According to mental wellness experts and relationship experts, these are the ways to get over someone you love deeply.
Here are their insights:
Table of Contents
- Adopt a spiritual higher perspective
- Heal deeply
- Take care of yourself and love yourself more
- Focus on your self
- Keep your thoughts focused on today
- Try to remember previous breakups (if you’ve had them)
- Choose to be patient with yourself
- Make plans with friends
- Set aside time for grieving
- Motivate yourself to use healthy distractions to get your life in order
- List qualities you adored and disliked about your boo
- Practice self-compassion
- Sit with the feelings – don’t avoid them
- Reach out to friends for support
- Notice your negative stories
- Take the time to grieve
- Find the courage within to cherish what you had
- Self-love – Know that you are lovable and worthy of love
- Productivity and positivity
- Allow yourself to grieve
- Practice self-care
- Seek support
- Focus on your passions
- Express gratitude
- Allow yourself time
- Give yourself time and space to grieve
- Learn the art of acceptance
- Accept the loss
- Love yourself
- Keep in mind that your heartbreak is not permanent
- Realize that some people are roots in your life and some people are leaves
- Love yourself deeply
- Use positive, specific affirmations
- Embrace what you are feeling
- Seek professional help if needed
- Having a routine can also help
- Remember that grief takes time
- Lean into loving yourself
- Realize that you are whole with or without your ex
- Don’t rush your grief
- Do not think of only the good times
- “I will ever get over one person that I loved deeply”
- Focus on your self and happiness
- Time is not a limit
- Release all the emotions that are filled within you
- Acknowledge that your relationship failed not only because of your partner
- Avoid everything that can remind you of your partner
- Accept that there will be no second chance
- Love yourself unconditionally
- Give your forgiveness
- Frequently Asked Questions
- How do I deal with the fear of rejection or failure in future relationships after a deep love?
- What if I can’t stop comparing new partners to the person I loved deeply?
- How can I deal with jealousy when my former deep love starts dating someone new?
- Is it normal to feel like I will never find love again after losing someone I loved deeply?
Relationship Expert | Trauma Therapist
Adopt a spiritual higher perspective
If you know that everything serves your life and that we are on an amazing journey to becoming our best selves – then everything that happens can be a blessing. Instead of focusing on the loss, one can ask the following:
- What did I learn from this person?
- Why did we meet?
- What purpose did our relationship serve for my greater good?
“Everything has a season and time to every purpose under heaven,” this means that people come into our lives, as a gift, and when we have to move on, it must be honored. Something else is coming. One door closes and another opens.
The truth is – we crack open the heart to let the light in.
Close your eyes and bring the person into a space of golden healing light. Talk to them and say the things you need to say in this healing room. Ask them questions from the level of the soul and sit in this truth.
Then, when you feel you have finally said all that you need to – search for hooks, chains, and cords that bind you to the person and release them.
Be free in the knowledge that you have closure and wisdom about the relationship. Then leave the healing room, knowing you can always return if you need to.
Take care of yourself and love yourself more
Be gentle with yourself and make sure you stay in high self-love and self-esteem. Never give your power away or let others take it. Stay in love with yourself and married to yourself and never abandon you – because of the pain of the relationship.
Self-love must be the anchor of life – of your forever house.
Dr. Vicki D. Coleman
Licensed Clinical Psychotherapist, The Anger Doctor | Internationally Recognized Behavioral Health Clinician
Focus on your self
Although the time frame for getting over someone you love deeply is an individual endeavor, I believe that taking a step back and focusing on the “self”, that is self-concept and self-esteem, can facilitate the process.
Self-concept is the perception we have of ourselves, and self-esteem is the “feeling” tone of self-concept. In other words, one’s perception may indicate a successful individual, based on certain family, professional, financial, or societal indices; however, one may not “feel” successful.
My paradigm for examining self-concept is based on the research by Fitts & Warren, who identified 6 areas of self-concept, indicated in the Tennessee Self-Concept Scale, (TSCS, 1964, 1996), the premiere, global, self-esteem inventory.
I have modified the Fitts & Warren construct:
- Personal Self-Concept
- Physical/Physiological Self-Concept
- Family Self-Concept
- Social/Community Self-Concept
- Academic/Work/Professional/Financial Self-Concept
- Moral/Ethical/Spiritual Self-Concept
For each of the aforementioned areas of self-concept and self-esteem, one can conduct a comprehensive self-assessment and evaluation by carefully examining:
- core beliefs
- decision-making strategies, styles, and techniques
- anger and conflict
- personality traits and characteristics
- areas of improvement
- short- and long-term goals
- world view
This is invaluable information that we all need to understand ourselves, especially in love and relationships.
