Are you currently in a relationship with someone who makes you feel confused and concerned? Are they erratic, controlling, and distant one day, then loving and kind the next? If so, you may be dating a psychopath.
Psychopathy isn’t something that can be easily spotted since people with this personality can come across as charming and attractive. Fortunately, there are indicators that may confirm whether or not your partner has potential psychopathic tendencies.
According to experts, here are signs you’re dating a psychopath, along with ways to protect yourself:
Dr. Kimberly Parker, LCSW, PhD
PhD Candidate, Psychology | Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Healthy Mind Counseling & Nutrition, LLC
Love is a beautiful feeling that most people want to experience. To attain love, we must first start dating, and that can be a hard task. Within the past year, we are hearing more buzzwords such as “red flags” and “narcissist.” Now, these words are important, especially when we are in the world of dating.
Related: 35+ Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist
To know the definition of a psychopath, we must understand psychopathy. Psychopathy is when a person has the characteristics of an antisocial personality disorder, which is a Cluster B Disorder in the DSM-V-TR. When a person is diagnosed with ASPD, the person must fit 3 of the 7 criteria before age 15.
Having symptoms of psychopathy does not mean one has ASPD and vice versa — they may have another clinical diagnosis. We are looking at the interpersonal domains of an individual when looking for psychopathic behaviors.
So, therefore, the Psychopathy Checklist (PCL-R) must be used by a licensed mental health professional.
These are psychopathy signs one may see in an individual, whether you are a licensed clinician or someone who’s in the dating arena:
- Deceitfulness, manipulation, grandiose behavior
- Lack of remorse, shallow affect (cold demeanor), no depth of emotions
- Blame shifts their behavior and life problems on others
- Lack of impulse control, no self-discipline
- Controlling and lack of empathy for others
- High levels of anger, the inability to accept criticism
- They have a shallow charm that can draw people in (they may give off a mysterious demeanor) and love bombing behavior/over-the-top flattery.
- Compulsive lying and cheating (everything they do is based on what suits them only)
Psychopathy is a very complex subject. Someone who is a psychopath is going to mirror you as if they are your “twin flame.”
They flood you with compliments
Psychopaths, when they first meet you, may flood you with compliments. They will attempt to ask deeply personal questions when you first meet them. You may think that that person is interested in knowing you interpersonally.
For example, “You are the most beautiful or handsome person I have ever met.” They seem too good to be true, almost as if you are in a fairy tale.
They avoid answering detailed questions and just give surface information
They can be very intense to get what they want. Psychopaths will camouflage themselves to everything you want them to be, and therefore one should always ask detailed questions when dating.
If the person avoids answering questions and just gives surface information, this is a sign that they could be hiding something.
They love to dominate; they look at you as an object to be controlled
Many do not have a lot of friends; they do not care about your boundaries, and guilt-tripping and shaming you for your beliefs is used for you to adopt their program of being under their control.
Psychopaths give back-handed compliments to control your emotions or self-esteem. The attention that they gave you initially will be taken away from you.
When discussing past relationships, they are the victim in the narrative, and all their exes are the problem. Psychopaths look at people as competition, and they love to dominate any relationship.
Psychopaths are great at reading people and finding your vulnerabilities to get what they want, as they look at you as an object to be controlled.
They isolate you from family and friends to exercise dominance
Psychopaths want to take your voice away in the relationship and isolate you from family and friends to exercise dominance. You will not see this behavior in the beginning — they slowly groom you.
“How so?” One may ask. They will pretend to crave more attention and time with you. They will lie about your friends and family through triangulation.
Here are examples:
- “I think your friend Jane or John is jealous of you. Do you see how they look at you when you speak to them?”
- “Wow, I thought you would have a better choice in friends; you are too good for them.”
You will start looking at your friend and even family through a clouded lens.
They will use gaslighting and love bombing to get you to serve their needs
Psychopaths are gaslighters and will love-bomb you when they first meet you to learn your vulnerabilities. Psychopaths will use charm to groom you. The grooming of your role is to serve their needs.
Related: How to Respond to Gaslighting
If you decide to go against the program, then you will be discarded. Their goal is to trauma-bond you through the push-pull of your emotions, through their give and take of love (pseudo-love) which is an illusion.
