Why has life coaching become so popular in the last 20 years? Opportunity!
We have more opportunities today than we had in the past 100 years, thanks to the scientific method, technology, Wheel Potential, and human imagination. Dr. Albert Einstein said it best, “Imagination Is Life’s Coming Attractions.”
What books are considered coaching/mentoring books? Any How to’s with action steps or books offering advice with action steps.
Coaching/Mentoring books are not only “show me”, but “show me how and do” with the feedback.
Life Coaching isn’t new and has been around since the 1800’s when the word life coaching was first used. Let me ask you a question: who were your first coaches?
If you say your parents you are absolutely correct! Our parents set the foundation of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors; then they hand over the reins to us at adulthood.
From there the responsibility on how we direct the reigns becomes our responsibility throughout our lives. Even today we have mentors and coaches and will have them for the rest of our lives.
Think about for a minute…do you think that when you are treated in a hospital by a doctor, that the doctor once had several coaches while in medical school? Absolutely!
It is a requirement to have a coach/mentor. Most people I speak with initially don’t know what a Life Coach is or does. Life Coaches use strategies to help a person cross some kind of Chasm using questions and tools that are measurable, use a time element, action steps and are real.
Life coaching looks forward while therapy looks backward and both are needed to create a better life. Consider these 27 books as your coaches which will provide lessons and help you see life in a very different way. I will cover the four main areas of life: Health, Wealth, Love and Fulfillment.
At the end of each book segment you will be asked to take one action step. As a request, keep your phone to type in or a notepad and pen to write on after you read each book segment.
You will be asked this question, “What is the one thing that touched my heart the most?” If you begin to search for the ONE things in your life…little by little your life will begin to have greater meaning, because you are storing the one things that mean the most to you and blocking out things that don’t.
“Life Coaching is about putting your thoughts, feelings, moods, and emotions into action; then measuring them, reviewing results and asking feedback questions like…How do I feel now? Did I get what I wanted? Yes or No!”
The books that you are about to learn from are mainly sequenced from the past to the most current, except for “The Secret, and Think and Grow Rich” which I placed first and seventh on the list. Pay special attention to the evolution of life coaching and the lessons.
Table of Contents
- 1. Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
- 2. The Master Key System by Charles Haanel
- 3. The Science Of Being Great by Wallace D. Wattles
- 4. As A Man Thinketh by James Allen
- 5. Life Power and How to Use it by Elizabeth Towne
- 6. Secret of the Ages by Robert Collier
- 7. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
- 8. Succeed and Grow Rich Through Persuasion by Napoleon Hill
- 9. First Things First by Stephen R. Covey
- 10. Walk The Talk…And Get The Results You Want by Eric Harvey and Alexander Lucia
- 11. Speedwealth, How To Make A Million In Your Own Business In 3 Years Or Less by T. Harv Eker
- 12. Ethics For The New Millennium by Dalai Lama
- 13. Chicken Soup For The Teenage Soul by Jack Canfield, Victor Hansen & Kimberly Kirberger
- 14. The 10 Emotions of Power by Lawrence L. Salliotte
- 15. How To Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci by Michael J. Gelb
- 16. Invinceable Principles: Essential Tools for Life Mastery by Vince Poscente
- 17. Leadership Coaching by Tony Stoltzfus
- 18. The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott
- 19. Wellness Coaching for Lasting Lifestyle Change by Michael Arloski
- 20. I Believe in You: To Your Heart, Your Dream, and the Difference You Make by Dan Zadra
- 22. Christian Coaching, Helping Others Turn Potential into Reality by Dr. Gary Collins
- 23. Ever Wonder: Ask Questions and Live into the Answers by Kobi Yamada
- 24. Why Smart People Do Stupid Things with Money by Bert Whitehead
- 25. The Quick-Reference Guide to Marriage & Family Counseling by Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. John Trent
- 26. The Time Trap by Alec Mackenzie and Pat Nickerson
- 27. The New Lean for Life, Outsmart Your Body to Shrink Fat Cells and Lose Weight for Good by Cynthia Stamper Graff & Reginald Allouche, M.D.
It was first written in 1937 and is still being used by millions of people today. Don’t let the title fool you though it’s not all about money because wealth has many names; Self-wealth, cultural-wealth, money-wealth, human-wealth to name a few.
Money is a result of how you think, feel and do not a goal. The motivation to use money is your purpose to achieve a goal. Use money not people! Think and Grow Rich book is about taking steps…little steps to achieve something great…whatever great means to you.
Together, let’s look at the first lesson: Thoughts are things. What does this mean? To put it in another way, thoughts become things. When you think of a paired thought/feeling that is in agreement with each other action is created either intentionally or automatically.
Autosuggestion is a phrase that you say in your head over and over until it becomes real in your mind. Eventually, the paired thought and feeling will manifest itself sometime in the future through actions.
Autosuggestion does not delineate between positive or negative paired thoughts and feelings. Be careful what you wish for because potentially it can become real.
When the paired positive thought and feeling are matched actions make it real. For instance, “I will lose one pound in 7 days” if the paired Positive thought/feeling is in 100% agreement then you will lose 1 pound in 7 days.
However, the opposite is true when you say, “I will gain 1 unwanted pound in 7 days” using negative paired thought/feeling agreement this will also come true.
Think of positive and negative as, Positive-something you do want and Negative-something you don’t want. Either you do want something or don’t want something, either way, you will get more of the one you choose the most.
Success is a paired thought/feeling away from being unsuccessful. If you truly believe with all your heart…paired thought/feeling, then you will be successful in time.
On the other hand, if you truly believe with all your heart…paired thought/feeling, that you will be unsuccessful then you will be unsuccessful. If you want to know which of these you are doing right now look at your current results!
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of Think and Grow Rich?”
For my one thing, it was writing out a letter to myself in full detail about what my life would look like in 30 years. It’s been 20 years and my… “Life’s Coming Attractions” are on track!
It was first written in 1912; 25 years before “Think and Grow Rich“. Charles Haanel goes beyond the conventional method of teaching by sequencing actions in order that builds on each other. Because building a house requires the footing and foundation to be solid and secure before building on it.
The entire book is the system. At the end of each part, there is an action step to be taken only when you have comfortably learned it can you move to the next part. There are 24 parts to do and learn.
Let’s look at part 1. To start, Charles numbers each sentence from 1-45. Why does he do this? It appears it’s part of the Master Key System and separates each complete thought to form a holistic story.
I love this method because I’m able to concentrate on the current complete thought without being distracted by the whole paragraph.
Read through the first three sentences to get a glimpse into the Master Key System:
Sentence 1: “That much gathers more is true on every plane of existence and that loss leads to more loss is equally true.” (P.2)
Sentence 2: “Mind is creative, and conditions, environment, and all experiences in life are the result of our habitual or predominant mental attitude.” (P.2)
Sentence 3: “The attitude of mind necessarily depends upon what we think, therefore, the secret of all power, all achievement, and all possession depend upon our method of thinking.” (P.2)
As you just experienced the sentence method, how clear was each sentence to you? Were you able to concentrate on each complete thought more thoroughly? For me, each individual sentence represents not only a complete thought, but potential actions I can take if so desired.
Charles Haanel talks about the world within and the world without. What do you think he is talking about? If you said your mind as the inner-world and outside the environment as the outer world, then you are correct!
In other words, the inner-world reflects the outer-world and the outer-world reflects the inner-world. Essentially, Charles is explaining cause and effect.
Are you at cause of your thinking or are you the effect of external things? Does your mind bounce around like a pinball in a pinball machine? If so then you probably fidget a lot, play with your hair, bite your nails, bounce your knee, pick at your fingers to name a few.
These are all signs of anxiousness a mind not at ease and the effect of external stimuli-the outer-world reflects the inner-world.
The inner-world controlling the outer-world is the cause and the outer world is the effect or result you are getting from your paired thinking/feeling and actions. The cause condition is optimal compared to being in effect of our environment.
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “The Master Key System?” Write it down!
My favorite one thing was part 24 because I learned that my subconscious mind is in charge! Now, I’m cautious about what I let into my subconscious mind.
Originally written in 1921.
Let’s look at three lessons:
1. Any person may become great
But first, you must identify which person you are? Are you the football or the flowing spring? The football is resilient and reacts when force is applied to it but originates nothing. There is no power within it.
People in this category are stimulated and controlled by circumstances and the environment (p.3). In other words, this type of person only reacts to stimuli but doesn’t originate anything. A victim of fate! Spectator of life. Do you wait by the sidelines for something to happen?
The flowing spring, however, originates the power within which flows outward and generates a force that is felt by the environment. The only way the environment can feel your force is to be proactive by taking action.
Being self-active creates things and the more you create, the better you feel. Why is that? Because humans are creative beings! When we don’t create we get bored, annoyed and frustrated.
2. Heredity and opportunity
You may be born with certain tendencies like sadness, weakness, angry, happy, etc. but these are all subconscious tendencies that can be overcome (p.4 & 5).
Your parents and allies may have had some influence over you when you were young, but it is still up to you to become you!
We are all born with a hand of cards, but it’s up to you on how to play your hand! “The brain does not maketh the man: The man maketh the brain” (p.5).
Your life is not fixed by heredity. Opportunity is controlled by the man who takes control of his/her brain. When this happens you turn imagination and ideas into actions that lead to power, self-esteem, and self-confidence.
3. The source of power
It comes down to the wisdom of truth. Knowing what the right thing to do most of the time. This is called perceived truth because you know without knowing the sixth sense in a way.
In our hearts and minds, we know the truth, but the truth becomes camouflaged by our thinking and outside influences.
How to follow your truth? Seek to understand first, before you believe you’re right. The higher the understanding the closer to truth you will get.
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “The Science Of Being Great?”
My favorite one thing is that my avatar is water because it is able to take whatever form necessary to flow around, over, under, and through obstacles.
This book was originally written in 1903. This book only has 40 pages for good reason because most of the filler words have been removed so only the essence of the meanings is written.
