Being loved and cared for by someone is probably one of the best feelings in the world.
However, not all people are very good at showing their affection even to their significant other.
So we asked experts to help us explore the ways on how to show someone that you love them. Here are their insights:
Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologist | Founder, Hope and Sage Psychological Services
When it comes to showing someone love, there are a million and one clichés. The way to someone’s heart is through their tummy; “…it’s in his kiss;” or, for the more modern audience, “if like it, you should put a ring on it.”
But, sometimes, cliché might not be a bad thing. There’s a reason why a lot of things are tried and true. It’s because they work.
You’ve probably heard that “a little kindness can go a long way.” You’ve also probably heard that “actions speak louder than words.” There’s some truth to both.
Acts of service, polite words such as, please, thank you, and you’re welcome, though seemingly trite and insignificant, are actually very important when it comes to showing love.
After all, as it’s been said, “it’s the little things.” Practically speaking, you’ll want to cultivate an environment that is filled with grace and patience.
“Tell me about your day.” It’s not uncommon to see couples on a date where they’re sitting across from one another, candlelight in between, and they’re busy, eyes glued to the screen of their phones. If you must be on your phone, send texts or write small notes to each other (throughout the day, not during dinner.)
Once you are together, it’s time to connect physically, too. Hugs, kisses, holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes trigger our hearts and brains in ways no piece of technology can.
It’s not only good for your relationship, but it’s also good for you. An intimate and loving touch can lower stress and increase health and wellness.
Make it a practice to tell your partner what you love about them and what you appreciate about who they are and what they do.
Do they snort when they laugh? Do you find that loveable? Tell them. Another great way to show your loved one gratitude is to reciprocate things they do for you.
Plan a surprise
Put those creative juices to work! Flowers sent to work doesn’t have to be something you only see in the movies. Plan a little scavenger hunt. When planning a surprise, keep in mind what your partner likes, but add to that, something outside the box. It can be a fun, new experience for both of you.
Support their dreams
When you love someone, you care about what matters to that person. Grab those pom-poms, get on the sideline, and go be their number one cheerleader; their biggest fan; the one that never stopped believing. Talk to your partner about their dreams and how best you can support them.
And there you have it. Whether your partner receives love through acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, or quality time together, whichever of the love languages they speak, the list above has got you covered.
Dating Energy Expert | Radio Host | Author
Respect is the prevailing attitude with which you communicate love to your partner, especially from a woman to a man. I say this because men equate receiving respect from his woman as love.
In other words, there no love without respect. So in the examples to follow on how to show love to your loved one, respect should permeate all of your demonstrations of love.
If a person is emotionally connected to you then by natural default they will feel jealous whenever you give attention to another person. It’s a biological reaction; he/she isn’t able to control it. It is a sign of them being invested in you; so when you show jealousy in a positive way it demonstrates to the other person that you care.
Jealousy has its purpose and is often viewed as a negative emotion. However, when shown in a caring, open and vulnerable way it is endearing.
If a person is invested in you, and if you are important to them, then it’s inevitable that differences in opinions will arise that need to be confronted with the intention for a deeper connection. A willingness to participate in this is a demonstration of love.
They won’t be able to help to get involved because they care about you. They care about what you think and are also invested in your emotions. In other words, if you don’t feel good, how could he/she possibly feel good.
Be his or her safe space
There are few safe places for men to really open up, be vulnerable and vent about what’s bothering them, regardless of how badly they want to.
So as a woman, you really stand out if you can provide that safe place for him, it’s a welcoming gesture of love and affection. Especially, when men are taught to keep their emotions under control.
The happiest relationships occur when two people are able to open up and be sincere with one another, without fear of judgment but can embrace a feeling of acceptance.
Make him feel he’s won your time
This one is especially for the ladies. We all have busy lives; friends, family, work…things can get hectic! It’s unrealistic to put a love interest before all of these things all the time.
However when you can make a man feel, despite this, that he has won your time then he feels like a winner and for a man that translates as a feeling of significance, and therefore a feeling of love.
A man yearns to feel needed, or else he doesn’t feel of any use to you. So make sure you include him where you can, and don’t let him feel left out, or ‘last priority’ if you get too busy.