An individual may feel good in one or more areas of self-concept, and not so in others. Those individuals with low self-concept and Low self-esteem usually do not think very highly of themselves, oftentimes using terms such as “loser, worthless, and non-productive”, among others.
These thoughts may have adverse implications with respect to love and relationships.
In my personal and professional experience, most individuals will not feel low self-concept or low self-esteem in all of these areas at the same time. For example, one might be very successful in work activities, while addressing challenges in the family life, among others.
With respect to how to get over someone you love very deeply, as we gain a better understanding of who we are, feeling empowered, we can ask the following questions:
- What are my definitions of Love and Intimacy?
- Is my selection process yielding the appropriate partner?
- As I become more empowered and understand myself, how have my self-concept and self-esteem influenced love, relationships, and family, to name a few?
Understanding who we are, and increasing our self-concept and self-esteem are the initial steps in getting over someone we love deeply, a complex process involving several steps, strategies, and techniques.
Many individuals will not be able to do this alone. Therefore, I highly recommend seeking the services of a professional when conducting an in-depth self-assessment and evaluation, as the initial step in getting over someone that we love deeply.
Relationship Expert | Founder, My Ex Back
Wanting to get over someone who broke up with or divorced you is the first step toward getting there, but it’s still a difficult road. One of the primary reasons it’s difficult is because the feeling of loss usually causes intense anxiety and panic.
Your mind reacts as though you must act immediately in order to get back together with the person who has left you. This panic can ignite even when you seem to be doing well or when a lot of time has passed. This is what I suggest for those difficult days:
Keep your thoughts focused on today
That’s plenty to deal with and you really don’t know what the future holds. You don’t have to get your ex back today (if that is what you want) in order for it to happen.
You don’t have to dismiss the possibility of the two of you getting back together either. Just focus on what is in front of you and try to feel time moving by slowly like a lazy river.
Try to remember previous breakups (if you’ve had them)
Remind yourself that you have been in similar situations and that in time you grew stronger. You will be able to survive this heartbreak as well.
Choose to be patient with yourself
Today it might be that you are having a bad day. That doesn’t mean that tomorrow or next week will be bad. Let yourself have a bad day and remind yourself that you have had bad days before but were able to come out of them.
Saying some of these things out loud is helpful and often provides a release of some of the anxiety.
Make plans with friends
You have now been hired as your own personal planner. Go through your phone’s contacts one at a time, reach out and make lunch appointments, schedule bowling nights, drinks, movie nights, rock climbing, and/or walks in parks with friends.
Try to fill up as much of your week and month as possible with visits with friends and family. It’s important to feel love and friendship with people right now and you will be amazed at how much it helps.
Set aside time for grieving
Give yourself 15 minutes a day where you can worry, pout, feel sorry for yourself, and dwell on the breakup. If you feel those feelings coming on, tell yourself that you will give that your attention when it’s your time to do that.
You don’t have to not ever think about it, but you will feel better faster if you allow it in a controlled and limited time frame. Give it a shot.
Bridgit Dengel Gaspard, LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker | Author, “The Final 8th: Enlist Your Inner Selves to Accomplish Your Goals”
The short answer is you never fully get over someone you love deeply.
They’ve gotten under your skin and forever imprint your heart and soul with their enchanting aroma. Time, and it can take months and months, is the only break-up salve that genuinely shifts you through the initial intensity, shock, and agony, followed by grief accompanying adjustment to your new reality, and finally the spontaneous emergence of bursts of hope and enjoyment of new possibilities and opportunities.
When you break your leg, it’s not the cast that cures you—it’s the mechanism safeguarding your inner healing.
During your heartbreak recuperation, lean on your friends and family for support, allow your emotional expression and practice militant self-care, which is any activity that nurtures you mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Motivate yourself to use healthy distractions to get your life in order
Make a list in advance of tasks that range from ones that are mindless to ones that require your brain’s full capacity. Keep it in an obvious place so when you’re overwhelmed and unsettled, you don’t have to muster decision-making effort, which could boomerang into procrastination and paralysis. Simply choose from your set of To-Do options and jump into that activity.