James Allen mentions and teaches seven main concepts that are similar to the first three books mentioned above. Let’s look at lesson seven…Serenity.
What human in their right mind wouldn’t want to experience a bit of serenity? I know I would every day! Based on my experience when I’m serene my thinking is empowered, my feeling is empowered, my actions are empowered and my outcomes are empowered.
What is the common denominator here? Empowerment! Because “How you do anything is how you do everything.”
When you’re not in a serene mood, what kind of things do you create in your life? Maybe you stub your toe on your bed frame, and yell out “son of a b…” and then you walk into the bathroom and step on your child’s toy again “son of a bi…!” then you’re walking back to the bedroom and your doorknob is locked, “son of a b…!”
As you may have experienced similar situations in your own life how did the rest of the day go?
Let’s get you back in a serene mood and see what Mr. Allen says about it. Good ole James uses the feeling of Calm to describe serenity but associates Calm with the stillness of mind. He describes this calmness of mind as the “beautiful jewels of wisdom!” Well said, James!
What does James mean by Beautiful Jewels of Wisdom? The jewels are:
- Ripened wisdom
- Operations of thought
- Beyond ordinary thinking
- Understands thyself
- Understands others
- Cause and effect
- Govern oneself
These Jewels lead to success, influence, power, love, and respect. I don’t know about you but his treasure chest is waiting to be found, so we can all benefit from these jewels…Yep! Maybe he buried the chest on treasure island somewhere in the Caribbean.
James goes on to say that he who holds these jewels is “Like a shade-giving tree in a thirsty land or a sheltering rock in a storm.”
In other words, you become a magnet and people want to be around you and learn from you. There you have it the lesson of serenity-calmness of mind and the jewels await you! What are your jewels?
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “As A Man Thinketh?”
My favorite one thing is, my four jewels are core values of Honesty, Humor, Integrity, and Tenacity …jewels of wisdom!
Originally written in 1906, Elizabeth lays out her book in 23 short storytelling chapters and the key is to identify the one thing that stands out for you. Let’s take a glimpse into the story, By Crooked Paths in chapter 8.
In other words, how many times have you taken a long way home either on purpose or by accident? If it was intentional…good for you! For everyone else taking the long way home was probably annoying or dissatisfying. Elizabeth’s Crooked Path to finding a blouse.
In this story, Elizabeth is convinced that her normal stores, A, B, C, &
D. would have the blouse she’s looking for. So, one by one Elizabeth travels to each one leaving her exhausted.
Elizabeth thought to herself, “I am certain that store J doesn’t have the blouse I’m looking for, so I will avoid it.” Elizabeth would travel to more stores and knew for certain that one of them would have the blouse. As it turned out the stores did not have the blouse.
Then one day Elizabeth had a fleeting thought that said, “Blouse” and was inspired to pursue this thought. The more she thought about it the more Elizabeth became excited this time she truly believed that store J contained the blouse. So she rushed straight over to store J without any detours, and low and behold there it was the blouse she was looking for!
What is the lesson to this story? Take a long way? The short way? The crooked way? Well, the long way is usually the crooked way if you don’t believe with your whole heart that something is possible.
That’s what Elizabeth did she knew for certain-prejudice, prejudged or Jumping to Conclusions that store J didn’t have the blouse without checking first. How many of us do this? Many I believe! Including me sometimes. When I do I’m usually taking the Crooked Path!
The more you believe the better chance your way home will be more direct, less arduous, and much more pleasant. Elizabeth quotes, “The spirit leads us through impressions or attractions; and it is limited in its revelations by our mental makeup, which is the conscious and ruling part of us.” What she is talking about is the Law of Love or Attraction!
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “Life Power and How to Use It?”
My favorite one thing is to be careful what I believe because it will probably come true!
Originally written in 1925, this book is organized into 24 volumes. Now, I’m not sure if he actually wrote 23 other volumes but they are, all in-short, in this book.
Volume II stood out for me. Here’s why: Volume II is called the “Genie-Of-Your-Mind” and has three components in this order; 1. Conscious Mind; 2. Subconscious Mind; 3. Universal Mind. Most of us are taught that there are two minds; Conscious and Subconscious.
Read on because you are going to learn how all three minds interact and relate to each other! “You are the Lord of the Earth with unlimited potentialities!” The conscious mind uses about 10% of brain power and low gear or surface energy. The other 90% is in the subconscious mind! That’s right folks 90% of your thoughts, feelings, and actions!
If you have read other articles I’ve written on UPJourney regarding physical movements you know this to be true. You can read the article by following this link.
First, let’s recap what physical movements actually are. They are every single movement you use to create your life. For instance, How many physical movements did it take you to go from your bed to your desk at work? 100’s? 1,000s? or even 100,000s?
Did you even have to think about all those physical movements? If you did, you would be extremely mentally fatigued! Not to mention paralyzed! So what part of the mind handles all these physical movements? If you said subconscious mind, that’s right.
So your conscious makes sense of things then sends it to the subconscious to automate those things into physical actions. Oh yeah, the subconscious mind handles your body as well by helping you survive!
What is the Universal mind as explained by Robert Collier: (p.64) “It is creative wisdom and power working in Harmony helping the mind BE, DO and HAVE whatever it desires with no limits.”
We all know the story of Aladdin And The Magic Lamp right? Or do we? The current story teaches you that you only get 3 wishes, but the real story mentions there are no limits to the wishes? What do you think about that? Man puts limits on himself, but the Universal Mind does not!
The Universal Mind is The Law of Attraction! What I’m attracting in my life right now is no accident!
How do all three minds work together? First, the conscious mind takes in new information; then it becomes acquainted with it; then familiar; then knowing; then understanding; then experienced and finally converted into wisdom.
Then it sends this wisdom to the subconscious so it can automate it into images, concepts, steps, commands, etc. Then the Universal Mind takes it and makes it real in the physical world we live in.
So be careful and conscious about what you let in through the Conscious & Subconscious gate! Whatever you let in through the gate can become real. In essence, the Subconscious Mind is the link between the Conscious Mind and Universal Mind. See diagram.
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “Secret of the Ages?”
My favorite one thing is how I’m careful about what information I let through my Conscious/Subconscious gate.
Originally written in 2006, this grew virally over the internet via video and book! Actually, it was “The Secret” where I learned about books 2-6 in this article. If you haven’t read this book or watched the video it’s a must!
Very well written and produced, the book and video circled the globe in 2006 and there hasn’t been anything like it since or is there something on the horizon? Yes, Yes there is…stay tuned!
The book is really cool because it’s set-up just like the video. Let’s look at the chapter, “The Secret Made Simple” as it begins with the quote, “The Law of Attraction is a law of nature. It is as impartial and impersonal as the law of gravity. It is precise, and it is exact.” Everything that is in your life right now you have attracted regardless if it’s intentional or unintentional.
As the law states it’s impartial and impersonal! Whatever you conceive and believe will come true. Unfortunately, we can’t just snap our fingers and have a million dollars appear in our pockets! That would be great!
As humans, we are not there yet, maybe in one or two thousand years as we evolve? But for now, it takes our minds, body and physical actions that are made of physical movements to create something in our environment.
What is your top of mind thought right now? Because when you have a top of mind thought you also have a top of mind feeling. Together they create your daily world. What does your daily world look like right now?
The Law of Attraction works on sound frequency in Hertz (Hz). Every thought and feeling we have has a frequency and is measured by an EEG-Electro-Encephlogram. There are four main frequencies (Brainwaves): Beta, Alpha, Theta, and Delta.
When a thought-and-feeling agree action is created and something is manifested by it either consciously or unconsciously. Of course, we can’t see the waves but can feel them! How?
The next time you speak put your right hand flat just below your neck, and feel and listen to the vibration of your voice through your hand…how low is it? How high is it? Do the words sound negative? or positive? Based on the vibration? What do your actions look like? Do they match your thought and feeling? Most likely!
A quote (Page 30) from Marci Shimoff states: “It’s impossible to monitor every thought we have. Researchers tell us that we have about sixty thousand thoughts a day! Can you imagine how exhausted you’d feel trying to control all sixty thousand of those thoughts? Fortunately, there’s an easier way, and it’s our feelings. Our feelings let us know what we’re thinking.”
So thought and feeling are the same…because they are a reflection of one another. Get them to match and you will begin to feel better! There is a way to get your thoughts and feelings to agree…stay tuned!
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “The Secret?”
My favorite one thing is I tend to live in the theta brain wave frequency which is joyful expectations for me. But here’s the rub…I do theta frequency while my eyes are open! You can learn to do the same.
This is published originally in 1970. Control and the direction of feelings is my favorite section in this book…let’s take a look at what is Napoleon Hill’s emotion perspective. Before I go into the explanation I’m going to clear up what emotion is first, and on how I’ve come to experience them.
They are not feelings! Emotions are the effect of thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and Feelings are cause and Emotions are effects. Emotions express our thoughts and feelings through facial expression and body language.
According to scientists, the facial muscles are the only muscles in the body that directly connect to the facial skin!
The word emotion comes from the Latin word “Move,” “to set in motion.” What are you setting in motion…THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS!
Now, back to Control and Direction of the Feeling. Feelings on both sides of the spectrum positive and action signal feelings must be under control to maintain a positive attitude.
What Napoleon is talking about is Emotional Intelligence. When a person is able to control both sides of the equation, you have high emotional intelligence.
This means that it’s alright to feel whatever feeling is felt without reacting to it…action signal feelings. Are formally known as negative feelings. Action signal feelings are letting you know that some kind of action is required sooner than later.
We have all been through this…when you are bored and sit in boredom too long we get annoyed while sitting in annoyance too long we begin to worry; sit here too long then we blame…you get the picture.
What happens when you handle boredom? You get busy doing something and when you do it disconnects the downhill feeling spiral. Why? Because we are creative beings!
Here’s how Napoleon Hill separates them:
Napoleon calls these emotions as action producing forces. Whichever side you feed the most will determine how your life turns out.