Psychopaths have attachment issues that started in childhood; they have insecure or avoidant attachments to others. They detest rejection, and they can have the tendency to lash out verbally and physically.
Psychopaths live in a world illusion, and they will cloud your reality with manipulation. They don’t hold any accountability for their actions and blame others for any life pitfalls.
Psychopaths show a callous disregard towards people, and you may see this based on how they treat public service workers while you are on a date. They operate with a false self to gain your trust.
Psychopaths start to reveal their true selves once they have you hooked emotionally.
They emotionally hook you through sex. They look at sex as a task but will perform in a way that will have you saying, “This is the best lovemaking I have ever experienced.” This bonds you to them on a deeper level, which one may believe is love, but the psychopath uses this as leverage.
They will cloud your reality and make you feel like you’re losing your mind
Psychopaths will have you questioning your reality; they will make you feel like you are losing your mind. The emotional abuse you’ll receive will cause mental health issues such as Complex PTSD and medical issues, and some have said it has also affected them spiritually.
You are on a continuous loop of drama and trauma that will deplete you and have you not recognizing yourself.
Signs and symptoms of “psychopath” abuse:
- You feel as if you are losing your mind.
- You have lost friends and family due to putting all your time into the person you are dating.
- You have issues with sleep.
- Brain fog; you are having memory issues/ bouts of confusion.
- You no longer feel like yourself; you do not recognize yourself in the mirror.
- Nightmares about the psychopath’s ill behavior towards you.
- You are easily startled, walking on eggshells, and have panic/anxiety attacks.
- Depressive symptoms (sleeping longer than normal or lack of sleep).
- You may have issues with your job or school productivity.
Seek therapy and re-establish friendships
If you find yourself in this situation and having a hard time leaving, seek therapy and re-establish friendships you have lost due to dating a psychopath.
Trust your “gut feeling”
Educate yourself on sociopathy and psychopathy. Many times, we ignore our intuition or that “gut feeling.” If you’ve heard the saying, “That person made the hairs on my arms stand up,” that is another sign that your body is telling you not to proceed.
When meeting new people, stop overly sharing, and then you are given surface-level information by the person you are dating. Trust your gut instinct — when it feels off, just know that it is off.
Set boundaries within yourself
Establish boundaries within yourself — that is your standard. What are you not willing to accept in your life? If it makes you feel uncomfortable, know you have the right to say no.
They have a shallow range of feelings
Psychopaths have a very difficult time experiencing deep emotions, especially when it comes to attachment towards others.
While they can be very charming, romantic, and sexual, behind the facade is an ability to attach or feel warm and fuzzy feelings for anyone. As a result, they will show little to no empathy for you or others and have no remorse if they do something that is hurtful to you or others.
Most people feel shame and guilt when they do something they know is wrong, but psychopaths don’t feel those emotions, which makes it easy for them to take advantage of others.
If you feel like you don’t truly know who your partner is and question why they seem to have a shallow range of feelings, coupled with a lack of empathy and remorse, it is likely this person is a psychopath.
They are risky and impulsive, with little regard for danger
Psychopaths get bored easily and get thrills from risky and impulsive behaviors with little regard for danger. They have absolutely no issue with putting others in danger, either.
For example, they may drive recklessly and even get a little thrill if they know you are scared by their driving.
While a person who is not a psychopath would feel bad for putting you in danger or for scaring you, a psychopath will push the limits, continue the behavior, and even accelerate it to scare you even more.
They are pathological and skilled liars
Psychopaths are exceptionally good at telling lies and making people believe them. They do a great job of crafting a mask of a persona they want you to believe in. They have no problem cheating on you, pushing boundaries, and even having a secret life, while you may have no idea.
If you catch them in a serious lie, especially if it involves a betrayal of your trust, know that the pattern of lying will likely continue and only worsen.
You feel anxious, unsettled, and unsafe around them
You may feel constantly anxious or unsettled around them, even if you can’t put your finger on it. You also may not fully trust them.
Sometimes we try to talk ourselves out of our gut feelings, but most people have some sense they are with a psychopath when they start to see what is on the other side of the charm.
