Some people think that when they meet their soulmate, it can be a life-changing experience. Some also believe that it would seem like they’ve known the person all along or that they seem very familiar.
But what actually happens when two people who are destined to be together finally cross paths?
Here are some experts insights:
Relationship Expert | Blogger, Hey Get a Room
I didn’t see many healthy love relationships growing up. But I thought I’d surely know when I met my soulmate. Sparks would fly, I’d feel so happy, and I’d never want to leave his side. Ohhh, it would be perfect!
Then I met him. He was hot and that perfect mix of romantic and bad boy. I was captivated. But I soon realized that, in the beginning, your soulmate and Voldemort could look the same.
I met another man two years later, and I wasn’t sure about him. Oh, he was handsome, alright. But an introvert, not as overtly charming as the first and certainly not clear about his feelings for me. Then, I met his parents and saw for the first time what a relationship should be.
Their example helped me begin to study and discern if a suitor was deserving of the title Soulmate.
Spoiler Alert: I’ve been happily married and head-over-heels in love with their son, my soulmate, for thirty-three years. He’s the best man I’ve ever known. But first, I had to recognize him.
Prepare to meet your soulmate:
- Seek wise counsel. Sometimes, seeing the picture of that thing you want plays a role in you getting it. Look for someone who has a great relationship and ask them for help.
- Think about and write down who your soulmate is. Now, I know that sounds silly because you haven’t met them yet, but what characteristics do you want them to have? Please don’t focus on the physical stuff; you’ll know it when you see them.
- Think instead about the non-material: Humor? Kindness? Intelligence? Spirituality? Keep the list handy, and you’ll be able to spot them better when they appear.
- Place yourself in the right places to meet people of quality. Perhaps you should volunteer for a cause you love. Or take a class.
- Time is your friend. Just like in my story, it is common to misjudge someone when dopamine kicks in. Just because sparks fly, and you feel happy does not mean that person is your soulmate. Enjoy it, but don’t give away too much of yourself or make any permanent decisions. A toxic person can be in your life for a short time but leave destruction behind.
- My advice is don’t risk your future for someone who won’t even be in your future. No one is perfect, but time gives you the ability to discern their character and if they’re growing as a person. See what’s behind the beautiful face. And let’s face it, they could be a saint, but they still might not suit you for a lifetime. It would help if you had time to know.
- Work on being the kind of person that your ideal soulmate will want to call their own.
Related: How to Find the Man of Your Dreams
So, what happens when you meet your soulmate?
They will seem like a person you could be with forever
Sure, the dopamine is flying, and you’re lucky if the sparks don’t catch something on fire! But it’s not going to be all hearts and butterflies. You’re still going to have the issues that two imperfect humans have trying to live together in this world.
But, because you’ve chosen well and are taking your time, this time, it will feel different because it will be different. This one will feel like he’s worth working for. She will seem like a person you could be with forever.
You have mutual respect
Yes, she’s gorgeous, but it’s more than that. Her light comes from the inside. Kindness is essential to you, and she has it in spades! He’s so funny! Oh, you love that about him. Humor was first on your list. And as the relationship matures, so will your respect.
These feelings that in other relationships were fleeting will deepen. You’ll begin to support each other’s work and dreams, you’ll see how much their gifts complement yours, and you’ll stick up for each other. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect.
You can share your thoughts and feelings without hesitation
Oh, you’ll fight. Maybe even more than you’ve ever fought with a partner before. The reason is that you care more, and soulmates have the power to hurt you that those before them didn’t have. And now, instead of abandoning a relationship when it gets hard, you’re both sticking around to get things right.
That’s healthy if you’re accomplishing something.
And being in real love doesn’t guarantee communication skills. Assertive and healthy communication is a learned skill, and we often bring baggage into a relationship. But with a soulmate, we are driven to learn hard things.
In the end, you’ll find that talking with your partner can be easy, and you can share your thoughts and feelings without hesitation and feel heard and respected.
You’ll have each other’s support and they make you feel safe
Life is hard. Things don’t go our way 100% of the time. A true soulmate will offer that reliable support and make you feel safe. You’ll see the relationship growing when times get tough, and you and your soulmate are there to listen and provide feedback and compassion.
Both of your needs are met in the best way possible
Each partner respects the other’s feelings, abilities, and input in an equal relationship. And one person’s needs don’t dominate the relationship.
However, authentic soulmate relationships go deeper over time. They are not transactional, and no one is keeping score because both are giving everything. And ironically, both peoples’ needs are met in the best way possible.
Related: 40+ Signs You’re Destined to Be Together
Mad attraction for each other
There’s a vast difference between dopamine-induced attraction and what I’ve described. I’ve had both, and I’m testifying!
There is nothing like being in love with and being loved by your true soulmate. My heart races whenever I see him, and just when I think it can’t get any stronger? Bam! Love surge.