Time is the most valuable asset any of us have, and so, therefore, the most important gift we can give to someone.
A man’s innate nature is to be a problem solver and to fix things. It makes him feel useful, wanted, and needed. For this reason, asking him for his advice will allow him to flex his problem-solving skills and make him feel like he is really contributing to your life.
The love is not shown just by the receiving of the advice but the implementation of it and showing that it has made a positive difference to your life. This will make him feel loved when he can see the input his input has made.
Talking about appreciation, one of the most valuable things men need to feel and hear is “I appreciate you.”
In a society where men are frequently being reminded that women don’t need them, men yearn to feel wanted, thus appreciated for who they are. I’ve heard it say that appreciation is an application for more and I thought how true!
This ties in with giving compliments. Take time to also verbalize what you love about him so as to motivate him, and of course, it works both ways! When a woman receives compliments, say on her physical appearance, she feels great as it an acknowledgment of the effort she has put in for his pleasure!
Touches of affection
Little gestures such as clasping hands whilst walking down a street, walking arm in arm, resting your head on his shoulder (or chest if you’re laying down) long hugs make you feel closer to one another.
Affection sends a very important message of love.
It had to come up eventually! physical intimacy pleasuring one another in the way the other person likes to be pleasured sounds like an obvious one. Take time to find out what that is and get creative. I won’t go into too much detail on this one –we are all adults here, so use your imagination!
Give your undivided attention
Have you ever noticed, how you may be on the phone and your man is around and how he does things to get your attention?
An important note on this point is that we know women multitask better than men do. This means you could be checking your email and still be giving him your attention. But it brings us back to ‘how we want to leave that person feeling’.
If you’re at home working and you’ve scheduled he’s coming to see you at a particular time. Make sure you’ve finished your typing or whatever it is you’re doing and give him due time. Or at least share tasks together so that you both are involved. You wash the dishes, while he dries!
Dress to stir desire
Ladies, we know men are visual creatures. So let’s cater to it. Men love to be visually stimulated, particularly from the woman in their lives.
Especially when he knows you’ve made the effort, just for him. If a man sees you in something you know he loves, regardless of how long you have been together, this is a great way to show him that you love and desire him.
The five love languages
According to Gary Chapman, there are five ways we express and experience love, he calls them “Love Languages: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Gift Giving, Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation.”
Chapman suggests that we observe the way our love interest expresses love to others; he theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love.
For example, my partners’ primary love languages are physical touch and acts of service, so if I iron his shirts or run errands for, this demonstrates my love; whereas, mine are physical touch and quality time.
When we make a special effort to lean into the language that doesn’t feel that natural to us, it is recognized even more so as a show of love. When you both have the same love language, there can be even more of a click!
Charlene Walters, MBA, Ph.D.
Writer and Speaker, Own Your Other | Business & Branding Mentor
You can show someone that you love them in so many ways. It’s often the little things that have the biggest impact. It can be small gestures to help them out or really listening to them so that they know that they are being heard. Even just telling them that they’re important will go a long way.
Quality time and being present are also huge
We are juggling so much in our lives, but we have to remember to find time for those that are most dear to us because we never know when that time with them might come to an end. Spending quality time together is probably the most compelling way to show someone that you love them.
These principles apply to everyone that’s special in your life; your significant other, your children, your family, and your friends. Life is short so it’s critical to express how much we love the people that are most important to us before it’s too late.
Psychology Professor |
Author, Emotional Detox: 7 Steps to Releasing Toxicity & Energizing Joy
One of the ways you can show someone you love them is to let them know how they make you feel
For example, “when you took me out to dinner you made me feel special or when you checked in with me you made me feel respected.”
So often we communicate by telling people what we think, whether we approve or disapprove of them. I say rather than share what you think, try to share how you feel and they are sure to feel loved by you.
Mindset Coach | Mental Health Advocate
Showing someone that you love them can sometimes appear to be a daunting task, but it doesn’t have to be. I believe that in most cases we overthink this process.
The average person typically isn’t looking for grand gestures, but rather a genuine sense of compassion. Here are a few ways you can show someone you love them without spending a dime:
Go the extra mile
It’s so easy to do the bare minimum in relationships to sustain harmony; however, going the extra mile by doing more than one expects of you is a clear indicator that you care about that person.