Feeling anxious, unsettled, and unsafe, even without a blatant reason, is always a sign you could be dating a potential psychopath.
Dr. Sanam Hafeez
Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Comprehend The Mind
They pathologically lie and make up excuses
If your partner is always lying and making up excuses, especially when it’s not necessary, this could be a sign you’re dating a psychopath. This could include constantly blaming others and not accepting accountability for their actions.
Perhaps they spend more time rationalizing their behavior rather than working on improving it. Watch out for those who express no embarrassment or remorse when caught in a lie; this could indicate a larger underlying problem.
The relationship is moving fast
You’ve only been dating a short time, and your partner is already telling you they love you and discussing marriage. Maybe you thought they were intensely fascinated with you, but this could mean they are a psychopath who is seeking control.
This type of person will tell you precisely what you want to hear, act how they think you want them to, and try to convince you they’re the best partner you’ve ever had.
They are constantly gaslighting you
In this situation, you probably started the relationship off feeling confident and comfortable but realized in a short amount of time you’re feeling worthless and confused. There’s a strong chance your partner is the culprit and is gaslighting you.
Gaslighting means they are subconsciously diminishing your confidence by doing things to make you question your sanity or reality. This can be done very subtly, targeting your most vulnerable areas.
Therapeutic Wellness Coach | Psychotherapist
They may be highly successful—it’s easy to be ruthlessly ambitious when you lack a conscience
Narcissism is a condition that has variability across a continuous range.
Unlike the introversion-extroversion spectrum where there is a range of opposite ways of being with traits of engagement and disengagement peppered in between, the narcissism spectrum draws distinctions of adaptive, healthy narcissism from malignant pathological states.
All human beings possess some characteristics that span this continuum.
However, you may be dating a person on the destructive malignant end of the narcissistic spectrum if you find yourself:
- In a suspended state of chronic confusion.
- In heightened fear and derealization because your romantic partner’s version of reality conflicts with your perceptions.
- Experiencing episodic states of heightened sympathetic arousal.
The further along on the narcissistic continuum, the more the capacity for love diminishes and the greater the proclivity for domination.
It is here we begin to see rigid personality traits and exploitative entitled ways of operating. If you are identifying incessant lies, criminal behavior, and violent maneuvering, the person you are dating may qualify as having the most extreme form of malignant narcissism — psychopathology.
Although psychopaths are driven towards criminality and the urge to sadistically destroy others, they can exude a superficial charm that is initially beguiling. They may also be highly successful. After all, it is easy to be ruthlessly ambitious when you lack a conscience.
During the love bombing phase, the psychopath will characterize all their ex-partners as mentally ill or abusive while you are defined as the special someone they’ve always sought.
When your suitor’s charm morphs into creepiness and stalking, policing, and having all your time managed and controlled, you are seeing critical red flags indicative of psychopathic behavior. It is crucial to go no contact and detach with an ax before further escalation occurs.
Kristin Davin, PsyD
Psychologist, Choosing Therapy
Dating a psychopath is often viewed as ‘a wolf in sheep’s clothing.’ On the outside, they are charming, seductive, and charismatic. However, on the inside, they are much different.
Here are some signs to look out for:
They are over the top with praise for you
They are over the top with praise and adoration for you (this wears off). For example, “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” or “I’ve never met anyone like you.” They say these things to everyone.
They don’t feel guilty for their behavior
They are unable to put themselves in your or another’s shoes. They don’t feel remorseful or guilty for their behaviors and thus don’t apologize.
They gaslight you
They will rewrite history and narrative, and they will do and say things that make you feel like you are going crazy.
They will say things like “I never said that” or “I never did that,” even though you know or experienced differently.
They are irresponsible and impulsive
Their irresponsibility can show up in various ways, including financial irresponsibility. This is often because they are impulsive or don’t really care and may have debtors coming after them.
Additionally, they may show irresponsibility with their work — they cannot hold down a job often because of their aberrant behaviors and very poor interpersonal relationship skills.
They demonstrate controlling behavior
They will try to control you by telling you what you can and cannot do, whom to spend time with, and how to spend your time, and they will have a hard time when you attempt to do otherwise.