A healthy personality consists of many Alter Egos or Inner Selves, each with wisdom and many with competing agendas.
When we bring someone into our lives, part of our attraction is that they lead with parts of themselves we wish we had, or haven’t given ourselves permission to embrace. You might compare yourself negatively through admiration like, “They’re so good with finances,” or “He’s good-looking and popular,” or “She’s so ambitious and successful,” etc.
List qualities you adored and disliked about your boo
An example could be your flame was charismatic. Ask yourself, “If I take a diluted teeny weeny, itty-bitty, micro-mini dose of this trait (charisma), how might I behave differently?” Write down your response.
Now, list qualities you disliked about your babycakes. Ask yourself, “If I take a diluted teeny weeny, itty-bitty, micro-mini dose of this trait (perhaps carelessness,) how might I behave differently?” Write down your response.
Another example would be asking yourself, “what’s good about caring less?” A potential answer could be that it would loosen the power of your Perfectionist and you could finish your work done faster, or you might loosen your strict criteria for loving suitors (in a good way.)
Using heartache in this way renders transformational manna endowing your life with the legacy of empowering elements earned directly from your cherished relationship. It also initiates your Inner Beloved who is now attuned to what you want, and don’t want, in your next relationship.
Like an asteroid hitting earth, deep love changes your shape forever.
But that doesn’t mean you don’t recover. A crater formed by meteoric blunt force, or the eruption of a volcano, is eventually lovingly blanketed with foliage and flowers, attracting birds, bees, and mammals galore.
Susanna Guarino, MS, LMHC
Licensed Psychotherapist, Good Earth Counseling
It’s human nature that after a breakup you might be feeling rejected, inadequate, humiliated – you might be wondering what you did wrong. We can all learn from our past relationships, but beating yourself up for perceived flaws or mistakes won’t help you move on.
What would you say to a good friend going through the same thing? Notice how you’d probably be kinder and more understanding to your friend than you are to yourself. Try directing that kindness and compassion inward. You need it right now.
Sit with the feelings – don’t avoid them
It’s also human nature to want to avoid pain and discomfort. The problem is that when we avoid those things we numb ourselves to everything. If you want to feel alive, you have to open up to the pain and hurt as well as the joy and gratitude.
This doesn’t mean sit and ruminate and worry. It does mean notice what you’re feeling, name it, and let it be rather than trying to numb with alcohol, drugs, TV, ice cream, or other avoidance tactics.
Reach out to friends for support
Your social support makes all the difference after a breakup. When it’s hard to be kind to yourself, your friends can provide the loving words and care that you need.
Grieving the loss of a relationship is like grieving a death. You need support from your loved ones in order to move on from any kind of loss. Don’t isolate yourself – it is okay to reach out for help.
Notice your negative stories
It’s also human nature for our brains to try to make sense of things that happen to us. Sometimes our brains come up with really negative stories that we start to believe. Your mind might be telling a story about how it’s all your fault, or how it’s all the other person’s fault, or how you’ll never find love again.
Notice those stories just like you notice the feelings that come up. But don’t necessarily believe them. Accept that you may not fully understand what happened for a long time, if ever. Sit with not knowing.
Matrimonial Lawyer | Relationship Expert
The human connection of deep love is an experience that most of us desire, need, and cherish. There are all depths of love that we can feel – for family, friends, a lover, child, significant other, self – deeply loving someone is a powerful emotion that brings with it great joy and satisfaction. It fills our hearts and nourishes our souls while lifting our spirits.
Having discovered a love so true, pure, and deep, we find our freedom in that love by giving it freely to those we connect with. It is a bond so unique that when it disappears or fades, the feeling can be crushing, causing great grief and despair. It is how you choose to cope with this grief that allows you to get over someone you love deeply.
Take the time to grieve
The sudden loss or even subtle waning of feelings by your significant other causes such sadness that the process of grieving the relationship is inevitable; without it – getting over someone you loved deeply is almost impossible. Grief that is felt or caused by someone’s death is also felt when a relationship comes to an end.
Grieving love (a deep sorrow over the end of a relationship) is allowing yourself to feel all the emotions of the loss – frustration, denial, loneliness, disappointment, anger, and sorrow of loving someone in their absence- and finally, acceptance permitting you to let go of what was and cross a new bridge of hope towards a brighter, more fulfilling relationship with oneself and ultimately another.