Give without expectations
I mentioned going the extra mile above, and typically when someone does this they seek praise or recognition for their efforts. Doing so actually dampens the efforts that were made.
If you want to show someone you truly love them give without expectation of anything in return. This allows you to really focus on that person and remove any room for disappointment on your end in the event they don’t respond in the manner that you’d hoped for.
Love without conditions
To truly love someone is to love without conditions or stipulations. Being able to still show up regardless of the circumstances is the ultimate act of love.
Practice being selfless
Placing someone else’s needed or desires is hands down one of the quickest ways to show that you love someone.
Be an active listener
There are very few things people love more than hearing themselves speak. Oddly enough, the average person doesn’t practice active listening, but rather they listen to respond. Being an active listener shows genuine concern for that person’s needs.
Provide support when needed
Often times we think that being supportive means that we have to agree with a person’s decisions or weigh in on the matter. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Being supportive simply means showing the individual that you’re in their corner without judgment.
High School English Teacher
The best way we show someone we love them isn’t what we say — it’s what we do.
I’m not sure if Oprah Winfrey or Stephen Covey said it first, but “love is a verb.” We are surrounded by false representations of love everywhere we look: romance novels, reality TV shows, rom-coms, every love song, you get the gist.
Real love, whether it’s romantic, platonic, or familial isn’t perfect. We may have perfect moments, but true-to-life love stories take a whole lot of work to achieve a happy ending. In my classroom, I have ten different ways I show my students I love them.
I value their names
I find out their nickname or we come up with a new one that they like better. All year, other kids (myself included) use this name as a way of showing closeness.
I’m real with them
I share what I’m ecstatic about, stressed over, proud of, and so on, and I encourage them to do the same. When teacher and student bring their authentic selves to class, real learning can take place.
I break bread with them
Why? Because sharing food means sharing the love. No matter what language you speak or what country you’re from, when people share their food, you know they care about you.
I find out who they are
What do they care about? What do they like to do? What are they good at? What do they struggle with? Whether I talk with students in the class, one-on-one outside of class or I observe them while they’re doing their thing, taking the time to learn who I’m teaching is one way I reinforce to them how important they are.
I pay attention to what they’re not saying
Sometimes kids will tell you about the hangnail on their left pinky, but they’ll leave important things out, like, “I haven’t been able to concentrate lately because my parents just split up.”
When adults notice that kids are acting differently, we need to ask them what’s going on. This is another way we show them we love them.
I make myself available
As one might assume, the middle of a forty-minute period with twenty other kids in the room isn’t the best time to have a heart-to-heart.
When students want to share something with me, I make time for them. Even if I can’t be physically available, I work to remain emotionally available. A little compassion goes a long way.
I don’t overstep
Being a loving educator isn’t about crossing boundaries and taking on the role of a parent, friend, or therapist. Caring about kids isn’t about confusing them.
It’s about being clear that you’re on their side, you want what’s best for them, and you want to do your part to help them be successful. And besides, kids don’t care about who you are — they care about how you treat them.
I talk to my colleagues
When I’m worried about a shared student, I make a point to consult with my coworkers and start formulating a plan. No one person is as smart as everyone working together. Plus, for all the kids we’re surrounded by, teaching is a lonely job. We need each other for both professional and moral support.
I call home
Talking with students’ parents and caregivers is an essential way I show my students I want them to succeed.. I’m not ratting them out or trying to get them in trouble. I’m speaking with another adult who knows and loves them and who also wants what’s best for them.
I tell them I love them
Simple as that. Kids can’t read your mind. Many children never hear I love you at home, much less at school. It’s very important to me that all my students know just how special they are to me and I make sure I verbalize this to them as often as I can.
Penelope Lynne Gordon
Writer | Empowerment Coach, Evouq
Encourage their dreams
Our partners should support and encourage us as we pursue our dreams, and lift us up through the downs. I don’t know where I would be if my husband wasn’t behind me every step of the way as I lay it all on the line for my life’s passion.
Listen to them
A partner who is willing to just listen, even when you’ve talked about a topic a thousand times, shows a depth of commitment and support that is important.
