of the emotional stress.
Relationship Expert, Sameera Sullivan Matchmakers
Allow yourself sufficient time to grieve
You don’t want to repress your feelings, so allow yourself to feel them. However, suffering should not be the focus of your day.
It’s beneficial to keep busy and structure your days so you’re not wallowing all the time. Take care of yourself because you’ll be mentally and emotionally exhausted. This is an excellent time to concentrate solely on yourself and ensure that all of your needs are met.
Be aware that your self-development and self-esteem may suffer at times. Determine what wasn’t working in your relationship and ensure that the following individual you date lacks that quality.
You’ll notice an explanation you broke up with the person, and you’ll realize you’re not going to tolerate that in the future, so you’ll choose with that in mind.
“Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don’t break even.” – The Script.
Breakups suck! If you’re reading this, then it’s likely that you can relate to The Script’s song lyrics.
I know that I’ve found a lot of truth in those words through many sleepless nights. Through a lot of trial and error, I’ve found several things that always helped me through a breakup, and I’m here to share.
Stop being in love with a memory
I know what you’re thinking “what the heck does that even mean.” This is really about recognizing when your mind is playing tricks on you. After every breakup, I have always fallen into the trap of only remembering the good times.
I lament and pine after the memory of someone rather than the actual person themselves. My mind creates an avatar of the person in which only their best traits appear.
Suddenly, every fight and flaw disappears, and you’re left with an ex on a pedestal. A person that not even your ex themselves could compete with.
You have to force yourself to remember the reasons why it did not work out with the other person. It can help to create a list so that youhave something physical and tangible to remind yourself when you are in the worst of it.
Remember the person as they really are and not as the ideal person your mind has created.
Get rid of the reminders
Stop keeping the physical reminders of your relationship! You don’t need that stuffed bear or that cute note.
Those reminders always make you remember the good times and the feelings associated with when you received them! This makes you fall more in love with the memory.
Additionally, if you really ask yourself why you are keeping it. Most of the time, your answer is going to be, “well, in case we get back together.”
That’s already setting yourself up for failure! To get over someone, you have to be ready to move forward and not hold on to the intangible and, in this case, tangible what-ifs.
Remember that you’re awesome
Finally, use this as a time to get to know yourself! You’ve just spent a ton of time as an item, and you probably lost a lot of your individuality. Use the time to reconnect with yourself, rediscover old hobbies, or find new ones.
Get out there and do the things that make you, well you! Look at the breakup as an opportunity to find a newer, better version of yourself and remember all the ways that you are awesome.
Founder, Parental Queries
It’s never easy getting over someone, especially if you were in love with them head over heels. Here are some tips that helped me get through it:
Take out some time for yourself
First and foremost, give yourself time to grieve. Allow yourself to feel the pain and hurt. Don’t try to bottle it down or push it away. It will only come back later and hit you harder.
Secondly, talk about what happened with your close friends or family members who will be supportive and understanding. Talking about it will help you to process the breakup and start moving on.
Identify what you need to work on
The next step is to take a long, hard look at yourself and figure out what you need to work on. This is not easy, but it’s necessary to grow as a person and be ready for your next relationship.
Maybe there are some things you need to change about yourself, or maybe there are some things you need to let go of.
Identifying these things will help you move on from your past relationship and be prepared for what’s ahead.
Focus on the positive
Lastly, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Many good things are still happening, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
Make a list of all the things you’re grateful for in your life and focus on those. This will help shift your perspective and enable you to see the good even amid the pain.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does it usually take to get over someone?
It’s quite challenging to determine a specific period to get over someone because people’s emotional states and relationships differ significantly.
How long it takes to get over someone depends mainly on factors such as the length and depth of the relationship, personality, and coping mechanisms.
Being patient and giving yourself the time you need to heal properly is essential. In some cases, it may take a few weeks. In others, it can take months or even years.
Can I still be friends with my ex?
The answer depends greatly on individual circumstances. It’s possible to be friends with your ex-partner, but both parties need to respect each other, set good boundaries, and not have romantic feelings.
Ensure you have taken enough time to recover from the breakup before forming a friendship. In some cases, it may not be possible to maintain a friendship, especially if the relationship ended badly or there is a risk that both parties’ feelings could flare up again.
Is it okay to seek closure from my ex?
The need for closure can vary from person to person, depending on the specific circumstances. This can be a positive step if both parties are open to honest communication, and it promotes emotional closure.
However, this isn’t a healthy idea if you’re doing so in hopes of rekindling or harming the relationship. Sometimes gaining closure means accepting that you’ll never truly understand the reasons for the breakup and finding peace within yourself.
Is it possible to get over someone without closure?
While closure can help get over someone, it’s not always possible or necessary to achieve it to move on. In cases where closure isn’t possible, finding alternative ways to cope with the situation is crucial.
This may include focusing on self-reflection, accepting the reality of the situation, and giving yourself permission to grieve and heal. Remember that you can find closure by acknowledging your feelings, learning from the experience, and ultimately choosing to move forward.
How do I know when I’m ready for a new relationship?
Before committing to a new relationship, ensure you have fully recovered from the past experience, learned from your mistakes, and grown as a person.
Signs that you might be ready include feeling emotionally stable, content with being single or not afraid to be alone, and not harboring residual feelings for your ex-partner.
It’s essential to be patient and give yourself the time necessary to enter into a new relationship with the right mindset and on a healthy foundation.
How can I avoid falling into a rebound relationship while trying to get over someone?
To avoid falling into a rebound relationship, you need to process your feelings before jumping into a new romantic relationship. Focus on self-care, personal growth, and building a strong support system to help you navigate the ups and downs of getting over someone.
Be honest about your motivations for seeking a new relationship, and make sure you don’t use it as a distraction from your healing process. When you feel ready to date again, approach new relationships with an open heart and a clear understanding of your emotional state.
How can I stop idealizing the person I’m trying to get over?
To stop idealizing the person you’re trying to get over, it’s helpful to take a more balanced perspective. Acknowledge both the positive and negative aspects of the relationship or person.
This can help you see the situation more realistically and prevent you from putting the person on a pedestal. Journaling your thoughts and feelings can be valuable for gaining clarity and identifying patterns that contribute to idealization.
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