Find the courage within to cherish what you had
Relish in the moments of the beauty that once was, knowing you experienced something so special that so many others have not. Consider the good times of the relationship, the trust, and partnership.
Accept that those times and your relationship were not a waste of time. Appreciate its value. Know that although your relationship is over, its passing does not take away from the love that was once there.
Self-love – Know that you are lovable and worthy of love
Taking care of and being kind to yourself after losing someone you deeply loved is essential to getting over that person. Acknowledge that you are loveable and will love deeply again. Keep in mind that not all loves are meant for a lifetime.
Envision the qualities that you would like in your future partner and be sure to prepare yourself for that person by healing and keeping an open heart and mind. A loss of one great love opens the door to the next greater love – that you can only find once you have felt such a love before.
Productivity and positivity
It is essential to be proactive, especially during those days you feel the opposite. Time heals a broken heart filling it with the possibility of love again; there is no room for blame and self-pity for such a loss. P
Practice living happily by loving yourself and others. See the value in yourself and find the bright light in the darkness of your sadness. Getting over someone you have loved profoundly is no easy feat, but the reward is a far greater love than you can ever have imagined if you are willing to let go of the past and open the door, just a bit, to the future.
Kimberly Panganiban, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Choosing Therapy
Losing someone we love deeply is a profoundly difficult experience to go through. We are all social creatures and are wired to love and be loved. When we lose that love, it impacts our whole world and shakes us to the core. This can be true regardless of how this loss comes about (break up, death, move, etc.).
Unfortunately, there is no easy, quick fix to healing from an intense loss. Here are a few tips on being able to move through the loss and come out the other end:
Allow yourself to grieve
With loss comes a range of painful emotions such as anger, sadness, denial and grief. While these emotions can be very unpleasant and overwhelming at times, it is important that we allow ourselves to feel these emotions. Feeling them is the only way to get through them.
Taking care of ourselves is always important but it is especially important at a time of loss. Doing things that nurture us and help us feel better is a necessity, even if we don’t feel like doing them.
This includes keeping a routine as best you can, making sure you eat well and sleep as best as you can, exercising, and engaging in pleasurable activities.
When we experience loss we often feel isolated from others and alone. Like no one understands. And while the way we grieve is very personal and unique to us, reaching out for emotional support and confiding in people we trust is crucial. Find people in your life that won’t rush your process or try to fix it.
Seeing physical help such as running errands, meal making, etc. can also be very useful at a time like this.
Matchmaker and Relationship Expert, Select Date Society
If you’ve experienced love, chances are, you’ve also experienced pain. Here are my tips for getting over someone you love deeply:
- Talk to a professional. Hire a coach or therapist to be able to talk through what you’re feeling and get an outside perspective. Your friends may be great, but sometimes you need to speak to a professional to get clarity.
- Write down what you’re feeling. Keep a journal to reflect and connect to your emotions in a healthy way that allows for growth and healing.
- Do what makes you happy. If you’ve stopped doing the things you enjoy, get back into a routine of doing what you love! Go for a morning run, take a painting class, join a yoga studio… whatever makes you happy!
- Take off the rose-colored glasses. It’s easy to trick yourself into believing that everything was perfect and to only remember what you loved about your ex. Take time to remember what you didn’t like and what you learned from the relationship.
- Delete them from your social media. Resist the urge to look up what they’re doing on social media and disconnect from them completely. Setting healthy boundaries will allow you to heal.
- Take a weekend trip with friends. Let’s face it – when you’re in love, it’s easy to neglect friendships. Make your friends a priority again and take a trip to reconnect with them.
- Go on dates. Sometimes the best way to get over someone is by moving on and seeing that there are other great people out there who you can have fun with!
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Focus on your passions
The end of a relationship comes with an increase in personal or “free time”. This can lead to you spending that time dwelling on the relationship and what could have been.
Begin instead to use this time to focus on yourself and things you’re passionate about. Do you love to draw and paint but haven’t done so in a while, now is a great time to pick it up again!
Engaging in an activity that brings you joy will not only distract you from thinking about the person you love but will also build your confidence and love for yourself.
It is proven that expressing gratitude improves your mood. Though you may be struggling and feeling sad or hopeless, try sharing your gratitude for a friend, family member, or coworker. Even just simply thanking the barista for making your favorite coffee can lead to an increase in your mood.
