So you like someone, but you’re not quite sure how to tell her? After all, you can never tell the outcome when you’re asking someone out or when you’re trying to make a move.
So the question is, how do you tell a woman that you’re interested in her?
Dating Expert, Dating Scout
Send her letters or cute notes
If you like it old school or if the girl you like fancies the conventional way of courting, send her letters. It’s the easiest way to tell her how you feel, especially if you are a bit shy or afraid.
On the other hand, if you’d like to keep it cool and simple or if the girl you like is fond of modern day love stories, write what you feel on sticky notes. It’s best to think of a creative way to give her these sticky notes (e.g., sticking them to places/walls from a starting point until she arrives at where you are located; on each sticky note, different clues or messages are written).
Ease the “I like you” in the conversation
When you immediately drop the “I like you” bomb out of nowhere with no context or anything, how do you think she’ll react? Of course, she wouldn’t be able to formulate a good response when she has her mind on things other than romance or dating.
The best way for you to tell her that you like her is by smoothly segueing it into the conversation. Subtly ask about her love life. Is she seeing anybody? Is she interested in anyone in particular?
After she answers, it’s your turn to talk about your own dating life. Once you have the mood set up and she’s totally focused on you, it is now the right time to say what you feel about her.
Ask her out
One way to let her know that you like her is to ask her out. You can just be chill about it and tell her “Hey you know what? I really like you, do you wanna grab lunch sometime?”.
The trick is to not be afraid to let her know your true intentions and how you really feel towards her. If she says yes, then good for you. If she says no, then at least you took your chance. This way, you are starting the relationship right by making sure she knows what you want in a relationship.
Surprise her with a midday delivery at her office
Nothing is sweeter when a man remembers you in the middle of the day and lets you know that he’s thinking about you!
With today’s technology and mobile apps, almost anything can be delivered to anyone. You can simply send her a snack, coffee, maybe a donut—really anything—it’s the thought that counts.
The point here is you letting her know that you’re thinking about her no matter how busy the both of you are. For sure the girl that you like will be touched, and she will get a hint that you like her.
Support her endeavors
This is one way to let her know that you like her in-depth and not just because of her looks. It may have started off as a physical attraction, but that eventually wears off.
Attraction stays because of the things that you find interesting in her, which are not necessarily positive things. If you support her on a hobby or a pursuit she may have, you are basically telling her that you like her as a person.
Do her little favors to show how much you care
Receiving small favors make the heart feel full and it will definitely show how special you regard her in your life. It can be the smallest things that you can give, such as a cup of coffee or going the extra mile by cooking her favorite meal. You can buy her little presents for no reason, it doesn’t have to be expensive.
Thoughtfulness is the key to success when doing this. No matter how simple these favors are, she will think of it as sweet efforts that made her day.
Beverly Hills Family & Relationship Psychotherapist
Do it directly
The best way to tell a girl you like her is to do it directly. Declare your affection honestly and straightforwardly. Chances are high that she will be flattered, touched, and express reciprocal feelings. If she reacts negatively, she is not the girl for you, plain and simple.
A simple six-step process
The mind of a woman is not linear like a guy. It is more like a web with every bit of information compounding and weaving in and out of the past, present, and future. So to simplify the process I have created a simple 6 step process to help you tell any girl you like her and to get a most honest reaction back.
It is called KAPTAP, and you can use this in the scenario that it works out great and just in case it doesn’t.
Know. Know what you want because this is sure to be a question in her mind and you want to be ready whenever she asks it. So – you like her, but “What does that mean,” will be the reoccurring theme in her head.
Are you interested in taking it slow, do you want to start dating, do you want to really look at the potential of living a life with her, or do you just like her physically and want to see where that takes you?
Of course, you will best know the answer to this as it pertains to your relationship, but make sure you are clear and that you can communicate with her clearly what your intentions are.
Ask. Make sure that she is actually in a space to hear what you are saying. If she has had a bad day, if she is worried about a family member/pet or if she is in the middle of a project or exam or deadline, do not say anything. This is a sure-fire way for her to not hear you at best and at worst for her to totally throw her into overwhelm.