You most likely had a powerful and deep feeling right from the first encounter
I’ll share two soulmate stories. The first one, a young man, 22—call him Eric—told me the following story:
“I was at a bus stop, and I saw this girl. I couldn’t stop staring at her—like there was this crazy force pulling me in her direction. I wanted to approach her, but I was scared. It didn’t make sense. I’m never shy about meeting a girl. She got on the bus headed for the central bus station.”
“Now it gets really crazy. An old guy comes up to me and says, ‘I saw how you looked at that girl. You got to find her. She’s the one for you.’ It was like he was an angel from God.”
“So, I took the next bus to the central bus station, hoping I’d see her and praying I’d have the courage to speak to her. As soon as I got to the bus station, I saw her waiting for another bus. My heart was pounding, but I came up to her and asked her if she had the public transportation app, Move It, on her phone.”
“She stared at me for a moment, smiled, and handed me her phone, and then said, ‘If you want my phone number, just ask. I saw you staring at me before.'”
“Then we both started laughing. Meanwhile, we’ve gotten together two times, and the chemistry is insane.”
This is a soulmate story:
Eric feels this inexplicable, magnetic intensity pulling him toward her. The old man gets that this is no normal he-stares-at-her scene and decides to be Eric’s angel of love; the girl understands that this is not your usual pick-up and “tells” him, “Yes, let’s see where this goes.”
Another soulmate story—my own:
It took place 47 years ago, five weeks after I first met my life partner, Deborah, at Antioch Graduate School. I’m excerpting this from my memoir, “Riding the Edge: A Love Song to Deborah,” about a six-month, life-changing bike trip we took in 1980 from Brussels through the Middle East.
“Five weeks later, on August 8, 1974, on Richard Nixon’s resignation, I invited Deborah to celebrate the long-awaited event with me.
As they say in social psychology, nothing can bring people closer together than a common enemy.
Sitting in front of a roaring fire at my friend Zandy’s ski chalet, we drank a magnum of expensive champagne. At the precise instant that Nixon tearfully addressed the nation and said, “. . . therefore, I shall resign the Presidency, effective noon tomorrow,” we tossed our glasses into the fire, kissed, and said good riddance to the man who taught us an old lesson: You reap what you sow.
By two in the morning, five weeks after first laying eyes on her, I showed my hand. The crazy thing was that my “I love you” was so unrehearsed, and so unlike me to express, that it had to be real—terrifyingly so. Like I’d just discovered the other half of my soul and come home. A lot scarier, in fact, because in a moment of health, you can always walk away from the madness of love. But how can you leave a part of yourself?
She cried. I loved her tears. Partly because of the power of her vulnerability—each drop contained a world of love, fear, joy, and sadness—feelings that matched my own. And, partly, because of the message I heard in those tears: I don’t need you to rescue me; I need to feel your presence.”
So how do you know if this one’s your soulmate?
When I met Deborah, I wasn’t looking to be in a committed relationship. I was 27, recently unattached, and focused on my graduate studies. I already had one divorce and two serious relationships, both of which ended in high drama.
I didn’t want the complications of another relationship with its inevitable highs and lows.
And then she stepped into my world and disrupted my life. No amount of rational self-talk could stop me from thinking about her. She was the first woman who checked every box: smart, emotionally intelligent, beautiful, confident with zero drama and lots of laughs—I loved who I was when I was with her.
She had to be the one—that soulmate/life partner that we all secretly long for—precisely because I least expected it and wasn’t desiring it.
That’s the thing about soulmates; they seem to appear when we’re not searching for our perfect partner—when we’re not tortured by loneliness and insecurity. It seems that our better selves are more attuned to authentic love and connection. Wholeness attracts wholeness, and that makes for some powerful chemistry.
That was Eric’s experience. He wasn’t stalking his prey, checking out every hot girl within his field of vision. No, he was merely catching the next train to the bus station when she appeared. Suddenly his legs became rubbery, his heart started racing, his field of vision narrowed, and all he could see was her.
When you have an experience that powerful, it’s wise to pay attention. Who knows? You may have just stumbled on your past life playmate and your future soulmate.
Now let’s get as technical as possible and try to define a soulmate:
- Like the two stories above, you most likely had a powerful and deep feeling right from the first encounter
- Your soulmate challenges you to be your best self
- You feel positively different with your soulmate
- You feel driven to know everything you can about your soulmate
- You want to be authentic and vulnerable with your soulmate
- You respect and trust your soulmate
- You don’t play games with a soulmate
- You take risks to express your love
- Sex may not be as hot as with other lovers, but you feel more connected
- You like doing things with your soulmate
- You feel sane with your soulmate—when together, you’re connected; when separated, you don’t you have to be with the other
- You want to support your soulmate, and your soulmate wants to support you
- You do small kindnesses for one another, and you don’t keep score.