Make an intentional effort to express your gratitude to others as well as notice the things you are grateful for. Rather than feeling irritated that you have to get up early, focus on the birds chirping and the plans you have for your day.
This shift in mentality will begin to take over the way you view many situations and can help you begin to appreciate the time you had and the ways you grew from the person you love.
Allow yourself time
I know this isn’t exactly the quick fix you were hoping for but time is truly helpful in the healing process. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and all of the emotions that come with it.
The grief process in ending a relationship is similar to that of death, so try not to judge your emotions and instead honor them. Allow yourself time to heal and move forward.
Christine Scott-Hudson, MA, MFT, ATR
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist | Author, “I LOVE MYSELF; Affirmations for a Happy Life”
The way we process breakups is very similar to the way we process death! We actually go through the same process when we lose a person to divorce or a breakup as we do when we lose a person to death.
We go through the five stages of grief, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and ultimately, acceptance.
Give yourself time and space to grieve
You are grieving the loss of the person, their role in your life, and the dreams you had for the relationship. You need the same time to emotionally process this loss as any other big loss.
Learn the art of acceptance
If you find that you are having a hard time letting go of your ex, it may be that you have not let go of the dream you had for your life with them. You may be experiencing a defense mechanism called “denial,” where the thought of being without them is so painful and overwhelming that your brain chooses to ignore it as your reality.
So, instead of integrating it with the information you wanted and planned, it splits it off and buries, anesthetizes the harsh new information from being absorbed.
In this case, you may still be bargaining for a different outcome, failing to accept the current reality you see, (the breakup), hoping for a different outcome. You may need help integrating this unwanted information with the story you wanted to live.
A licensed therapist can help you learn the art of radical acceptance.
In dialectical behavioral therapy, we teach our clients actual skills in radical acceptance, but the concept comes from Buddhism. Much of our suffering in life is related to our failure to accept what is happening, what we see, what we hear, and what we experience and feel.
Learning how to invite in whatever it is we are actually experiencing can help us live happier and healthier lives. To let go of what we planned and live the story that is actually unfolding before us is a lot like the difference between fighting an oncoming wave or riding it on a surfboard.
These are skills that can be taught by a good therapist. You don’t have to go it alone.
Feminist Spiritual Coach
Falling in love is lovely. Falling out of love can be sad, but trying to get over someone you love is one of the most painful experiences faced in relationships. It is often coupled with feelings of betrayal, shock, and an ache, knowing you want that person but can’t have the relationship you want.
Here is my three-step formula for getting over the person of your affection.
Accept the loss
The first step is accepting that you are in love and grieving the loss of what was or what could have been between you and that person. Love brings hope into our lives, and when we can’t engage with the person we love, it hurts; this hurt is grief.
Often, when we want to “get over” something, we try to shut off our feelings. But the only way out is through, Grieve! Throw on some sad music, dance around your apartment, cry and honor the love you feel.
You are allowed to love someone and not spend the rest of your life with them. It may suck, but it also doesn’t mean that love is less valuable or less real.
The second step is about loving yourself as well. Cliche perhaps, but often heartache is coupled with a hit to our self-esteem. If we could only be more attractive, more intelligent, or more successful, maybe the relationship would have worked out. Or we know we did something to mess it up and beat ourselves up for that.
Loving yourself is about examining what can be better and loving yourself where you are right now. Write a list of 50 things that are deeply lovable about you, all the reasons you are wonderful, and why you are in love with yourself.
Keep in mind that your heartbreak is not permanent
Remember, this is one phase in life, not life forever. The more you honor the feelings you have, and celebrate the person you are, the more your feelings for this person will stop hurting so much.
They may always hold a special place in your heart, but it won’t feel as terrible. You may even be able to celebrate what once was while embracing the next new phase of love and life ahead.
Relationship & Life Coach | Founder, Allowing Change, LLC
When you are truly in love with someone no matter what they do, there will always be a piece of you that loves them. This means that you may not necessarily get over that person, but you can get over that relationship and/or that time in your life.
Realize that some people are roots in your life and some people are leaves
Roots run deep and they are a constant no matter the season, but leaves come and go. The good side about a leaf going is that the next year another leaf is going to grow back even better in its place.
Have the mindset that you may be getting over this situation but a better one will replace it.
