There is anger, and there is rage. Anger eats you up; rage eats up you and everyone around.
Discover in this article, 19 of the best anger management books that can help you take control of your anger.
Many people come to me to help them with all sorts of issues, but I had only one client with anger and rage issues. That one client was me. Yes, I’m a bit ashamed to admit that, but you have no idea how embarrassed I felt after each anger episode.
The thing with anger and rage is that when you’re in one of those episodes, you see red; and blowing up seems the logical course of action… to the unhappiness of those around and yourself.
One of the things that determined me the most to solve my anger problem was feeling stupid. You see? Voicing your anger by shouting and screaming, lowers (momentarily) your intelligence level; for a few minutes, you become the village idiot.
In my early 20’s I was quite often the village idiot, and I hated. I had no satisfaction in acting like a moron.
If you feel angry, the healthy way to deal with it is to live through it, not living it. Own your anger, but don’t allow it to own you.
There are many reasons why people can have anger issues, but three of them stand out the most:
- First, indulgent parents who don’t know how to teach their children the deal with life (things like rejection, shortcomings, lack of resources, being judged,etc.);
- Second, too strict parents who don’t know how to offer a bit of indulgence to their children (which leads to frustration or being a control freak);
- Third (and most common), an excessive sense of entitlement – we built this one by ourselves; no need for parents, no need for siblings, no need for anyone except our own thoughts.
You may not like what I’m about to say, but please hear me out. Referring to dealing with anger as “anger management” is a bit flawed. (I know; we have to name to it somehow, and this is the terminology we have; so, we must dance with it.)
Why is the terminology “anger management” is a bit flawed? Because those suffering from anger and rage issues (like I was) have a different dream for their life. Do you want to manage it? Or, do you want to stop being angry and start being calm?
Why is it important to change your mind (about the outcome you want) even if you use this terminology? Because thinking that you’re managing your anger doesn’t make you a calm person. Does it? Managing your anger means you’re still angry, but you don’t behave anymore like the village idiot.
As an ex(anger) sufferer, allow me to tell you this: Learn how to become more in control of your emotions, expectations from others, frustrations, sense of entitlement, and you’ll discover a new way of living – feeling happy, calm, and collected!
Get inspired by one or more of the following best anger management books; arm yourself with the tools you need to conquer your anger, work on your self-esteem, and move up in life into the zone of happiness, calm, and bliss.
Table of Contents
- 1. Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion – Gary Chapman
- 2. The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life – Les Carter, Frank Minirth
- 3. Beyond Anger: A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life – Thomas J. Harbin
- 4. Letting Go of Anger: The Eleven Most Common Anger Styles And What to Do About Them – Ronald Potter-Efron, Patricia Potter-Efron
- 5. Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames – Thich Nhat Hanh
- 6. Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger – Ronald Potter-Efron MSW Ph.D.
- 7. The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger – Susan Edmiston, Leonard Scheff
- 8. Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships – Harriet Lerner
- 9. Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion – Carol Tavris
- 10. The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift (Nonviolent Communication Guides) – Marshall B. Rosenberg Ph.D.
- 11. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ – Daniel Goleman
- Anger and rage in the family:
- 12. What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Problems With Anger (What to Do Guides for Kids) – Dawn Huebner, Bonnie Matthews
- 13. How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk – Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
- 14. Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men – Lundy Bancroft
- 15. Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can–and Should–be Saved – Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi
- 16. Healing the Angry Brain: How Understanding the Way Your Brain Works Can Help You Control Anger and Aggression – Ronald Potter-Efron, MSW Ph.D.
- 17. Anger Management For Dummies – Charles H. Elliott, Laura L. Smith, W. Doyle Gentry
- 18. Anger Management Workbook for Men: Take Control of Your Anger and Master Your Emotions – Aaron Karmin, LCPC, Nathan R Hydes, Ph.D.