Control your dominating thought habits by preoccupying your mind on what you do want instead of what you don’t want. What he means is “What is Your Daily Average Feeling?” Any clue? If you think you know…you actually don’t know. Stay tuned you will find out how to, not only track your average feeling but have it calculated for you!
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “Succeed and Grow Rich Through Persuasion?”
My favorite one thing is I’m careful what I want!
Stephen Covey originally wrote, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” First Things First is habit number 3 let’s dig in.
Stephen begins with this quote: “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing” Love this quote!
Step 1: Connect with your vision and mission by asking these three questions:
- “What’s most important?”
- “What gives your life meaning?”
- “What do you want to be and to do in your life?”
Take a few minutes now and think about these questions and let them marinate a bit in your mind then write them down.
Step 2: Identify the roles that you have chosen to fill.
Some roles can be: Individual/personal development, husband/father, manager-new products, manager-research, manager-administration, parent, wife, home manager, salesperson, student, teacher, president-company, entrepreneur, business owner, author, coder, writer, publisher, PTA president, counselor, therapist, etc.
Think about what you are currently doing = roles. Each role you choose to be and do requires different rules and demands of behavior. Prioritize your roles in order of importance and frequency. You will find that you wear many roles/hats and knowing how to switch one-off and turn another on takes skill and wisdom.
Step 3: Select goals in each role by asking this question, “What is the most important thing I could do in each role this week to have the greatest positive impact?”
ROLE: Individual/personal development- The most important and greatest impact this week is: To read one of my personal development books.
ROLE: Husband- The most important and greatest impact this week is: Go on a date with my wife.
ROLE: Father/dad- The most important and greatest impact this week is: Spend a few hours with my daughter.
ROLE: Manager-new products- The most important and greatest impact this week is: Complete one project
Step 4: Create a decision-making framework for the week for each role.
ROLE: Individual/personal development- The most important and greatest impact this week is: To read one of my personal development books.
Decision Frame-Work: I will read a night around 8 PM.
ROLE: Husband- The most important and greatest impact this week is: Go on a date with my wife.
Decision Frame-Work: Go to an early dinner and a movie.
ROLE: Father/Dad- The most important and greatest impact this week is: Spend a few hours with my daughter.
Decision Frame-Work: Go out to lunch around 1 PM to her favorite place.
ROLE: Manager-new products- The most important and greatest impact this week is: Move along a project to completion
Decision Frame-Work: On Monday, my project leader and I will have the main project completed by Friday before 5 PM.
The purpose of defining the roles and adding a decision frame-work is to add priority to what’s most important and which has the greatest impact. For example, in my Earth Science class in college I got out a beaker and was instructed to put large stones in first, then the next smallest stones, then the next smallest stones.
As I completely filled the beaker with stones I was now instructed to pour sand in between the different size stones…but wait there’s one more step! After the sand, we were instructed to add WATER!
The point that I’m making is the big rocks represent- most important/greatest impact; then everything else flows around the big rocks. Literally, when you set-in-stone your most important/greatest impact first then everything else flows around your most important/greatest impact…the big rocks (most important/greatest impact) do not BUDGE!
So why did we do the beaker exercise? Well, we actually had 4 beakers set aside; One with big rocks, one with small rocks, and one with pebbles and sand, and one beaker with big rocks, small rocks, pebbles, and sand.
The purpose of this exercise was to pour water slowly into each glass beaker to show the rate of water percolation. Big Rock beaker was the fastest, Small rocks were slower, The beaker with everything was next slowest and the pebbles and sand were the slowest. The speed of water draining is determined by what substance water is traveling through or attempting to travel through.
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “First Things First?”
My favorite one thing is putting the big rocks first and letting everything else flow around them!
This book is full of lessons about not only talking about the good talk but also walking the walk. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
There are six main lessons: The Rehearsal, The Value of Values, The Conflict of Contradictions, The wonder of Walking The Talk, The Vision and The Speech.
For me The Wonder of Walking The Talk is not only about thoughts and feelings, but it’s also about putting thoughts, feelings, and emotions into action. So how do you “Turn Good Intentions Into Action?”
- Bring words to life when you’re speaking with someone by asking yourself, “What did I find meaningful or relevant in this discussion?”
- “How important is it for me to Walk The Talk now and in the future?”
- “How well do I Walk The Talk now? How do I know? How can I find out?”
- “When I see someone Walk The Talk I will encourage them.”
- “How can I make sure I follow through with my good intentions?”
- “How do I develop personal rules or game plans to help myself and others follow Walk The Talk?”
Bringing words to life may sound simple but it takes patience and practice. The next time you speak with someone listen first and think about what you found that was meaningful or relevant. When you practice this your communication and authenticity will have more meaning and fulfillment.
How important is it for me to Walk The Talk now and in the future? If you want to be listened to, then be the first to listen. When we hear are we really listening? Listen first then express or clarify communication as necessary if you don’t fully understand something.
When you listen at the moment it is easier to Walk The Talk in the moment and in the future. In the future people will seek you out because you Walk The Talk. When I see someone Walk The Talk I will encourage them. When you do this more than likely someone will do the same for you. When you encourage someone you are also reinforcing your own goodness and encouragement.
How can I make sure I follow through with my good intentions? BY Walking The Talk of course and by listening and communicating with good intent. Know the difference between critiquing and criticizing. Critiquing (Positive +) is about identifying behaviors and criticizing (Negative -) attacks a person’s character.
So, if you want to help modify a behavior first identify the behavior and offer to find solutions. If you want the person to get defensive and reduce productivity then criticize them and make them wrong!
How do I develop personal rules or a playbook to help myself and others follow Walk The Talk? First, don’t push your “SHOULD” rules on others this will make you and others frustrated, annoyed or angry. Know what your rules are.
If you don’t know what they are, then spend some time and write down two or three like:
- When I speak with someone I listen first.
- When I answer it has meaning and is relative to the discussion.
- If I don’t understand something I get clarification.
The shorter the list the better your communication will be!
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of Walk The Talk…And Get The Results You Want?”
My favorite one thing is my three rules:
- When I speak with someone I listen first.
- When I answer it has meaning and is relative to the discussion.
- If I don’t understand something I get clarification.
I actually bought this book at Harv’s workshop in Toronto called, “Millionaire Mind Intensive” a three-day workshop in 2002. Only 98 pages but is filled with straight-to-the-point data without the fluff.
This book is meant to be used daily and is filled with 37 power principles and 8 Speedwealth principles for you to implement with brief descriptions for each to start your own business.
Although all 37 power principles and 8 speed wealth principles are important I will cover 10 power principles and 4 speed wealth principles.
Look over these Power Principles do you see any that you can use to help change your Wealth Mindset today?
Let’s look at four Speedwealth Principles and see how these Power Principles are related.
Speedwealth Principle #1: Develop a Speedwealth Mindset
To have SpeedWealth you must believe in these two statements:
- Getting rich quickly is feasible.
- Getting rich quickly is feasible for you.
Why is it important to act quickly in this fast ever-changing world? Look around because of technology life is getting faster and faster! In order to be rich you must think rich first. If you don’t believe it, how do you think you’re going to create it! You create what you believe…how’s that working for you right now?
Your past doesn’t have to equal your future. Maybe you are already thinking about wealth or just getting to know wealth. It doesn’t matter where you are now, but where you want to go. Are you a sprinter or a marathoner? Sprinter’s are idea people, create concepts, start things, grow quickly and move to a new project. Marathoners are people, like long term stability and routine work.
Speedwealth Principle #6: Leverage
Leverage means doing more with less with a support team and focuses rather than what you do on how you do it. What are the forms of leverage? People, TV, Radio, Additional Products, Licensing, Partnership Marketing, Joint Ventures, Other people’s money, Social Media, Internet, Celebrity Endorsements, Your team, Time, Computers, Small Business Administration, Local Entrepreneur Groups, Small Business Development Center to name a few.
Speedwealth Principle #7: Cashing Out
This principle ties in the first six SpeedWealth principles because it starts with the end in mind…your exit strategy. Here’s what can happen upon cashing out:
- Keep the business
- Keep the business and have someone else manage it
- You can sell all or part of the business
- Create a combination of all the above
The greatest product you own is the business itself! If the business can operate without you the more valuable it becomes. Also whoever is looking to buy your business is looking for three main outcomes: 1. Profits 2. Continuation of profits 3. Potential growth of profits. Remember, after cashing out to enjoy your wealth because it means more than money. Such as Free Time, Loving Relationships, Inner-Peace, Life Meaning, and Fulfillment.
Speedwealth Principle #8: Do It Now!
Why wait…life is too short to think about things too long. You are thinking about tomorrow…what if tomorrow never comes? All we have is the moment keep this in mind and you will live a life of reduced stress and anxiety. When you live in the moment you are creating tomorrow!
As creatures of habit whatever we practice every day becomes our normal way of being. So if you practice pessimism then you get more of it. “You keep doing what you have been doing You’ll keep getting what you been getting!” Practice whatever you want to be in the future, now! If you’re a pessimist and want to become happy then practice being happy now.
If you want inner-peace practice it now, If you want to become rich practice it now, If you want to be confident practice it now, If you want to be successful practice it now, “The KEY is to enjoy the journey. You want to blend money with meaning, profit with purpose, and “street-smarts” with heart.”
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “Speedwealth, How To Make A Million In Your Own Business In 3 Years Or Less.?”
My favorite one thing is to watch my beliefs because they will come true and live in the now!
I am convinced that human nature is basically gentle, not aggressive. And every one of us has a responsibility to act as if all our thoughts, words, and deeds matter. For, really, they do. Our lives have both purpose and meaning. His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Now, that I’ve set the tone let’s see how we can calm your racing mind a bit. His Holiness mentions the Need For Discernment. Since this book is about ETHICS I want to explain what I know and understand the difference between Morals and Ethics.
In my travels, I noticed most of us use these two words interchangeably but have two different meanings. Although they are related by no means they mean the same thing.