Love yourself deeply
I know this sounds so cliché and it’s just self-love but hear me out. When you love yourself so deeply you create a sense of joy for yourself not just happiness. Joy is a constant vs happiness is based on an external metric.
When you love yourself so deeply and have joy, it takes up too much capacity to outpour negatives in a situation that has already ended.
If you truly think about how much mental capacity it takes to love someone else unconditionally when they are not present, imagine using that same capacity to love yourself. Mind-blowing, I know.
Use positive, specific affirmations
Think about all the reasons you love this person so deeply. For example, they are caring, generous, genuine, bubbly, etc. Now you are going to take those reasons and say them out loud to yourself. “I am caring. I am generous. I am genuine.”
Now you are filling your bucket with the traits and things you love the most and instilling them in yourself. It ties right back into self-love.
Given all these few ways you can get over them remember that time is a factor in any transition we must respect it.
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Family Smart Guide
Embrace what you are feeling
It’s important to accept your feelings, even if this acceptance seems frightening. Loss is challenging, and it’s normal to experience intense, confusing, and changing emotions during this time.
Try to embrace them without judging yourself. Feelings pass. With time, they become less intense and overwhelming. Therapy can be extremely helpful during this vulnerable time.
Seek professional help if needed
A therapist can help you process your emotions appropriately. They can provide you with support and guidance about how to take care of yourself.
Having a routine can also help
Even though structure doesn’t take away the pain, it keeps you on track throughout the day. Maintaining a schedule can help mitigate the risk of ruminating over the past or obsessing over the future.
Just be careful to avoid busying yourself too much. It’s very possible to overdo your productivity, and numbing yourself with work isn’t the goal for moving on.
Remember that grief takes time
Honor yourself and your friendships as you navigate this process. Remind yourself that you can get through this moment and that you can find strength in this overall experience.
Transitional Life Strategist
Lean into loving yourself
When you are pouring your soul into a relationship with someone else, it is common to neglect your own care and nurturing. A post-relationship reconnect to yourself is the perfect remedy to healing a broken heart and filling a relationship void.
This subtle shift in energy from outside of yourself, to a renewed internal focus on your own growth and renewal, is energizing and inspiring.
Make a list of all the things you most wanted to do or take care of for yourself that may have been neglected in your time with a significant other. Now add to that list 1-3 things that you always wanted to experience.
Circle your top 5 items on your lists and build those ideas and tasks into your calendar.
Related: What to Do After a Breakup
Every day, when you plan your to-do and today list, incorporate more self-love into your day. Make time to pause and to re-learn and re-align with yourself. Who you are now is more likely very different than who you were prior to your lost love relationship.
Re-meet and recalibrate leaning into an infusion of people, places, and things that fuel and elevate you.
Health and Wellness Intuitive Life Coach, Your Soulful Goddess
Getting over something or someone seems to be the most prevalent advice and the most sought-after medicine out there when it comes to healing a broken heart. “Just let it go”, and “You will get over them in time, you will see” are all platitudes that make us feel dismissed, invalidated, unsteady, and wrong.
If I can’t seem to let go, then there must be something wrong with me, right? There has to be something off about my self-worth or emotions that is keeping me from doing the one thing everyone else in the world seems to be sure I should be able to do.
Do any of these thoughts seem familiar?
I know because I have endured my fair share of relentless clinging onto something or someone when I desperately wanted. What have I learned from these experiences?
Realize that you are whole with or without your ex
We feel unable to release something or someone in our lives because we firmly believe ourselves to be incomplete without them. Here’s the secret though… you are not incomplete in any way and no external factor will ever change that fact.
It’s just that we have become so enamored by the idea of being completed by things, that we have all but forgotten we are our true soulmates. This is a pure truth that, when fully integrated by you, will change the way in which you show up for yourself and others in your life.
If you realized you are whole, complete, and utterly deserving of your own love and appreciation, would you be out there, putting up with anyone who treated you like second best?
Would you be sitting at home pining over someone who wasn’t right to share your immense beauty with? Would you be so ready to fixate on the idea of someone that was based only on a fantasy land? Not likely.
And the truth is, that no matter how you choose to look at it, if you spend your life seeking to be completed by anything outside of yourself, you will never be satisfied, self-actualized, or content.
Don’t rush your grief
We have been taught to ‘push through’ our grief and healing and that the faster we can get over a person, the faster our lives will get back to normal.
