How to Tell If He’s Losing Interest in You

You thought things were going perfectly until, suddenly, they weren’t. And now you’re left wondering what happened.

If you’re starting to wonder if he’s losing interest in you, here are some signs that may mean they’re beginning to slip away.

Chris Pleines

Chris Pleines

Dating Expert,

He’s no longer asking questions

Every relationship blog and guru will tell you that communication is key, and it’s true. You constantly get in contact and ask questions, no matter how trivial, because you want to be in the loop when it comes to your significant other’s life.

Thus, when the questions stop coming for quite some time, know that it’s a red flag.

When he stops asking about your day, when you’re free, or what you’re doing—and this has been the norm for a while now—you can say he isn’t as interested in you as he was before.

Often, your guy may even be thinking of breaking up but he’s most likely just waiting for the time (as if there is one).

He seems uninterested

Seeming uninterested is normal if you are tired or busy, but if it has become a usual instance in your relationship, then there is definitely a problem.

When he does not insist on doing things together or spending time with each other, you should probably have a sit-down conversation with him.

He’s no longer putting in the effort

The effort comes in many forms; it can be in the way he helps you, makes plans with you, or in small ways such as talking to you.

Once in your relationship, he may have made you feel like you are the queen of his life. If you can’t even imagine that happening again, then something has definitely changed.

Dr. Carla Marie Manly

Carla Marie Manly

Clinical Psychologist | Author, Joy from Fear

When in the midst of a romantic relationship, it can be difficult to truly know what’s going on with the other person. Particularly if a partner is extremely busy or not highly communicative, it’s often easy to interpret behaviors that seem to indicate emotional distance.

Yet, in truth, sometimes emotional styles and life schedules can cause a disruption in romantic patterns that are not indicative of losing interest in the relationship.

That said, some men tend to enjoy only the chase of obtaining a new partner and, once the desirable partner is “captured,” feel satisfied and then put far less effort into the relationship.

Although not all males have this “capture and dismiss” style, those who do not enjoy maintaining a relationship, in the long run, may slowly or abruptly show less interest in a variety of ways.

Some of the most common signals of a man losing interesting include:

  • Engaging more with friends and friend-related activities than with you.
  • Refusing to talk through problems to reach a mutually satisfying resolution.
  • A decreased interest or hesitancy to make plans for the future (e.g., holiday plans, vacations, etc.).
  • Reduced interest in sexual intimacy overall.
  • Interested only in sexual intimacy rather than a balanced interplay of talking, sharing time in joint activities, socializing, and other non-sexual couple activities.
  • Abusive or aggressive behavior designed to push you away.
  • A lack of interest in your personal life, work-life, or meaningful topics.

Although it’s natural for some of these behaviors to arise in almost any relationship due to life stressors, an ongoing pattern of these types of issues can certainly signal a lack of interest in the relationship.

Related: 25+ Warning Signs Your Relationship Is Over

Latasha Matthews, LPC, CPCS, CPLC, CAMS

Latasha Matthews

Author, The Dumping Ground  | Individual, Couples & Family Therapist, Illumination Counseling and Coaching, LLC

Oftentimes in relationships, things are going well until they are not going well. The relationship can go from exciting and passionate to uncertainty and confusion very quickly.

Before you know it, you might begin to wonder where is this relationship going. Is he not that into me? Here are some signs to help you determine if is losing interest:

  • Lack of follow-through. He no longer honors his word on keeping dates, calling back or initiating aspects of the relationship
  • Lack of sex. He is no longer interested in having sex. he has lost the passion behind intimacy and his actions seem like a ritual.
  • Lack of goals. He no longer talks about the goals for your relationship. He only focuses on the here and now topics
  • Lack of trust. You begin to catch him lies and he begins to make excuses about his whereabouts
  • Lack of fun. He no longer wants to do anything fun. He seems boring and uninterested in doing anything with you
  • Lack of priority. He no longer spends times with you and when you are together he is unfocused
  • Lack of peace. He starts arguments and fights and he blames you for everything. He finds reasons not to get along with you.

Robin Sutherns

Robin Sutherns

Relationship and Style Editor, Boureston Media, Inc.

Relationships aren’t always easy-going. There’s a time when everything’s going great. You feel like you’re in a movie. But, there are times when you just can’t put a finger on it, but sparks seem to be gone.

Here are 3 obvious reasons that he’s losing interest in you:

He makes excuses

If your boyfriend used to drop everything just to be with you or do something with you when you ask, and then suddenly, he’s never available and always has something else coming up, that’s a pretty obvious sign.

Keep in mind that when a guy is in a relationship he finds ways to see you or at least talk to you no matter how busy he may be.