- 19. The Dance of Anger, The: A Woman’s Guide To Changing The Patterns Of Intimate Relationships – Harriet Lerner
1. Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion – Gary Chapman
Many angry people say “I don’t get angry because I can’t control myself; others push my buttons.“
Yes, there might be individuals around us that know how to push our buttons, but let’s be honest with ourselves and answer to this question: Could anyone push our buttons if we wouldn’t have any buttons to push?
Some people are exasperating; others are masters at making you lose your cool; however, most people do what they do without thinking about how you’ll react or feel. That happens, not because people are insensitive, but because all of us know (only) what’s on our mind. What someone else is thinking or feeling, you can only guess.
When someone tells you “I’m angry because you are pushing my buttons“, that’s an excuse.
Discover in this book how you can overcome the habit of allowing others (or the vicissitudes of life) to dictate how you behave.
Because anger is filled with energy, you can’t just stop being angry and do nothing with that energy; you must move it somewhere else, give to it a different purpose.
This book can teach you how to turn anger’s energy into self-acceptance energy:
- Make the difference between justified anger (and the appropriate way to deal with it) and anger as a habit
- How to lower your vanity and let go of resentment and ideas of revenge
Get to know yourself better
- Forgive yourself and overcome the shame that, acting angry, may have caused you
Learn how to express your anger in a respectful and constructive way
“I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.” Gary Chapman
One of the biggest desires a human has is to be considered by others a good person.
There are just a few issues you can have that you cannot hide. One of those issues is anger. If you’re an angry person, the whole world knows it…therefore, people don’t see you as a good person…
“When anger rises, think of the consequences.” Confucius
Anger has many negative consequences; thus, allowing your anger to have a loud voice is like shooting yourself in the foot. Who needs enemies when your behavior can sabotage you?
Learn from this book:
- Understand your anger so that it gets more comfortable for you to put a leash on it
- The traps anger plants in your mind to keep you hostage
- Do you want to get to calm? Learn how to change your mind
“Humble people are dignified, not because they believe their behavior can be an effective tool to control others, but because they have made dignity a part of their character.” Les Carter
Yes, anger is not reserved only for men. Women can get angry too. However, an angry man can cause much more suffering around them then almost any woman can ever do.
I’ve been blessed with an extraordinary father. I have never seen him angry. I have never heard him swear. I have never felt the smell of fear around him. I have never known any other reality than expecting men to be real gentlemen. Consequently, when I chose a husband, I chose one calm and collected like my father and my brother.
Most men become fathers; if it happens to have daughters, I wonder how many of them realize that their behavior predicts the most what kind of man their daughters will marry?
We want to leave behind us a positive legacy. The legacy of an angry man (an angry father) is most likely to be negative.
But let’s not go that far, and think about the present moment. Let’s say it, loud and clear – angry men (individuals) can’t possibly be happy.
“As long men still hold much of the social and economic power […] – which, right or wrong they still seem to do – it’s the men with anger problems who cause trouble for everyone else.” Thomas J. Harbin
Letting Go of Anger is a unique contribution to the field of anger management.
Dr. Potter-Efron describes eleven different ways people handle anger. These include relatively subtle forms such as “passive aggression”, explosive forms like “sudden anger,” and chronic patterns including “habitual hostility” and “resentment/hate.”
Specific ways to lessen anger and improve communication skills are adapted to each style so that readers gain more individualized ways to handle their anger.
5. Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames – Thich Nhat Hanh
If you want to live a mindful life, appreciate the present moment, teach your mind the way to serenity, then, this book is for you.
When someone is angry, telling you nasty and hurtful words, the best thing you can do for that person (and yourself) is to fill your heart with compassion. Why? Because, usually, for every mean word that someone tells you, they say another ten hurtful words to themselves.
How you behave influences a lot the quality of your thoughts. Allowing your anger to control you, inadvertently, allows it also to pollute and poison your thoughts.