The faster we can get involved with someone else, the faster our pain will recede and somehow propel us into the arms of someone better. However, trying to force our own healing is often the very thing that breaks our spirit most harshly.
In life, everything ebbs and flows with easeful grace.
Trees that seem so huge they may one day touch the sky have taken a great deal of time, space, and slow development to get there. You are no different from those trees, you need to move whole-heartedly and easeful through each chapter of your life in order to develop.
Given enough time to move through your pain, you will slowly find new tools for healing. In doing so, you will come to realize what this pain is teaching you, and how it is serving you in real-time. Once that is done, you can get creative and take ownership of your transformation and rise again from the ashes, anew.
Don’t try to force your healing if you aren’t ready for it.
Allow yourself to feel the entirety of your experience while remembering the whole while that you are not your emotions. It is a process that requires a great deal of grace, awareness, and patience, and it is a process that also asks us to make time to become the gentle observer of the self.
Do not think of only the good times
Avoid going down memory lane, looking back at all the wonderful times spent , and ignoring all the times you bent over backward to please them, ignored red flags, or even had our boundaries crossed time and again.
Now, I am not saying that we should be spending our time looking back only at the ‘bad’ in a relationship long gone, but I am asking us to consider that, in our inability to sit with our pain, we can often become fixated on creating a fantasy that better suits the narrative that only this person could possibly make us feel the way we felt.
This fantasy bespeaks the lie that we are trying so hard to ignore.
Each of these points of awareness takes time, and each asks a great deal of vulnerable surrender on our part. True healing asks us to go deeper. It asks that we release attachment and become present with what is truly showing up for us.
It asks us to remember we are whole and complete on our own, and ultimately, it asks us to be grateful for what is, even when that means letting something go.
Jennifer M. Alemany
Author, “Mark My Love”
“I will ever get over one person that I loved deeply”
I started to write about this topic and I realized, I don’t think I will ever get over one person that I loved deeply. The someone I speak of is now on the other side. He left my life suddenly almost two years ago. So for me, I’m working my way through the deep love I shared with someone, with him.
The more I understand that love, the more I see the horizon on the other side. I guess one could say that I’m learning to love more deeply because I have loved so deeply in the past. That love has now grown in a different way and I’m blessed to have experienced this with another being.
My heart is more filled than it has ever been and with that, I know that I was not meant to get over this love. And in some strange way, that love has helped me get over a lot in general. I know I will love again soon because I feel it in my soul.
I think we all try very hard to understand love and how it impacts our life, that includes me too. I ultimately believe we are supposed to live our life within love; that means the love of everything, the love of this earth, and every single living thing on the planet.
Once you are living there and truly existing in that space of love; you may also realize that you should cherish any love that crossed your path once upon a time, even the love that hurt. We are all meant to feel all emotions and sometimes the heartbreak is just another learning lesson for us to truly see the big picture of life itself. It’s all about love, bottom line.
Creator, Wealthy and Wise Woman and 21 Day Marriage Fix
Focus on your self and happiness
When you lose someone your love, it feels like there’s a piece of you that’s missing. But rushing off to find a new someone to fill the missing piece may be the biggest mistake you could make.
The idea that one person could complete another is romantic. Our hearts all skipped a beat when Tom Cruise said those very words to Renee Zellweger in Jerry Macquire. Unfortunately, they also lead us to believe that we can’t be whole without another human being there to fill a void.
The truth is that the only way to start feeling whole again after losing someone you love deeply is to actually become whole. When we are in a serious relationship, we often become dependent on the other person to fulfill our needs and make us happy.
But learning to find happiness on your own (whether you are in a relationship or not) is the only way to guarantee real happiness in the long run.
In the weeks and months that follow a breakup, it becomes very important to choose to focus on things you love and enjoy rather than spending your time wallowing and reliving the glory days of your relationship.
It’s time to rediscover yourself again and remind yourself that you are complete and capable all on your own.
Pareen Sehat MC, RCC
Registered Clinical Counselor, Well Beings Counselling
Loving someone can be heartbreaking, but you need to get over this for yourself. Always remember that efforts are required in every relationship to work, especially when you love someone dearly.
If you fail to maintain a healthy relationship with someone you love, think about something practical instead of making it worse.
Don’t forget to love yourself and write down what you feel at the moment. Don’t get depressed over this and accept the reality that you are no more with that person. Try removing your memories with them from social media.
Instead of blaming yourself, try putting this energy into something positive.