- You’re surprisingly unselfish with your soulmate
- You feel whole with your soulmate
- You’re not afraid to confront one another
- You work things out before they fester
- You may feel as if you’ve known this person for a long time
- You feel as if you’re meant to be with your soulmate
- You want to share your life with your soulmate
If many of the above qualities resonate with you, then do what you must to cherish this relationship. You’ve received a precious gift.
“In love” pheromones are abundant
Sometimes, there is that magical instant knowing that this is the one I’ve been searching for. Other times, like with my late husband and me, the knowing took longer to develop and recognize. Either way, there is always chemistry—that chemistry that promises sexual compatibility.
The “in love” pheromones are abundant, driving the choice to join your lives together forever!
What isn’t usually expected is known as the second phase of a soul mate relationship—conflict. You may wonder:
- What happened?
- Where did our love go?
- Why are we fighting?
But from a higher point of view, this is precisely the deeper purpose of a soulmate relationship. We instinctively chose each other unconsciously, knowing that we would trigger each other’s unresolved wounds and shine a glaring light on each other’s immature beliefs, attitudes, and habits to stimulate each other’s personal growth.
If we are willing to accept this as part of the soul mate experience, we can move together through a conscious relationship rather than unconsciously reacting to each other in painful ways.
Love is enough to get a relationship off of the ground, but it’s how couples manage conflict that determines the relationship’s success or failure over time.
This was true in my marriage to my late husband, Jim. We loved each other and were committed to a lifetime marriage, but it wasn’t until we surrendered to our need for better communication and conflict management skills that we began to experience phase three.
Phase three is experiencing the joyful, constantly loving marriage you thought you were getting on the day you said, I do. Differences or issues are resolved quickly as you use the skills you’ve learned to easily navigate through them to solutions that meet both of your needs.
I’ve been coaching couples for about twenty five years. Most couples who come to me say they love each other and are committed to the relationship, but they are frequently frustrated and hurt by their inability to communicate effectively. Or, they are just sick of fighting.
They need help learning the practical skills that will get them through Phase Two so they can enjoy Phase Three. Finding a soul mate is only the beginning.
Then, for many couples, the real soulmate purposeful work must be done to achieve the fulfillment that Phase One promised—a loving, lasting partner for life.
Rev. Isaac Hayes
Assistant Pastor, Apostolic Church of God | President, Healing of the Soul Ministries
A feeling of deep connection between both parties
The word “soulmate” assumes that there’s someone in the world who is your destined life partner. Understanding that human beings are a trichotomy (spirit, soul, body), there must be alignment in each of these areas.
Spiritually, they share similar beliefs, passions, and worldviews about God and faith. Soulishly, they complement each other intellectually, emotionally, and vocationally. Physically, they share a physical attraction and sexual chemistry. When each of these is aligned, we have found our soulmate.
What occurs when we meet our soulmates is an unusual awareness or feeling that there is a connection between both parties that is deeper than a hookup and more rationale than assuming this is my spouse.
Over time, it becomes evident to both parties that not only is there special chemistry but also a metaphysical alignment that is akin to when Adam met Eve. The Scripture refers to this as corresponding opposite or help meet.
Adam and Eve were the heterosexual opposites of each other because Eve was literally pulled or created out of Adam. So when Adam met Eve, he was literally meeting the rest of himself or his soulmate.
We won’t have as profound an experience as Adam, but the principle of meeting someone who perfectly corresponds to us is real. It takes prayer, patience, and a proper perspective of who we are.
When we confidently and comfortably know who we are, then we are better positioned to recognize our soulmate when that person shows up.
Relationship Expert and Matchmaker, Exclusive Matchmaking
It’s more when two emotionally healthy people meet and they’re ready for a relationship
When you meet your soulmate, some might describe it as a bolt of lighting, but what’s really happening is that you met someone that you have instant romantic energy with that’s feels good. It can be like when you meet a new friend that you clique with automatically minus romantic spark.
Soulmates seem identical to you and fold easily into your life because you believe in the same ideas and values, and there is a big compatibility to your lifestyles. It feels easy and comfortable.
It’s what people describe as “you know when you know “ you met the right person. It’s just a feeling.
I think it’s more when two emotionally healthy people meet, and they both happen to be ready for a relationship, and there is a little more logic to it along with a romantic spark. To me, it’s hard to define that elusive spark and make logical sense of that anyway, but that is why people date till they find it.
I think when people think they met their soulmate, it’s just, at best, a phrase they use like “love at first sight.”
What really is happening is that they met someone that they feel comfortable with and feel they share chemistry and that elusive spark. Their idea of chemistry could be based on something that feels familiar to them from their past, whether it was a friendship with someone or another love relationship that was good or bad.