Let’s look at MORALS
Morals is another term for Rules or Laws and in this world, there are many many many many Rules and Laws!
Such as, Declaration of Independence, The Constitution of the United States, other nations constitution, parent rules, movie theater, road, teacher, professor, your own rules, sporting events, universities, professors, politicians, sports, relationships, restaurants, friends, family, pets, universal, school subjects, outer space, words, parts of speech, thought, sentence, nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, definitions, airport security, manufacturing, math, arithmetic, science, scientific method, methodologies…do you get the PICTURE!
We live in a universe of rules! What about Ethics? Ethics are not rules but your perception and behaviors toward a set of rules. Let’s see Ethics in action:
So you call up your friend Tara and ask if she wants to go to a movie. You connect with her and begin communicating about what movie you both want to see. Finally, you decide to see “Judy” The Judy Garland Story. You finally get to the theater, buy the tickets and get some munchies.
As you walk down the hall to the movie theater you happen to look at your ticket stub. You flip it over and notice some very small writing on the back of the stub. It’s hard to focus your eyes but you finally dial into the words and guess what…MOVIE RULES! In so many words the movie staff has a right to check your bags and remove you from the theater without a refund if you misbehave. Now your ethics kicks-in, do you misbehave or comply with the rules?
The way you behave towards rules is your personal ethics. For instance, let’s continue the movie example. The movie stub has 3 main rules for patrons to follow. 1. Silence your phones; 2. No talking during the movie; 3. Don’t be disruptive.
Now your ethics step in do I follow all three rules? Follow one rule? Follow two rules? The percentage of your personal ethics will be determined by how many rules you follow.
Follow all three 100% Ethic Compliance-Fantastic;
Follow 2 out of three 67% Good Ethics; Follow 1 of three- Low Ethics; 33%; Follow 0 of 0- No Ethics 0% and as a consequence, you get removed from the theater.
So the more rules (Morals) you follow within a set of environmental rules the more (Ethics) you have. No human is perfect so if you follow the majority of environmental rules you will have good ethics!
This leads us back to the Need For Discernment. First, let’s define Discernment:
1. The faculty of discerning; discrimination; acuteness of judgment and understanding.
2. The act or an instance of discerning.
Origin of discernment
1580–90; < Middle French discernement, equivalent to discern(er) to discern + -ment -ment
Courtesy of Dictionnary.com
Verb (used with object)
1. To perceive by the sight or some other senses or by the intellect; see, recognize, or apprehend:
– They discerned a sail on the horizon.
2. To distinguish mentally; recognize as distinct or different; discriminate:
– He is incapable of discerning right from wrong.
3. Verb (used without object)
– To distinguish or discriminate.
Origin of discern
1300–50; Middle English (< Old French) < Latin discernere to separate, equivalent to dis- dis-1 + cernere to separate
Courtesy of Dictionnary.com
Now that you have more clarity about discernment let’s see how his Holiness defines it. His Holiness says that most people misinterpret discernment by associating discipline with something imposed against their will. His Holiness describes Ethics:
“It is a bit like diverting the course of a stream. First we have to dig a channel and build up its banks. Then, when the water is released into it, we may have to make adjustments here and there. But when the course is fully established, water flows in the direction we desire.”
His Holiness goes on to explain that ethics is an indispensable discipline because when we can mediate between competing claims of, my right to happiness and others’ equal rights, then we are in ethics. When you stray away from this idea, my right to happiness supersedes the pain of others’ as if there are no consequences.
By causing hurt, disturbing peace and happiness to others, in the long run, causes unhappiness, stress, and anxiety. Our actions impact ourselves and others, “When we lack discipline, eventually anxiety arises in our mind, and deep in our hearts we come to feel a sense of disquiet.”
So when you cause hurt to yourself you can also hurt others. Ethics make up Our Core Values. When you follow your core values you will be In-Ethics most of the time, which can lead to increased Happiness with Lower Anxiety!
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “Ethics For The New Millennium, His Holiness The Dalai Lama?”
My favorite one thing is, follow the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated without expecting something in return. Because when you do this, generally people will return what they just received from you…Law of Reciprocation.
Ahh, what can I say about Jack Canfield and Victor Hansen! They co-wrote Chicken Soup For The Soul over twenty years ago and hit worldwide phenomenon, and one of the best books ever written. Chicken Soup For The Teenage Soul was written specifically for teenagers between 13 and 19.
Just like the original, it uses actual story lessons to teach us about specific topics from LIFE, LOVE, AND LEARNING. This morning I’m going to tell you a story of First-LOVE it begins with this quote: “Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood.” by Karen Casey
First Love Mary Ellen and Michael met during their toddler years, Michael was three and a half years older than Mary Allen and spent time getting to know each other at the country club. As they grew older so did the relationship. When Michael was 16 he was allowed to drive during the day and often drove Mary Ellen home.
Over the next couple of years, Michael and Mary Allen grew closer. When Mary Ellen was 11 her parents divorced and at 13 when they got remarried. Being part of a broken family Mary Ellen felt ashamed and unsure of herself.
She spoke with Michael about it and he reassured her that it was alright. After many talks, Mary Ellen began to trust Michael. Michael loved sports and Mary Ellen loved the arts, but both, respected each other’s passions.
They loved cuddling together while watching movies and hugged frequently. Now at 14 Mary Ellen was kissed for the first time, in the house during a thunderstorm while watching a baseball game.
When she got home she stood in her older sister’s doorway with a goofy look on her face, and announced, “Micahel kissed me.” Her sister asked, “Was this your first time?” Mary Allen nodded, “Yes.”
As time went one they both dated other people and Michael reassured it didn’t matter if he had a girlfriend or she had a boyfriend. Michael said, “I will always be there for you.” Michael got engaged when Mary Ellen was 19 with a girl from another town. At Michael’s wedding after everyone had left Michael walked over to Mary Ellen and Said, “I Love You.” he did stay true to his word whenever Mary Ellen needed to talk he was there.
When Mary Ellen moved across the country she and Michael rarely spoke, only to see Micahel when they returned home to visit family. While visiting and sitting next to the pool they both watched his kids swimming. When she was with Michael Mary Ellen had a special kind of love current flow through her. When Mary Ellen was 38 her father died and wondered if Michael new.
The day following the funeral she felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned to see who it was. Her heart filled with love once again. It was Michael asking, “Are you alright?” As he held her shoulders and looked into her eyes Mary Ellen knew and understood their bond.
What a TEAR Jerker! Had me in tears as I related to this story. Anyone who has ever had a FIRST LOVE understands that special bond.
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “Chicken Soup For The Teenage Soul?”
My favorite one thing is I’m grateful to have experienced my first love at 14. It truly taught me an appreciation for women and what beautiful power they have. If it wasn’t for women…men would be a lonely and angry bunch!
In 2001, Larence and I first met at a book signing at the Barnes & Noble bookstore in Ann Arbor Michigan.
He was promoting his book The 10 Emotions of Power and I was promoting my book, Mind, Body, and Inner-self. The fun part he and I spoke at length about thoughts, feelings, and emotions and signed each other’s books.
Lawrence is a fascinating man with great ideas and understanding about emotions. The first thing you read is a quote from Carl Jung, “There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotions.” Well said Carl! Let’s see what Lawrence calls his 10 emotions of power. How does this chart work?
Use the power emotion that is directly associated with the actional signal. Action signals are an important part of your being and want you to take action soon to keep the mole hill from becoming a MOUNTain!
Use Love & Warmth to handle Discomfort and so on whenever you feel any of the action signal feelings. Lawrence taught me instead of calling them negative feelings, rather call them action signals instead…so I do!
I call them Actional Signal Feelings.
How to handle Discomfort using Love and Warmth: First define your discomfort? Boredom, impatience, unease, distress or mild embarrassment. Once defined counter it with… “I Will Give LOVE and Warmth.” Repeat it as often as necessary until the discomfort melts away. If you encounter an angry or hurt person show them some LOVE and Warmth because they are hurting.
How to handle Frustration using Determination: First define your frustration? What roadblocks are you surrounded by? Your efforts not receiving rewards? Once defined counter it with… “I Will Give Determination!” Whenever you come across disappointments, challenges, disillusionments or being stuck. Say, “I Will Give Determination!” “I Can And I Will!” “Overcome and Conquer!”
How to Handle Overwhelmed using Vitality: First define your overwhelm? What grief, depression, helplessness, negative impacts either by people, events or forces outside of your control. Once defined counter it with, “I Will Give Vitality!” Do this by taking care of your body, by breathing deeply and holding your breath for 5 seconds.
Most people shallow breathe because they think that you can get more oxygen in this way. Absolutely incorrect! Just the opposite! How can your cells get oxygenated correctly if you immediately exhale O2 after an inhalation? They can’t! The little O2 you take in is having minimum O2 saturation on your cells.
To saturate your cells with oxygen deep breathe in through your nose until you feel your stomach rise then exhale slowly through your mouth.
One cycle is around 10 seconds. I Know I know you don’t have time to breathe that slow. So, find a few times a day and feel the difference. Your health matters it’s the only way to get around in this physical world. Take care of your body and it will take care of YOU! “Exercise Is Medicine.”
“Yesterday’s joy will become today’s sadness; Yet today’s sadness will grow into tomorrow’s joy.” Og Mandino
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ The 10 Emotions of Power?”
My favorite one thing is that with each actional signal feeling there’s a direct opposite…it’s mate! I’m able to find the right mate for the right action signal feeling using emotional intelligence.
Well, you know I had to follow one of my kinsman Leonardo. His ability to conceive and create blows my mind. The precision of his work took tremendous understanding in order to recreate what was in his mind into reality.
My favorite section is the Dimostrazione (De-ma-straw-z-o-nee) (“Demonstration; proof”). Leonardo lived his life as Discepolo Della Esperienza ( Dee-ce-po-lo; Del-la; Ess-per-ee-n-za) (“Disciple of Experience”).