Discover in this book how you can:
- Put out the fire of anger
- Express your love with grace
- Communicate with compassion and understanding
- Feel more content about who you are
and much more
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” Thich Nhat Hanh
6. Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger – Ronald Potter-Efron MSW Ph.D.
Raging people are not a pretty sight; not for the spectator, not for the person doing it.
Being a calm and collected person is not a matter of nature, but nurture. It’s a skill that you learn, practice, and improve. You can help yourself… more than anyone else can help you.
Discover in this book, how to train your brain to be less angry and become quieter, more content, happier.
This book is a step-by-step guide on how to put a lead on your anger and experience the joy of feeling in control of yourself.
“Imagine that it’s been raining for days and days. Water is pouring into streams and rivers, threatening to flood the land. Only a single dam lies in the way. But can that dam hold back the flood?” Ronald Potter-Efron
7. The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger – Susan Edmiston, Leonard Scheff
“That guy must be very angry to punch like that!” most of us think when watching a boxing match.
There is a preconceived idea that certain professions need you to be angry (or show yourself angry). However, no job in this world requires you to be angry. On the contrary, if you want to be successful in your profession, you must keep your cool so that you can take the best decisions, think straight, and influence those around you.
Discover in this book a new you approach the dealing with anger:
- The mechanism of anger
- Things that can cause you to get angry
- What is the price you must pay if you allow your anger to keep you hostage
- Become more aware of yourself and your emotions
- How to be happier
- Ways to deal with angry people
“To live is to embrace each moment as if it were the first, last, and all moments of time.” Leonard Scheff
8. Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships – Harriet Lerner
Anger is a difficult emotion, especially for women. We avoid anger and conflict at all costs, or we participate in endless cycles of fighting, complaining and blaming that go nowhere.
These dysfunctional styles of managing anger look as different as night and day but the outcome is the same. We’re left feeling helpless and powerless. Nothing changes.
Discover in this bestselling book how to identify the true sources of our anger and use it to create lasting change.
“Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.” Harriet Lerner
Related: Best Harriet Lerner Books
9. Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion – Carol Tavris
Anger is an emotion. Like with any other emotion, anger has a good side and a bad one.
Discover in this book:
- What’s the positive side of anger and how to harness it
- When is anger a negative emotion that can ruin your life
- Ways and strategies to deal with anger (yours or others)
“Depression is not ‘anger turned inward’; if anything, anger is depression turned outward. Follow the trail of anger inward, and there you will find the small, still voice of pain.” Carol Tavris
Even if you’re a calm person, a few things can make you angry, and you have no escape. One of those things that make me mad and I struggle to stay calm is this (you can laugh): Wind. You know, that cold wind in autumn, ravishing your hair, getting into your bones, blowing dust into your eyes… Can you not get out of the house if it’s a windy day?
Sometimes you can, other times you must. However, you do have a choice. Windproof yourself so that no matter what wind comes and goes you are steady on your feet.
Discover in this book how to find what are the winds that can make you lose your cool and how to windproof yourself.
“Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.” Marshall B. Rosenberg
11. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ – Daniel Goleman
The inability to deal with your emotions can make you angry like almost nothing else.
If put in stressful situations (when dealing with others) you have only two choices on how to respond.
The first choice (which is not really a choice, but more a reaction) is to get angry. Most probably, you’ve seen some individuals revolting and shouting, displaying a defeated attitude, when things don’t turn the way they expected.
That kind of behavior does not (almost never) have a positive outcome.
The second choice (which is a real choice this time) is to deal internally with how you feel and act with grace. In this case, the outcome is almost always a positive one.
Which of the two choices would you prefer? The winning one? Knowing how to deal with your emotions (as a consequence of being rejected, judged, mistreated)? Or the losing one? Blowing up like a pot of polenta on the stove?
Being the master of your emotions helps you in all areas of your life; therefore, this book is a must-read.