Dr. Raffaello Antonino
Counselling Psychologist and Clinical Director, Therapy Central
Here are some of the most important signs you’re dating a psychopath (the more signs you notice, the worse):
You’re being constantly lied to
Psychopaths usually have a hard time being honest with people. Some are dishonest only when they want to conceal something terrible (e.g., having an affair), but some psychopaths make up grandiose stories about themselves and lie even when they don’t have to.
Your feelings aren’t appreciated
Psychopaths have a problem empathizing with others — they simply are unable to. Psychopaths may seem as if they can empathize with you, while in fact, they might be pretending. You’ll notice this as psychopaths will fail to do things for which empathy is a prerequisite.
They won’t recognize why something is a “big deal” to you, and they will often cross boundaries, causing you distress and confusion, without being able to recognize and acknowledge their own part.
You’re seeing a lot of criminal activity
Not all psychopaths are criminals, and not all criminals are psychopaths, but psychopaths can engage in criminal activity.
Psychopaths don’t really care about the bad things they do or their consequences: You won’t notice a sincere sense of shame, remorse, or guilt (though they may be able to pretend to feel these).
Psychopaths often engage in criminal activity because they are seeking new sensations; it can be both whimsical or cold and calculated.
They are physically or emotionally abusive
Due to their lack of empathy, psychopaths are more likely than other people to be abusive, whether physically or emotionally.
Keep in mind that even controlling your finances can be a form of abuse. In fact, any act that makes you feel, in some senses, coerced or manipulated can be seen as abuse. If that’s the case, psychopath or not, you’d better remove yourself from the relationship.
They torture animals
The tendency to torture animals can be hard to notice; in turn, torturing animals is a sign of psychopathy. It is one of the earliest signs of psychopathy in children, and while it might dissipate as they become adults (often because that violence is moved towards other objects), some adults will still show similar behaviors.
It might even come in the form of abusing your dog or cat and showing little or no empathy at all for stray animals on the street.
They mostly have shallow relationships
Psychopaths usually have a hard time establishing deep relationships with people; their intimate relationships are (most often) purely sexual in nature.
Dr. Ketan Parmar
Psychiatrist and Mental Health Expert, ClinicSpots
Most people think of psychopaths as criminals or monsters, but the truth is that many psychopaths blend into society undetected. If you’re in a relationship with someone who exhibits psychopathic traits, it can be difficult to recognize them — especially if you don’t know what to look for.
Here are some warning signs that you may be dating a psychopath:
Unable to empathize with others
One of the hallmarks of psychopathy is an inability to empathize with others. If your partner doesn’t seem to care about your feelings or takes pleasure in hurting your feelings, they could be exhibiting signs of psychopathy.
They exhibit manipulative behavior
Psychopaths are experts at manipulation and will often use it to get what they want. If your partner is constantly trying to manipulate you or control how you think, feel, or act, this could be a sign of psychopathy.
Their unusual charm can be difficult to resist
Psychopaths can be very charming and charismatic, which can make them difficult to resist. They may come off as overly friendly or engaging in order to deceive those around them.
Beware of anyone who seems “too good to be true” — they just might be hiding something sinister beneath the surface.
Impulsivity: They often act without thinking
Psychopaths often don’t think before they act, leading to reckless behavior that can put themselves or others in danger. If your partner often acts without thinking, this could be a sign of psychopathy.
They are cruel to animals and people
Psychopaths can display an extreme lack of empathy for living things, including animals and people. If your partner has exhibited any signs of violence towards animals or other people, it may be a warning sign that they are psychopathic.
It’s important to remember that not all psychopaths are violent criminals — many lead relatively normal lives with few symptoms of their condition.
However, if you recognize any of the above signs in your relationship, it may be time to reevaluate whether it is healthy for you to continue in the relationship. It is always important to take care of yourself first and make sure you are safe.
They rarely accept responsibility for their actions
Psychopaths often blame others for their own mistakes or misbehavior and will rarely, if ever, accept responsibility for their actions.
If your partner is always blaming other people instead of taking responsibility, this could be a sign of psychopathy.
Unreliability: They have difficulty following through on things they’ve said they would do
Psychopaths can be notoriously unreliable and may not keep promises or commitments they’ve made. If your partner has difficulty following through on things they’ve said they would do, it could be another sign.