He said, “Experience is the MOTHER OF ALL CERTAINTY! Leonardo was a firm believer in making miss-takes because he was able to experience the miss-take first-hand and collect valuable data on himself. He learned that experience was the best teacher not words in a book.
He understood the words had their place and purpose for a hypothesis, but it still took real-life experiments to flush them out.
SO LIFE YEARS ON EARTH do have a big role in our lives! It’s easy to think we know someone else’s experience when we never experienced it for ourselves…how arrogant that mindset is.
Even if we did experience something similar, it still isn’t the exact experience because we were not in the other person’s shoes. We may be able to empathize with the person, but we still don’t really know all the thoughts and feelings they experienced.
Leonardo was mostly testing, measuring and tweaking himself, inventions and his life so he can become more, do more and have more. Self-reflection if done with Honesty, Humor, Integrity, and Tenacity will help you live a calm curious life. Curiousness creates statements like these, “What if I do it like this?” “That didn’t turn out what if I do it like this?” “I’m getting closer…what if I do it like this?”
Thomas Edison understood this same concept over five hundred years later in the 1800s. When a reporter asked Thomas and congratulated him for discovering the light bulb (Actually Thomas made it work commercially), Thomas replied, “I found two thousand ways not to do it!” Here are the founding fathers of the light bulb in order: English chemist Humphrey Davy; British chemist Warren de La Rue and British chemist, Joseph Swan.
Back to Leonardo, he says…challenge worldviews, fundamental assumptions, preconceptions, and beliefs. He quotes, “The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.” Well, I have my opinion on this statement! That Leonardo is right! Leonardo asks you…Do you learn more from your successes or failures? …Good times or bad times?
Let’s see how you perform with Dimostrazione (De-ma-straw-z-o-nee)
(Demonstration; Proof) Self-Assessment:
How did you do? You know there’s no right or wrong answers here only worldviews, fundamental assumptions, preconceptions, and beliefs. You could answer each one of the four ideas listed above with these three questions:
- How did I form this idea? (Worldview)
- How firmly do I believe it? (Worldview)
- Why do I maintain it? (Worldview)
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “How to Think like Leonardo da Vinci”
My favorite one thing is to constantly Test, Measure, Tweak what I’m doing in the face of adversity using Honesty, Humor, Integrity, and Tenacity.
Vince speaks about 12 main principles and today I’m writing about principle 4…Erode Judgmentalism.
For me, this hits home on many levels. For starters, how often do you Jump To Conclusions on a daily basis or in Vince’s principle Judgmentalism? 30? 90? 120? 100s? 1000s? Humans have many traits Judgmentalism is one of the most influential.
Why is this so? What’s the motive behind doing it? For one, It’s the need to be right. For example: You are at a party and you look over at a person across from you that you don’t know. What is your immediate thought about the person? Nice hair, bad teeth, beautiful blue eyes, looks mean, looks happy, nice shoes, wrong color shirt, etc. What’s the motive behind this sizing up about? Who are we comparing this person to…OURSELVES!
It’s human nature to judge because it helps us formulate a hypothesis about certain things. But like all hypotheses, they must be tested! If not then all you know in your head is what you think you know. You think you know means…You really don’t know. Instead of prejudging go up to the person and get to know them a bit by asking basic questions. You will soon find out that your prejudging was incorrect.
Vince says to stay away from Labels, interpretations in your head, evaluating without sufficient data, and judgmentalism. Vince uses what he calls a cognitive filter.
The filter is made of three components: Opinions, Truth, and Beliefs that form a triangle with a small center triangle representing 1. Information coming in. 2. Then our Opinions, Truth, and Beliefs process the information. 3. Once processed it comes out of the triangle in a form of Judgment; 4. Then turns into action; 5. Then either a pleasant result or not so pleasant result is created; then the cycle begins again and again and again…
So, in essence, we take this cognitive filter situation everywhere we go, and filter it, judge it and act on it. Whatever result you get will be based on truths, beliefs, and opinions that are currently real to you. Either they bring you joy or pain…either way you’re right!
The decision to change comes from how much pain or pleasure the current circumstance is delivering. If it’s much pain then your Truths, Beliefs, and Opinions are the culprits. Keep doing what you’ve been doing and you’ll keep getting what you been getting!
The key is to challenge the truths, beliefs, and opinions based on the actions and results only. Because your actions lead to results and both are your accumulated current data. Now, it’s time to ask yourself some questions from this data. Do I want to continue on this journey? Do I need to change something on this journey? If so, What one thing can I do that I haven’t done before?
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ Invincible Principles”
My favorite one thing is I constantly test, measure, and tweak my Truths, Opinions, and Beliefs. However, I do have core opinions, core beliefs, and core opinions that do not move. They are my four core values: Honesty, Humor, Integrity, Tenacity.
This was a required book that I used in class. Rather, returning this book I keep it in my library and refer to it from time to time. The S.M.A.R.T. plan is used by many coaches in the coaching industry.
In addition to the SMART Plan, the GROW Model is also used by many coaches and has been around since the 1970s. It stands for: Goal; Real; Obstacles and What Else. I created a hybrid of both of these concepts in my coaching because the smart plan doesn’t include obstacles. There are plenty of obstacles out in the world, especially the number one obstacle, ourselves!
S.M.A.R.T. stands for Specific-Make goals as specific as possible; Measurable-Two main objectives here, time element and KPI=(Key Performance Indicators); Attainable-is the goal realistic; Relevant- How does it tie into the goal? Time- Specific time has to do with how long the time frame for the goal.
Let’s see this in action:
Which statement would lead to a better outcome?
Statement 1: I want to be a better student!
Statement 2: My goal over the next 30 days is to take practical steps to increase the amount of being early for class by 15 minutes, to increase my readiness to listen and take notes in the classroom.
If you picked 2 you are correct. Statement one is too vague and unclear. Two uses the elements of the S.M.A.R.T. process and the goal is more refined.
My job as a coach is to help the client get through this stage. Generally, it’s the most challenging stage because the client is unsure about how to proceed. For many of us it’s easy to see the whole picture but breaking down this vision into small SMART steps is difficult. We can’t see how all the pieces fit so we become paralyzed by the HOW! How am I going to that? How am I going to this?
Take a top of mind thought and create a SMART Plan: Let’s use the student sample above.
Specific– Being early for class by 15 minutes, to increase my readiness to listen and take notes in the classroom.
Measurable– Next 30 days
Attainable– Take practical steps to increase the amount of being early for class.
Relevant– Early for class
Time– 30 days
When setting your SMART plan ask the Five W’s and the Two H’s questions. What, Where, When, Why and Who; How and How many?
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ Leadership Coaching”
My favorite one thing is I constantly test, measure, and tweak, and ask the five W’s and the Two H’s for clarity.
In relationships asking appropriate questions is one of the keys to surviving a long term relationship. What are the most important questions to ask yourself right now? Any clue? Begin with your “Top of Mind Question.”
What is the one thought you can’t get out of your head? If you can’t answer these questions, then it’s time to begin formulating questions that will lead you to some kind of mental resolution.
Generally, if we cannot form questions there may be some possibility of a thought and feeling conflict. Either you have a positive thought and a negative feeling or a positive feeling and a negative thought. Once you get your thought and feeling to agree then it’s time to begin asking meaningful questions.
Why does it matter to ask yourself meaningful questions? It’s important to understand that it is your current beliefs that help formulate your questions. As you become wiser your beliefs slightly adjust and adapt to the current situation. Before we marry we bring our suitcases or baggage with us, and when our suitcase doesn’t match our potential partner’s suitcase problems may arise.
What do questions have to do with marriage? Well, if you “Jump to Conclusions”, without asking questions this may make you “Always Being Right” in your mind, but not right in your actions or result. You may be scratching your head right now. Think about it, if you Jump to a Conclusion you already determined that you’re right.
Then you wait to see how things turn out and notice you were not right after all. This whole process happened in your head while disguising it from others. In a marriage communication and agreement is essential for a loving and lasting relationship. Let’s see how MEANINGFUL QUESTIONS work.
How do you invite vulnerability without being invasive? A meaningful and good quality question invites genuine interest, kindness, warmth, and concern. Imagine you are a diplomat and you’re ready to meet with the leader of another country. You would be mindful of being genuine, have interest, kindness and warmth wouldn’t you. Of course you would because you respect yourself.
Let’s see this diplomacy in meeting someone for the first time. “Hello, My name is Giuseppe.” The person responds in kind, then I say, “Great. Question: “Tell me about your hobbies?” Question: “What do you do for fun?” At this point, I listen to what their hobbies are: The person says, “We just bought a boat and spent a week sailing around the coast of Florida. Then we docked it at the local marina and went for a walk into town to have dinner.” I replied, “That sounds fantastic good for you!”
The two questions I asked were genuinely interested, kind, warm and concerned. I wanted to know a little about them and as the conversation progressed I could have asked if they had kids too. So to reduce the need to magnify your mate’s flaws ask these questions first:
Here are some meaningful questions you can ask:
- “What do you dream about?” (What they have achieved/dream of becoming)
- “What do you cry about?” (Help understand their heart)
- “What do you sing about?” (What brings people Joy)
- “What are your values?” (Sacred things)
- “What are your strengths?” (What makes them proud)
- “What is your temperament?” (Heart’s Hardwiring)
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring”
My favorite one thing is being mindful of being a diplomat and asking meaningful questions to dive into the person’s being.
How do you make a lasting lifestyle change? It begins in your head! First, with Why, When, Where, Who, What, How-1 & How-2.
If you don’t answer these questions first it would be like going through a jungle without a map or a pinball in a pinball machine bouncing from one trigger point to another in random directions. Would you rather be the pinball or the flipper?
- Why: (Purpose) Why do you want wellness?
Such as, “Exercise is Medicine or My body is the greatest instrument I will ever own”
This is your answer not the doctor’s, family, friends, etc.
Be careful not to listen to SHOULDS!
- When: (Time) When is your start date? What time of the day?