Most women will probably fall in the sweet spot between where they will indulge the idea, taking them deep into a fantasy world where they will lose focus on the work (whether emotional or physical) they have at hand, and if you truly care for her you will wait and let her get into an easier time before just bombarding her with this bomb of affection. All you have to do is ask how her day is going.
Present. Get her present. Again, you have to remember that whole web-mind thing, so get her focused on the present. That can be done most basically by getting her alone in some way. Dinner, lunch, after workout snack, on a hike, really whatever. Make it something that caters to your relationship in a setting that she feels comfortable in.
Timing. Say it at the right time. This is mostly for the possibility of rejection or overwhelm. I know we don’t want to think about it, but if either of these things happen you don’t want to have just put your order into the kitchen or be in the middle of a hiking trail.
Instead, my personal recommendation would be to either express your affection at the beginning or towards the end of whatever activity, that way if either or both of you need to bolt it can be.
Answer. Be ready for questions. This is what will happen if everything goes right. She will probably have loads of questions. They can range from “when did you know,” to “what does this mean moving forward.”
See there is the whole past and future thing again. The point is this is exciting and she just wants to know more so be patient and if you both need to be somewhere move to step 5.
Plan. Have the next step. There is nothing, and I really do mean nothing, more annoying than when someone doesn’t have a plan. In the case that she shows interest in the next date has a plan. This is a seriously impressive move and shows her that you have put some time and thought into this – which with this method you have!
If on the other hand if she is not interested, then just have a plan that works for you to make this a less hurtful situation. Maybe that is just resuming your previous relationship without any issues, or maybe you don’t talk to her for a few months. Having a plan is just as much for her as it should be for you.
Good luck, because telling someone that you like them is a big step. My hope is that this 6 step system really helps you to plan accordingly to all outcomes possibly and gets you the most authentic reaction that this lucky lady has – all of which are really important.
Senior Manager, People Looker
Spend time together
Telling a girl you like her should be subtle and drama-free. Bold romantic gestures may not always be well received, especially if the girl is not interested in romantically or doesn’t know you very well yet.
A key factor to telling a girl you like her with a low risk of rejection is by actually hanging out with her. You may need to start out small: simple conversations, going out together with a group of friends or taking the dog for a walk together.
Once you both have had a time getting to know each other and discover that chemistry exists, you can start asking her out for coffee and lunch one on one. That way when you are ready, you won’t blindside her with your confession.
Buck up and tell her how you feel
Ditch gifts and flowers, secret admirer letters, and cheesy Hallmark tactics–your best chance of success when telling a girl you like her falls upon your ability to put aside self-doubt and take a risk.
Tell her exactly how you feel without beating around the bush: “I enjoy spending time with you and hope we can be more than just friends” or “I can no longer deny how much I like you.” Practice what you want to say beforehand to relieve anxiety and prevent yourself from stuttering over your words.
Once you have built up the confidence, invite her somewhere private to talk. Assure her, after you confess, that she doesn’t have to make a decision right away and you understand if she cannot recuperate your feelings. You won’t get very far in life without making leaps of faith.
Ask her on a date
A more upfront approach is simply asking her out on a date. For example, “I think you are a wonderful person, and I was hoping I could take you on a date this Friday.” This lets her know you like her and are interested in pursuing something real.
Of course, you must be clear and direct to avoid any misunderstandings. A vague “let’s get coffee” doesn’t capture your full intentions. She may think you are going out as friends since grabbing a coffee is often a platonic activity.
Addiction, Relationship & Trauma Therapist
Old habits are still gold
English can become a difficult language when you need words and courage to tell a girl you like her and be likeable. Your insecurity and fears can leave you at a loss for words. So if you need ways to tell her- here are a few tips:
Find out what her passions are and what she really loves and begin a conversation about that. For example, if she loves to go to concerts or has a favorite band- tell her you to know where the group will be playing. Come up with creative ways to spark up a conversation about her favorite things.
Compliment her on things that really matter to her. Again, by finding out her interests and what she loves, you can create a meaningful comment that will touch her deeply and she will take notice.
Smile at her and don’t turn away. Happiness and positivity is a great magnet for starting to talk. Who isn’t attracted to someone who is sunny and bright? And you can add a joke or two to get her laughing.
