When you think of the man of your dreams, what are his defining characteristics?
Is he tall with a million bucks in the bank and muscles on top of more muscles? Or is he someone who can make you laugh at any moment but also loves to cuddle up next to each other under warm blankets on cold nights? People have different needs when it comes to relationship compatibility, after all.
To help you find the man of your dreams, we asked experts to share their insights.
Erica Cramer, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist, Cobb Psychotherapy NYC
Finding Mr. Right is not an easy task; usually, the process involves a few too many Mr. Wrongs. If you want to find the man of your dreams, it is important to stay committed to your end goal and not throw the towel in when there are hiccups along the way.
It is essential to be proactive about dating and willing to give people a chance.
Love-at-first-sight is pretty rare, and you have to be prepared to kiss a few frogs until one turns into a prince! Some girls have all the luck and get a one-and-done blind date that ends up a soulmate. But we never know what the future holds, and everyone has their own unique path to finding love.
If you’re serious about the soulmate search, follow these helpful tips along your journey:
The man of your dreams isn’t going to find you if you’re glued to the sofa watching Netflix (and if he does, this is a red flag, and you might consider moving). He is somewhere out in the world, and you have to be out there too to find each other.
Whether it’s planning a GNO (girl’s night out) on the town or signing up for a dating app, you have to put yourself out there. And even that isn’t always enough; sometimes, you need to force yourself out of your comfort zone and swim into the deep end.
Don’t be too passive; it’s OK to start a conversation with a cute guy you see out or be the first one to message on the dating app.
Speak it into existence
Tell people you are single and looking. Whether it’s your parent’s friends or sister’s boyfriend, this information is important for people to know. When they know someone single, they’ll think of you. And because you usually speak to people that share interests, values, circles, they may just set you up with your perfect match.
At the least, you’ll be out there, dating, learning your ideals and hard stops, and getting ready to be the best partner for your prince charming.
When you meet someone, you cannot always judge at face value. Ask thoughtful questions to ensure that you are compatible and unlock information that you may not see at first glance.
- Does he enjoy traveling?
- Is he close to his family?
- Is he happy at his job?
- Do you share any similar goals?
Some people are not as good at selling themselves as others; you have to be open to having conversations and be self-aware enough to know what to ask. See what his strengths are and if they align with your idea of your Mr. Right.
No one likes a Negative Nancy. Life is hard enough and people like to spend their free time with people that are pleasant to be around. If you are exerting negative energy, there is no way you are going to find Mr. Right.
You also can’t get stuck in the setbacks or stressed out over the search. You will find him eventually, and it is important to enjoy the process as much as you can. Negativity will usually prevent second dates and people you know setting from setting you up with people they know.
Related: How to Ask for a Second Date
If a date or relationship is unsuccessful, think about why.
Don’t dwell on the why nots; Instead, have an honest conversation with yourself about what may have happened and what you might do differently in the future before bouncing from situation to situation without any rhyme or reason.
Dating should be a strategic process where you are constantly looking for areas of improvement.
Are you talking and not listening on dates? Are you going on random dates with people that you have nothing in common with? Dating is a numbers game, but if you’re looking to find Mr. Right vs. Practice playing the field, you need to skill your candidates.
Are you being too needy or conversely coming off as emotionally unavailable? Analyze what patterns are occurring in your relationships and develop solutions. As your dates progress, you should have more and more insight into what a relationship with this person would look like, what can be improved, or whether it’s a great fit.
If you’re struggling on this step, before you give up, I always suggest taking a break and dating yourself.
Ask yourself important questions to:
- Define what’s right for you and what’s a non-negotiable
- Do things that you enjoy
- Find out what you don’t enjoy
- Give yourself a reset and deep evaluation of your utmost wants and needs
Ask yourself what you have to offer and what makes you a great potential partner, and what you’re doing to sell that or hinder it. The comeback will be greater than the setback, and you’ll feel refreshed and ready to get back out there!
Be frugal (with your time)
Do not waste time with Mr. Wrong. Once you know someone is not right for you, move onto the next person. If someone tells you who they are, listen.
If you’re seeing major red flags in the first few dates, it’s a lot easier to assess and move forward than in a few weeks. Too many people waste days, months, or even years chasing the first impression their partner made or expending time and energy to turn the wrong person they have in front of them into the right person they should be looking for.
Lean in for a little secret—it doesn’t work, ladies. I promise.
It’s a complete waste of time and energy and can be emotionally damaging to you and hinder pieces of the incredible person you are that someone else would connect with. Don’t let someone fill a space in your life that is meant for someone else because it’s easy.
It’s only preventing you from meeting the right person. If you’re trying to fit a round peg into a square hole, settling for less than what you want or deserve, you are doing yourself a disservice. Close that chapter and be open to starting a new one.