Today, tomorrow, 1-week, 2-weeks, 5am,10am, 5pm, etc.
- Where:(Location) Home, Gym, Outside, etc.
- Who: (Person) Partner, Class, By yourself, etc.
- What: (Type) Food, Aerobic, Resistance, Walking, Running, Weights, etc.
- How-1: (Action) Walk, push-ups, squats etc
- How-2: (Frequency) 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 1,2,3-times a week
Now let’s look at the Seven Steps for lasting improvement in sequence.
- Assessment: *See above
- Foundational Work On Self: Personal growth- begin to mentally prepare yourself and visualize what wellness means to you. The more refined your visualization the more real it becomes. Seek first to understand then seek to be understood. “If you don’t go within you’ll go without.” Neil D. Walsh
- Setting the focus: Once your visualization has been conceived then it’s time to begin to think about what you will do first. Small steps are best such as eat one healthful snack today.
- Working Through Habit + Environmental Support: Old habits can be changed by tenacity, patience and repeated actions. When a current habit is changed the new habit will become the new truth. Environmental support are friends and family who share similar wellness ideas including restaurants. An environmental stimulus is present but your resolve and wellness vision will help you stay on course.
- Initial Behavioral Change: Acknowledge and Validate your efforts of success through celebration. By not minimizing your success establishes an understanding in your mind that more work is required as resistant patterns resurface. Your goal is to continue to move forward.
- Deeper Work On Self: This is a time when self-defeating and self-limiting behaviors can arise due to the demands of friends and family old thinking of you. This is where you explain how important your wellness is and set healthy boundaries for loved ones. If an old wound or negative behavior sets in acknowledge, validate and explore it. Feel whatever feelings arise and know they are not wrong nor right…they just are.
- Lasting Behavioral/LifeStyle Change: Now that you have experienced and felt wellness through living it’s time for maintenance. Use your current success and feelings to help reinforce future behaviors, and continue to be around like-minded people as support.
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ Wellness Coaching for Lasting Lifestyle Change.”
My favorite one thing is being mindful of my two unwavering beliefs: “Exercise Is Medicine and My Body is the greatest instrument I will ever own.”
This is one of my favorite “quote” books. It may be small in stature but packs an unbelievable punch! The really cool thing about this book, it’s a reminder that the quotes are from people just like us…brilliant, smart, thoughtful, empathetic and witty.
The majority of the quotes were collected on a napkin or scrap pieces of paper. After reading, contemplating and allowing them to sink in, come up with one or two of your own quotes you can share with loved ones, friends, coworkers, business associates, strangers, etc.
Why are quotes an important part of learning, mentoring and coaching? Because they are pieces of wisdom that come in a complete and concise package. It usually takes years to accumulate a solid quote. Because a quote usually follows this sequence:
- New Information– Comes in your mind
- Acquaint– beginning to make sense of the information
- Familiar– The more you think about it
- Know– Begin to increase understanding over time
- Understand– Understood enough to take some action
- Experience– Taking action that leads to some conclusion
- Wisdom– Able to communicate exactly what you mean into words…especially in a quote!
So new information is not knowing, experience nor wisdom…it’s only data not true or false right or wrong. Have you ever been asked a question about work that you couldn’t explain in a few words? We all have! The longer you learn, work and experience the more wisdom you will gain. Look at wisdom as an effect of the six steps mentioned above. Now, let’s take a look at some quotes and hopefully one or more resonates with you.
- “What do you pack to pursue a dream, and what do you leave behind?” Sandra Sharpe
- “The first step in the journey is to lose your way.” Galway Kinnell
- “Put your ear down next to your soul and listen hard.” Anne Sexton
- “The future is sending back good wishes and waiting with open arms.” Kobi Yamada
- “Because of our routines, we forget that life is an ongoing adventure.” Maya Angelou
- “Go as far as you can see. When you get there, you can see farther.” B.J. Marshall
- “Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you.” Marsha Norman
- “We all have many gifts we’ve never opened. It’s time to open some of yours. Find your wings.” Dan Zadra
- “Reexamine all that you have been told, or read in any books, and dismiss whatever insults your own soul.” Walt Whitman
- “We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” William Shakespeare
- “You’re not here by mistake.” Ben Morrow
- “Nature never made a nobody. Everybody was born with some kind of talent.” Melvin Chapman
- “What you will do matters. All you need is to do it.” Judy Grahn
- “What if the hokey-pokey is really what it’s all about.” Bumper Sticker
- “An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding.” Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis
- “What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?” Robert H. Schuller
- “Close your eyes and imagine that you are being interviewed on your 100th birthday. What are the five top things you would love to be able to tell reporters that you have accomplished? Now open your eyes and write them down. You have a fresh start on life!” EDGE Keynote
- “Your hopes, dreams, and aspirations are legitimate. They are trying to take you airborne, above the clouds, above the storms-if you will only let them!” William James
- “Let me listen to me and not them.” Gertrude Stein
- “As a dreamer, you will be laughed at…Thank them!” Unknown
- “Even when all the experts agree, they may well be mistaken.” Bertrand Russell
- “What great achievement has been performed by the one who told you it couldn’t be done?” Melvin Chapman
- “If people don’t agree with you, so what? If people agree with you, so what?” Dr. Robert Anthony
- “Talk back to your internal critic.” Robert J. Mckain
- “All people have a gift, but many do not unwrap it!” Giuseppe Del Giudice
- “To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can have.” Theodore White
- “Ain’t no chance if you don’t take it.” Guy Clark
- “Faith is daring to put your dream to the test. It is better to try to do something and fail, than to try to do nothing and succeed.” Robert H. Schuller
- “There is the risk you cannot afford to take, and there is the risk you cannot afford not to take.” Peter Drucker
- “When the defining moment comes, either you define the moment, or the moment defines you.” “Tin Cup”
- “To every man there comes a time in his lifetime, that special moment when he is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered that special chance to do a very special thing, unique to him and fitted to his talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds him unprepared or unqualified to do the work which could have been his FINEST HOUR.” Winston Churchill
Here’s my quote piggy-backing from Winston’s Quote above: “How many finest hours did you miss? It’s not too late because it’s not about how many finest hours you missed out, but how many finest hours are left to discover!” Giuseppe Del Giudice
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ I believe in you”
My favorite one thing, here is my quote I just wrote: “How many finest hours did you miss? It’s not too late because it’s not about how many finest hours you missed out, but how many finest hours are left to discover!” Giuseppe Del Giudice
21. Change the Way You See Yourself: Through Asset-Based Thinking by Dr. Kathryn D. Cramer and Hank Wasiak
What the heck is going on with the title! This is how it is written on the cover of this book, except it’s not only backwards but upside-down too! Can you figure out what it reads? Tick-tock…tick-tock… tick-tock… times up. Change The Way You See Yourself, if you thought this you are right!
When you open the book the first phrase you see is this quote, “When you change the way you SEE YOUrself you can change anything.” The book explains four main components: Power, Influence, Impact and Onward and each is covered in four parts. I will discuss Power since it’s in alignment with this article and is used in what I do to help people help themselves.
Let’s begin, the entire book is encompassed by what is called ABT or Asset-Based Thinking positive side; it’s opposite DBT or Deficit-Based thinking negative side. ABT looks through the eyes of what works for you using your strengths, gifts and potentials, and blocks out distractions which helps you become more focused.
Let’s see which side produces the best results ABT? or DBT?
Which side do you mostly live on will depend on which questions you consistently ask yourself? Whichever side you live on produces different results. Want to know which questions you ask the most? Check your actions! If you’re mostly in DBT it’s natural to want to immediately jump over to ABT. This is a good thing, but first it’s a good idea to come to grips with where you are at this moment.
Too often we tend to neglect our current moment and think about what we do want. This is fine as long as it’s not a form of escape or avoidance. Asset-Based Thinkers have an S.O.S. code they live by; S-Self reminds you to look within; O-Others Strengths and Talents; Situations-Looking for assets in situations.
So use your strengths and capabilities to expose your signature presence. What is a signature presence? It’s your unique talents that inspire others and make you effective under almost any condition. Which of your strengths and capabilities have made lasting, positive impressions and impacts? Do you know what your signature presence is?
Here’s a start- Reflect On:
- Your deepest desires and longings
- Your sense of purpose
- Your passions
- Your “what-ifs”
- Your Dreams
After going down the rabbit hole…go deeper with Your ABT Life Map. I have personally completed this exercise beginning with my birthday. I have included my partial ABT Life Map below. I couldn’t include all of it because it’s over 11 feet long! This was my favorite exercise in the whole book because I got to tell my story to myself again. ABT Life Map helps with discovery and letting go of painful and hurtful experiences.
For instance, My dad passing away 4 days before my tenth birthday ;( I didn’t know this experience still had an impact on me.) As I reflected back to this incident tears rolled down my face at 50 years old. 40 years have gone by and I still had tears. When the tears stopped I began to think of the times I spent with my dad, which made me appreciate why he emigrated to America with mom and my three siblings.
Yes, my mood was dark for a moment and it was good to release those tears. By releasing those tears I was able to think just a bit more clearly. The exercise helped me locate feelings that needed expressing even after forty years!
ABT Life Map will help you discover things about yourself that you either have forgotten or just learned something new about yourself. The way I completed it was to search for significant life experiences and it didn’t matter if they were happy, sad, depressing, exciting, or loving. Because it was the significance of the event that mattered the most. I call these SEEs: Spontaneous Emotional Events.
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ Change The Way You See Yourself”
My favorite one thing, I learned even after many years have passed there are still trapped feelings that need expressing that are significant to me.
Dr. Collins was one of my professors and favorite instructors. At 85 he has no plans to retire and continues to pursue his aspirations of mentoring and coaching others.
You can find him on his blog: garyrcollins.org
I refer to this book often. This book helped me create a few of my own concepts and strategies on how I help people be more, do more and have more. One of the most valuable tools I use is to help my clients discover their four core values. Can you name your four core values in 15 seconds or less? If so, great job!
