How to Politely Ask Someone to Leave Your House

Is there an easy way of asking someone to leave your home without making them feel upset?

Maybe they’re your friends or family members who have overstayed their welcome, and now you just want to wrap it up and rest for the night. Or perhaps you want to get rid of unwanted guests while still being polite.

When this happens, how should you ask someone to leave your house politely but effectively?

Here are some tips on how to handle this situation:

The best way to tell someone to leave your house is by being direct, but if you can’t afford to look rude by directly telling visitors to leave, here are a few useful alternatives that will make you sound on point yet polite.

Let’s take the example of an evening gathering where you have invited several close acquaintances for food and wine. Even a small gathering can easily make you and your guest lose track of time.

But despite the ticking clock being a constant reminder when your guests are unbothered to take your leave, it could give rise to awkwardness.

There are ways to deal with such situations.

Mention that it is getting late

First of all, feel proud as your guests extending their stay is a true compliment in every sense. Maybe your hospitality is too appealing, preventing them from leaving. In that case, you can politely ask them to leave by mentioning that it is getting late.

“Thank you for coming. I hope you had a wonderful time. I would love to be your host again some other time. I think you should be heading back now since it is getting really late.“

Provide non-verbal cues

You can give non-verbal cues to the guests like cleaning the plates, turning off the music, arranging the furniture and cushions, drawing the curtains, and dimming the lights for them to realize that it is time for them to leave.

While cleaning the sitting area, you can politely say, “I am afraid I may have to ask you to leave as I have to clean everything before heading to bed.“

Offering to call them a ride

Another effective way to tell them to leave is by offering to call them a ride or asking if they would want to join your other guest as their destination is in the same direction.

Of course, you need to ask the other guests before making this statement to make sure they are comfortable giving a lift.

Avoid people-pleasing; stand up for yourself and set a boundary

In this situation, it is easy to slip into people-pleasing or “being nice” to be a “good host.” However, your commitment is to yourself and your well-being, so if you need someone to leave, you are absolutely allowed to stand up for that.

In this situation, commit to your boundary by internally noting why you are setting it (you’re tired, you need to make dinner, you have an early morning). Then, confidently thank the person or address the relationship and set your boundary.

Try not to dip into over-explaining or trying to convince them.

When you stand up for yourself and set a boundary like this, you are actually strengthening the relationship.

It’s likely that if you people-pleased and just let them overstay their welcome, you would grow to resent them or harbor some discomfort. By stating your boundary, you are teaching them how to love you.

Sure, we all love a dinner party that stretches late into the night, but you know what I love even more? A solid night’s sleep. So, figuring out the best way to gently wind down the evening at a decent hour is a topic that’s near to my heart.

A few ways to signal to guests that it’s time to wrap things up:

Suggest you move to a different location

An hour before your ideal party end-time, suggest you move to a different location (the living room, the back porch, etc.) for dessert.

A line like “Should we move to the back porch for one more drink?” works nicely.

Clear plates to the sink

Blow out candles on the table and clear plates to the sink. I stop short of actually doing the dishes while guests are there (a little too aggressive), but simply clearing them is a signal that things are winding down.

Glance at your watch

A simple glance at your watch with feigned surprise, “Wow, I can’t believe it’s already 11 pm! How did the night go by so quickly?” is a great way to subtly send the message: it’s been fun, but the evening’s done.

Of course, you can always pull a move that I’ve been known to do with close friends: put on your pajamas, make a cup of tea, tell everyone to have fun and then shut the door to your bedroom. Nighty night!

Set an expectation for the guests

I think it is always a great idea to set an expectation for the guests. I often say something like, “I am free until 10 tonight. How about you hang out at my place?“ right when planning to receive guests.

This way, I don’t have to directly tell them that they are not welcome beyond the designated time, but they leave by that time anyway. But sometimes, this might not be enough. It is easy to lose track of time, both for you and the guests. And when the guests lose track of time, it is seen as disrespectful for the host to point it out.

You can casually mention what you plan to do once they leave.

For example, I remember a guest mentioning a stressful incident at work, and I just quipped, “work can be so stressful, I understand you. I have a whole document to review by tonight.“

It was effective. The guests realized that they should leave soon since I had important work to finish. And they were gone within the next 30 minutes!

Humor works—that’s the smart way to get someone to leave your home

When I was a kid, I rode my bicycle everywhere. One day, I parked it in my friend’s driveway behind his mom’s minivan. She was about to leave and told me, “If you cherish that bike, you probably should move it.” Then she laughed. I laughed, too, and promptly moved my bicycle out of the way.

I learned that there are gentle ways to get your point across. Humor makes everything go down more gently.

That’s the smart way to get someone to leave your home. You could say, “If you don’t want to see me grouchy at work tomorrow, you may want to head out so I can get ready for bed.“

Or you could say, “Unless you want to sit in my living room in the dark, you may want to head out. I’m about ready to shut everything down and go to bed.“

Make those statements with a smile, followed by a laugh. If they don’t work, keep thinking of more things to say that are mixed with humor. The more you make references to them leaving, the faster they’ll get the hint.

Asking someone to leave your home can feel awkward because it seems like a confrontational thing to do.

Essentially, the worry is that the person won’t feel welcome (perhaps they aren’t welcome, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings), you might not want to make them feel bad about themselves or make them angry at you. Perhaps they won’t be happy to be told to leave, and you are uncomfortable causing them to feel unhappy.

Fortunately, there are polite ways to tell someone to leave your home.

Know that you can and should assert your boundaries

It’s important to know that if you don’t want someone in your house for whatever reason, you can and should assert your boundaries and have them leave.