It is only through listening and really hearing what your partner wants, that you are able to develop mutual respect and ability to compromise in a healthy relationship.
Every two weeks, my husband and I have a standing calendar-booking that reminds us to have a check-in. We do this to remind us to connect and have a chat to see how things are going.
If there are specific things that have come up in the past that we’re working on, we touch base about how the other is feeling about it. It’s a beautiful opportunity to really connect with your partner and show your commitment to one another.
No relationship is perfect, but it’s how we show up for the one we love that can make all the difference!
A great way to show someone you love them is to always be working on yourself! Being a better partner means focusing on your own growth, and how you can be a better person in the relationship.
Find a great coach or mentor that you trust, and let them inspire and guide you to a better version of yourself.
Turn towards each other during tough times
In times of stress, our emotional habits can be triggered in a way that can actually make things much worse if you’re not paying attention.
Even if your instincts are contrary to this, make sure that you are consciously turning towards, and connecting with, your partner. Being in a committed relationship means making your best effort to stay connected especially during hard times.
Talk about the hard stuff
The best piece of advice I got on my wedding day was this: Talk about the hard stuff. Especially in a newer relationship, when the pawpaw hits the fan and it disagrees with the fantasy version of your relationship that you’ve created, our tendency is to shove our ostrich heads in the sand.
Denial over what’s going on in tough times will only make things so much worse. Talking with your partner openly about how you’re feeling and what’s going on is very important to stay connected during rough times, and showing how much you love them!
Certified Mental Health Consultant, Enlightened Reality | Relationship Expert, Maple Holistics
Time is the biggest gift
Movies have shown us that the way to show love is through huge romantic gestures. However, the best way to show someone you care is through the little things. Do the dishes, make the bed, or give them a foot massage after they’ve had a long day.
Giving your partner your time is more of a gift than any expensive present you could give them. If they would prefer the expensive gift, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship.
Time is the most precious gift you can give to your partner. Something as small as giving your partner 20 minutes of your time as soon as you walk into the door every day, leaving the stress from work at the door is the way to keep your relationship healthy and avenues of communication opened.
Retired Administrator | Author
A romantic when I was newly married, I thought the way most men showed love was thru flowery words, by holding hands, purchasing pretty lingerie, etc. That my new husband didn’t do any of those things made me think he didn’t love me.
Years later, I realized the above was just one way and that there were a lot of ways my husband showed he loved me.
Do the things that matter to your loved one
Things like when my sweet kitty had to be put to sleep and I was inconsolable for days, he contacted our vet to see if he knew of any kitties. How he ventured quite aways from where we lived in a brand new town to get me a new one.
He shows me by putting air in my tires as he wants me to be safe or having my car washed and detailed without my asking because he thought it would make me happy.
Finally, he shows it by taking my hand as we cross a busy street. That he holds it longer than necessary, does things to my girlish heart.
Alas, it took me years to realize that I had attributed love to grand gestures or gifts that cost both time and money. Forty-six years later, he continues to show me what real love is.
Do what feels right and put your heart into it
Love is something that inspires everyone. For me, it is the main source. I remember there was a time when I thought saying the literal words were enough, or the value could be determined with gifts.
I one day woke up and realized that if I really wanted to show someone I loved them, I would have to do it in a way that would fully express myself. For me, that was songwriting. I would say 90% of the songs I’ve written had themes of love in them.
Now, not everyone can just sit down at a piano and write a song for their loved one(s). I understand that. Perhaps for someone else, their barely touched kitchen could be used to make a home-cooked meal. It could be as simple as a handwritten note!
The point is, it is different for everyone. For some people, a small gesture is actually a big one. Don’t overthink it. Do what feels right and put your heart into it. If they love you they will appreciate it no matter what.
National Independent Life Insurance Agent
Showing someone you love them is one of the most beautiful things you can do.
Giving them your time is a simplistic way to show love
In addition to this, sending them a love note via text during the day, letting them know you are thinking of them. On a deeper level, giving your loved one complete and total loyalty is very sexy.
Any effort, whether it be a simple kiss on the forehead, a love note, a simple flower, or date night with candles lit all over your home shows him or her your love and your interest. Do this daily, and make no mistake your partner will feel forever loved.