They come from a string of failed relationships
Psychopaths can have difficulty maintaining relationships due to their inability to empathize and be honest. If your partner has had a string of failed relationships, this could be an indication that they have psychopathic tendencies.
They exhibit little to no remorse
If your partner exhibits little to no remorse when they’ve done something wrong, this is a sign that they may have issues with psychopathy. Psychopaths rarely feel guilt or regret for their actions and can even take pleasure in hurting others.
Joshua Flatow, MD
Chief Psychiatrist and Medical Director, Pacific Mind Health
They may be able to mimic emotions in order to manipulate others
As a psychiatrist, it is important to note that individuals with psychopathic traits can be difficult to identify since, most of the time, they are skilled at manipulating and deceiving others.
Psychopathy is not an official diagnosis, but it’s an informal term used often to refer to someone with Anti-Social Personality Disorder. So we refer to the signs described under the Anti-Social Personality Disorder to identify a psychopath.
Some of the common signs that someone has ASPD are the following:
- They often have a lack of empathy.
- They may be indifferent to the feelings and needs of others.
- They may also be able to mimic emotions in order to manipulate others.
- Most of the time, they are also very charming and charismatic — they may use these qualities to manipulate and deceive others.
- They may not react as if they have hurt someone.
- They may be impulsive or abusive.
- They may lack remorse or guilt for their actions, even if they caused harm to others.
Be safe; seek the guidance of a professional
If you are concerned that you may be dating a psychopath, it is important to seek the guidance of a mental health professional.
It is also important to prioritize your own safety and well-being and to consider seeking help if you are experiencing abuse or manipulation.
Co-Founder and Certified Matchmaker, Select Date Society
The relationship starts fast
Psychopaths are notorious for love bombing. They will sweep you off your feet in the beginning. Buying you gifts, showering you with compliments, and planning romantic getaways. If it feels like too much, too soon, you may be dating a psychopath.
They are extremely charming
Psychopaths are often quite charming. They may be funny and charismatic, winning over your friends and family.
Many psychopaths are fixated on their ability to charm people and take great care and concern to make sure that people fall for them.
They drive a wedge between you and the people you love
A psychopath needs to be your one and only. They will isolate you from the other people you care about and create conflict and chaos between you and anyone else you care about.
They will talk poorly about your friends and family. A psychopath won’t tolerate anyone else taking your attention away from them.
They can’t maintain close relationships
While many of us still have friendships with our childhood bestie or college roommate, a psychopath doesn’t have any long-term close relationships. They may be estranged from their own family members, including their own children.
Ask the person you’re dating about the friendships in their life. If there is a lack of long-term connections, that’s a huge red flag.
They lack empathy and compassion
A lack of empathy doesn’t have to be glaringly obvious. Sometimes you’ll pick up on their lack of empathy and compassion in subtle ways over time.
Watch how they respond to disheartening news, sad movies, and your feelings when you share that you’ve had a bad day.
They distort reality and make you question your own sanity
The psychopath’s version of events is very different from reality, but they will gaslight you and make you question your own sanity. They will make you believe that things didn’t happen the way you remember. They will lie with so much conviction that you may even start to believe them.
Related: 20+ Examples of Gaslighting
Sexuality and Relationship Expert, Practical Psychology
They may be prone to angry outbursts and violent behavior
The first step in determining if you are dating a psychopath is to look for certain warning signs. In general, psychopaths tend to be very charming, manipulative, and deceitful. They may be very skilled at lying and often manipulate the truth to get what they want.
They may also be highly impulsive and cannot control their behavior. Additionally, they may be prone to angry outbursts and violent behavior. They very likely lack empathy and disregard other people’s feelings.
If you are concerned that you are dating a psychopath, it is crucial to be aware of some of their typical behaviors.
Psychopaths tend to be very narcissistic and feel a sense of entitlement. They may also be very charming and try to manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do.
They can be deceptive and will often lie about their past or present to get what they want. They may also be prone to risk-taking and may be unable to control their anger leading to frequent temper tantrums.
It is also important to look out for any signs of emotional abuse:
Psychopaths may try to control you and your relationships with others. They may also try to isolate you and make you feel as though you are dependent on them. They may be very jealous, possessive, and prone to fits of completely inappropriate rage.