Stand out from the crowd. Literally. Don’t hang with your guy friends when you are trying to get a girls attention. Be strong, be a leader and dare to sit by yourself and not be one of the guys. Let her know you notice her. Don’t play games. Be firm and proud that you like her.
Men need to know that women love guys who tell the truth and are kind. Be old fashioned and hand her a flower and say- “You remind me of this flower.” It’s corny, but remember the truth- old habits of meeting girls are still gold.
Don’t pretend. Dare to be the guy who likes her!
Life Purpose Coach | Women’s Advocate | Author, “70 Days of Happy: Life is BETTER When You Smile“
No one likes the whole “beat around the bush” method. If you want a girl to know that you like her, tell her. Don’t be vague. Be honest. Be direct. She’ll respect and appreciate that much more.
Find out what she likes
Does the girl you like, like chocolate, the color red, great Tyler Perry plays? Find out what makes her smile and then…do it. Not only will she remember this as a winning gesture, but she will be more open to getting to know you better.
Talk to her
Engage the girl you like in a good conversation. Talk to her. Let her know that she is more than just a pretty face to you. Show her that you enjoy her intellect, her humor…even her work ethic! When you respect who she is as a person, she’ll be more willing to let her guard down and you can let her know that you’ve been eyeing her!
Owner, Dulles Designs
The best way to tell a girl or woman that you like her is to personally hand-write, hand-address, and actually mail her a self-penned letter, ideally on nice paper with a matching envelope –– and zero keystrokes.
Be yourself, write how you feel about her, and as if friends and family may read the note, because they will indeed, which is part of the romance and event of manning up and coming forward to show your feelings.
Your words do not have to be long-winded or sappy. Simply communicate a few nice things you’ve noticed about her, and how you might like to see her again or treat her to a date.
The gesture of writing, stamping, and mailing a hand-written note is a powerful and personal way to deliver any message, especially since today is so saturated with swiping, texting, and e-mailing in such electronic and impersonal ways.
Take to pen and paper, and write in your own handwriting to tell her that you like her. She will feel so special and singled out by your one-of-a-kind personal gesture.
Be clear about it
The most important thing about expressing your attraction to someone is to be clear about it, but also to not be a jerk if it’s not reciprocated. It can be downright dangerous for women to reject men, so it’s important to take into account that if you seem aggressive when talking to her, she may not feel comfortable.
Things can vary based on if you already know her from your social circle or as a friend from your past, vs. if you met in a public location and had a conversation you’d like to pursue on a private date.
Either way, be direct and simple: “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and I’d like to take you on a date if you’re interested.“
Then the hard part: If she says no, you have to be cool with that.
Pay attention to cues like her saying “I don’t know,” or “I just got out of a bad relationship” or “I’m not interested in dating right now…” – she’s trying to let you down easy without risking you going bonkers.
Please don’t go bonkers, just say okay and let her go on her way. Continue acting normal if you see her again later. She isn’t your enemy, she’s just not interested in you that way, and that’s okay.
Things are a little easier, but also harder, for bisexual and lesbian women, because we’re notoriously impossible to flirt with. The mating call of the bisexual seems to be “Women never know I’m flirting with them!” while staring directly at the woman you’re interested in. Then she says it back, “I know, same here!” The same applies, you need to be direct. “I feel a connection with you, would you like to go on a date sometime?” Tada!
Content Manager, MyFoodSubscriptions
It’s best to simply go for it
When you want to tell a girl you like her, depending on who she is and the circumstances at hand, it’s best to simply go for it with full openness and transparency.
When we speak from the heart, we can usually never go wrong, and by genuinely telling your romantic interest what makes her so unique and special, you’ll impress her and stand out from the competition.
By highlighting all of her strengths and expressing what makes you like her along with any shared interests and commonality, you have the best shot at reciprocity. You can ask yourself, what’s the worst that could happen by saying this?
By being open and telling her about all the wonderful qualities she possesses, the worst is likely a very gentle letdown and continued friendship.
Either way, you’ll likely lighten her day and lift her own sense of self-esteem in the process. The best way to tell a girl you like her is to express all her traits and capabilities that make you feel that way in the first place.
- Get professional counseling from a licensed therapist.
- Individual and couples counseling. Anytime, anywhere.