When someone jumps on any tiny excuse just to get out of a plan or invite, it means he doesn’t want to be there in the first place. You should already take that as a hint that he’s losing interest in the things you invite him to or in you.

Everything ends in a fight

If he always seems to start and end everything in fights, that’s one sure sign that he’s losing interest in you. If every little thing the two of you talk about seems to magically turn into an argument, that’s because he’s using it as his exit strategy.

You just feel it

Deep down in your heart, you just know that he’s losing interest. There’s some kind of intuition in you that’s already telling you that it’s not working out anymore because he’s not interested anymore.

Our guts are actually powerful tools and we need to use it to know if things are still working out or not. If you have this unsettling feeling in you that he has lost interest, it’s probably true.

When a guy loses interest in you, it’s hard not to notice it. It’s probably best to bring it up first since men avoid it as much as they can.

Remember to trust your gut. But, make sure to communicate properly before moving forward.

Sirarpi Sahakyan

Sirarpi Sahakyan

Relationship Expert, Self Development Secrets

They say, the advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer, but wish you didn’t. The thing is, you already know the answer, you’re just coming here as a last resort hoping that there’s a chance you’re wrong and he’s not losing interest in you.

Here are 5 definitive signs that he is losing interest:

Every conversation ends in a fight

If every conversation seems to end up in an argument it’s a red flag that subconsciously he’s trying to drive you away. In this way, he is trying to drive you crazy and get you to break up with him. Here’s a sign that he really does not want to hurt your feelings.

Related: How Often Do Couples Argue or Fight in a Healthy Relationship

You either don’t have sex or there is too much sex in your relationship

Sex is definitely a barometer for the relationships. A loss of interest can result in two polar opposite sexual side effects.

On the one hand, if you try to remember when was the last time you had sex, it could indicate that he’s no longer physically or emotionally interested in you. Also, if he cares nothing but the sex, it’s a sign that your personality no longer interests him, you have become just a body.

He makes excuses all the time

In the beginning, he was all about you. Whenever you asked to do something, he ran. But now something has changed. For every suggestion or request, he has an excuse to justify his behavior. When you are in a relationship, you both find a way to make time for each other no matter what.

So, whenever he gives you an excuse for why he can’t do something, what he’s really telling you is that there is another priority, he is choosing something else.

He doesn’t initiate

When you reach out, he replies, but he doesn’t initiate. You are no more engaged in long conversations, it feels like you’re the one doing a monologue. He stopped putting any effort into activities you used to do together.

Where it feels that there is just a bare minimum, it’s a huge sign that he doesn’t really care to keep you around.

He doesn’t ask as many questions as before

When we like someone, we’re always curious, we want to know everything, we can’t get enough. If it’s not your case, then your man is starting to not care.

Stephania Cruz

Stephania Cruz

Relationship Expert, Dating Pilot

In the initial stages of a romantic relationship, couples go through a euphoric phase that drives them to be very interested in each other.

This is what some people refer to as the honeymoon stages of a relationship. It is during this stage that couples constantly think about each other, want to be with each other, are constantly calling and texting each other, etc.

However, this euphoric phase eventually comes to an end, and the high level of interest comes down a notch as they are no longer being driven by this euphoric force.

Related: How Long Does the Honeymoon Phase Last

But this doesn’t necessarily mean that all interest is lost. This is the stage where couples see all sides of each other and they cultivate their emotional intimacy if they allow themselves to connect at a deep level beyond the euphoric factors.

Unfortunately, however, for some the interest in the relationship eludes once the euphoric phase passes. It is at this point in the relationship where they begin to exhibit behaviors that demonstrate their disinterest.

Typical behaviors include no longer pursuing their partner. This means they no longer call, text, etc. and their partner is typically the one initiating the contact.

He no longer makes plans with their partner

At the beginning of the relationship, the couple would both take initiative to plan out dates, outings, try things together, etc. but this is no longer the case for the person who has lost interest.

This also goes to making constant excuses every time their partner attempts to make plans.

He no longer attempts to make long-lasting and meaningful conversations

This means they are no longer trying to get to know you at a deeper level nor do they want you to get to know them at a deeper level.

Lana Otoya

Lana Otoya

Dating Coach, Millenialships

The texting slows down

In the first phases of dating, the biggest way to tell that he’s losing interest in you is if the texting slows down. When men get really excited about a new woman, they want to see her all the time. So if he’s not texting you for 4 days or more, and you know he’s not out of town…next!

He gets annoyed easily

If you have been dating for more than a few months, but less than a year, you can tell he’s losing interest if he gets annoyed.