Assess the situation and seek help if necessary
Not all psychopaths display these behaviors, and psychopathic behavior can vary from person to person. If you think you may be dating a psychopath, it is important to take the time to assess the situation and seek help if necessary.
Remember that you have the right to be safe and to have healthy relationships.
Are you dating someone who seems a bit off? Are you worried that you might be dating a psychopath? While it can be difficult to assess the mental state of a person you’re dating, there are certain signs that you can look for to determine whether or not you’re dating a psychopath:
They are indifferent to your emotions
One of the most telling signs that you’re dating a psychopath is that they lack empathy. They may not be able to understand your feelings or the feelings of others. This can be especially apparent when it comes to conversations about difficult topics or when discussing controversial or emotionally charged topics.
If your partner appears to lack empathy or seems indifferent to your emotions, it could be a sign that they are a psychopath.
They are master manipulators
Another sign that you could be dating a psychopath is that they are manipulative. Psychopaths tend to be master manipulators and can be very manipulative in the way that they interact with other people.
Signs of manipulation could include guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or using charm and charisma to get their way. If you’re constantly feeling manipulated by your partner, it could be a sign that you’re dating a psychopath.
They are self-centered
Another sign of a psychopath is that they are self-centered. They may constantly talk about themselves and their accomplishments, or they may be dismissive of the things and people around them.
They have unstable relationships
Psychopaths tend to have unstable relationships with people. They may be very charming when they first meet someone, but then their relationships tend to become tumultuous and unpredictable.
They may act on a whim without considering the consequences
Psychopaths can also be very impulsive. They may have difficulty controlling their behavior and may act on a whim without considering the consequences.
If your partner tends to make decisions without thinking through the potential outcomes, it could be a sign that they are a psychopath.
You feel like you can’t escape them
Psychopaths are very good at manipulation and use any means possible to keep you hooked. They may be very charming, persuasive, and persuasive. You may find it difficult to break away from them, even if you want to.
You feel like you’re constantly under siege
Psychopaths are never happy unless they’re in control. They’ll try to control every aspect of your life, from what you wear and behave to what you think and say. You may feel like you’re constantly up against a wall with no way out.
Talk to a mental health professional
If you’re worried that you might be dating a psychopath, it’s important to take action. Consider speaking to a therapist or other mental health professional to discuss your concerns.
Be mindful of the differences between unhealthy and healthy relationships
It’s also important to keep in mind that not all people who display these traits are psychopaths, and it’s important to be mindful of the differences between unhealthy and healthy relationships.
Professional EFT Practitioner | Founder, Tapping School
They play the “blame game” all the time
It might sound like something straight out of a thriller, but the chances that you are dating a psychopath are not very low, especially when we know that a psychopath is not a different person but lives a life like us. Also, a psychopath can be found among both men and women.
A common sign associated with a psychopath is they play the blame game all the time.
A person who is a psychopath will never accept responsibility for their actions. They will never admit their mistakes and will always try to make their partners feel like the ones who are guilty. They only love playing the victim card and finding comfort in it.
Manipulation is their biggest weapon; they use it to play the victim and gain sympathy from the person who, according to them, can be useful for their selfish needs.
Chief Research Officer, HIGH5
Psychopathy is a mental disorder characterized by a lack of empathy, a sense of guilt, or remorse. It can be difficult to spot the signs that someone you’re dating is a psychopath since they are often very charming and convincing.
However, there are some key warning signs that may indicate your partner is a psychopath:
They are overly charming
Psychopaths can be very charismatic, which is why they’re often hard to spot. They have a natural ability to charm and manipulate people to get what they want.
They create plausible explanations for their actions
Lying and manipulation come naturally for psychopaths; they lie easily and convincingly. They may also create plausible but false explanations for their behavior or actions.
They have cold and callous behavior
Psychopaths cannot connect with the emotions of others, making it difficult for them to understand how someone else might feel in a given situation. This can lead to cold and callous behavior towards loved ones or even strangers.
They are likely to engage in criminal activity
Psychopaths often act without thought or consideration of consequences, leading to reckless and dangerous behavior. This can range from taking unnecessary risks to engaging in criminal activity.