If not, this article is a must-read to help you discover them: What Are Core Values and How Do They Control My Life?
Dr. Collins used the values exercise to help his mentee discovered the values that meant the most to them. Let’s look at Dr. Collins’ process. He uses strategic introspective questions. Read below to see if you can answer them. Word of caution though, it’s a good idea to be honest and authentic when answering these questions. Even better, is to write them down by getting your answers Out Of Your Head!
- “If you can take only ten values with you into a strange and possibly dangerous territory, which are the ones you absolutely must have?”
- “What values would you fight for? Are there any you would die for?”
- “What values are so important that you would quit your job if they were violated by your employer?”
- “How would the people who know you best describe what you are like?”
How’d you do? Did you think of some values that hit home? If so, great and if not, that’s okay as well. These questions are designed to get you thinking about them. For many, not living their values make them feel confused, frustrated and depressed.
Read this great quote by Patrick Williams and Diane S. Menendez of the Institute for Life Coach Training:
“A values-based life is a fulfilled life. When coaching clients live their lives in line with their values, it engenders a sense of well-being, self-respect, and self-esteem. When they live a life that violates their values, it can lead to confusion, frustration, and depression.”
You can learn more here: lifecoachtraining.com
Do values change over time? Do they change when you are in a different environment? In my experience, the external values change but the core values remain constant. The core values are not innate or have a particular gene to identify them…they are originally installed via our immediate allies, such as parents, siblings and people close to us.
Once your four core values are discovered and agreed upon by you, the external values expand beyond the core values. Like a bicycle rim; there’s a rim with spokes then there is the central hub that holds the whole tire together. Each spoke would be your external values and the hub would contain your four core values.
My question is to you…would you rather live four values every day or try to remember all sixteen external values? The four core values are the base of your external values, which control all sixteen external values. Control four to control 16!
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ Christian Coaching, Helping Others Turn Potential into Reality”
My favorite one thing, I learned my four core values of Honesty, Humor, Integrity, and Tenacity and live them every day. I rotate one each day to focus on say…Honesty. Then Honesty becomes top of mind, followed by Humor, Integrity, and Tenacity. By all means, the other three values do not diminish in importance!
I bought this long-skinny book in Suttons Bay Michigan inside a store of unique gifts. After reading the questions it certainly was a gift! Do you think we learn by asking questions? Absolutely!
Asking a question is right at the state of awareness and high interest. If we are not interested or bored we tend not to ask too many questions. It’s only when we are interested and ask enough questions from the Five W’s & Two H’s that you will increase your understanding. Here they are again: What, Where, When, Why, Who, How, How many. When you get your questions answered you feel fulfilled, acknowledged and validated…all good things to have to maintain a good mental state.
Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.
Don’t search for answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. – Rainer Maria Rilke
Now let’s ask some thought provoking questions, so you can live into your questions!
- “When was the last time you did something for the first time?”
- Your answer here:
- “In order to find yourself, are you willing to lose yourself?”
- Your answer here:
- “If you think life is hard, what are you comparing it to?”
- Your answer here:
- “Do you doubt your doubts?”
- Your answer here:
- “Is it true that you have to see it to believe it, or rather, do you have to believe it before you can see it?”
- Your answer here:
- “What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?”
- Your answer here:
- “What difference does it make if the thing you’re scared of is real or not?”
- Your answer here:
- “If not now, when?”
- Your answer here:
- “Your destiny is coming, are you ready?”
- Your answer here:
- “Do you know that you are the one you’ve been waiting for?”
- Your answer here:
- “Do you let yesterday use up too much of today?”
- Your answer here:
- “What are the things you value most in your life?”
- Your answer here:
- “Do you treat love as a noun or a verb?”
- Your answer here:
- “What is the one thing you think of that always makes you smile?”
- Your answer here:
- “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?”
- Your answer here:
- “Who are “they” that hold so much power over our lives?”
- Your answer here:
- “Do you have enough risks in your life to stay alive?”
- Your answer here:
- “Have you begun today what you wish to be tomorrow?”
- Your answer here:
- “Are you making new mistakes or the same old ones?”
- Your answer here:
So which questions did you completely agree with? Were you able to answer all or some of them? Here’s the rub about questions. It’s not only asking questions out of the blue for conversation. Questions are linked to how you think and feel which create behaviors and results.
Observe your results and you will get a tiny glimpse of what kind of questions you’re asking yourself. The more you question your questions the better you get at asking them, and in turn, you begin to ask quality questions through deeper thinking and feeling.
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ Ever Wonder, ask questions and live into the answers.”
My favorite one thing is the question: “If you’re not happy with what you have, how could you be happier with more?”
Your answer here: I am grateful for what I have right now: I have a beautiful wife, two beautiful daughters, good health, a good dog-Lucy, a nice house, money in the bank, good friends, good family, good invention, and a good team.
First, let’s clear up what is Financial Freedom. Before I do, read this, “People who don’t respect money don’t have any.”
For example, I was in a mall in Grand Rapids Michigan one day sitting outside of a nail salon while my wife and daughter were getting a manicure.
These two young boys around 10 years old were kicking something down the aisle way while walking toward me. As I watched I wondered what it was, and as they got closer to me I could see it was flat and shiny. They took turns kicking the object closer and closer to me, and when they were right in front of me one of the boys kicked the object one more time into a corner of the wall and walked away.
I got up and walked over to the object, picked it up, and what you know, it was a nickel! I studied it then put it in my pocket to put in my change jar at home. I don’t know about you, but if I see something shiny on the ground I pick it up! If it’s a coin I say, Thank you! Thank you! Than you!
Let me ask you, do you think the two boys respected this nickel? Most likely not if they did one of them would have picked it up and put in their pocket. You see it’s not the face value of money that matters, but value and respect it brings to you. If you disrespect money it will disrespect you and you won’t have any. If you don’t value a penny, you won’t value a dime, you won’t value a dollar, you won’t value ten dollars, you won’t value one hundred dollars, you won’t value one thousand dollars, etc.
You may be thinking I value one hundred dollars because it’s a lot of money. Well, is it? Define a lot of money? This has a different value for others. Do you think millionaires only consider thousand dollar bills in their pocket to be valuable without considering ones, tens or hundreds?
Actually, they know there finances to the penny! Because money has tremendous value and they respect it. What is money? Today’s definition of Money is considered to be the currency based on a FIAT system not backed by anything other than a promise by some government. Real Money is backed by something tangible like Gold, Silver, Platinum, Titanium, Land, Food, Cars, Boats, houses and many more.
In the 1970’s President Nixon took the U.S. off the Gold Standard and brought us into the currency (FIAT) world. Gold-backed up money, for instance, if the U.S. had one trillion dollars in money then it was back by one trillion dollars worth of Gold. The government could lend and borrow as long as it didn’t exceed the Gold it held. Gold Provided checks, balances, and responsibility. However, currency does not! You can create more currency out of thin air and borrow against what you don’t have…so debt keeps rising and the currency value keeps declining. This methodology can not last for long!
Now, Financial Freedom- has to do with how much time you have to do the things you want to do and how much money is working for you. In order to have these two things it would be a good idea to know and handle your financial dysfunction.
Financial dysfunction is defined as, “Financial choices and strategies that people believe are effective but that actually impede their financial progress.”
What are the Seven Financial Dysfunction Symptoms?
- Mortgage Aversion
- Inappropriate Risk Reactions
- Compulsive Spending or Excessive Debt
- Poverty Mentality
- Miser Mentality
- Acute Financial Paranoia
- Windfall Woes
These seven financial dysfunctions can lead to these physical symptoms:
- Intense Stress
- Family Relationship Quarrels
- Acute or Long Term Depression
This all leads to “Deprivation Anxiety” Do you have any or all these symptoms then you may have a little deprivation anxiety or much deprivation anxiety. The more honest you are about deprivation anxiety the better off you will be in order to handle it with help and planning.
“He who is frugal is the richest of men, and the miser is the poorest.” Nicolas Chamfort.
Let’s see if you can discover your financial personality. First know that there are two motivating emotions behind our financial personality Greed and Fear. Time to answer some questions:
Score Your Risk Assessment:
Motivated by Greed or Fear let’s see choose only one score below:
1. ____ The most important thing to do with my money is to keep it safe.
2. ____ I believe a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
3. ____ Risk-taking often makes me worry.
4. ____ I am generally conservative when dealing with risk.
5. ____ Sometimes I take risks, and sometimes I play it safe.
6. ____ I am generally aggressive when dealing with risk.
7. ____ Sometimes I take risks on impulse.
8. ____ I take big risks but I choose them carefully.
9. ____ I’m willing to take a lot of risk for the chance of a big financial reward
Now that you have chosen your answer there’s one more assessment to take.
Score Your Saving/Spending Tendencies: Choose only one answer
1. ____ I squeeze every penny I can out of my budget.
2. ____ Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without,
3. ____ I am a very careful shopper and use coupons.
4. ____ I buy quality and rely on brand names.
5. ____ I save 10% of my income.
6. ____ I like to pamper myself with little things.
7. ____ I love to really splurge once in a while.
8. ____ Life is short. Eat dessert first.
9. ____ I spend every penny I get.
These two numbers represent your Risk Factor and Saving/Spending tendencies.
Risk Factor: The larger the number the bigger the risk. Savings/Spending Tendencies: The larger the number the more you spend.
Well, there are many aspects of marriage I could cover but with separations and divorces at an all-time high, I want to focus on Divorce Proofing a marriage. I believe this is an immediate need for couples who are currently married. Divorce proofing is an ongoing process that adapts to both husband and wife.
As you read there will be behaviors you are doing and behaviors that could use some help. Questioning is a good way to begin communication between two people.
Try these out:
- What are your feelings toward each other and the marriage right now? What do you think has worked to keep your love alive and strong?
- How often do you disagree or argue? How do you resolve your disputes so you are both satisfied? Are there any major issues of disagreement currently?