People find Mr. Right in all different ways. Honestly, just like the time you spend tearing through the house looking for your keys, only to find them when you’ve stopped looking—you may find the love of your life when you least expect it.
Keep your energy open. Make eye contact with the cutie in the produce isle. Ask that nice, married guy from co-ed kickball if he has friends or siblings that are single. Be honest with yourself and others about what does and doesn’t work for you, and don’t be afraid to eliminate a bad fit.
Dating isn’t like employment—you don’t have to have something lined up to walk away from what you’re doing. Keep using the strategies that work and abandon the ones that don’t. And remember, this is your own personal journey.
Enjoy the ride; there are positives and negatives to all of life’s aspects. You’ll look back on the time when you were single, fondly one day just as you look forward to being in a healthy, committed relationship.
Good luck, ladies! Love is out there.
Certified Matchmaker, The Love Dynasty
I think we can all agree that every woman, no matter her race or ethnic background, has the hopes and dreams of finding the “perfect man,” a knight and shining armor with who they can fall madly in love and live happily ever after with.
Unfortunately, not many women live in this reality because they have unconsciously convinced themselves that the man of their dreams probably does not exist.
No matter your story, here are simple steps to help you land the man you have always dreamed of.
Know who you are as an individual
A lot of times, people go into relationships without having a better understanding of who they are. The number one step towards the journey of finding the man of your dreams is to do a self-assessment or internal evaluation of oneself.
If you do not know who you are, how would you know who the right person for you will be? Having a better understanding of who you are will help you distinguish between who is best for you and detrimental to you.
Be honest and ask yourself questions like:
- What are my strengths and weaknesses?
- What makes me happy?
- What makes me sad?
- What gives me self-gratification?
- What is my personality style?
- What are my love languages?
- How do I resolve conflicts?
- How do I make decisions?
- What are my core values, morals, and belief system?
- What is my temperament?
Take time to think about those questions and answer them for yourself, as this will stop you from entering a relationship with the wrong person.
Know what you want
Be specific and precise in what you want in a partner and not someone else’s idea of a partner for you.
When you do not know what you want, anybody will seem like the right person, which will expose you to dating people that may be perfect but just not the perfect piece to the puzzle of your life. Knowing what you want eliminates confusion.
Relationship: How to Figure out What You Want in a Relationship
Be intentional and list out the qualities and characteristics you want in a partner. Understand the kind of partner you want physically, intellectually, spiritually.
- What core values do you want them to have?
- What age range do you want them to be in?
- What about their educational level?
- What are your dealbreakers or non-negotiables?
Knowing this will help you weed out the bad eggs so that you can be available for someone that fits those criteria.
Understand that no one is perfect — not even you
As much as you are searching for the perfect man, understand that no one is ever perfect. The only constant thing in life is change.
Life is a continuous journey, and everyone is continually changing and evolving. Out there in the real world, what makes a relationship work is not because they are perfect for each other, but because they have learned to love and appreciate them despite their imperfections.
The two of you, in your imperfect ways, may end up being perfect for each other.
Get rid of old baggage
Ensure you have dealt with that crazy ex-partner or gotten the closure need from the previous relationship. Do not dwell in the past. That is why it is called the past, so let it remain in the past.
Dispose of anyone or anything that will stop your chance of finding true love. Clear your head, clear your mind, and get ready to move forward into something brighter and better. Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself for anything that may be weighing you down.
Never give anyone the satisfaction or the gratification of holding on to your happiness. Do not let anyone hold your happiness captive. Live your best life and always put your best self forward.
A lot of times, we limit ourselves and get stuck in our ways. You need to embrace the idea that you can meet the man of your dreams anywhere. Try new and unconventional ways of meeting someone.
Believe you are worth it
“As a man thinketh in his heart, so shall it be.” Do not let your fears delude you into believing you do not deserve to be loved truly and unconditionally.
If you have convinced yourself that you do not deserve to be loved or treated well, you will keep giving yourself to and attracting “time wasters” and the emotionally unavailable people who will treat you wrongly. Take control of your emotions and change the narrative intuitively in your heart.
Believe that you are good enough. Believe that you deserve to have all the love and happiness in the world, and most importantly, you are worthy of the love your heart desires.
Related: How to Feel Good Enough
Be positive and put your best self forward
The best accessory anyone can wear is their smile. Wherever you go, whoever you meet, always make sure you smile.
When you smile, you are letting your light shine through and exuding positivity. Your positive energy will attract other positive energies, which may, in return, bring you closer to meeting your dream partner.
You never know; you might be smiling your way to the altar.
There is power in the act of prayer. Think of this as a personal conversion with God telling him your heart desires and trusting in God to allow your paths to cross. Prayer is a strong weapon, and it works.
When you have done everything and the man of your dreams is not coming forth, talk to God, and he will direct your steps.