They exploit others to get what they want
Psychopaths are willing to manipulate and exploit others to get what they want. They may take advantage of people financially, emotionally, or physically in order to achieve their goals.
They have a history of complicated relationships
Psychopaths often have a history of unstable relationships with friends and family members, as well as romantic partners. This can be due to their lack of empathy, inability to bond with others, and tendency to manipulate and take advantage of people.
Senior Editor, Tandem
At some point in your dating life, you might have found that you were with someone you should not have been with.
Maybe the person was a pathological liar, or they had different ambitions than you. Possibly you found out they liked to shoplift, they did something else illegal, or that you deemed inappropriate.
Whatever the case, there might be a worst-case scenario. What if the person you are dating is a psychopath? What are some signs that you’re dating a psychopath?
They frequently lie or make excuses
Because a psychopath will never take the blame for anything, it’s common for them to lie or make up excuses to hide the truth. This person might be so accustomed to doing this that, most often, they might even believe the lies they tell you.
They constantly need attention
We all like to get a little bit of attention occasionally. It’s nice to be acknowledged when we’ve done something well. Unlike this normal behavior, a psychopath has a constant need for attention. When you don’t provide them with what they crave, they might act out or become irrational
They have zero remorse
Though people don’t generally enjoy fighting, unfortunately, fighting will happen in relationships. But if you are dating a psychopath, and the two of you are fighting, it seems that there are no holds barred. The psychopath will hurt you verbally (and possibly physically) but will have zero remorse for their actions.
They don’t have friends
Have you ever noticed that your partner has no friends? Or possibly, they have friends, but only because you introduced them? A lack of friends might signal that something isn’t right. This is because a psychopath will have difficulty making friends and keeping them.
Their empathy is just for show
Maybe something bad happened to someone, and your partner says they deserved it. Or your mate seems disconnected when they should be feeling bad. This lack of empathy is something that almost all psychopaths have in common.
If you believe your partner does show empathy, look to see if this empathy is heartfelt or just for show.
Many behaviors can indicate that someone has a psychopathic personality. Some with this personality type will behave much worse than others. For example, many serial killers are psychopaths, though that doesn’t mean all psychopaths are killers.
Separate yourself from them when they become abusive
If you are dating a psychopath, first and foremost, you need to ensure your own safety. If your partner is physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive, you must separate yourself as soon as possible.
If you are in the US and in immediate crisis, dial 9-1-1.
You can also join the “Aftermath – Surviving Psychopathy Foundation.” Part of their mission is supporting families and victims of psychopathy.
However hard it may seem at the moment, as the Greek poet Menander said, “Time is the healer of all necessary evils.”
Founder and CEO, HopStair
They hurt people as a way to compensate for heavily lacking self-esteem
Signs of dating a psychopath are quite obvious but might be hard to see clearly by the victim.
Psychopaths don’t have healthy self-esteem and a superiority complex, which makes them “feed off” people to get their fix of validation until the victim is no longer in use.
There are a lot of articles labeling psychopaths as bad people — and don’t get me wrong — what they are doing is bad:
- Manipulation (silent treatment, gaslighting, projection, etc.)
- Mental abuse
- Control and domination
- Belittling and exploitation of their victims, etc.
What is important, though, to bear in mind is “Hurt people hurt people,” and psychopaths will carry a lot of hurts, and their actions are a response to unhealthy coping mechanisms for challenges and to compensate for heavily lacking self-esteem and a strong inferiority complex.
So dating a psychopath usually looks nice and amazing on the outside and when times are good. But as soon as a psychopath receives feedback or encounters challenges in a relationship, they will retract to the emotional maturity of a 5-year-old and will do what they can to come out on top because feeling inferior in any way is the worst thing for them.
Hence, they apply control, put on airs of superiority, and act in the child/parent ego’s state primarily (Transactional analysis).
Overall, psychopaths have very low emotional intelligence (like empathy, compassion, and emotional regulation), so it will be difficult for them to empathize and care about other people’s feelings. It makes them come across as cold and distant, and vicious.
It takes a lot for a psychopath to start to become aware, let alone work through their issues. Very few psychopaths do.
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