- Do you have fun together, like going out for coffee or to the movies? Do your positive interactions substantially outweigh your negative ones? Do positive interactions outweigh the negative interactions 4:1?
- What are your spouse’s primary and secondary love styles? Do you take your spouse’s love styles into consideration when you are trying to show him/her that you care? If so, in what ways?
- Do you try to show positive character traits, such as forgiveness, patience, kindness, and loyalty, when interacting with your spouse? Are you interacting with any negative character traits, such as jealousy, selfishness, irritability, or disrespect? If so, how can you work to limit this way of relating?
Hah, got you thinking didn’t I…hope so. You see no marriage is perfect, but compatibility helps. Love only takes you so fart…oops far. In the beginning, relationships are fun and rewarding. In order to maintain this momentum ask the five questions above to see what areas you can improve upon.
Take question number five for example: Are you interacting in a negative way…? When you are negative do you begin to magnify the flaws of your spouse? Probably! You see if you stay in negative thinking too long you attract more negative thinking.
The flaws that existed in your spouse before you got married where already present. Overtime both spouses know these flaws to be true. Feel the feeling and move on!
Create your Dream Marriage by following these three cornerstones:
- Passion: Is the sensual and physical side to keep the bond strong.
- Intimacy: Is emotional and relational and usually considers spouse as their best friend.
- Commitment: Is at the heart of a healthy marriage..it’s unconditional support no matter what, sickness and in health…remember your promise!
- Make deposits into the Love Bank: Balance Love with more emotional deposits than withdrawals. Use the law of reciprocation! Make each other feel special.
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ The Quick-Reference Guide to Marriage & Family Counseling”
My favorite one thing, make more deposits into the LOVE BANK than I withdraw.
Well, I think the book could be renamed as The Time Traps since there are fourteen! Who doesn’t need how to manage the time they have. There are 24 hours in a day, what are you doing with the time that is given to you? One of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s quotes mentions, “If you want more time in a day…SLEEP FASTER.” Well said, Arnie.
Today I will cover Traps 12-Procrastination and Leaving Tasks Unfinished, 13-Socializing and Drop-In Visitors & 14-Attempting Too Much.
Trap 12: Procrastination and Leaving Tasks Unfinished
Let’s begin with the two dangerous thoughts and feelings, “Can’t get started,” and “Can’t get finished.” These two statements follow each other in a sentence in your mind. Once repeated followed by no action they’re are validated and acknowledged over and over again creating a vicious cycle. How do you disconnect them and begin to complete some tasks?
- Follow these three disconnector rules:
“A GOAL clear and compelling enough to energize us at the start and sustain us to finish.
- “A PRIORITY SYSTEM to hold our focus on important/urgent matters, rather than on distracting smaller jobs, defined as, “busy work.”
- “A set of ALARM BELLS-tools to help us notice and refocus when subtle habits drag us back toward delay.”
Here are more ways to Round Up the usual excuses:
- “I don’t have the necessary tools or materials.”
- “There’s no real rush.”
- “I’ll do it later: I work best under pressure.”
- “The last time I hurried for this person, I got no thanks.”
- “I’ll just wait.”
- “I’ll wait until tomorrow.”
Do these excuses all sound familiar? There are many many many more floating through our heads in the form of Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS). These ANTs consume our thinking behind the scene decreasing our mood, thoughts, and feelings. Do you know that it takes four times the energy to reduce one of these ANTs. 4:1 ratio of 4 positive thoughts to counteract 1 ANT. So if you have a negative thought it’s probably your ANT lashing out for attention, validation, and acknowledgment.
Trap 13: Socializing and Drop-In Visitors
Some people welcome drop-in visitors while most do not. In this super busy world we feel when a drop-in visitor stops by it conflicts with our priorities and tasks. Most drop-in visits are longer than a minute and usually can last 10 minutes or more. Also, for every minute that goes by you’ll need four minutes to refocus. A two-minute drop by will take you around eight minutes getting back to your work.
I know I feel the same way when I’m working and thinking on a task I’m In The Zone. While in this interrupted zone I can much complete, but as soon as a drop-in…daughter, wife dog, etc. grabs my attention I’m slightly diverted for a few seconds to acknowledge then I go back to what I was doing. The shorter the distraction the more quickly I can refocus in my Zone.
Try these Four Ways to Help with Drop-ins:
- “If someone asks for “just a minute” learn to say: “I can give you five minutes if we can get it done in five. Otherwise, we must leave it to later, unless you can fix it yourself.”
- “If they opt to try it now, you must be ready to cut off at five minutes. Say: “That’s it. Time’s up. I must leave right now.”
- “Before entertaining any talk at all, you may need to say a clear no. Say: “I would love to talk now, but let’s set a time to talk later.”
- “You could also say: “I need to finish up a priority task. Can you come back later?” Then, name a time.”
“Habitual caving in will not gain friends nor enhance respect, especially not self-respect.”
Traps 14: Attempting Too Much
Getting tired? Do you make everyone else happy but yourself? Using the words, All? Every? They? Them? Many? Using one or many of these words can leave you tired and drained, and the longer it continues the more it zaps your energy. Are you superhuman? Superwoman? Do you think that all goals are equal? If so, go back to the book, “First Things First” book #9.” and reread it.
You will relearn that ALL goals are not equal. Do you want to feel better right now? Stop using these absolute and vague words: All, Every, Them, They, Many, etc.
Are you continually on trial to keep proving yourself? Too optimistic and have the “I Can Do It All” attitude? The Need To Be Perfect? Always right? Think Black and White? Let’s look at some pitfall statements this type of thinking creates:
- “I need to keep excelling, even under pressure, to keep up my sense of self-worth and self-esteem, but others were clearly indifferent about the results. They tell me I’m overdoing it, even to this day.” (ANTs-Black and White, Shoulds)
- “I’m reluctant to delegate, either through lack of faith in others, inadequate practice in delegating, or discomfort about my earlier failed attempts to let go.” (ANT-Black and White, Over-Generalization, Jumping To Conclusions)
- “Almost daily, I overschedule myself, with unrealistic notions on how much can be done in a day.” (ANT-Black and White, Control Fallacies)
- “Perfection drives me to lavish attention on minor details and to keep reworking everything. If my name is on it, it has to be perfect or I Can’t release it.” (ANT-Black and White, Personalization)
Want to help with these statements? Execute these three escapes:
- “Working faster under pressure is not working better, and will likely lead to more miss-takes.”
- Yes, it may have to get done, but not all by you! Prioritize between high and low priority tasks.
- Perfectionism is an absolute it’s not right or wrong but has many shades of gray and quality. Determine what qualities are a high priority and low priority to measure success. Doing great work is not measured by the tiniest of rulers with near-zero tolerance to be successful. The smaller the ruler the greater the anxiety and stress!
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “The Time Trap”
My favorite one thing, Be careful about using absolute words like All, No One, Every, Each, None, Never, No Body, Always, Everyone, and Everybody.
This program has been around since the eighties based in California under the Lindora Clinic name. Originally founded by Dr. Marshall Stamper in 1971. Cynthia Dr. Stamper’s daughter is now in charge of the success of the clinics and Lean for Life Program.
I have used a version of this program since 2004 and currently use it with my life coaching clients who have selected to work on their Health area of life. It’s not your ordinary Ketogenic Program with high fat and protein.
It actually helps in these areas: Trains you to eat right for you, Reset your metabolism to burn fat, shrink fat cells, balance hormones, Moderate Protein to carbs to fat ratio, the science behind how it works, and managing mental logistics. I love this program! Oh yeah, online support as well.
What is Ketogenesis any way? It’ a metabolic pathy-way that uses fat for fuel instead of carbohydrates and protein. In order to activate the fat burning pathway, you drop the carbs below 50 grams/day.
Ketosis is the state of burning fat for energy, and when fat is metabolized for energy it produces ketones as a by-product that is excreted through the urine.
In this high carb world, your pancreas becomes insensitive and overloaded and can’t keep up with the demand with sugar metabolism. So your pancreas becomes what is known as Insulin Insensitivity.
It takes more and more carbs-sugar to activate your pancreas to produce insulin to help breakdown sugar, and you have more sugar floating in your bloodstream than normal. If unchecked and unregulated you could possibly become diabetic.
Let’s help you now by looking at what the program overview looks like:
- The Prep
- Rapid Weight Loss
- Metabolic Adjustment
- Metabolic Equilibrium
It’s a three-day crash course to get your brain, body, and gut ready for maximum results.
It is the heart of the program and book, describes your playbook day by day, and this is where the pounds drop off using a smart carb eating plan. What? I’m going to be eating carbs…what the..? Yes, zero carbs except for protein days once a week while on the weight loss segment of the program.
Phase I: The Prep-3days for getting your mind, body, and gut ready.
Phase II: Rapid Weight Loss-1 Cycle= 28 Days
Phase III: Metabolic Adjustment- 1 Cycle= 14 Days
Phase IV: Metabolic Equilibrium- designed to keep you on track, one protein day a week and lean for life.
Dr Stamper’s essentials are Six Fundamental Truths will help you be successful:
- “Make it your goal to learn to be lean for life.”
- “Learn to control cravings.”
- “Your level of interest and enthusiasm will determine your level of success.”
- “Learn to recognize and eliminate your defensive barriers.”
- “Learn to use relaxation techniques and stress less.”
- “Maintain healthy behaviors for lasting success.”
Benefits and Gains:
- Shrink Fat Cells
- Accelerate Weight Loss
- Increase Satiety and Reduce Hunger
- Reduce Cravings
- Increase physical and Mental Energy
- Enhance Moods
- Decrease Irritability
- Reduce Feelings of Depression
- Boost Motivation
- Reduce Gut Inflammation
Now ask yourself this question: “What is the one thing that stood out for me after reading about this segment of “ The New Lean for Life, Outsmart Your Body to Shrink Fat Cells and Lose Weight for Good”
My favorite one thing, how I can use ketosis to control my health and wellness.
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