“There is no separation of mind and emotions; emotions, thinking, and learning is all linked.” Eric Jensen
Anger and rage in the family:
There are too many children these days having anger problems. We, the adults (and how society works in general), are the cause of that suffering. Thus, we must be the solution too. Is it not?
Discover in this book, interactive activities that can help children take control of their emotions, turn anger into something positive, and feel happier.
Your home is supposed to be a safe haven; not only for your children but for you as well. Help your family live in peace and harmony by reading this book together.
“Plan the right words when their behavior is wrong… so that your behavior remains right.” Wendy Speake
13. How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk – Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
Oh! Do you remember that age when everyone seemed to be against you? No one was listening to you, and you felt the smartest person in the room even though you knew little?
Yes, that age! When you’ve been a teenager and had no desire to listen to anyone because you felt that no one is listening to you.
Way too often we hear “the today’s children [something negative]“ as if we’ve been better. Let’s face it, we had our (kind of the same) difficulties, but now it’s all done and dusted, and it’s somewhat convenient to forget how we were.
Discover in this book how you can help your child get safe and sound through this challenging moment in life – the teenage years.
14. Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men – Lundy Bancroft
Anger is a form of abuse that most people don’t see it until they can’t bear it any longer.
If your partner is angry almost all the time, that makes your life miserable. It happens even if the anger is not orientated towards you. Is it not?
Discover in this book:
- Patterns of abusive thinking
- Signs that you might be manipulated using anger
- Abusive personality types
- and much more
Listen, it’s never your fault if your partner doesn’t know how to manage their emotions; it’s never your fault if your partner doesn’t know how to get what they want from you without shouting; is never your fault…
Read this book and make your life easier by finding what your options to move forward are.
“Abusers drive wedges between people, by accident or by design.” Lundy Bancroft
We can’t talk about learning how to deal with our emotions and overcome feeling angry without having the full picture. And the full picture is placing anger in the context of a relationship.
“When a man starts my program, he often says, ‘I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to get a better grip.’ I always correct him: “Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it’s that you take control of your partner. In order to change, you don’t need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control of her.” Lundy Bancroft
Read this book and become aware of what could be the triggers of your anger and how to deal with them.
Listen, an angry brain leads to an unhealthy body. Your body is expressing what you think. Therefore, if your thoughts are angry or negative, your body feels that like a collision with a train. It hurts to be angry…
There are many illnesses caused by our behavior. We are not talking here about what you eat or vices. We are talking about behaviors like getting angry, raging, having a defeated attitude, or an excessive sense of entitlement. That kind of behaviors we are talking about. Those behaviors make people sick more than almost anything else.
Discover in this book how you can turn things around for yourself; understand your brain better and take control of your life.
“Some people just need to read and think, to spend time alone sorting through the stories in their heads.” Ronald T. Potter-Efron
17. Anger Management For Dummies – Charles H. Elliott, Laura L. Smith, W. Doyle Gentry
This self-help guide to managing your anger contains a wealth of information. It presents a host of useful, proven techniques on how to understand your emotions, deal with your angry feelings, and how to let it go.
Aside from learning how to prevent an angry outburst, you’ll also learn how to deal with office rage, road rage, and how to deal with angry children.
This anger management workbook offers a fresh and modern approach to dealing with anger issues.
Karmin helps you recognize the cause of your anger and provide techniques on how to handle the overwhelming emotion you’re struggling with.
Even if you don’t have an anger issue, this is still a great book on determining how to handle your overall emotions and feelings in a manner that is helpful to you and other people.
If you’re looking for self help books that effectively show you how to deal with anger control issues without being dull or boring, this is one of those books.
The Dance of Anger is one of the renowned best sellers on the topic, and for the best reason. It teaches you that your anger is valid; it is a signal and one worth listening to.
It’s a book about realizing what it is that is making you angry, how to set proper boundaries, how to move away from unproductive anger, and how to resolve an issue without continually exploding.
We are sorry that this post was not useful for you!
Let us improve this post!
Tell us how we can improve this post?