So, the soulmate concept can be very misleading and keep you from meeting someone if you are looking for a bolt of lightning to hit when you see them, as opposed to building something special with an emotionally healthy person.
Dating Expert, Datingscout
You feel an effortless connection
A soulmate can be someone who is incredibly compatible with you. They are someone who enjoys the things you do, and even if they don’t so much, they will be happy to spend the time just to stay close. You will feel an effortless connection when you meet because of these things.
You more or less think the same things at the same time
Soulmates have a telepathic connection – sometimes, words aren’t needed to express what both feel. Usually, soulmates know what they want to do (what to eat, where to go) before one even says it out loud. They get surprised to learn that they were thinking the same thing at the same time.
Everything has a purpose
Some say that you do not find your soulmate – you choose them. We meet people that we are highly compatible with, yet it still feels like a misfit. And there is that one person that we feel most comfortable with but reveals our innermost vulnerabilities.
We feel safe and fragile at the same time. It’s okay because we choose that person to see us in that state. Everything seems to have a purpose when you are with your soulmate.
When a special person enters your life, even the universe tries to pull you two together
It only happens when you are made for each other, and then coincidental meets start to take place. You feel a connection and a certain positivity comes into your life.
You might feel confused at first, but then it starts to feel good. You feel secure around them, and without knowing it, you start to work on yourself. You want to look good and think happy thoughts. You work on your past unresolved issues and heal. Everything starts to become clear, your short-term goals, your long-term goals.
Some decisions feel certain and confident, while others become uncertain.
It often becomes chaotic at first because this good feeling is new, and you don’t feel prepared for it, but it becomes easier as you start to accept what faith has written for you. Trust at this point is often a critical thing. You might not want to feel vulnerable, but when that person is showing efforts, accept them—do not push them away.
Relationship Consultant and Breakup Specialist, Ex Boyfriend Recovery
The new connection feels comfortable and almost familiar
The first thing many people tend to realize when they meet their soulmate is that they feel they have known the person much longer. The new connection feels comfortable and almost familiar even though the person is new to your life.
Your new partner would also feel like your friend; not only do you connect on an intimate and emotional level, you also connect intellectually.
Naturally, you are compatible without even trying to be, that you found that person you click with to the point it feels almost effortless, which also leads to the third point—a soulmate relationship would develop and flow naturally.
Each stage of a relationship, from dating to exclusive, to moving in together, naturally develops at the right time.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a soul mate?
A soul mate is someone who feels like a perfect match for you in every way. This person is connected to you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
It’s someone with whom you feel a deep and powerful bond, and you have a sense of understanding and acceptance for each other that goes beyond words. A soul mate is someone who feels like home.
While some people believe there is only one soulmate for them, others believe there can be multiple soulmates over the course of a lifetime. Either way, finding a soulmate is a rare and special occurrence that can bring a great deal of joy and happiness into your life.
Can my soulmate be someone from a different culture or background?
Yes, your soulmate can be from any culture or background. A deep and powerful connection with someone transcends cultural or social differences. It is based on a shared sense of understanding, acceptance, and connection.
A partner from a different culture or background can enrich your relationship and provide opportunities for you to learn and grow. It’s important to approach these differences with an open and respectful mindset and to make an effort to learn about and understand each other’s cultures and beliefs.
Is it possible that my soulmate is different than what I envisioned?
Sometimes we have certain expectations or ideas of what our perfect match should be like, but in reality, our soulmate may surprise us in unexpected ways.
It’s important to have an open mind and an open heart when it comes to finding a soulmate. Don’t focus on specific traits or characteristics but on finding someone who brings a deep sense of connection and understanding to your life.
Remember that your soulmate is someone who feels like home, and this feeling can come in many different forms.
Can I have more than one soulmate?
Yes, having more than one soulmate during your lifetime is possible. While some people believe there is only one perfect match for them out there, others believe there are multiple people who can fulfill the role of a soulmate.
This can depend on factors such as timing, life circumstances, and personal development.
It’s also important to note that a soulmate doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic partner. Your soulmate could be a close friend, a family member, or even a pet. Most importantly, this person brings a deep sense of connection and understanding to your life.
Can I be friends with my soulmate?
Yes, it’s possible to have a deep and meaningful connection with someone who is your friend. While some people believe that a soulmate can only be a romantic partner, others believe that a soulmate can be anyone who brings a deep sense of connection and understanding to your life.
If you feel that your friend may be your soulmate, it’s important that you approach the situation with care and respect. It’s important to be open and honest with your friend about your feelings and intentions and to prioritize their emotional well-being and boundaries.
Remember that finding a soulmate is a journey, not a destination. It would be best if you focused on building a strong and healthy connection with your friend and prioritizing communication, trust, and understanding.
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