When you’re in the honeymoon phase of love, it is equivalent to taking a hit of cocaine. You are literally experiencing a drug-like high. If you’re in this state of euphoria, you’re not going to get annoyed with the person.

So if he acts irritated or annoyed with you about anything, his honeymoon dopamine hit has likely worn off.

Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC, PCC

Amy Schoen

Professional Life Coach | Dating-Relationship Expert, Motivated to Marry

Relationships take work and effort on both sides. And at the beginning of a relationship, everyone is on their best behavior and usually, everything is wonderful.

  • He calls you regularly if not every day.
  • He text you good morning and good night
  • He may bring you flowers or gifts
  • He wants to be physical with you and you spend weekends in bed!
  • He wants you to hang out with his friends and family.
  • He plans dates and future stuff like trips
  • He gives you his undivided attention.
  • He asks you for your preferences on restaurants and activities for dates.
  • He wants to spend most of the weekend with you!
  • He makes a big deal of your birthday or your anniversary!
  • You may Facetime for hours when you are not able to be together.

Now no one can keep this up at this pace forever. As you settle into a relationship, some of this “all in” attention does drop off and this is a natural progression.

You know when he’s lost interest when you hear from him less and less

  • You don’t get the good morning texts or evening good night texts
  • It’s hard to track him down. He doesn’t call when he says he would.
  • You have a date planned and he has an emergency or something came up at work (more than once).
  • He made plans to go visit a friend during the weekend and is not inviting you to join him.
  • There are no future plans or talk about going away for a weekend or taking your vacations together.
  • You don’t get invited to family events and holidays
  • You spend the day together and there is little physical contact.
  • And he doesn’t seem to be listening to you and seems far away.

Katie Dames

Katie Dames

Relationship Expert, Feely Feelings

No more sweet gestures

When those sweet texts, calls, or flowers for no special occasion, slow down or come to a complete stop it usually means that he’s lost interest in you and the relationship.

When you care about someone, you want to give them sweet, random gifts to perk up their day. If you’re not getting this from your partner, he might be losing interest.

No talk of the future

When you continue to talk about your future together and he’s vague or non-committed or not even participating in the conversation, he’s done.

A relationship requires commitment on both sides, but if you’re the only one who is bringing up future plans, it’s likely that he’s lost interest in you.

Frequently Asked Questions

When is it time to let go?

Letting go can be one of the hardest things to do in a relationship, but sometimes it’s necessary to move on and seek happiness elsewhere.

If you have tried unsuccessfully to communicate your concerns to him, give him space, and work on the relationship, it may be time to let go. Trust your instincts and be honest with yourself about how you feel.

Remember that you deserve someone who is fully invested in the relationship and willing to put in the effort to make things work. If he’s not willing to meet you halfway, maybe it’s time to consider moving on and finding someone who is.

Should I give him space if he loses interest?

Giving someone space can be a healthy way to handle a situation where someone loses interest, but finding a balance between space and open communication is important.

If you feel he’s pulling away or becoming less engaged, it may be a good idea to take a step back and give him some space to think about the relationship.

However, it’s important that you communicate your intentions to him and let him know that you’re not giving up on the relationship.

During this time, focus on your own needs and interests and try not to obsess over the relationship. This will give you a chance to recover and gain some perspective on the situation.

However, setting clear boundaries and being open about your feelings are important. If you feel that the space is turning into a prolonged period of silence or disengagement, it may be time to have a conversation about where the relationship is going.

Can I make him regain interest in me?

While it’s not possible to control another person’s feelings or actions, you can work to improve the relationship and reignite his interest by focusing on communication, quality time, and mutual respect.

Start by having an honest conversation about where the relationship is going and what you both want from it. Then you can focus on building a strong foundation based on trust and mutual respect.

Make time for each other and focus on creating meaningful experiences together. This may mean trying new activities or hobbies, taking a trip together, or simply spending time doing things you both enjoy.

Remember, the goal is to build a strong, healthy relationship based on mutual respect and a shared commitment to each other. The relationship will naturally grow and flourish over time if it is meant to be.

Should I try to make him jealous to reignite his interest?

No, playing games or trying to make someone jealous isn’t a healthy or effective way to reignite interest in a relationship. It’s important to be honest, and straightforward with your partner about your feelings and concerns.

If he’s truly losing interest in the relationship, it’s unlikely he’ll change his mind if you try to make him jealous. It’s important to remember that you deserve someone who is fully invested in the relationship and willing to make an effort to make things work.

Instead of playing games, focus on building a strong, healthy relationship based on trust, communication, and mutual respect. If the relationship is meant for you, it will naturally grow and flourish over time.

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