Matrimonial Lawyer | Relationship Expert, Ask Leslie the Lawyer
Finding the man of your dreams starts with knowing your self-worth, life goals and dreams, what you truly want out of a partner, and being open to receiving the love of another.
Know your self worth
Before you can find the man of your dreams, achieving a strong sense of self is essential. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses — fears and doubts — all play a role in how you perceive those around you; otherwise, the man of your dreams could be standing in front of your face, and you would not even know it.
By owning your truth, your authentic self, you can enhance your life experience.
One must be honest with themselves about who they are, want to be, and value most. Once a sense of self is realized, the rest will follow. Staying true to what you know to be right for you and leaving the chameleon behind will open the doors to finding your dream mate.
Identify your life goals and dreams
Once you’re comfortable in your own skin and have secured a healthy measurement of self-worth, identifying and attaining goals, as well as striving for your life dreams, become all the easier — making fantasy into reality.
Your dream man will be right by your side — showing support and encouragement.
In some cases, your dream man may already be in your life, perhaps overshadowed by pressing work obligations or a distracting crush, keeping you from seeing what is right in front of you. Take care of yourself first, and your dream man will find you.
Qualities of a partner
Let’s face it — we all want to be treated like we treat others, with respect, dignity, kindness, adoration, honesty, and love (to name a few); compromising on those qualities will always lead you to Mr. Wrong.
While no one is perfect, life and growth is a process that happens as we have and share different experiences; our dream man will have these fundamental qualities.
Love of another
While, for most, it is easier to give love than to receive it, it’s essential to let down your guard and let the love in. Your dream mate will almost instantly make you feel comfortable and at ease in their presence.
Listen to your inner voice and trust yourself.
When you finally find your dream man, you won’t feel the need to hide yourself or your feelings. There won’t be any guard to let down because you will not feel the need or want to keep your guard up, embracing and welcoming the true love of another — your dream man.
Registered Psychologist & Purposeful Dating Coach
There are many things to consider to be successful in dating and finding love with the man of your dreams. You can increase your success in finding love by avoiding blindspots to love and being purposeful in dating. Here are key areas to consider when looking for love.
It all starts with you
The better you know yourself, the more successful you will become in finding your special person.
Get to know your values, needs (emotional, physical, intellectual, etc.), your priorities in life, and your non-negotiable factors, such as whether someone can have a family of their own already, or they are a smoker, and so on.
Then spend time reviewing your personal history, how it has impacted you, how you are in relationships. Review also your own past adult relationships and what worked in them, and what made them end.
Have the right dating mindset for success
Your mindset determines whether you enjoy the dating process of finding your dream man or find it taxing. The purpose of dating is to get to know potential interesting men and learn if there would be scope for taking the relationship further.
If you put a lot of pressure on yourself to meet “the one,” you may invest a lot (emotionally) in all of your dates. This can become very draining. Try to see dating as a way of having fun whilst meeting new people.
It is a bit like fishing: you put your fishing rod in the water to see if you get a bite and take it from there. Remember to separate the outcome from you personally, so any potential bad behavior by a date does not feel so personal.
If you experience rejection in dating, remember to practice self-compassion.
How would your very own best friend support you? Rejection is a part of dating. Remind yourself that your worth and value as a person is not attached to the outcome in dating, and your dream man is still out there looking for you.
How do you recognize your dream man
The better you know yourself, the easier it will be for you to know what kind of man would be a good match for you both emotionally and energetically. Define what “a dream man” means for you.
Create a list of perhaps ten qualities and non-negotiables that you would like in your ideal man. If you create a very long, detailed list of requirements for your ideal partner, you may be making it impossible to meet anyone.
Be open to dating outside of your usual “type” to learn if a different type of person might be well suited for you.
Projecting magnetic energy
The energy you put out to the world attracts similar energy back to you. Therefore, it is very important that you feel the best you can when dating, and this is likely to attract your dream man.
Even if we live in the modern world and aim for equality both at home and at work, the same rules do not apply in dating. We still behave very much like our ancestors. In dating, being in touch with your feminine side and radiating feminine energy attracts men’s attention.
Feminine energy is about, for example, creativity, nurturing, gratitude, and allowing the man to take the lead, whilst masculine energy is about taking action.
Men are hunters and need to feel that they have to work towards getting your attention. This makes them feel good when you then respond positively after a while. If a man does not have to make an effort, he either loses interest because it has felt too easy for him, or he is looking for a maternal figure who takes care of him.
Communicate your qualities through dating apps and services
The only goal of dating apps is to ensure that your dream man stops the scroll when they see your profile. Choose apps and services that allow you to tell something about your personality.
Ensure that the first line or the title is intriguing and men want to know more about you. Be honest and communicate about your values and what you are looking for, and something about your interests.
Make sure that you have a clear profile photo that does justice to you and your personality. Get a friend to take photos for you. You can communicate about your personality via the photo environment and your clothing.
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