Your mental, emotional, and physical health matters, too, not just the person you want to leave. Most importantly — it is your space.

Often hosts worry about how the guest will feel if they are told to leave, but the host’s feelings also matter, and it is important to remember that. If you have a legitimate reason, then it is okay to assert your boundary.

Be upfront — use “I” statements

If you are going to politely ask someone to leave, part of being polite is providing them with an explanation as to why they are being kicked out. They’re going to want to know why.

Tell them the reason by using “I” statements to avoid putting them on the defensive by responding with “you” statements.

For example, rather than stating, “You keep talking too loudly, and you need to go,” you can instead say, “My family and I really need to start settling down for bed, and we need to keep the noise down. Would you mind heading out for the night, and hopefully, we can get together again at some point?“

The two statements request the same goal but are vastly different in terms of etiquette.

Apologize and thank them

You can ease your request by apologizing and thanking them for coming. For example, instead of saying, “Please leave now,” or you can go with, “I’m so sorry, but we need you to leave now. Thank you for coming.”

The second option has the apology and thanks, so it helps make the request sound kinder, more concerned about the person’s feelings, and indicates that you’re happy they came for as long as you were able to have them.

Invite back for another time

Telling the person that you hope they come again will send the message that you aren’t asking them to leave because you dislike them or their company.

Instead, it sends the message that now is just not a good time, but another time would be good.

This is another way to soften the request for them to leave. However, if it is a situation where you don’t want them to come back, definitely don’t invite them back. It would be kinder not to lead them on.

In that case, leave out the words “please come again.”

Be mindful of your tone and body language

How you request them to leave matters. Having your arms crossed with your eyebrows furrowed and yelling at them to “get out” is rude, off-putting, and certainly not a polite way to tell someone to leave.

You can instead speak in a calm and even tone of voice, with a smile on your face, letting them know that you enjoyed their company, but now you need them to leave for whatever your reasons are.

Related: Why is Body Language Important?

Asking someone to leave doesn’t have to be awkward, rude, or confrontational — it is possible for the request to be made in a kind and empathetic way.

It is fun having people come around to visit, especially during holidays, festivals, or celebrations. But, not every visitor understands or knows when to leave. Sometimes they feel so comfortable that they forget they have overstayed their welcome.

Here are a few ways to politely ask your guest to leave:

Politely ask to suspend the discussion

On occasions where the visitor gets carried away with the conversation, offering to suspend the conversation will be a great idea.

This will not only be a signal to the visitor but will also let them know that you are interested in the discussion, but you can always have it some other time.

Offering to visit will create a level of understanding that won’t upset them.

Suggest another location for the next visit

In a situation where you have more than one guest, and you want to tell them to leave politely, but you also want to create the illusion that you want to spend more time together, suggesting the next venue will hint to your guest that they need to leave, even though you would love to spend more time together.

For instance, while grooving at your place and you need them to leave, you can start by reducing the volume of the music, so they can all hear you well.

This comes in the form of a question and might be discussed till there is an agreement.

Tell your guests that you need to get up early for something important

We’ve all been in that situation where your houseguests are staying just a little too long. The party has wound down, and other guests have left, but there are still one or two stragglers that just won’t leave.

How do you go about asking them to leave without being rude?

Well, if you’re from the Midwest, apparently, you just say “welp“ several times until they get the hint. In the South, it’s more of an “alright then” several times in a row.

You could also tell your guests that you need to get up early in the morning for something important and that you should be going to bed.

Offering to let your guests sleep on the couch is always a solid passive-aggressive move to get them to feel guilty about staying so long. I don’t advocate for passive aggression unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Say “well, I suppose..” while slowly standing up

Say you have an early morning ahead

• Politely ask them to leave your house. You should never have to feel bad about ending your hosting duties, especially if you’ve been more than generous with your time and hospitality.
• Say you have an early morning ahead — maybe a workout class or meeting at work. I cannot emphasize enough that if your guest respects you, they will respect your schedule.
• Start emphatically yawning. It’s okay to say you’re tired, as they should get the point and respect your time.
• Begin doing the dishes or laundry. The more you move around, the more likely your guest will realize you are preoccupied.
• Take the dog for a walk. If your guest has any sort of social cues, they will take the hint.

Say a hint that they wouldn’t be able to ignore

I have a friend who has a habit of inviting me and my wife, along with a bunch of other friends, over to his place at least once a week. He is very welcoming, and we really enjoy staying there.

This also means that it happens from time to time to get carried away and stay later than normal people would. He always starts to tell us how the Sun is hiding and how it’s getting darker and how we’re into our third movie.

But if we still didn’t take the hints, he would always just get up at one point, look straight into his wife’s eyes and say loudly and firmly: “Let’s go to sleep, honey, maybe our guests are tired of us and want to go home.“

It always cracks everyone up, and it isn’t a hint we would be able to ignore. I don’t know if this is the most polite way of asking people to leave, but it surely works every time.

State that you have an upcoming appointment in an hour

Asking someone to leave your house is one of the hardest things to do, especially if you are close to the person or you are blood-related. So, when asking someone to leave your house, it is best to always take the polite route in order for your visitor to not create any ill feelings towards you.

The easiest way to do this is to state that you have an upcoming appointment in an hour and you need to leave soon to be present in your meeting on time. You can follow this up by offering them a ride to where they are going.

This method shows that you are truly sorry for this scheduled appointment and you have no choice but to attend to it, so you cannot let them stay in your house.

This also gives them an idea that you are not a fan of surprise visits and prefer to follow a pre-scheduled appointment. Lastly, this gives them the idea that a surprise visit may not always be welcome to your house.

As this is not very straightforward, the possibility of offending them is very low.