Time is not a limit
You might have heard that time is a healer, but this is not always working. You should not always wait for a long time to decide on any relationship. Once accepted that you should end it, move on and get yourself busy in your life instead of thinking about someone who was not meant to be with you. If you feel you need more time to heal, take it but get over it as soon as possible.
Getting over someone you love deeply is not something you can do just because you want to. It takes time and no one really knows when and how long this process may take. It differs from person to person.
In my case, getting over someone I planned to be with for the rest of my life is the hardest thing to do. It is easier said than done and looking back at the things I’ve been through, I can say that the process is hard and painful but all of this experience is what made me a better person today.
Release all the emotions that are filled within you
Cry to your heart’s content, it is not a bad thing to be sad over someone important that you lost along the way. It is just proof that your love is genuine and true so give yourself time to grieve.
Acknowledge that your relationship failed not only because of your partner
You should realize by this time that keeping a relationship requires the effort of both you and your partner. Acknowledging your flaws and your mistakes that contributed to the fallout is important.
It will greatly help you in granting forgiveness towards your partner.
Avoid everything that can remind you of your partner
It is better to remove him or her from all your social media platforms, it helps a lot in preventing you from messaging him or her and seeing what he or she is up to. Once you decided to move on, seeing him once in a while especially on social media won’t help. It might even bring back old memories.
Accept that there will be no second chance
After cutting all forms of communication and any forms of contact, it is time for you to accept that there will be no second chance. It is very hard to get out and get cleared from a very toxic relationship so why hope for a second chance.
Once you reach this point, you can finally put your heart at ease and proceed to what life has in store for you.
Love yourself unconditionally
Oftentimes when you are in a relationship and you deeply love the person you are with, one thing you forget is to love yourself. It is the time for you to do the things that you want but cannot do because your ex-partner doesn’t allow you to. Pamper yourself, go out with your friends or travel alone.
You can do anything you want without restrictions.
Never forget that the most effective revenge for someone who hurt you badly is simply having a happy and fulfilling life. You do not have to do anything to hurt them back. Just be successful in what you do and be happy, show them what they lost and missed in this life.
Give your forgiveness
One day you will realize that you do not feel the same hate and pain that you felt before. That there is no more heavy feeling whenever that person is being mentioned or being talked about.
Something in your heart and mind tells you that you don’t care anymore. That you can already say truthfully that you have forgiven the people who hurt you. That is the time that you will realize you already got over him/her.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I deal with the fear of rejection or failure in future relationships after a deep love?
Fear of rejection or failure in future relationships is a common concern after a deep love. To address this fear, focus on building your self-esteem and emotional resilience. Remind yourself of your own worth, regardless of the relationship.
It’s also helpful to maintain a realistic view of relationships and admit that not every relationship will work out, which is okay. Learn from your past experiences and see them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement.
Accept vulnerability and be open to new relationships, knowing that the potential for meaningful relationships is greater than the fear of rejection or failure.
What if I can’t stop comparing new partners to the person I loved deeply?
Comparing new partners to the person you loved deeply is a natural reaction, but it’s essential to recognize this tendency and work to reframe your thoughts. Remember that each person and each relationship is unique and that comparisons may not be fair or productive.
Focus on getting to know your new partner for who they are and appreciating their qualities and strengths. If you keep comparing new partners to your past love, consider whether you have truly moved on from that relationship or if additional healing and self-reflection are needed.
How can I deal with jealousy when my former deep love starts dating someone new?
It can be challenging to deal with feelings of jealousy when your former deep love enters a new relationship, but there are strategies to help manage these feelings.
First, acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to experience them without judgment. Then focus on your healing and personal growth, and direct your attention to activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Remind yourself that the new relationship is separate from your own life and experiences and that it doesn’t define your worth or future happiness.
If necessary, consider limiting or cutting off contact with your former partner via social media or in-person to minimize exposure to potentially triggering information.
Is it normal to feel like I will never find love again after losing someone I loved deeply?
Feeling like you may never find love again after losing someone you loved deeply is normal. This feeling is a natural part of the grieving process. It can be attributed to the emotional pain and vulnerability experienced during this time.
However, it’s important to remember that these feelings are temporary and that your capacity for love and connection remains intact. As you recover from and grow from your past relationship, your perspective on love and future possibilities will likely change so that you can remain open to new and fulfilling relationships.
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